Some jokes or funny sentences? What about cyber warfare?

Congratulations to the first gifted scholar in Jiangbei, the Empress Dowager Ju Yaochi. 1 Chang 'e Kuimuhan.

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Jianghu rumors say:

I don't know Shen, and it's not surprising that I was killed;

If you don't study in Shen, you can't study for a doctorate.

After all, who is the rumored Shen? Some people say that he is "the first gifted scholar in Jiangbei", a talent learned from heaven and earth. Some people say that he is a demigod who has known him for 500 years; Some people say that he is more powerful than a fortune teller and can be called a god; Others simply say that he is a Buddha. At that time, there were different opinions, and it was difficult to distinguish between true and false. So who is this Shen and how strong is he? Gentlemen, don't be impatient. Listen to this book and explain it to you.

That is to say, the stars in the southern transit are divided into 28 groups, and these 28 groups are divided into 4 groups, which are called "four elephants", "four beasts", "four dimensions" or "four gods" respectively. There are seven stars in each group, the one in the east is called "Qinglong", and there are also Jiaomujiao, Kang Jinlong, Nyctereute, Fangri Rabbit, Xinyue Fox, Tail Fire Tiger and Jishui Leopard for seven nights. Known as "Suzaku" in the south, there are Muan Jing, Ghost Golden Sheep, Swertia liutu, Stellar Horse, Zhang Yuelu, Winged Fire Snake and Seven-night Pheasant; The western "white tigers" include Kuimu Wolf, Loujin Dog, Belly Pheasant, Shiri Chicken, Bi, Gunfire Monkey and Seven Nights. The "Xuanwu" in the north consists of Kirin, Taurus, mother bat, rising sun mouse, dangerous moon swallow, room fire pig and wall water. These 28 stars are also the 28 immortals in the Heavenly Palace.

Now it is said that Jupiter in the western sky has a wolf temper. How can it stand the bondage of heaven? Idle for a long time will inevitably give birth to some secular desires, and it is precisely because of this that Kuimu Xingjun broke the dogma and was exiled to the world, which is the eternal story of this book. After all, what is an eternal story? And listen to the detailed explanation for you next time. Readers will ask me why I know this book. I'm not afraid to tell jokes. In fact, that Kuijupiter is the next one, so for the convenience of readers' memory, I will use the word "I" instead of "Kuijupiter" below. Readers must remember that in this book, in the future, saying that Kuimu Xingjun means that I am next and I am also Kuijupiter.

The third day of March is the birthday of the Queen Mother. All the immortals in the sky, big or small, will go to celebrate her birthday, which is often called the "Flat Peach Conference" by the people. On this day, I dare not sleep late. I got up early in the morning, with a light cloud and a light fog, and rushed to Yaochi Baoge to have a look. Honey, look at the fragrant fog in the pavilion. It's a good place, with dozens of tables and chairs neatly arranged. Look at these tables and chairs. Phoenix liver, dragon heart, red lips, bear's paw, Guo Yaoxian dew, wine and delicacies are countless, which makes people laugh. Fairy officials who make wine, poor cooks, Taoist priests who carry water, and boys who burn fires come and go, and they are busy inside and outside.

When you have seen enough, the elders, bodhisattvas, holy monks and arhats in the west will come one by one; A moment later, Guanyin in the south, Emperor Chongen in the east, immortals from ten continents and three islands, mysterious spirits in the north, and big immortals with yellow poles and yellow horns in the middle also came. Further down are the five stars, Sanqing, Sidi and Taiyixian with eight holes above, the Jade Emperor, Jiuli and Haiyue with eight holes in the middle, and the leader of the nether world with eight holes below. Fu Lushou Cai Xi has five stars, namely Xing Jun, Mu Gong, Lao Jun, Peng Zu, Zhang Xian, Yue Lao, Liu Haichan and Hehe Erxian; There are all kinds of immortals, such as animal immortals, bird immortals, Bai Jie immortals, hundred-scaled immortals, hundred-flowered immortals, hundred-fruited immortals, hundred-flowered immortals, and so on, who worship God in the halls and caves of the island.

These gods won't come, and I don't care much about Jupiter. I am humble in the heavenly palace. If I sit at the table and eat, it's not my turn to die. At best, I will stand outside the gate and look around. Then why do you think I got up here early today? Just because the Queen Mother has a birthday, all the fairy sisters will come. To tell the truth, I look forward to it every day. I eat and sleep at night just to see my sister Chang 'e. I will not eat this meal, even if I am told not to eat for three or five days.

After waiting for about half an hour, the queen mother appeared, accompanied by seven fairies, Miss Yuan and other personal maids and maids. It is really a perfect match, flowers and plants, not envious of people. The queen mother curled up gently and sat down in the middle of the hall. All the immortals came forward together to salute and present birthday gifts, which are first-class treasures of heaven and earth. At that time, the hall was full of auspicious lights and colorful clouds, which made people confused and dizzying.

