Health jokes, please be a great god.

"I brought a frog today," the professor of zoology said to the students. "I just caught it from the pond. In this class, we are going to dissect frogs. " He took out a paper box and opened it carefully. There is a ham sandwich in the box. "Strange," the professor was very surprised. "I clearly remember having lunch together. One night when I was sleeping, a boy's dormitory slept until three o'clock in the morning and suddenly wanted to discuss a question: "What should I say first when I meet a beautiful girl?" A gentleman woke up from a dream and said, "Stop talking and let's go to bed!" " "Cheating" Polonius was fired for cheating. ""What's the matter? During the physical examination, he counted his ribs and found out. Once, a young teacher in Tsinghua, a teacher in Tsinghua, loved mahjong. Once, he played all night. He has a class at 7:40 the next morning. He got off the mahjong table at 7: 30 and hurried to the classes of four teachers. It happened that the student on duty didn't clean the blackboard. His freshman shouted, "Which is the farmer?" This is a Chinese class. When speaking new words, the teacher picked up a piece of chalk and wrote "China" on the blackboard. Then he said, "Students, please look at the whiteboard. There is a red Chinese on it. " Taste Chinese teacher found Zhang San sleeping in class and was very angry. She woke Zhang San up and asked: How do you sleep in class? However, Zhang San refused to admit to sleeping. Zhang San: I didn't sleep. Teacher: Then why are you closing your eyes? Zhang San: Teacher, I am reading the text silently. The teacher didn't believe me and said, then why do you nod straight? Zhang San: Teacher, you speak very well. The teacher still didn't believe it and said, then why are you drooling? Zhang San: Teacher, your class is very interesting. The teacher asked two students, "Did you do good things every day today?" The two students said in unison, "Yes!" The teacher asked, "What did you do? Student: We helped an old lady cross the street. Teacher: Well, that's good, but why do you need two people to help an old lady cross the street? Student: Because the old lady doesn't want to cross the road. It turns out that when the school travels once a year, boys and girls in junior high school always come to play separately because of their different interests. Girls walk around in swimsuits, showing themselves and enjoying the sunshine. The boy rolled up his trouser legs and caught small fish in the water. A teacher who looked after these children sighed, "I don't remember whether girls were so mature when I was in junior high school." "Sure, but you are busy catching small fish!" Another teacher said coldly. In class, a classmate is watching cartoons. The teacher found out and asked, what are you doing? "I'm looking for something. ""What are you looking for? " "I found it, I found it ..." The classmate next door replied, "Make excuses. History teacher: Why did you leave early? Barry: I have an important appointment. History teacher: Is history more important or girlfriend more important? Barry: If I'm late again, she'll be history! ! ! History teacher: @ # $%% Surface tension Two biochemists were sitting in front of the laboratory drinking coffee, and a beautiful woman walked by. Seeing the dementia on my colleague's face, a mature biochemist said that she is more than 75% water like us. Colleagues still look stupid and say, yes, but look at the surface tension! This is my professor. He told us that he used to teach in America. Some team students have never studied, but they have to graduate from college before they can join the professional basketball team to play nba. After retiring, they often return to their alma mater as team coaches. There is a student (let's call him Jordan) who is about to graduate, but calculus can't pass anyway, so he can't graduate and play nb a! So he asked his coach, who is also the coach of the school team, to intercede for him. Coach: "Professor, please let Jordan live. The nba has been waiting for him for a long time! " Professor: "All right! Since the coach has come to intercede, I will give you one last chance. How much is one plus one? Jordan immediately replied without thinking: Coach: Professor, please give him another chance! Remember to brush your teeth! ! One day in the biological experiment, I observed my saliva cells, looked at them with a microscope and recorded them. Just as everyone was observing and studying with great interest, suddenly there was a scream. Ah ~ it was originally sent by the beautiful teaching assistant ... The professor thought something had happened, so he ran over and carefully observed her microscope. He told her: remember to brush your teeth and rinse your mouth next time you finish your work! ! There will be sex education one day. Xiaoming came home from class sadly. Mom asked Xiaoming: What's the matter? Xiao Ming replied: Xiaohua in the class knows where he is from. But I don't know that my mother thought it was also telling Xiaoming about things between men and women at this time. By the way, my mother began to tell Xiaoming that boys have done the right sex education when they fall in love with girls. Then get married ... Also mentioned how sperm met eggs. Mother told Xiaoming everything she knew. When my mother finished the satisfactory teaching. Xiao Ming is still at a loss. Look at mom. Xiaohua said with a few tears that he was from Yilan. But after listening to my mother, I still don't know where I come from. In class, a teacher introduced the Japanese surname habit to the students. She said: "If there is the word' Taro' in the Japanese name, he must be the eldest son, and if there is the word' Jiro' in the name, he must be the second son ... Next, who can give a Japanese such a name?" A student stood up and answered loudly: Mr. Isoroku Yamamoto was giving a lecture when a little boy raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I want to shit." The teacher told the students, "You can say it in another civilized way." The student thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my ass wants to vomit." A student asked the teacher how to write the word shit, but the teacher forgot for a moment and had to say, "It's on the lips. My brother is in the fourth grade of primary school. He is so fat that people often make fun of him. One day, the teacher asked one of their classmates to start writing "What I do for my family every day" in the contact book. My brother couldn't think of anything, so his mother had to help him fill it out. She wrote in the contact book: "Help the family eat every day. The teacher's comment is: "I can see that you are working hard!" High flyers Miller, an agronomy major in a university, returned to her hometown during the summer vacation. A neighbor's wife wanted to raise chickens and get rich, so she came to consult him. Miller told her that according to all kinds of data provided by his wife, it is more appropriate to raise about 30 hens and one or two cocks. At the end of the summer vacation, Miller wanted to see how his "idea" was realized. But he froze in front of the henhouse. In addition to 30 hens, there are 30 big cocks. " That's right, 30 hens, just one or two cocks is enough. Too many cocks can't lay eggs, but waste food. ""You mean, let one or two cocks keep so many hens? " The neighbor's wife blushed and said yes. ""this is just your man's way of thinking, I won't do that! "Graduation Ceremony At the graduation ceremony, the principal announced that the first student in the whole grade took the stage to receive the award, but after several consecutive shouts, the student slowly walked onto the stage. Later, the teacher asked the students, "What's the matter? Are you sick? Or did you not hear clearly just now? The student replied, "No, I'm afraid other students didn't hear you clearly." What is courage ... the mid-term exam of a university philosophy department, they taught us what is courage. A student wrote "this is it" on the test paper, and then handed it in ... and got a ... Relativity One day, when Xiao Ming ran into the classroom, he stood up again, and then he left the classroom. The teacher looked back and saw Xiaoming's back ... The teacher began to curse. Nowadays people are becoming less and less aware of the benefits of reading ... The teacher went on to say ... OK ... He didn't attend my class ... I pawned him ... The teacher asked the monitor: What was the name of that student just now? The monitor said ... he was in the next class ... I just went to the wrong classroom ... the joke in the dormitory. I have a classmate. He never buys toilet paper himself. He just uses it and goes to someone else to get it. I once saw him take toilet paper from my house. I said to him angrily, why do you always take my toilet paper? Won't you buy it yourself? He said, don't be so stingy! Isn't it just a little toilet paper I'll give it back to you when I'm finished!

Hope to adopt