What's the funny joke? Never heard of it. Funny adoption.

My son eats irregularly, and my father wants to persuade him, so he asks, "It's not good to eat too much, and it's not good to not eat. Do you know the truth? "

"Yes," said the son, "if you eat too much, you will swell to death; I will starve to death if I don't eat. "

No skiing

One day, Tom and his father were eating ice cream in a cold drink shop.

Suddenly, my father stared at Tom's ice cream and said, "Tom, there are flies on your ice cream." Get rid of it quickly. "

Tom: "Dad, you always refuse to take me skiing. Don't you let it slip?"

If I knew this,

Mother is teaching her son to learn simple addition.

Mom: "How much is 3 plus 2?"

Son: "equal to 5."

Mom: "by the way, I will reward you with 5 chocolates."

Son: "If I had known this, I would have said it was equal to 10."

deaf

A couple passed a clothing store and stopped in front of the window.

The girl said, "Can you buy me a woolen coat from 200 yuan?"

The young man said, "What are you talking about? My left ear is not very good. "

The girl went to the boy's right and said, "Can you buy me a leather coat from 500 yuan?"

The young man said, "You'd better turn left."

give alms

A woman was walking alone in a dark street when suddenly a strange man jumped out and stood in front of her with a dagger. The woman was trembling with fear, but she listened to the man's speech politely: "Miss, can you give me some money?" Have pity on me, a poor man who has no job and is starving. You see, my only property is this dagger. "

talent

The marketing teacher told the students, "Putting money from other people's pockets into your own pockets is talent."

The student said below, "That's a thief."

The teacher quickly added: "What I said is to let others take out the money in their pockets willingly, and you don't break the law yourself."

The student seems to understand: "That's a beggar."

suggestion

A man and a woman were drinking in a bar, and the woman said ostentatiously, "Did you see the man sitting at the bar?" He has been drinking every day since I refused his proposal five years ago ... "

The man shook his head. "I really don't understand. Does he need to celebrate for so long?"

Call the police.

There is a young man by the roadside. He took a child and said eagerly, "Call the police, call the police, please call the police quickly!" " "

Old John was very curious after seeing it, so he couldn't help but go over and ask with concern, "Young man, do you need help?" Did you encounter any difficulties? "

The young man looked around and said shyly, "Oh, that's not true. It's just that I just graduated from the police academy today. I hope others will call me' police'! "

Blank message

One day, the bug chatted with his mother by SMS. While chatting, his mother sent a blank message. Bug thought it was strange, so he sent a short message asking her what it meant. Her mother replied, "That means I turned my eyes to you."

memory

A man with a bad memory went to see a doctor, and the doctor prescribed him a big bag of drugs to enhance his memory.

A few days later, he came back and said that his condition was not improving, and the doctor prescribed the same medicine for him.

After he left, the doctor said to the nurse, "He forgot to take this bag of medicine again. Put it away and sell it to him next time. "

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

Xiao Ming was lounging on the sofa watching TV when the telephone rang. That's Xiaoming's father.

"Xiao Ming, where is your mother?"

"She is mopping the floor."

"What?" Father said unhappily, "Didn't I tell you to help your mother do this kind of manual work?"

"I can't help," the son replied. "There is no extra mop."

"Isn't there another one at home?" Father said.

"But that mop has been used by my grandmother."

The will of the rich

The lawyer read the rich man's will: "My beloved wife Mary shared weal and woe with me, and I left her a house and two million dollars."

The lawyer continued reading: "My daughter Susie took care of me when I was sick and managed the company. I left her the company and $654.38 million. "

Finally, the lawyer read, "My nephew Danny hates me and quarrels with me, thinking that I would never mention him in my will. He was wrong. Hello, Dan. "

boundary

Xiao Li likes to eat buffet. One day, he asked a friend, "Do you know the highest level of eating buffet?"

The other person thought for a moment, shook his head and said, "I don't know."

Xiao Li proudly said, "Just help the wall go in and help the wall come out."

The friend asked doubtfully, "Why?"

Xiao Li said, "I was hungry when I went in, and I couldn't stand straight when I came out."

self-distrust

On the third day (1), the head teacher came to the classroom and said, "Boys and girls, we have to make up the exam tomorrow. Please be prepared. "

Hearing this, the students quieted down. At this time, I don't know who whispered below: "Teacher, don't touch it, we have no idea."

Familiar taste

A housewife felt very tired after a day's work. She took a sip of wine to relieve fatigue, and then went to put her little daughter to bed.

"Mom," the little girl said curiously, smelling the wine, "did you steal dad's perfume?"

Change the style of play

A young actress felt that she had too few roles in a TV series and could not help complaining to the director: "There is something wrong with my role!" " I didn't appear until the end of the play, walking silently across the stage with my suitcase in my hand. This scene is too few! "

Hearing this, the director said sincerely, "You are right. When performing tomorrow, let you carry two suitcases in your hand. "

Wife: "Look at you, there were so many wrinkles on your forehead when you were young."

Husband: "How many?"

Wife: "every time I wear a hat, it's like screwing a screw!" " "(Jiang)

sleep-talking

Director Roger said in a dream, "Dear, I love you so much, I really love you to death …" After these words, he suddenly woke up and saw his wife looking at him with jealous eyes. Roger immediately closed his eyes, turned over and said, "All right, that's it, let's shoot now!" "

(Hu Mingbao)

roast

On the road, a traffic policeman saw a couple driving while drinking and stopped them. But the couple are still drinking and don't look at others. The traffic police are so angry that they don't know what to say and stand there.

