Liu Baorui learned good words from stand-up crosstalk.

Fools learn well (traditional stand-up comedy) (Liu Baorui)

A person's conversation is a stand-up comedy, and it is a story from beginning to end. The story itself is very contradictory, and there are paragraphs in it.

What I told today is the story of a fool. There used to be a saying: "Everyone learns to practice human feelings." This sentence also makes sense. Why do you think this fool is stupid? Besides having a fever, taking cold medicine and eating too much, there is also a kind of cultivation, saying that this fool is still cultivated? In the old society, it was easy for families like landlords and rich people to cultivate fools. When I was a child, I was spoiled. The nanny and mother watched her mother coax her to take care of the child. When you are eight, you must be fed. At the age of twelve, you still have to wear a butt curtain. When you are fifteen, you must take care of your urine. If the old lady doesn't talk about it, he won't shit, but she has to say, "Master, it's time to shit!" " "(imitating a fool's accent)" All right, let's go. "I'm going. If the old lady doesn't call him, he can't get away all day. I was so depressed that I had a stomachache and rolled on the kang, but I was afraid to go to the toilet. Why? Mom didn't speak-that's not stupid!

There is a story about a rich man. The first three girls all got married when they grew up. The eldest girl gave the scholar, and the second girl gave the juren, so all three girls were beautiful and found a fool. Why just give it to fools? The three of them got married on the same day because the rich man of the fool's family was older than them. Forget the eldest girl and the second girl. Third girl was very uncomfortable when she heard that her uncle was a fool. She got out of the sedan chair and looked. The style in the yard is bigger than theirs, and she can't help it. I made a lot of jokes when I visited heaven and earth.

When it was time to worship heaven and earth, the fool got under the bed and dragged him out easily. As soon as he let go, a guy ran to the kitchen again. Stall him again and say nothing. The old maid said, "Master, go to heaven and earth quickly, and don't miss the auspicious time!" ""yes, yes! How shabby it is to be with a big girl! " The chef in the kitchen interrupted, "Never mind, young master, that's your wife. "Fool is anxious!" That's your wife! Nonsense, I'll hit you! The old lady said, "Don't talk nonsense, Sir Zhong, just go and kowtow to him, and you can avoid it. "。 ""yes, why do you want to kowtow to me? Won't my dad kowtow to Lafayette next year? " "Why are you so stupid? Chinese New Year, this is worshipping heaven and earth! " "Don't worry, just go to my dad. "Never heard of it!

After a long day, I went to bed at night, or the old lady coaxed him to sleep first, and then the old lady went out. She woke up several times a night and cried when she woke up. The third girl has to coax him now, but she didn't sleep for a long time. Third girl said, "Why didn't you sleep after coaxing you for a long time?"

"Yes, yes, are you kidding? Aren't you afraid of how I sleep? " Shout, you have to be photographed if you dare to sleep.

Three girls are uncomfortable. The next day, the third girl had a big pimple in her heart. Tomorrow is the dog days, she thought, and we will go back to our parents' home together. Just because of his stupid virtue, let my relatives and friends see if I am dead or alive. Three girls were sitting in the room crying. When the fool saw the new wife crying, he ran over and said, "Yes, yes, what are you crying about?" The third girl is really anxious. "Why are you crying? I am in trouble with you! " "Yes, yes, what's the matter?" "You are a fool." "Yes-how do you know I'm a fool?" "You can't talk. Three days tomorrow, you will come back to my parents' house with me. My parents will see your stupidity. Big sister and second sister will laugh when they hear that you can't talk. How ugly I am. " "Yes, yes, I can't talk. Won't you teach me? "I heard that, the third girl: Yes." Do you remember what I taught you? ""yes, I remember. ""What would you do if my father came out to meet you when you saw our house tomorrow? " "Yes, I will go in." "It's not that easy. My dad must have said,' Third son-in-law, are you there? Please go in. Don't go yet, it's your turn to speak. ""well ... what did I say? " "You said,' Father-in-law, please ask the elders first, and then please the younger generation. My husband is coming. I should, I should, oh, yes, please, father-in-law. The elders come first, the younger generation comes later, and the husband comes. I should, I should. " The third girl was very happy to hear this. He really said it. "On the edge, you look at me. I'll see you. You kowtow to me, and we will sit at the same table when we eat. My father is bound to bring you food, so you say,' Grandpa, stop, my husband will keep it for himself. I'm here, I'm here.' You tell me what I just taught you. ""Grandpa, please say it on your head. The elder is in front, the younger generation is behind, and the husband is here. I should, I should. Grandpa, stop it. My husband wants it for himself. I'm here. I'm here. The third girl said, "yes, don't forget wow!" "This sentence' don't forget' was ignored by a fool, no matter whether he was eating, drinking, sleeping, walking, sitting or lying. On this day, he always said, "grandpa, please ask in your mind, first ask the elders, then ask the younger generation." I'm coming, my husband. I should, I should. Father-in-law, please stop. My husband asked for it. I have reached it. I have reached it. He kept saying these two words, which bored the third girl: "stay!" "Tell him to stop. He thought this sentence was also taught to him. " Father-in-law, visit your head, visit your elders first, and then visit your young people. Honey, I'm here. I should, I should. Father-in-law, stop it. My husband asked for it. I have reached it. I have reached it. Stay. "Old three is really anxious this time:" Besides, I'll give you a big mouth! He thought this sentence was also taught to him: "Grandpa, please ask on your head, old people first, young people later." "Husband, I'm here. I should, I should. Father-in-law, stop it. My husband asked for it. I have reached it. I have reached it. Stay. Besides, I'll give you a big mouth! " The third girl is very angry: "I won't share a room with you tonight!" " "Fools dare not sleep, no one takes pictures, and no one coaxes him to sleep. When he heard that the third girl wouldn't share a room with him tonight, he was too scared to say anything. Although I didn't say it, I can keep it in mind.

