Seek short stories and jokes in Chinese and English

English joke (1) The teacher wrote a sentence on the blackboard: Time is money, please translate it. A student replied, "Tom is Mary." Xiaoming said to the teacher in English class: May I go to the toilet? The teacher said, go. Xiaoming sat down. After a while, Xiao Ming said to the teacher, May I go to the toilet? The teacher said, go. Xiaoming sat down again. The classmate next to me couldn't help asking: Didn't you tell the teacher to go to the toilet? Why not go? Xiao Ming said: You didn't hear the teacher say "Fuck you"! English joke (2) One day, Liu Hongtao met a foreign guest and said, I am Liu Hongtao, and the foreign guest said, I am TM or square seven! When Jiang Qing met with foreign guests, she asked the translator to translate strictly according to her meaning and not go out of shape. As soon as the foreign guests saw Jiang Qing, they immediately kowtowed to her and said, "Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." When translating, Jiang Qing was so angry that he had to be modest: "Where, where". The translator did not dare to neglect, and translated Jiang Qing's words into English: "Where? Where? " When the foreign guests were stunned, some people asked where to look good and simply kowtowed to the end: "Where, where." Translation: "You are beautiful everywhere." Jiang Qing is happy, but always polite: "Not necessarily, not necessarily." Don't look, don't look. English joke (4) It is said that on a certain day in a certain year, three archers got together and aimed at the apple on the servant's head ten feet away. The archer picked up his bow and whistled a long shot. The sharp arrow hit the apple. A proudly raised his chin, gave a thumbs-up and said, "I'm Hou Yi! Archer b shot the apple according to the script, and this time he shouted arrogantly, "I am Cupid!" "It's C's turn, and he also drew his bow and arrow! This result is exactly what the servant wants. It took him a long time to stammer out a sentence: "I ... I ... I ... am; Amplitude modulation ... unfortunately ... "English joke (5) People who study English hard will eventually achieve something. One day, I accidentally bumped into a foreigner in the street and said, I'm sorry. Foreigners should say, I'm sorry, too After listening, someone said, I'm sorry, three people. The foreigner was puzzled and asked, What are you sorry for? Some people have no choice but to say, I'm sorry. English joke (6) A passenger from Japan, on the way to the airport by taxi, saw a car passing by and said, "Oh, TOKOTA! Made in Japan! It's very fast! " Another car passed by and he said, "Oh, Nissan! Made in Japan! It's very fast! "The driver is a little unhappy and thinks he is too noisy! When the third car passed by, he was still saying, "Oh, Honda! Made in Japan! It's very fast! Later, when he arrived at the airport, the Japanese asked, "How much is it?" "The taxi driver said," 1000! The Japanese asked the driver in surprise, "Why is it so expensive?" The taxi driver replied, "Oh, the odometer! Made in Japan! It's very fast! English joke (7) The English teacher asked a student, "What do you mean by hello? "The student thought how are you, so he replied," How are you? ""The teacher was angry and asked another classmate, "How old are you? What do you mean? " The classmate thought for a moment and said, "Why is it always you? A man with good English went to the embassy and had to fill out a form, one of which was "Sex". The man thought for a long time and decided to write "once a week". The visa officer laughed after reading it and said, "This item should be filled in male or female." The man blushed at once, thought about it, and filled in "female". The official was stunned and said, "Shouldn't it be a man? "I am a normal man, so I have sex with women." English joke (9) An international student in America wants to take an international driver's license. Because I was so nervous during the exam, I saw the marking on the ground turn left. He asked uneasily, Turn left? The invigilator replied: Yes. So he turned right at once. I'm sorry he can only come next time. English joke (10) It is said that Clinton and the Pope died on the same day. God made a mistake and sent Clinton to heaven and the Pope to hell. After discovering the mistake, God immediately changed it back and they met on the road. Pope: Thank God, I can finally meet the Virgin Mary. Clinton (laughs): Sorry, it's too late. English joke (1 1) A: What's in your hand? B: Watch this. A: How do you spell it? B: t-h-a-t ~ English joke (12) Woman: Say "I love you", say it, come on! Say it! M: It is.