Funny sentences are my holidays (selected 3 1 sentence)

1, the fat sister paper spoiled her boyfriend: people accidentally fell, which hurts. Boyfriend: How? Play even if you fall!

2, lz female, unmarried! One day, I said to sharp mother: I don't want to get married! Sharp mother said: if you don't get married, how can I take out the money (gift money)? ~

3, the landlord forcibly sells auto insurance, and every time he compares with the generous and fine big brother of the customer, he must be cautious. In fact, he was shouting in his heart, damn it, what are you still thinking! Pick me!

Husband: daughter-in-law, buy a mink coat. Wife: Don't buy it. Husband: Daughter-in-law, you buy mink coats. Our house is not bad. Wife: No, there is nothing to feed.

The bus is crowded with people! I couldn't stand it anymore, so I shouted, squeeze again, and I'll squeeze my hand into someone else's bag! Many people keep their distance from me instantly, which is very comfortable.

6. Lao Shi's evaluation of my composition: Look at the list before graduation > The last sentence thinks that my composition can be compared with Zhuge Liang, but I am proud to read it.

7. One day, Xiao Ming's mother asked Xiao Ming how many girlfriends do you have? How many girlfriends are you going to marry? Xiao Ming gently replied: When I was a child.

8. Husband, do you love me? Love, how much love, how much love, how much love, how much love? Love, love, love. how much is it? In answering your question, you have cut an apple for you.

9. A student was late for class. Lao Shi: Why did you come so late? Student: I met a robber on the road! Lao Shi: My God, are you all right? Student: I'm fine, but he robbed me of my exercise book.

10, likes boys, but he doesn't like me. Send him a text message ~ ~ ~ Me: Do you want to get rich? Let me tell you a secret. He: Think about it! Don't tell me to sell kidneys. Me: If you marry me and treat me as a treasure, you will be rich! He: dizzy!

1 1. My husband is a huge fan and once went to dinner. There is a dish on the menu called "China Football", which he ordered. After serving, I took a look. Doudou tofu pig. It's delicious, but my husband doesn't look well.

12, the supermarket broadcast suddenly sounded: whose child is lost, the little boy in blue jacket and black pants, please go to the service area to recognize a woman next to him and say to her husband: Let's buy something to eat, someone is watching the child.

13, do you have such a friend who goes out to eat with him, sitting next to several beautiful girls, and then he starts to have attacks, which are manifested as: loud voice, dancing and spitting! What kind of disease is this? Like I don't know him!

14, in our department, I have always maintained the Guinness record of my own unit, that is, I came out to work for a month after graduation and fell out of love for thirteen times! So far, no one has broken it. Should I be proud or depressed?

15, I'm going on a business trip with my boss tomorrow. Let me go to the office to talk about preventive measures. When I use the computer to search for some preventive measures, Baidu will automatically jump out of a virgin chrysanthemum. Will I travel with my boss tomorrow?

16, when I was shopping with my friends, there was a myna hanging in front of a shop. My friend thought it couldn't talk. He said to it bored: hello, unexpectedly, this product directly replied to a friend: yo, sample, still talking nonsense. We are all very happy. The mainframe is too idle.

17, a woman wants to see the captain and asks the second lieutenant to inform her that the captain: Is it beautiful? Captain: Mei Mei. After the woman left, the captain said to Shao Wei, your aesthetic is really special. Captain: I thought it was your wife? The captain sighed: it's my wife!

18, Xiaoming cried and said to his mother, My little turtle is dead. Mom said: obviously I don't cry. Mom bought you toys and delicious food. Xiao Ming became sad and happy. At this time, my mother saw the little turtle move and said that the little turtle was not dead. Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, can I kill it?

19, one day, I skipped class and played games until 7 pm. I lingered at the door, trying to lie. Suddenly I heard someone talking to my parents, thinking: There are guests at home, so my parents won't ask about skipping classes, so they opened the door and entered the house. Actually, I was old and wet, and then my ass was swollen!