When the husband saw it, he quickly blamed his wife and said, "I only know that I drink it myself." The traffic police comrades stood for a long time and did not give a toast. "

(Luo) According to

I bought the wrong one this time.

The horse racing prize of 654.38+0 million yuan was won by an idiot. Everyone was puzzled and asked the idiot, "How did you get the horse racing lottery?"

Idiot said: "I dreamed of the number' 7' for three days in a row, 3×7=24, so I bought the No.24 horse racing lottery ticket and won it at once."

Everyone was shocked: "3×7=2 1, how can it be 24?"

Idiot also got a fright: "Really? I bought it wrong this time, and I will buy 2 1 next time. " (Jiang Ningxian)

Tie a bow

The seven-year-old daughter is curious about the navel and often asks her mother what the navel is for. The mother then explained in simple terms why the navel was connected with the fetus and the mother, saying that after the baby left the mother, the doctor cut the umbilical cord and tied a knot. After the umbilical cord falls off, the navel is formed. The daughter understood, but asked with some regret, "Why doesn't the doctor tie a bow?"

(Feng Ping)

Father's problem

A racing driver sped past the taxi on a motorcycle. The taxi driver saw a child sitting behind a motorcycle. The child has wobbled because the motorcycle is driving too fast.

Yes, the child fell out of the car soon, but the racer didn't know it at all.

The kind taxi driver stopped the car, carried the child to the car and decided to catch up with the racing family.

The taxi driver increased his horsepower and finally caught up with the drag racing family and stopped the motorcycle horizontally with his own car.

"You are really, how can have a father like you? I don't know if the child is lost! " The taxi driver complained.

The racer looked at the child and shouted, "Son, where is your mother?"

(fairy)

No eyes

Two cars collided on the highway.

The driver of a car got angry and got off the bus and cursed, "You don't have eyes!" "

The driver of B car is not to be outdone: "Who said that? I didn't hit you red-handed! "

(Chen Chuanyi)

Be on the edge/on the edge/on the edge of a cliff ―― be aware of the coming danger at the last minute.

Someone is performing hard kung fu, biting the reins of the horse with his teeth, which can drive the horse backward. The audience were all amazed. At this time, an old woman said, "At my age, I finally saw my teeth hanging!" "

(Zhang)

Unit mosquito

Manager Wang likes drinking very much, but he gets drunk every time he drinks it. That night, a worker heard a thunderous snoring in the small garden. Following the sound, he found Wang Jingli lying on the stone steps of the garden, fast asleep, with his arms open, and his stomach full of mosquitoes. Many mosquitoes that have sucked blood are drunk around Manager Wang, and half-drunk mosquitoes can hardly fly.

The worker quickly shouted, "Manager Wang, get up and sleep in the house. You are covered with mosquitoes!" " "Manager Wang said with a mouthful of alcohol:" Fat ... fat water doesn't flow outside, it's mosquitoes. Let them have two drinks! " "

(light rain)

celebrity

A girl became famous in the show business.

One day, in front of thousands of opera fans, she described alcoholism as violent wine, which made them dumbfounded. After her teacher knew it, she sighed and said, "I am the only one who knows this mistake." Now all China people know, which is very good. "

(Xiao Zhang)

High altitude shooting

A reporter went to shoot the fire scene, but because the smoke was too heavy to shoot, he applied to the editor-in-chief for aerial photography.

The editor-in-chief said, "Wait at the airport!"

When he arrived at the airport, he saw a helicopter about to take off, so he jumped on the helicopter and shouted, "Take off quickly!" " "

Soon they rose to the sky, when the pilot asked, "You must be the new instructor. I am the Jack who has learned it three times and can't land by himself. " (ten thousand yuan)

Don't wait for me

The family hired a new nanny. In the evening, the host said to the nanny, "Remember, my mother and I have breakfast at seven o'clock every morning, and you have to …" The nanny nodded and said, "Oh, I see, you can eat first, so don't wait for me. I will sleep until eight o'clock. " (Chapter I)

Snow plus frost-aggravation

My mean daughter fell in love with a disabled person. Father said earnestly, "Daughter, you'd better leave him."

The daughter looked at her father strangely: "What are you talking about?" ! Shouldn't disabled people have normal love? "

"I, that's not what I meant." Dad said, "I mean, he's pathetic enough, but you still have to marry him!" " "

(Chu Jin)

The moon is amazing.

One night, a five-year-old son suddenly said to his father, "Dad, the moon is amazing."

"What's the big deal?" Dad asked curiously.

"The moon is bolder than the sun."

Dad is even more strange: "Why?"

"The moon dares to come out to play at night!"

(Zhang)

doomsday

A primary school teacher in a school described the scene of "the end of the world": "At that time, there will be thunder and lightning, flames falling from the sky, seawater flooding, flooding, earth cracking and landslides."

Just as he was foaming at the mouth and his eyes were shining, a child asked, "Is there a holiday in that school?"

(Ningning)

Free response

Lao Zhang in the office is famous for his wit.

One day, Xiao Wang deliberately found a topic to spite him. Xiao Wang said, "Lao Zhang, do you know the worst thing in the world?" Lao Zhang said he didn't know, but Xiao Wang said, "It's just that one person died and the money hasn't been spent yet."

Everyone looked at Lao Zhang and thought he had nothing to say this time. Who knows that Lao Zhang was stunned and then said, "Xiao Wang, do you know what the worst thing in the world is?" Xiao Wang said he didn't know. Lao Zhang said, "It's just that a person has spent all his money and is not dead yet."

It's not very classic, but it's my pleasure to make you laugh. I hope you are happy every day!