A friend borrows money from you. Do you know how to respond with high emotional intelligence?

In life, it is difficult to borrow money from others. On the other hand, borrowing money is not easy to hurt feelings. Here, friends still have to do it after the discretion is mastered. If you don't master it well, you two are likely to break up. Liu Wei and Ma Qiang have been friends for many years. Once, Liu Wei talked to Ma Qiang. "It's a little tight recently. Can you lend me some money?" "How much?" Ma Qiang was embarrassed and subconsciously asked, "Can I borrow 2, first?" "Um ... I'm not convenient at hand now. Well, this is 2. Can you hold it first? " "2 is not enough. For the sake of old friends, help, can you borrow more?" "Let me see ..." In fact, after such a bargaining conversation, even if Ma Qiang lends all 2, yuan, Liu Wei may not be grateful. He will think: Even if we still have to bargain, our friendship is not worth the money! What's more, Ma Qiang didn't want to borrow so much from Liu Wei at all, but his first reaction was to ask, "How much?" Obviously wrong, why? Faced with friends asking for money for many years, Ma Qiang began to pay attention to the question of "how much to borrow" and suggested to Wei Liu that he could borrow it. Maybe he wanted to lend me more, so Wei Liu immediately raised his expectations.

He will think: If you didn't intend to borrow it in the first place, why did you ask for this amount? Since I asked, I can borrow at least half of it and only part of it ... What should I do to send it to beggars? The final outcome is likely to be that although Ma Qiang also lent money to Wei Liu, he also lost the human feelings that could have been harvested and was thankless; And Liu Wei, even if he got the money, felt insulted and unhappy. China has been an individual society since ancient times. Whether relatives or friends, in their own minds, to put it bluntly, are more or less linked to a specific amount, which has a lot to do with the distance between relatives and interests. People with close relatives and friends and reliable personality will borrow more if they are willing to borrow; Those who are far away, not so friendly, and have a poor personality will give less if they are willing to borrow. For example, I usually contact my classmates and friends less, and suddenly borrow money, but I can borrow up to four or five thousand in my heart. If the other party can pay back the money, we will not expect it if we don't pay back the money; And usually contact relatives to borrow money, we can borrow tens of thousands of big ones according to the actual situation, but if there are too many, we will feel distressed and have to think about when the other party can do it every day. Of course, this "emotional amount" is only known to ourselves and cannot be compared on the table, otherwise it will become a very unkind thing. Because you have "emotional capacity" with others.

Because of this, when others borrow money from us, their "emotional amount" for themselves often doesn't correspond to what we believe in our hearts. In most cases, it will be lower than the amount we believe, which is more embarrassing. So, once you put forward "how much to borrow" and focus on the specific amount, then your relationship is not far from breaking up. Human feelings, once measured by a specific amount, are afraid to bargain. As a result, both of them felt that they had lost money and neither appreciated each other; In addition, in the future, one does not want to pay back, and the other urges, whether friendship or affection, will be tired and eventually collapse in this debt. When someone asks for money, the first step is to ask "why" instead of "how much". The difference is that if you come up and ask "how much to borrow", the focus of the next topic will still fall on you. For example, the other party will refund "2 thousand", which means "borrow or not, look!" But if you ask, "Why borrow it?" , the topic falls on each other. At this time, there are two reasons for the other party to borrow money: emergency, such as the need for money when the other party's relatives are dying, or the loan turnover cannot be opened in a short time.

in this case, we should help as much as possible. After all, everyone has difficulties. However, if the other party's amount is too large, we should explain clearly that if we give the other party a helping hand within our ability, the other party will not find fault. It is to treat you as an interest-free loan in order to save the trouble and interest of borrowing money from the bank. For example, the other party wants to buy a house, a car, or other big things. Faced with this reason, once it is lent out, it is likely to focus on the dunning relationship in the future. If the other party is conscious, he may take the initiative to pay you back in advance; Unconsciously, you will avoid you, and your relationship will become more and more rigid for no reason.

how to politely refuse at first? On the one hand, continue to dig deep into the reasons and gain the trust of the other party; On the other hand, give a similar reason why you can't get a loan. For example, if the other party says "the down payment for buying a car is not enough", you can say "understand, a better car is really too expensive now." Don't directly ask each other: Why buy a car beyond your ability? Why not ride an electric car? It seems rude. Now the space is too small and crowded, and friction is indispensable every day ... "When you say this, it turns out that everyone is working hard for their own good life. Even if the other party is unreasonable, they will not say" Your good life comes first, and so on. "