Tell a simple joke

Tell a simple joke. Many people like to listen to jokes in life, and listening to jokes is especially good for their mood. There are many jokes in our life. Let's look at a simple joke and related information.

Tell a simple joke 1 1. Grandma: When will your hearing get better? I can't hear anything, which makes me angry.

Grandpa: If you talk less, my listening will be fine.

2. A reporter asked a 90-year-old grandfather, "Grandpa, you have been married for 70 years, and you still call your wife dear, baby every day. What's the secret after so many years? "

"Impossible, I forgot her name 20 years ago, and I dare not ask her, so I can only call her that." ...

3. At sunset, I saw a white-haired grandmother pushing a wheelchair by the lake, and bowed her head and said something to the grandfather in the wheelchair from time to time. It's too warm!

I went to my grandmother and asked: How can I keep my love for life?

Grandma said: He had an affair before and once wanted to abandon me.

Me: Then how did you do it?

Grandma: No, I broke his leg! ……

I saw a pair of grandparents in the supermarket that day.

Grandpa: My wife!

Grandma: Hmm.

Grandpa: Take whatever you want. Don't force it!

Grandma: OK, grandpa.

What a lovely couple ~

Then I heard grandpa say that as long as you don't get caught.

Tell a simple joke 2 short classic hilarious jokes 1

1. Older unmarried men and women seem to have missed their stop by bus. Sometimes it's because the seats on the bus are too comfortable to get off; Sometimes it's because I don't know which platform to get off at. What about men and women who never get married? They are bus drivers.

2. Lovers are animals, and loved ones are plants. If you refuse love, animals will leave, of course, because plants will not give birth to feet to escape.

3. A man's biggest secret is often told to his confidante, not to the same sex, family or wife. When the confidante became a wife, this part of her power was immediately revoked. This is called gain and loss.

Many singers who sing love songs have never loved each other, which is the most ridiculous thing and the most reasonable thing. If I loved you, I wouldn't be so intoxicated.

5. A good woman is a school for men. A good woman hopes that this good student will never graduate.

6. An unmarried woman lamented: Why are mature men and good men both husbands, and no unmarried man is decent? She was reminded that a wife cultivates a good husband by self-production and self-sale, and no man can learn by himself.

7. The deeper the relationship, the more specific the concern, from elegance to vulgarity, from spirit to body. When she was in love, she asked him, "Are you in a beautiful mood?" After getting married, she asked him, "Is this fish 6 yuan a catty expensive?" Or "Is your hemorrhoid cured?"

Short classic hilarious joke 2

1. Go home by train and sleep in a sleeper. After midnight, a young mother got on the train with a child. The child cried and said, "I don't want to take the train." It's a ghost to take the train at night. " His mother: "Nonsense, where did the ghost on the train come from?" Child: "You are lying. Our teacher said that trains have tracks. "

2. Idiot friends can't afford to get hurt. A friend lost a bet in the square, so he was punished for dancing square dance with his aunts. All kinds of unwilling, wriggle and jump. Then I jumped so high that I couldn't take off my clothes!

3. After running in leg press last night, a boy came to me and asked for a micro signal, but I refused.

When I went back, I said to my brother, Hey … Don't always say that I can't get married, because someone accosted me.

The younger brother said, elder sister, I can only say that it was too dark. He didn't see it clearly.

4. Me: "Mom, do you remember when I was a child?"

"Yes, what's the matter?"

"At that time, I always had nightmares at night, dreaming that I was tied to the bed by a rope. I feel bad but I can't move, and no one can save me ... "

"It wasn't a dream, it was me."

5. I feel the atmosphere is wrong when I come home from work. My mother is sitting on the sofa with a gloomy face! Dad and little nephew bowed their heads and said nothing!

I whispered to my mother, what's the matter?

Mom suddenly exploded the pot and shouted loudly: Your father, a bastard, actually took xx (little nephew) to secretly eat stinky tofu outside! The most exasperating thing is that they don't give me a package after dinner!

Let me ask you again, how do you know that they secretly eat stinky tofu?

Mom replied: I happened to eat kebabs at a nearby stall!

Short classic hilarious joke 3

1. The roommate in the lower berth took his girlfriend back to the dormitory for the night. I was awakened in my sleep in the middle of the night, and then I heard the girl say, "Be gentle, don't shake the upper berth!" " I replied in a daze: "Nothing, I grabbed the edge of the bed and couldn't fall!" " "

2. "Have you ever peed while swimming?"

"Occasionally."

"Well, you are disgusting!"

"No way, it was an accident, I can't control it."

"How can this be unexpected?"