The next day, the couple returned to the door by car together. Third girl's father went out to meet her, and sure enough, the old father-in-law really said this: "Third son-in-law, you are here, please come in." "Father-in-law, please go first on your head, the elders go first, and the younger generation goes later. Little brother, I am coming, I should, I should. " Hearing this, the old father-in-law said, "Everyone says I'm stupid. He is not stupid! " When kowtowing inside, the fool kowtowed carefully, just as the third girl kowtowed. He really didn't give a clue. When it was time to eat, the father-in-law and the mother-in-law were seated, and three couples were accompanied by the Prime Minister: After sitting down, the father-in-law hurt his uncle, and sure enough, he served the food: "Hey, three masters, eat this!" "Father-in-law, you stop it, my husband. I can reach it, I can reach it. You move that son like this. " Hearing this, Third Girl, why did she add such a sentence? When the mother-in-law heard this, his uncle liked to eat meatballs, so he quickly scooped up two meatballs with a spoon: "Hey, Sanmen gave you this meatball." The fool remembered that sentence: "Stay!" "Hey, what's the matter? I kindly give you cloth, how can I' stay'? " Seeing that the old lady was angry, the elder sister quickly said, "Mom, don't be angry. My third brother-in-law can't talk He probably meant well and said to let you rest. He lets you rest, you rest, I give him cloth-third brother-in-law, you eat this! " "I will give you a big mouth!" "Ah! What's going on here? You are kind enough to serve you, how can you give me a big mouth? " The second sister understood better and quickly said, "Elder sister, when the third sister and you were young, you two opposed it and had a net fight. Needless to say, Third Sister told her brother-in-law. Come on, look at me. Third sister and I are the best. Well, this fish fillet was given to you by my third brother-in-law! " The fool also remembered that sentence: "I won't sleep with you tonight." "Who don't you share a room with?"

Fools learn well.

Liu Baorui narrates.

One person said it just for stand-up comedy. Today, I told a story about a fool. The fool I'm talking about is specially trained. Does this fool have any training? Hey, there is! In the old society, families such as bureaucrats, comprador, landlords and gentry could easily cultivate fools. I was spoiled when I was a child. Four people are in charge of the child: the nurse, the mother, the nanny and the persuasive mother. When you reach for tea, your mouth is full of food. How old are you? You're still wearing a butt curtain. When you are fifteen, you must be put to sleep. Seventeen or eighteen big boys, who needs to feed! If the old lady doesn't talk about this, he won't eat, and he has to say, "Master, it's time to eat!" " "(imitating a fool's accent)" All right, let's go. "I'm going. If the old lady doesn't call him, he can skip meals for a day and be too hungry to eat on the kang. Why? Mom didn't speak-that's not stupid!

There is such a story. There was a rich man. The first three girls grew up and got married. The eldest girl married a scholar, and the second girl married a juren, so all three girls were beautiful and found a fool. Why did you find a fool alone? In the past, marriage paid attention to the right family, and the rich at home took advantage of the husband's family. Sisters get married on the same day. I won't mention the big girl and the second girl, but only the third girl. She was embarrassed to hear the maid say that her uncle was a fool. When she got off the sedan chair, she saw that the momentum and style of the fool's family were much bigger than theirs, and she didn't say anything.

When it's time to worship heaven and earth, the fool directly drills under the bed, drags him out and pulls him to the table of heaven and earth. As soon as he let go, he squeaked and ran to the kitchen again. Stall him again and say nothing. The old maid said, "Master, go to heaven and earth quickly, and don't miss the auspicious time!" ""yes, yes! What a shame to be with a big girl! " The chef in the kitchen interrupted, "Young Master, it doesn't matter. That girl is your wife." The fool was anxious when he heard it: "That's your wife! Stop talking nonsense! "I don't know who is talking nonsense! The old lady said, "Master, just go and kowtow to her." "Yes, why are you looking for me to kowtow? ! Won't my dad kowtow to Lafayette next year? " "Oh, why are you so confused? Chinese New Year, worship heaven and earth! " "Never mind what you are doing, let my father knock at the door first. "What do you think it's more like?

