Selected jokes from Journey to the West

1, "Wukong, become a beautiful woman, you can't take the blame for the teacher," Tang Priest said solemnly.

"No change, screw your five girls."

"You fucking remain the same. If you stay the same, I will say the spell. "

Big brother tore the diamond ring off his head and threw it on the ground, saying, read it, you fucking read it to me.

"Hey, the wu is empty, don't be impulsive. We haven't changed. Pick it up quickly. It was sent by the Bodhisattva. "

As soon as the master elder brother bends down, chrysanthemum will have a sharp pain. ...

"Wukong, I really can't hold back for the teacher."

2. Tang Priest: Wukong, become a condom. Today, the teacher will personally clean up this leprechaun.

Tell a few jokes as a topic ~ ~ ~

Tang Priest: Wukong, become a BMW. It's raining, and the horse can't ride.

Tang Priest: Wukong, become a condom. Today, the teacher will personally clean up this leprechaun.

Tang Priest: Wukong, turn yourself into Viagra. Today, the teacher will personally clean up this leprechaun until she asks for mercy.

Tang Priest: I'm so bored today. . . Wukong. . Journey to the west joke daquan hilarious journey to the west joke daquan hilarious you become a demon. . .

One day when I was passing through the desert, the Tang Priest clamored for a fairy, but my surroundings were desolate, let alone a fairy, and even an ant could not be found.

Tang Priest: Wukong. You have become a leprechaun!

Wukong is disobedient.

Tang priest went to Bajie again, and Bajie slipped away to do push-ups on the pretext of losing weight.

Go to Friar Sand, who ran away under the pretext of soy sauce.

The Tang Priest was angry, and when he came back, he found Wukong: Wukong, don't become a leprechaun any more, just recite a spell to the teacher!

Wukong thought about it and turned Pig Bajie, who was doing push-ups, into a leprechaun.

4. The Tang Priest was playing with a demon, but he didn't expect premature ejaculation. Tang priest is very depressed.

Come out and find Wukong: Wukong, become Viagra!

Wukong turned Pig Bajie into Viagra without thinking.

5. One morning, the Tang Priest nagged for a leprechaun. Wukong was tired of his nagging, so he went out to look for it. After a while, he brought back a banshee and sent it to Tang Priest's tent.

Tang Priest fought till the evening and came out contentedly.

Wukong: Master, are the goblins satisfied?

Tang Priest: Not bad. White and plump, but not moving, talking or charming bed!

Suddenly, Friar Sand hurried over and said, Master, Big Brother, Second Brother disappeared this morning. I looked for it all day, but I couldn't find it. I don't know where he went!

6. Pig Bajie is always turned into a demon and let Tang Priest do it. He was very angry and always wanted revenge.

One day, the Tang Priest clamored for a banshee. Both Wukong and Friar Sand went out to look for it. Pig Bajie ran slowly and was caught by Tang Priest. Helpless, I had to become a leprechaun again. However, Tang Priest was in a good mood and insisted that Pig Bajie take the treasure away. Pig Bajie was so angry that he bit off the Tang Priest's penis, causing Tang Priest to roll on the ground in pain. At this time, Wukong and Friar Sand came back with two fairies as beautiful as flowers and pure as jade. Tang Priest jumped up from the ground and shouted, Turn Bajie into my JJ. Today, the teacher will personally clean up these two little fairies!

7, Wan Li clear sky, sunny, surf the shore. Cracks gradually appeared on the nameless stone. The cracks are getting bigger and bigger. Finally, I only heard a roar. A monkey jumped out and said, wow, wow, wow, I finally came out, finally came out!

Then, he stared at the broken stone: tmd, don't think wearing a ring can erase me.

8. The mountain was towering and the motor roared. The Tang Priest rode his bicycle to Wuzhishan, only to hear: Master, Master, come and save me!

Tang Priest wondered when there was another apprentice. However, saving a life is like building a seven-level pagoda. So the Tang Priest strolled and said, Monkey, what do you want?

The Monkey King: Don't you see? I'm locked in here, please untie me!

Tang Priest: What?

The Monkey King: Just enter the password given by the Bodhisattva and cooperate with the secret protection!

9. Tang Priest and the Monkey King drove to the * * Temple and found that the abbot of this temple turned out to be a monster, so Tang Priest and the Monkey King discussed how to solve it.

The Monkey King: Why don't we just set this place on fire!

Tang Priest: No, there are many beautiful female nuns here. We can't influence them.

The Monkey King: Otherwise, let's go to the abbot's yard and roast it!

Tang Priest: Well, I think so. You can have a tryst with a nun at dinner.

10, the Monkey King and Erlang God fight, Erlang God becomes a snake, and the Monkey King becomes an eagle. Jiro became a fish, and the Monkey King became a penguin. Jiro resented and became a woman. He wanted the Monkey King to panic at the sight of women. Who knows, when the Monkey King saw the woman in front of him, she smiled coldly and became a walking pig.

1 1 Tang Priest of the Monkey King rode to Gaolaozhuang and saw a pig trying to flirt with an emerald green orchid. So the Monkey King strode forward and beat the pig. With that, the Monkey King looked at the graceful emerald lying on the ground. At this moment, Tang Priest's clothes came over and patted the Monkey King on the shoulder and said, Wukong!