20. Once, my best friend and I went to KFC for dinner. I walked through two doors when I went in. My best friend grumbled that eating was too much trouble. After dinner, my best friend pulled me to the side door. I don't understand: why do you want to go here? My best friend said to avoid pushing the door once.

2 1, a few beggars chat. One said: the price of oil and rice has risen recently, and people in the city are worried. Another way of saying it is: We are better off, so we don't have to buy rice and oil to rent a house. At this time, a man quickly covered his mouth: keep your voice down. If they hear it, they all want to be beggars.

22. That day, I had a blind date with a woman. I think the other person is tall and bloated, which is not my ideal style. I have to pay to get up. Unexpectedly, the woman asked, what do you think of me? I mean, it's like early pregnancy. The woman said, mom, don't you like me being fat? I said, no, when you get pregnant.

23. I just entered the company as an intern. This is the background. Today, at the seminar on working time balance, I suddenly felt that I was back in the advanced mathematics class of the university. The teacher had a heated discussion with excellent students, and then came up with several solutions. I sat there. What is this TM? What is this TM?

24. I only bought three steamed buns in the morning; The boss said: the last one forgot to see you off, and then I went home to show my wife how I saved money. The next day, I found that my home was almost full of steamed bread. I saw my son say, Dad, I bought the same steamed bread as you. I went to the steamed bread shop and asked several steamed bread owners, saying, I bought it, but the boss didn't say a word, and all the remaining steamed bread was given to me.

Last night, the landlord came home from work by tram. A car has its high beam on from the opposite side. I can't see anything in the darkness before my eyes! I honked his horn and he ignored me! There happened to be an old lady in front. Fortunately, I braked in time, just in time! I'll go down and ask grandma if she has any questions. She said it's okay. I don't blame you. I can't see anything far away!

A young man was very stingy, so he came up with an idea. The first time I went to my girlfriend's house, the boy lamented: I bought you a watch, but I didn't expect it to be stolen on the bus! What a pity! The girlfriend said regretfully: Be careful in the future. The young man immediately replied: Yes! Thieves are hateful! Next time I won't take anything, I'll see what the thief is doing!

27. Funny refers to deliberately making some actions or saying some ridiculous remarks to achieve the purpose of being funny. Smiling is a part of human natural expression. It has no driving force of human subjective consciousness and belongs to spontaneous behavior; Interestingly, human beings actively seek happiness and pay more attention to exploring happiness from life and tranquility as a kind of relaxation and adjustment outside work. It is more energetic and creative than a smile.

28. Xiaoming and Xiaohong are chatting. Xiao Ming said: My aunt is old now. My mother said she was pregnant and it was a girl. Xiaohong said: My uncle's stomach is getting bigger now. So he is pregnant, too, but I don't know if he is pregnant with a girl or a girl. Xiao Ming: This also needs to be asked. My aunt is a woman, pregnant with a girl, and your uncle is a man, of course pregnant with a boy!

29. My best friend and I went to the hospital to visit her sister. Her sister just gave birth to a daughter yesterday. Her best friend, holding her baby, was so happy that she got carried away: haha, I am an aunt! Hi! Baby! I am your aunt! Your aunt! I am your aunt! After the whole ward was quiet for a few seconds, the goods reacted and muttered: Hey! I am especially an aunt.

Yesterday, my best friend and I went shopping and bought juice to drink. When I was waiting in line, an aunt cut in line and stood in front of me. I rolled up my sleeves and prepared to chat with my aunt. Suddenly, my best friend took my hand and whispered, Baby, calm down and don't quarrel with my aunt. Maybe which one is my future mother-in-law, even if it is not my mother-in-law, it may be a relative. Conservative, conservative, conservative, don't affect my marriage!

3 1, watching a group of idle people in the street, went in and saw that it was two old people playing chess, and some dogs were lying here. Just when everyone is depressed about what to do next. The drama appeared. A dog doesn't know if he is hungry or something. He stood up, walked to the chessboard and sniffed a partner. Give it a push. The action was done at once, just right. This is a good game of chess, and onlookers and players cheer. This is special, dog!