After a day's struggle, it's time to go to bed at night, or the old lady coaxed him first before she left. The fool woke up several times this night and cried when he woke up. The third girl can't help it. She wants to coax him now, and he won't sleep for a long time. The third girl said anxiously, "Why haven't you slept for a long time?" "Yes, yes, how can you sleep without filming?"

Hey! You have to be photographed if you dare to sleep.

The next day, the third girl tied a knot in her heart, thinking that tomorrow is the dog days, and it's time to "go home". We're going back to our parents' house together. How funny is it that he shows all his relatives and friends? Three girls were so worried that they sat in the room and wept. When the fool saw the new wife crying, he ran over and said, "Yes, yes, what are you crying about?" The third girl was really worried: "Why are you crying? It's bad luck to be with you! " "Yes, yes, what's the matter?" "You are a fool." "Yes, yes, how do you know that I am a fool?" "You can't talk. You will come back to my parents' home with me in three days tomorrow. My parents will see your stupidity. They will laugh when they hear that you can't talk. How ugly I am! " "Yes, yes, I can't talk, won't you teach me? "The third girl thought, Ah, yes." Do you remember what I taught you? " "Yes, yes, remember. ""What will you do if you come to our house tomorrow and my father comes out to pick you up? " "Yes, yes, I will go in." "It's not that easy. My father will definitely say, "Third son-in-law, are you there? Please go in. Don't go yet, it's your turn to speak. " "Well ... what should I say?" "You say,' father-in-law' please. Older first, older later. Here I am, little husband. I should, I should, ""Ah, yes. Grandpa, please go to your head. Older first, older later. Little brother, I am coming, I should, I should. " The third girl was very happy when she heard this. He really said it. "On the edge, you saw me. I kowtow and you kowtow with me. At dinner, we will sit at a table, and dad will definitely bring you food. You will say,' Father-in-law, stop it, my husband will take it for himself. I'm here, I'm here.' You tell me what I just taught you. ""Father-in-law, please put it on your head. Older first, older later. Honey, I'm here. I should, I should. Grandpa, stop it. My husband wants it for himself. I'm here. I'm here. The third girl said, "yes, don't forget!" " This sentence "Don't forget" was ignored by fools. On this day, there was nothing else, and he kept saying these words: "grandpa, please go to your head." Older first, older later. Honey, I'm here. I should, I should. Grandpa, stop it. My husband wants it for himself. I'm here. I'm here. "Endless, I'm tired of talking to the third girl." Stay. "That means to tell him to stop. He felt that this sentence was also taught to him: "Grandpa, please. "The elderly first, then the elderly. Honey, I'm here. I should, I should. Father-in-law, stop it. My husband asked for it. I have reached it. I have reached it. Stay! " Hey! He added this sentence! The third girl was angry: "Don't be poor!" " The fool thought this sentence was for him, so he learned it again: "Don't be poor!" " The third girl was very angry: "Besides, I will give you a big mouth!" " Fools dare not say, although they don't say it, they remember it in their hearts.

On the third day, the couple rode back to the door together. Third girl's father came out to meet her, and sure enough, the old father-in-law really said, "Third son-in-law, you are here. Please come in." Hearing this, the fool quickly said, "Please, grandpa." Older first, older later. Little brother, I'm coming. I should, I should. "Hearing this, the old father-in-law said that my husband was stupid, but he was not stupid! When kowtowing in the house, the fool was careful to kowtow when he saw how the three girls were doing, but he really didn't give any clues. When it was time to eat, the parents-in-law were seated, and the Prime Minister accompanied three couples. After sitting down, my father-in-law was distressed by my uncle, and sure enough, he served the food: "Hey, Sanmen, you eat this! """grandpa, you stop that now, little husband, I have, I have. Please move the ball this way. "Hearing this, the third girl asked: Why did you add such a sentence? The old woman heard that Uncle San likes to eat meatballs, so she quickly scooped up two meatballs with a spoon: "Hey, Uncle San gave you this meatball." The fool remembered that sentence; "Stay!" "Hey, what's the matter? I'd be happy to give it to you, Bly. How can I stay? " Seeing that the old lady was angry, the elder sister quickly explained to the fool, "Mom, don't be angry. Third brother-in-law didn't make it clear. He meant well and said to let you rest. " He told you to rest, you rested, and I gave him the cloth. Brother-in-law, eat this! ""Don't be poor! " "ah? ! Am I poor? ！” The second sister made a fuss: "Sister, I understand. When you were young, you two sisters opposed it and had a net fight. Don't ask, Third Sister must have told Third Brother-in-law about it. Third sister and I are best friends. Look at me. Insurance can't be wrong for me. So what ... third brother-in-law, am I right? " The fool also remembered that sentence: "Besides, I'll give you a big mouth! " "

Give who a big mouth? ! A fool learned his lesson?

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