"When defecating, some urine will be brought out more or less."

Damn it!

I met a small dealer who can't calculate the bill when I was shopping in the morning. He asked me how much it was. I can't figure it out either We both looked at the sky at the same time and pretended to think hard. Later, he realized cowardice and took out a small calculator. I finally saved my face.

4. Work late and drive beautiful colleagues home. I stopped at the gate of an old community: "I'll take you here, I won't go in." My colleague leaned in my ear and said, "You can drive me in, and you can sit up." I decisively refused. Looking at the distant backs of my colleagues, I thought to myself: if I practice subject 2 well, I don't have to worry about falling out now!

There is an old saying: all evil comes first, and filial piety comes first. Then the problem is coming. Are filial hooligans good or bad?

Short classic hilarious joke 4

1, don't make friends with people in cities below 40 degrees, don't know them well!

I hope you understand that I am very open-minded about everything. But that doesn't stop me from holding grudges.

If crying is useful, I will be a useful person. If I am a useful person, why should I cry?

4. China's Eight Tolerances: During the Chinese New Year, everyone died and came. It's not easy. I'm still a child. When I'm old, it's good for you. Just get used to it.

5. Maturity means knowing the way of the world and being unsophisticated. It means that you are more and more accepting of reality, not more and more realistic.

6. Look at the flip-flops carefully. Are they like thongs on your toes?

7. "Money is not everything" was first put forward by the poor, "there are no ugly women but lazy women" was first put forward by the ugly, and "diligence can make up for shortcomings" was first put forward by the fool. As natural weak people, we always have to make up some theories as support to deceive ourselves to live bravely.

Tell a simple joke 3 1. There is a polar bear playing with a penguin. Penguins pull out his hair one by one. After pulling it out, he said to the polar bear, "It's so cold!" When the polar bear heard this, he pulled off his hair one by one and turned to the penguin and said, "It's really cold!

Xiaoming lost a leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

Xiaoming lost his other leg in another car accident.

Xiaoming lost another leg in a car accident.

In fact, Xiaoming is a dog.

One day, the cabbage was walking on the road and felt very hot, so it was taken off one by one and disappeared.

4. A steamed stuffed bun walked on the road and felt very hungry, so he ate himself.

Xiaoming and Xiaohong are deskmates. One day, Xiaoming borrowed a pen from Xiaohong.

Xiaohong said "don't borrow"

"Lend it to me and you're dead!"

Then Xiaohong said, "Oh, I'll lend it to you."

When Xiaoming returned the pen to Xiaohong, Xiaohong really died.

6. Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf. The wolf said, "I will eat you!" " ! ! "

Guess what?

As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

7. Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?

Xiaohua: No, I'm useless.

Bug: Are you really useless?

Xiaohua: I'm so useless!

Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless.

8. When will Taiwan Province Province be reunified?

When buying instant noodles

9. One day, Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

10, a medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak meet in the street. Why don't they say hello? (assuming they can talk)

Because ... they don't know each other very well ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

1 1, Devil: God, can I be born again?

God: Yes.

Demon: I don't want to be a demon anymore. I want to be as white as an angel and have wings, but I still want to suck blood.

God: Well, you can be reborn as a nurse.

12 One day, a man met God.

God suddenly kindly gave the man a wish.

God asked: Do you have any wishes?

The man thought for a moment and said, I heard that cats have nine lives, so please give me nine lives!

God said: Your wish has come true!

One day, the man was idle and bored.

If you want to say death, forget it. There are nine lives anyway.

Lying on the tracks,

As a result, a train passed by,

That man is still dead,

Why is this?

Because the car of that train has 10 knots,

13, Xiaoming owed 200,000 yuan to the underground bank, and Xiaoming begged him to give up for a few more days.

The banker said, "Be sure to return it tomorrow, otherwise ... chop off two fingers;

The day after tomorrow ... chop 4; The third day ... "

Xiao Ming: "There is no need to return it, right?"

Banker: "no, then you will become a tinker bell." 」

14, one person has a bad stomach. One day, he went to the Stomach Hospital and said to the doctor, "I pull everything, eat watermelon, eat cucumber and pull cucumber!" " The doctor thought about it and said to him, "I think you have to eat shit!" " "

15. Three small animals are chatting in the forest. Pig said: nicknames are popular now, so you can call me pig in the future. Rabbit said: well, I'll call it rabbit. The chicken looks unhappy and says, I have work to do. I have to go first.

16, a person went to the hospital to see a doctor, and the doctor said, you need blood test, urine test and stool.

After a while, he came back and told the doctor that I had swallowed blood and urine, but I really couldn't swallow stool.