Joke: Daquanlong laughs.

1. One day, the cow gave the donkey a difficult problem and asked which of the two bugs under the word "stupid" was male and which was female. The donkey racked his brains, but he still couldn't answer. Cow scolds: What a donkey, male left and female right!

Seven years after graduation, I finally accepted a big project to build a 30-meter chimney, with a construction period of two months and a cost of 300 thousand, but it needed funds. It was finally finished at the end of last year. Today, people went to check and accept, and they were scolded to death, and they still had no money. Shit! The drawings are upside down, and people are going to dig wells!

3. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by to watch, and a policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

The doctor asked the patient how the fracture happened. The patient said, I felt sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. A fucking asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

One day, turtle's father, turtle's mother and turtle's son decided to go for an outing. They took a Shandong pie and two cans of underwater chicken and set off for Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard work, it's finally here! They sat on the floor and unloaded their equipment accurately.

Prepare dinner. Turns out I didn't bring a can opener!

Son of a turtle: "... I'll go back and get it." 」

Father Tortoise: "Good son! Come on! Mom and dad are waiting for you to come back for dinner. Go back quickly! "

Tortoise son: "Be sure to wait for me! Don't break your word! "

So turtle son set foot on the road home. ...

Time flies, time flies, 20 years have passed, but the turtle son has not appeared yet.

Mother turtle: "wife ... do you want to have dinner first?" I'm so hungry, I said ... "

Tortoise Dad: "No! We promised our son! Ok ... wait for him for five years, or let him go! "

It's been five years, and the turtle son still hasn't seen it. Tortoise parents don't care! Parents decided to start.

Take out the pie and get ready to eat. ...

Suddenly, turtle son poked his head out from behind the tree. ...

Turtle son: "Shit! I knew you would steal! Trick me into getting a can opener? I waited for 25 years, and finally.

I have been waiting for you! I hate being cheated!

Xiao Xin: Dad, why are there three gold medals in my name?

Dad: You are short of gold in your life, so you are named Xin, just like some people are short of water, so you are named Miao, and some people are short of wood, so you are named Sen.

Xiao Xin: Dad, what do you think is missing from Sister Guo Jingjing's life?

7. A boyfriend and girlfriend were sitting on a park bench in love, and the woman suddenly wanted to fart.

Say to the man: I am a cereal bird, do you listen to it?

Men are really willing to listen.

So, under the cover of "goo goo" birdsong, the woman happily farted.

W: Does it sound like a cuckoo?

Man: What a fart! I didn't catch it!

8. The tortoise is hurt. Let snails buy medicine. Two hours have passed and the snail hasn't come back yet. The tortoise was in a hurry to scold: if I don't fucking come back, I'll die! At this time, the snail's voice came from outside the door: you fucking said I wouldn't go!

9. Someone raised a pig, annoyed him and abandoned it. However, the pig knows the way home, and it is useless to abandon it. One day, he drove a lot of cars and abandoned the pig. He called home late at night and asked, "Is the pig coming back?" Answer: "I have come back!" " It roared, "put it on the phone, I'm lost!" "

10. Elephants accidentally stepped on an ant nest, and their nesting ants climbed onto the elephants. The elephant shook its body and the ants fell down. At this time, there was another elephant around its neck, and the fallen ant shouted "strangle it".

1 1. One morning in computer class, a row of classmates' computers crashed. So a classmate stood up and said, "Teacher, the computer crashed, and our platoon was all dead." At this time, many students said, "We are dead, too." Then the teacher asked, "Who else is not dead?" Only one classmate stood up and said, "I'm not dead yet!" " "The teacher said strangely," the whole class is dead. Why don't you die? "

12. Before eating peanuts, monkeys should put peanuts in their buttocks before taking them out. The administrator explained: Someone once fed it peaches, but the peach core could not be pulled out. The monkey is afraid. You must measure it before eating now.

13. Xiaoming: "Dad, am I a stupid child?"

Dad: "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy ..."

14. Tell a story: "Once upon a time, there was a eunuch ................"

Someone can't help asking, "What's next?"

Continue to tell the story: "Below? No ... "

15. A person who just learned a foreign language was walking in the street that day and accidentally stepped on a foreigner's foot. The man quickly said, "I'm sorry." The foreigner also said politely, "I'm sorry, too." Hearing this, the man quickly said, "I'm sorry, three." Foreigners have become stupid. The man said helplessly, "I'm sorry."

1. A man wants to divorce his wife, but he is afraid of hurting his three-year-old daughter. So I coaxed my daughter and said, "Mom is old and not beautiful. Can I change your mother? " The daughter thought for a moment and said, "No! Your mother is so big, why don't you change your mother! "

2. A foreigner said: When crossing the road, I met a red light. China friends want to move forward. I stopped him: "Wait for the light, wait for the light!" " My friend in China turned to me and said, "Only you have Intel!"

I just went to the kindergarten to pick up my children when I heard a little girl teaching my daughter to sing Fish Leong's song Ningxia. The lyrics are: in a quiet summer, a person is eating shit, and it's so sweet to take a bite ... I was shocked with the ice cream I bought for my daughter! Then the ice cream melted and dropped a drop on my hand. I raised my finger and licked it reflexively. ...

4, [a woman's face is the most life in this life] First, a round face (extra points for interpersonal relationships and wealth); Second, the chin is full (there may be more than two attributes); Third, the ass is big (representing wealth); Fourth, the legs should not be thin (the legs are long and thin, running around, hard); Fifth, there is fat in the lower abdomen (shaped as a longevity phase).

Cats and pigs are good friends. One day, the cat fell into the pit and the pig brought the rope. The cat asked the pig to throw down the rope, and the pig threw down the whole bundle of rope. The cat was very depressed and said, how can I pull it up if I throw it down like this? The pig said, what else can we do? The cat said: You have to hold the rope! The pig jumped down, grabbed one end of the rope and said, "It's all right now!" The cat cried and cried happily. -Have a friend, not very smart, but worthy of a lifetime.

6. In ancient times, there was a small country. Due to frequent wars, the national treasury was exhausted. The emperor hurriedly summoned the minister of the DPRK and ordered the confiscation of his property for military expenditure. The minister is unwilling but afraid to disobey. He just timidly asked, "There are so many ministers in the DPRK, why me?" The emperor walked up to him, patted him on the shoulder and said, "Because I love Qing, I won't be sad easily ..."

7. Little girls don't like to eat, and often toss adults. Once the little girl's mother had no choice but to scare her with chopsticks: "If you don't eat, you will be beaten!" " "The little girl looked up and said," Don't use grease! " " .