But in my eyes, even the best baby is not as valuable as sister Chang 'e's smile. I waited and waited, but why hasn't Sister Chang 'e appeared yet? When I was a child, the queen mother waved her hand slightly and the fairies sat down in order. A child came in, took out big red and tender flat peaches from the basket and put them on the table one by one, one in each hand.

Yue Xian is melodious and colorful, with several songs and dances and several rounds of wine. Most immortals are intoxicating and crooked, and many people look around. Just then, I heard a piano music playing, like a fragrant wind blowing in people's hearts, and a beautiful fairy came out from behind the screen. Ah, you see that there are gold, silver, dragon patterns, dragon patterns and women's patterns on her head, and she is wearing colorful thin butterfly shirts, lotus white trousers and mandarin ducks and brocade shoes. Her mask is faint, her lips are faint, her eyes are like autumn water, and her cheeks are like spring peaches. She is indescribably charming, isn't she?

After all this, I am full of energy and my blood is boiling. Knowing that Chang 'e was jumping in the field, I stared at her round and round. I wrote a love letter six months ago in order to meet Sister Chang 'e, but I never got a chance. Today is a once-in-a-lifetime event. Anyway, I have to send the letter to sister Chang 'e, so that she can feel my homesickness and toss and turn.

After a while, Chang 'e danced, and I was fascinated by it, knowing nothing about it. I saw that she picked up a glass of wine and said with a smile, "Congratulations on your life." I took a sip of my lips and drank the wine. Two peach blossoms suddenly appeared on my face, which was indescribably charming.

Chang 'e retired and sat down next to the Queen Mother, half leaning on her, looking very intimate. I thought I had just drunk that glass of wine, so I quickly took a watermelon and ate it. I watched, secretly glad, I just hope she eats more petals at the moment, and I will have a chance when I go out to pee later.

Sure enough, Chang 'e ate three watermelons in a row, watched singing and dancing for a while, moved slightly, floated up with a red face, attached it to the queen mother's ear and whispered a few words. The queen mother nodded, got up and went out from the screen next door. Ah, the opportunity is rare. I was watching outside the door, so I quickly bypassed the slant hall and caught up.

I saw Chang 'e in a hurry, as if in a hurry. I looked back and forth, but there was no one nearby. With a whoosh, I quickly caught up with her, stopped in front of her in a few steps, put on a smiling face and asked, "Miss Chang 'e, where are you going?" "Chang 'e was very surprised and asked," What can I do for you, Jupiter? "My Sweetie's voice is so sweet that my whole body tingles. I quickly said, "Nothing ... Nothing. I just want to give you something. I hope you don't dislike it. " Chang 'e wondered, "What is it?" I quickly took out the letter and said, "just ... here it is." Please read it when you go back. Don't tell anyone. " A stuffed in her arms.

Chang 'e glanced at the letter and blushed. "I can't have this," she said shyly. Stuffed the letter back again. My heart sank and I said, "You can take it first." Then she stuffed the letter into Chang 'e's arms. Chang 'e said, "Don't do this. It's not good if you teach others to watch it. " I am busy: "If you put the letter in your clothes, won't others see it?" Chang 'e said urgently, "But my clothes are transparent. If the queen mother sees it, I'm afraid you and I will be in big trouble. "

I looked at it carefully. Oh, by the way, people are wearing colorful thin butterfly shirts, which are almost transparent. Do you think this letter can be hidden in clothes? I was anxious and said, "I'll tell you what." If you hide the letter in your shoes, the queen mother can't see it. " Chang 'e said, "Still no good. Thanks to Jupiter, hurry home. If you pester me again, I will tell the queen mother. " While I was arguing with Sister Chang 'e, the young woman leaned out from behind the door and shouted, "Sister Yue, what are you doing? So long, don't come back? "

The two of us were taken aback and hurried back. At this time, the letter just arrived in Chang 'e's hand, and she quickly put her hand behind her. The young woman came up and asked, "Mr. Queiroz, what are you doing here?" Not drunk again, are you? " I quickly said, "I'm not drunk, I'm not drunk, I didn't drink a drop of wine." Smell it. " As she spoke, she put her mouth forward, and the young woman quickly dodged and shouted, "Who wants to listen to you? That's disgusting. You are a restless and good man. If you dare to be rude to my sister-in-law, I'll settle accounts with you at the Empress Dowager. The Queen Mother loves Sister Yue the most, so it's strange not to beat you to the 18th floor of A Bi Hell. "

My heart thumped and I said to myself, "Not good, not good." Busy way: "How dare I, how dare I hit on Miss Chang 'e? Young woman, you are too sensitive. " The young woman said, "It's good to have you. Sister Yue, let's go home quickly. Don't keep the Empress waiting too long. " Then he went to hold Chang 'e's hand.

