Some hilarious jokes.

1。 The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

Money can buy a house, but not a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain. Give me your money and let me suffer alone!

3。 A four-year-old boy kissed a three-year-old girl, and the girl said to the boy, you will be responsible for me if you kiss me. The boy patted the girl on the shoulder maturely and said with a smile: Don't worry, we are not children of one or two years old!

4。 In the supermarket, you reach under the bar code scanner curiously, and the screen shows: trotters, 8 yuan. You think the machine is broken, put your face in the past, and the screen shows: pig head, 5 yuan!

6。 The wolf came and the pigsty was a mess. Mother pig arranged "big pig, go and block the door!" " Two pigs to block the window! When mother pig saw the pig, she was angry and shouted, "Third, don't read this news!"! You are fleshy, go out and distract the wolf. "

7。 Don't get drunk again. "What's wrong with me?" "Also said! Yesterday, someone saw you chasing a pig with a glass and shouting,' Are you a brother? This is my brother's work! "

8。 Official log: get up in the morning and punch in; Have a meeting in the morning and take a nap; Eat at noon and burp; Go to work in the afternoon, hit ha; Work overtime at night and play cards; Entertainment at night, sex; Go home in the middle of the night and fight.

9。 The lazy cat went crazy after a mouse and finally got married. After marriage, the cat took care of the mouse in every way, and the mouse soon became fat. The mouse was very moved: Dear, why are you so kind to me? Hey, hey, the cat said with a smile, you'll know when you get fat.

10。 Have you started working again? I have told you more than once not to work so hard and pay attention to your health. But you always say meaningfully, "If you don't roll more dung balls while the weather is warm, what will I eat in winter?" ! ! "

1 1。 There are some things you should know! Days are used for windy and rainy days; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I was used to prove the greatness of mankind. And you: "It is used to stew vermicelli. ! "

12。 Standing under a tall building, I feel sad, my face is wet and it tastes a little salty. Is it rain or tears? Look up at the sky ... who is peeing upstairs!

13。 If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

14。 Ever heard of it? Looking back 500 times in previous lives, I brushed it in this life. Close friends like you and me, it seems that they didn't do anything in their last life, so they fucking turned back!

15。 I am really tired. I've been changing places. After I finish the front position, I will change to the back position. I can't sleep without shooting. After shooting in, you got me drunk and I collapsed. When I'm done, I have to talk about it. Alas, playing football is really tiring!

16。 The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day and want to hug you." The pot said, "I'm so stubborn when I'm fucking ripe."

17。 Portrait of your life: at the age of ten, learn to bathe yourself-pigs wash themselves; Brilliant at the age of twenty ―― when the pig is young; Looking for a job at the age of 30-starting a pig-raising career; At the age of forty, I hired a servant-a pig's servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of 50 ―― throw pigs!

18。 In the middle of the night, Bush saw bin Laden standing in front of his bed with his head distributed. Bush was startled and said, How dare you break into the White House at night! Bin Laden shook his chest-high beard and said with a grimace, "It's so soft and confident!"!

19。 Answer the phone-the voice becomes smaller and the other party is the leader; Louder and louder, the other party is a subordinate; As soon as you hear it, it will be on fire, and the other party dialed the wrong number; It's the female classmates who keep laughing; Hum for a long time, saying that my wife is giving a lecture; Whisper away, the other person is a lover!

20。 Going to the top of Mount Tai with friends to watch the sunrise, a friend pointed to the sky and said, "I saw it!" " ""I saw it, too! "At this time, someone came out with trousers in the distance and scolded:" See it when you see it! "What are you yelling about!" 2 1. Originally, I was just an unknown knight in the Jianghu, but since I met you, I suddenly became famous in the Jianghu, and people affectionately called me "pig head".