The lecherous Ji Xiaolan.

Ji Xiaolan can be said to be the first gifted scholar in Qing Dynasty. There are countless stories about him, including books, TV, movies and so on. But generally speaking, they describe Ji Xiaolan's talent and humor, which is well known, but few people know the other side of Ji Xiaolan-lewd!

Ji Xiaolan's lewdness is mainly manifested in two aspects: practicing kungfu and spoofing. Ji Xiaolan is full of energy. It is said that he has to obey his wife four times a day, that is, once before breakfast, once before noon and dinner, and once when he sleeps at night; Some people say that he is still horny at the age of 80. What a great man! Ji Xiaolan's exuberance may be directly related to his eating habits. Many miscellaneous notes say that he usually does not eat rice, but mainly eats meat, eating dozens of pounds a day. He takes meat as his meal, tea as his soup and cigarettes as his pleasure. He blames the capital every day.

There is another wonderful story about Ji Xiaolan's daily demand for imperial women: he was ordered to compile it during this period. Because time was short, Emperor Qianlong ordered relevant personnel to compile stacks and libraries overnight. A few days later, Emperor Qianlong came to inspect and found that Ji Xiaolan's eyes were red and swollen, which was a great surprise. He thought he was very ill and asked why. Ji Xiaolan's face was flushed and blared for a long time, but he couldn't tell her why. He still knows his colleagues to help him. It turns out that he hasn't had an imperial concubine for a few days. Qianlong laughed when he understood it, and hurriedly gave him two maids to help!

In lewdness, Ji Xiaolan not only likes to do it himself, but also likes to tell jokes, which is what we call spoof in modern times. During the Qianlong period, Ji Xiaolan's humor was very famous. He has orthodox simple jokes, dirty jokes, stories and humorous things he does. Let's see what he said and how he did it:

one

On one occasion, Ji Xiaolan came out of the palace and met several little eunuchs. These eunuchs all know him and know that he is a humorous man with endless jokes in his stomach. So several eunuchs got together and insisted on pestering Master Ji to tell a joke. Ji Xiaolan was forced to tell a story. He said, "A beautiful woman married a scholar and gave birth to a son ..."

"below? There is nothing below. " He answered with a smile.

"There is no below? Impossible, you are quick to say. " Several eunuchs refused.

"The following didn't! Don't believe you touch it ... "He pointed to the eunuch's crotch and ran away with a smile, leaving a few eunuchs who had just reflected to stand there and look at each other awkwardly!

two

A new scholar got married, and Ji Xiaolan sent a pair of couplets, which was very simple.

Flat and faint,

Very flat, very flat.

Horizontal batch: flat top and flat bottom.

The groom is also a well-read person, but he can't understand the meaning of this couplet at the moment. It was not until the wedding night that he suddenly realized that Ji Xiaolan was joking with him. Isn't horizontal criticism of "progress" just like "leveling", "climbing" and "advancing" the bride? As for "leveling", it is both sound and action, which can be described as vivid! Only Ji Xiaolan has such a mind!

three

One year, Ji Xiaolan was the examiner, and the new candidates usually thanked the examiner and lived up to their teachers. One day, a group of Jinshi came to Ji Xiaolan. He met them one by one and asked their names one by one. When he asked a scholar named Lin, he was obviously interested. He asked, "Why are you called Lin?" Lin replied that he was named Lin because his mother dreamed that a phoenix landed on a buttonwood when she gave birth to him. Hearing this, Ji Xiaolan repeatedly said, "That was close!" They didn't understand it, so they asked why. He solemnly explained, "If your mother dreams that a chicken landed on a banana, that's a bad name!" " Everyone burst into laughter. According to him, Lin should be called Linjiba.

four

Ji Xiaolan was most spoofed when he was studying politics in Fujian (a little older than the current Education Department). On one occasion, Fujian literati and poets got together. Everyone praises Ji Xiaolan because he is famous all over the world. Suddenly, a scribe asked, saying that Master Ji was brilliant and had no secret. When this statement came out, it was unanimously echoed by everyone, scrambling to ask him not to hide and tell the secret. Ji Xiaolan said, "What's my secret?" Just eat more bitterness and read more books. "Someone immediately said, we have read enough bitter books, why didn't you make great achievements? There must be a secret! Master Ji, don't hide it! He pretended to refuse for a while, and then said, "In this case, I will write down my reading feelings." So he wrote two sentences with a stroke of a pen:

Sleeping in the thatched cottage, typing with the door closed, lying on the couch, making flutes and calligraphy symbols.

Two sentences vividly describe a poor student's hard work. He practices calligraphy quietly in the hut, reads books on the wooden bed and plays the flute to adjust his mood in his spare time. What an honor!

I heard that Ji Caizi really has the secret of reading, and everyone rushed to circulate it to each other. When it reached a local official surnamed Li, it said, "Li's adult, there are too many people. Don't pass it on, just read it." The official surnamed Li was honored to hear that Ji was so interested, so he cleared his throat and read it again. The words just fell and everyone burst into laughter. Li thought it was a good reading and read it aloud again. Only then did he realize that something was wrong. It turns out that he is from the south, and Mandarin is absolutely out of shape. As a result, the calligraphy symbol of "sleeping in the thatched cottage and playing the flute on the wood couch" came out of his mouth, but the result was "whoever fucked my ass, I told him to be comfortable." Look at Ji Xiaolan again. He is sitting there casually.