It is also Jupiter. I think there is such a disaster. How can this young woman find this letter in her hand without holding Chang 'e's hand? If she doesn't find this letter, how can she tell the queen mother? The queen mother doesn't know this. How can I be demoted to Jupiter? If I don't fall into the lower bound, this book is the first time. How to write in the future?

Get to the point. It is said that the young woman went to hold Chang 'e's hand and went back to see the Queen Mother. Chang 'e took back her hand and taught the young woman to open the letter. "Sister Yue, what is this?" Cried the young girl. Can you show it to me? Chang 'e said shyly, "Nothing ... Nothing." . Little girl, I haven't washed my hands yet. Please wait for me first. "At some point he slipped away.

Who knows that young woman is the kind who loves to get to the bottom of things? How can she let it go when she sees it today? Handfuls of Chang 'e grabbed her and shouted, "Sister Yue is not in a hurry. It's not too late to show it to me. " Chang 'e was dragged by her, and she couldn't walk or stay, stamping her feet.

Seeing this, I know this young lady is the most talkative. If she finds out, she will run to learn from the queen mother, and I will probably be gone in my life. She said, "Miss, what are you doing?" What a scandal, pandering? If the queen mother sees you, you will have no good fruit to eat. Road to the sky, each goes his own way. Why don't you close your eyes and see nothing? "The young woman gave me a white look and said," I want you to mind your own business. If I knew you had imposed this thing on Sister Yue, you would have seen it. " This sentence made me blush and didn't dare to say a word. I just stood there and muttered to myself, "It's over, it's over, this time it's all wet." "

At this time, four sisters, Baihuaxian, Baiguxian, Baiguoxian and Baicaoxian, came out. I don't know what you are looking at. A long time ago, it was also a "Flat Peach Festival". On a whim, Chang 'e said that the Hundred Flowers Fairy would order all the flowers to bloom together and gather the four seasons at one time to celebrate the birthday of the Queen Mother. Who knows that the flower fairy said that the flowers in the world have their own time sequence and can't be wrong casually. This Chang 'e was refuted and her face was not bright. Aunt Bai Huaxian is always at odds with her, and they provoke each other, so they make a big fuss about it. Later, in the twenty-eight stars, the East Tianxin Moon Fox descended to earth and gave birth to her as a generation of empress Wu Zetian. Before the Heart Moon Fox was entrusted, Chang 'e secretly instigated it. Once in power, it will kill people to make a letter and let a hundred flowers blossom to avenge the day. Later, Baihuaxian and the ninety-nine fairies she was in charge of were also demoted to the lower bound and suffered from reincarnation. The Baihua fairy is easy-going by nature and forgets past grievances. The three sisters, Baiguoxian, Baiguxian and Baicaoxian, often feel wronged for Baihua Fairy. So in front of the queen mother, they have been at odds with this Chang 'e, and now they see this. How can they live well?

Seeing this situation, Bai Gujing said lukewarm, "Yo, Sister Yue is in a good mood. She didn't like singing and dancing, but she came here to play tug of war. " Chang 'e said, "Where did I tug of war? Don't be outspoken. " Baiguoxian said with a smile, "Sister Yue and her little daughter are dragging around here. If it is not a tug of war, what is it? "

Hearing this, the girl in green quickly let go of her hand. Seeing something strange in Chang 'e's hand at a glance, Baicaoxian cried, "Sister Yue, what's the good thing in your hand? No wonder the youngest daughter wants to rob it. Let's take a look. " Chang 'e panicked and said, "Nothing." Put your hands back and put them behind your back.

The more guilty Chang 'e is, the more suspicious the four sisters of Baihua are. I'm in a hurry and there's nothing I can do. I secretly scolded, "Why should you four little girls worry?" However, he listened to Baiguoxian and said, "Sister Yue, why are you so stingy? Sisters also opened their eyes today and saw many treasures in Yaochi Pavilion. Are the things in your hand more valuable than those treasures, so you can't bear to open your eyes to see my sisters? "

Seeing Chang 'e's insistence, Baihuaxian said, "That's all. Since Sister Yue doesn't want to, why do you force her? " "Sister, we just want to see the precious moon sister," said Baicaoxian. "She is so stingy, isn't she bored?" Baihuaxian said, "Let's go back and watch songs and dances." Baiguoxian, Baicaoxian and Baiguxian refused to accept it and insisted on fighting with this Chang 'e.

Several of her people are fighting with each other. Let's hope that the boy with the wine and the maid with the food will be attracted to watch the excitement, and the crowd will gather more and more. Chang 'e was ashamed in front of the enemy and gnashed her teeth and said, "It's no use talking more. I will ask the empress to make a decision with me. " Turned and ran into the hall.

It doesn't matter if she runs away, but it will hurt me. If you think she gave this letter to the queen mother, there are so many guests in the hall, I will never be ashamed to be Jupiter again. To be exact:

Do dirty and dirty things

You need despicable people.

After all, what happened? Listen to the next decomposition.