12, Pig Bajie worshiped at the door of Tang Priest's house and saw Tang Priest's indecent assault on his beloved Cui Lan. He was a little angry, so he went to the spider cave: Sister Spider, I'm a Buddha. Let's have a baby-making exercise!

Spider Spirit: No, my body is reserved for Tang Tang.

Pig Bajie: Ah! Why?

Spider essence: His penis is very big!

13, Tang Priest the Monkey King Pig Bajie drove to Liushahe, and Friar Sand immediately rushed up to hold Tang Priest's feet and shouted to the Monkey King Pig Bajie: Brother Two, don't hit me! I brought you some beautiful women today!

Hearing this, the Tang Priest lowered his head and looked at him bitterly: Huh? Where's mine?

Friar Sand: Master, I have heard for a long time that you are a beauty, and the Buddha is in her heart. Of course, I brought you the best in the world.

14, Tang Priest and his disciples enjoyed the pleasure of the world every day, but today they are worried again. Why?

Because their car can't hold so many people!

Why do you need to pack so many people? Are there more than four priests and tutors?

Because they want to pick up their sister, they need space to sit with their sister! So they decided to buy several TV stations. But what brand should I buy?

The Monkey King: I want a Rolls Royce.

Pig Bajie: No, that's too conspicuous. Why not Ferrari?

Friar Sand: Ferrari is also very conspicuous! Not as good as Honda!

Tang Priest: * * *, do you dare to buy Japanese goods?

Friar Sand: Oh, yes! What should we do?

The Monkey King: How about buying a red flag?

Pig Bajie: No, we are not from China, but from the Tang Dynasty. Or buy Volkswagen!

Friar Sand: Volkswagen? That's rubbish!

Pig Bajie: What do you think?

Friar Sand: Let me see. ......

Soon, the Tang Priest waved his hand and said, Forget it. I don't think it is necessary to buy it. If I have a sister in the future, I will sit with my sister.

15, Tang Priest and his disciples came to the girl country. Tang Priest: I want the king of my daughter country. You can choose something else.

The Monkey King: OK! I choose two! I choose two princesses.

Friar Sand: I choose ten! Pick ten at random.

Pig Bajie: Take your time. My wife Chang 'e asked me to go home for dinner.

The Tang Priest lamented: Oh, it's a good thing I didn't marry Bai before, otherwise I wouldn't have a chance to pick up girls today!

16, Tang Priest came to Yin Temple and said, Tathagata, I'm here to learn from the scriptures!

Tathagata: Do you have any money?

Tang Priest: Of course!

Tathagata: I want you to place an order in Taobao to ensure the rights and interests of both of us.

Tang Priest: But I don't have a Taobao account!

Tathagata: I have the Internet here. You can apply immediately!

Tang Priest: But dear, you don't have a bank or mobile communication here. How to fill in the money?

Tathagata: You didn't get a bank card in Datang?

Tang Priest: No!

Tathagata: Well, there is only one way for you!

Tang Priest: What can I do?

Tathagata: Write jokes in the joke set, and you can withdraw money directly to Alipay!

17, Wukong heard that iPhone4S is a rarity.

I flew to America to buy it.

And then harass master and younger brother every day

"Bajie, do you know iPhone4S?"

"Shage, Siri *** exploded!"

"Teacher, I'll send you a high-definition photo of water curtain cave. Can't receive MMS? Ha ha ... "

On this day, I called the Tang Priest again.

Suddenly, I dropped the brand-new iPhone4S to the ground.

Wukong swore, "Tang Priest, you pervert, the bell is set as a spell!" " "

18, in the morning, Tang Priest woke up from his dream and found the Monkey King kneeling in front of his bed.

Then he asked, "Wukong, what's wrong with you?"

The Monkey King said with tears all over his face, "Master, I beg you, next time you talk in your sleep, don't say spells, okay?"

The master replied, "I am worried recently, so I want to use an iron ring to relieve my fatigue."

19, the Monkey King is neck and neck with Erlang, and he doesn't want to play any more.

Into a land temple, the mouth is the door, the teeth are the door leaves, the tongue is the bodhisattva, and the eyes are the window lattice.

When Jiro arrived at the edge of the cliff, he became suspicious when he saw an extra land temple out of thin air.

"I'll try it on him," he said, and he became a female monkey, posing in various poses and amorous feelings.

I saw a straight flagpole suddenly rising in front of the earth temple.

Erlang smiled and said, "It's really Po Hou."

20. The Buddha said, "What can you do?"

The Great Sage said, "I have traveled 108,000 Li, and there are still 72 changes."

The Buddha said, "Show me a sparrow."

The Great Sage becomes a sparrow.

Buddha said, "Water snake!"

The Great Sage became a water snake.

The Buddha added, "Tiger!"

The Great Sage has become a tiger again.

The Buddha praised: "Awesome!" . . .

2 1, the Monkey King learned the scriptures and hooked up with it.

Because the Tang Priest didn't succeed, I took advantage of the road to beg alms.

At night, I came to Bai Gujing cave.

Because there was no light, two people had sex at night.

After that, the Monkey King sighed with emotion: "tmd, goblins are goblins, and the hymen is so hard." .

Bones can't help cursing, "You are impatient, I haven't lost it yet!"! !

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