Joke haha

30 hilarious classic slips of the tongue in 2006

1 A girl from high school once said~~I have walked more salt than you eat~

2 At home The fish died and floated to the surface. I shouted: "Dad is up!!!"

3 Last weekend, in front of the Hualian Gate, a student-looking person asked me to donate money and show my love. My classmate happened to have only 100 yuan in notes in her pocket, and no change at all, so she blurted out - "I'm so sorry, I really don't have any love at all!" (I originally wanted to say that there was no change at all)

4 Primary school students went to a condolence performance for the troops. The counselor read out a letter "Dear Leaders." Perhaps seeing a crowd of people in the audience, his mind became excited and he said: "Dear Martyrs!"

5 When I was discussing the Three Kingdoms with a classmate of mine! I asked the general among the Three Kingdoms who he liked best. He stood up and said: "The red rabbit is among men, and Lu Bu is among horses. Haven't you heard?"

6 On the way home, I saw a small stall selling There is a small turtle, and a small sign is erected next to it to attract business. I just heard my classmate read seriously to the small blackboard: "Brazil-xi-little-color-electricity!" Hao...it's obviously a Brazilian little colorful turtle.

7 When I was in college, I went to a Sichuan restaurant with my classmates. When ordering, I ordered a portion of pork head. After talking for a long time, the waitress couldn’t understand. As soon as the classmate smiled, she pointed at her head with her finger. , said to the waitress: "Here! Pig head meat!" The lady: "Oh... I understand!" From then on, this man was nicknamed "Pig Head meat".

8 When I was in junior high school, once, before the exam was over, the teacher said: Please put your desk on the test paper and you can go out. I laughed wildly, and it took a long time for the teacher and other students to react.

9 Once I was shopping with my friends, and I was so excited while chatting that I stepped on an aunt. I originally wanted to say: "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" but I ended up saying "Thank you! Thank you. !" Then we walked away while chatting...

10 The girls in our dormitory also often make these mistakes because we are studying Chinese, so we always say four words. Her most classic is "Jumping to death from the building" and "being cheated and deceived"

11 When I was in high school, our class teacher said, "Some students dare not take a ruler when taking a math test. If someone asks you to give Draw diagonals of a triangle, let me see what you do!” Diagonals of a triangle? ! !

12 When I was in college, I went to Hengshan. I was half way up the mountain and was about to take a break when I was tired. I saw an Obasan buying souvenirs on the roadside. I went up and asked, "My wife." ........"

13 Add one: One morning at work, several employees of the unit entered the elevator with the boss. One of the department directors looked at the boss's tired face and said flatteringly : Boss, you work like this every day, it’s so hard! (You should be juggling a lot of work every day) As a result, the office building was filled with laughter all day long.

14 I used to always have pimples on my face, Medically speaking, it is called acne. I wanted to go to the hospital for a checkup. I took the registration slip and said to the doctor: "Doctor, please help me take a look. I have hemorrhoids on my face!!"

The doctor's mouth and eyes were crooked at that time. , his mouth was open for a long time and he couldn't speak, and all the people treating the doctor next to him collapsed!

15 When the plane lands.

I heard the flight attendant say something like this in a very gentle tone: "The toilet is descending, please do not get on the plane!" (It should be: "The plane is descending, please do not use the toilet")

16 High School Requirements School uniforms, we boys sometimes only wear school uniform tops. Once during a gathering, the school uniforms of our classmates were not neatly dressed, and the class teacher was furious: "Everyone who is not wearing pants, stand up for me...!"

17 Remember When I was in junior high school, I went to play by the river (Yangtze River). Suddenly a water snake swam to the shore. The girl next to me suddenly changed her face and said: What a long snake! !

18 Let’s play chicken and catch eaglets

19 When I was in high school, my class teacher taught geography. Once in class, we talked about my country’s mineral resources and coal pipelines. Our teacher said "my country's vas deferens...", all the "brushes" who crawled on the table and slept straightened their seats

Collected and organized: Sanxia Online (Website: /)

Once in 20 , I went to eat dumplings, and the boss said there were 5 yuan, 6 yuan, and 10 yuan, and asked me which one I wanted. I blurted out: How much is 6 yuan? The boss is in a bad mood. ． ． My face turned red at that time. ． ． Actually, I want to ask how many are worth 6 yuan?

21 My friend’s high school mathematics teacher taught about the Cartesian coordinate system in class. The students asked: Why do we need to build Cartesian coordinates like this? Teacher: I am so mean (Jian) ??I just want to be so mean (Jian) ??

22 When I was taking VB class in my freshman year, a classmate did not have VB software installed on her computer. She suddenly raised her hand and shouted: Teacher, teacher , my QQ cannot be opened

23 I have a classmate who is a twin and he is the elder brother. Then another idiot classmate asked him: "Is your brother older or younger than you?"... .. A few classmates nearby were stunned immediately, followed by a burst of laughter...

24 When I was in high school, the school required girls to wear school uniforms and attend activities at school on the first day. The weather the next day Unfortunately, girls all bring uniforms to school. Some boys put on girls' uniforms because they felt cold without any clothes. The math teacher looked at the class and said, "Boys take off all girls' clothes."... ...

The whole class was speechless and then burst into laughter for 10 minutes....

25 Last time I had a meal with my friends, I ordered 5 dishes, one cold and four hot. After waiting for a long time, the food didn't arrive, so my friend asked, "How many dishes did we order?" I blurted out: "Four are cold and one is cold," "Bihan

26 Ah, there are still some in the air conditioner. elevator!

27 During the college entrance examination, a classmate was highly myopic, so he memorized the test form with E’s written all over it, but he still failed. We asked him what was wrong, and he said: I can’t see clearly. Where is the doctor's baton? . Fainted on the spot.

28 Last time I returned to the dormitory after squatting in the pit, and as soon as I stepped through the dormitory door, I heard my dormitory classmate say: "I really want to taste death (shit)." (What movie was he watching at the time) I immediately replied: "You didn't tell me earlier, I just rushed."

29 The boss of our dormitory once said: take medicine and take injections.

30 Once when I was staying at an Internet cafe for a night out, after I died in CS, I suddenly shouted, MD picked up a bullet without a gun, and the people in the Internet cafe laughed me to death...