Lots and lots of jokes.

1, a priest is playing golf and a nun is watching. The first shot missed, and the priest scolded, "Damn, missed!" " Hit again, the priest scolded again: "TMD, missed again!" " The nun said, "God will punish you for swearing as a priest. "The words sound just fell and she heard a loud thunder chopping the nun to death. The priest wondered: Why am I the one who cursed? Why should I chop a nun to death? At this time, I only heard the voice of god from the sky: "TMD, I also missed!" " "

The head coaches of China, Japan and South Korea came to heaven together and asked God when their respective football teams would win the World Cup. God said: Korea needs 50 years. The Korean coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. God also said: Japan needs 100 years. The Japanese coach burst into tears: I won't see you again. China Coach quickly asked, What about us? God burst into tears: I'll never see it again. In the barber's shop, when the priest finished cutting his hair and paying the money, the barber said, "I won't accept your money, so I will serve God." The next morning, the barber saw a thank-you letter and some bibles at the door of the shop.

A few days later, a policeman had to pay for a haircut. The barber said, "I don't accept your money. I only serve our community."

The next morning, the barber saw another thank-you letter and some community service manuals at the door of the shop.

A few days later, a government official came to have a haircut and paid for it. The barber said to him, "I will serve the government if I don't accept your money." The next morning, the barber saw a row of government officials standing in front of the door. 6. One day, Clinton's wife, Chirac, was taken to see God. She found many watches hanging in God's living room, some walking fast and some walking slowly. So she asked God's servant, "Why does God collect so many watches? And these watches don't go so fast? "

The servant of God said, "These watches represent human life. Everyone in the world has a watch. If he has a lot of business, his watch will go fast, but if he has no business, his watch will go slow. "

Chirac looked around and said, "Why didn't I see my husband Clinton's watch?" The servant of God said, "Your husband's watch was taken to the office by God as an electric fan! 9. Little Peter proudly said to his friend, "My uncle is a priest, and everyone calls him a respected priest. "

Little Paul said, "My uncle is a bishop, and everyone who talks to him calls him your Excellency."

Rakus Jr. was unconvinced: "What's the big deal? My uncle weighs 150kg. "

When everyone saw him, they all shouted, "Oh! Oh, my God! " 1, mother told Pippi to get up: "Get up quickly! The rooster has crowed several times! " Pippi said, "What does cock crow have to do with me? I am not a hen! "

Dad told his daughter that she was often hungry when she was a child. After hearing this, the daughter had tears in her eyes and asked sympathetically, "Oh, Dad, did you come to our house because you didn't have food?"

Tong Tong asked his mother, "Why do you call Mr. Jiang your ancestor?" Mother said, "Because ancestors are the names of the dead." Tong Tong said: "Will those dead grandmothers be called' fresh milk'?"

4. Mom often says to Xiaomei, "You can't swing in a skirt, or the little boy will see the underwear inside!" One day, Xiaomei said happily to her mother, "Mom, I played on the swing with Xiaoming today, and I won!" " "Mother said angrily," didn't I tell you? Don't put on a skirt! " Xiaomei said proudly, "But I'm so smart! I took off my underwear so that he couldn't see my underwear! "

5. My daughter is curious about her navel and asks her father. Dad briefly talked about the reason why the umbilical cord connects the fetus and the mother. He said that after the baby left his mother, the doctor cut the umbilical cord and tied a knot, which later became the navel. The daughter said, why doesn't the doctor tie a bow?

6. One day, Xiaoming and his father went out to play. When it was time for dinner, his father took him to the door of a small restaurant. Xiaoming won't go in anyway. His father asked him why. Xiaoming pointed to the sign in front of the restaurant and said, "I don't want to eat urine fried rice." The original sign said "Fried light rice."

7. Father: Pierre, don't go to school today. Your mother gave birth to two little brothers for you last night. Just tell the teacher. Pierre: Dad, I only said that I gave birth to one. I want to save the other one for next week when I don't want to go to school.

8. Buck's father is sitting on a park bench to have a rest. A child stood by him for a long time and never left. Buck was very surprised and asked, "Angel, why do you always stand here?" The child said, "This stool has just been painted. I want to see what you look like when you stand up. "

9. One day after school, a little boy asked his mother, "Mom, where am I from?" Mother thinks this question is not easy to answer, but she should take this opportunity to educate her children, taking cats and dogs as examples, and seriously talk about the reproductive process. After listening to this, the son said doubtfully, "How did this happen? My deskmate said that he is from Shanxi! "

10, a classmate always uses other people's toilet paper when going to the toilet, and never buys it himself. Once, someone saw him holding paper and said angrily, "why do you always use other people's toilet paper?" Won't you buy it yourself? " He said, "Why are you so stingy? It's just a little toilet paper. I'll pay you back when I run out! "

Mom: Pierre, do you want some cookies? Pierre didn't respond. His mother asked, Pierre, do you want a biscuit? Pierre said, Yes, Mom. Mom said: Why should I ask you twice? Pierre: Because I want to eat two tablets.

12. In the year of graduation, I went out to play and asked my local classmates to book a hotel for me before I arrived at my destination. When we arrived, we called him and asked him which hotel he was. He said: Baixia Hotel. We asked again: Which one is white? He said: It is red, orange, yellow, green, blue and purple white.

13, the kitten goes to kindergarten. One day, the teacher asked: Who knows how many countries there are in the world? The kitten said: I know! The teacher said: Then tell me which countries there are. The kitten said: There are two countries, namely China and foreign countries!

14, the child eats at his aunt's house, and her aunt cooks fish for him. The child said while eating: this fish is really delicious. It would be better if it didn't have thorns!

15, Xiaoming went to grandma's birthday party. When it's time to eat birthday buns, Xiao Ming asks, "Why do we eat this kind of birthday buns like ass?" They listened to the face big change. Then Xiao Ming opened his handbag, looked at the bean paste inside and said, "Grandma, look! There is also shit in it! " Everyone fainted, vomited and vomited.