What do you think of some men who are keen on teasing and don't like their girlfriends' behavior?

I remember that Zhihu had a similar problem before, which was "What is the disease of using words to stimulate her boyfriend to get happiness".

This problem is called avoidant attachment personality, which is very common. Such people exist not only in love relationships, but also in friend relationships. Usually we call such people "malicious tongue", "fierce mouth", "knife mouth", "heartless", "mean mouth" and so on.

This kind of person doesn't hurt you because he doesn't like you. On the contrary, he will get sick only if he is with someone he thinks is close or trusted. This is because people who avoid attachment personality avoid real intimacy all their lives. The formation of this character may be related to the harshness of parents in childhood.

Many parents in China don't know what's wrong with them. They need to fight everything for their children. Many of us rarely get praise and affirmation in our growing experience. Children who grow up in this environment will form a particularly distorted consciousness: close people should naturally communicate with each other, and they have never learned how to correctly express their feelings and needs, or that straightforward expression always gets negative feedback. In the long run, children will tend to think that expressing their feelings directly may be a mistake.

When these children grow up, they will become the kind of people mentioned in the title. When such people become parents, they will pass on this "expression-denial-closure" communication mode to their children.

You can think about it, if you want to express your feelings clearly with your parents, especially your father, for example, "Dad, I miss you so much", is it a bit strange and difficult for you? If so, you have this emotional pattern. In this kind of family, it is likely that it is difficult for couples to express their feelings.

The way these people express their feelings has been distorted, so in love and friendship, people who like to black others and laugh at close people are stingy in expressing affirmation and appreciation. They get too little value recognition, so they always have deep uncertainty. Subconsciously, I feel that my value is low, I don't deserve good things and people, and I will lose it at any time. Therefore, such people need to repeatedly get feedback from the other party's "reverse negation" in order to gain a virtual sense of security that "even so, the other party will not leave themselves".

Because this kind of problem is particularly common, I don't recommend taking the advice of "persuading points" in the building, because if you find another partner, it is likely to be this kind of person. Most people in China have this problem. Where can you hide? Maybe you are that kind of person yourself, and you haven't realized it yet. Couples who quarrel all their lives are everywhere, which has become their default communication mode and integrated into the blood.

This expression habit is written into the bottom layer because of the previous experience, and the system authority is particularly high. Changing yourself is like pulling yourself up with your hair, which is basically impossible. We must change that we can only rely on external training, and we can only start with weakening motivation and punishment mechanism like training animals. This process is long and painful. But if you are very sure that you will get along for a long time, you can only try to correct him, otherwise you will suffer, and with the tolerance of our generation, this relationship is likely to die.

Such people like to laugh at people they care about. What does he want? What matters is your excuse, even your anger. Your excuses prove that you are in this relationship, and your anger proves that you care about this relationship. So he gets pleasure and euphoria from your defense and anger. Maybe your anger, sadness, and counterattack will inspire his conscious remorse and self-blame, but his subconscious is happy.

If you give the expected feedback to his blow, he will constantly test your new bottom line until you get a more satisfactory result. Or repeat this process every once in a while in order to repeat this pleasure.

The best adjustment method for this disease is not defensive counterattack, but "no feedback".

The next time he gets satisfaction through negative blows, you won't be able to respond. No crops, no replies, no protests, no attention. Think of it as instantaneous evaporation. If there are other people around, turn to others for normal communication. If there is no one else, then you can play with your mobile phone for a while.

If the attack doesn't get the expected feedback, he will be very angry. A few more times, naturally, like Pavlov's dog training, he gradually lost his desire to continue this strange communication mode.

You're welcome.

Some people say that this kind of non-response hurts, yes, it hurts, and it doesn't hurt to have no memory. Why didn't he think others would suffer when he attacked and hurt others? Now people just don't respond or fight back. This is unbearable? What a fragile and twisted heart is this?