Highly sensitive person

I am luckiest to read the book Highly Sensitive Power. Before, I only knew that I was introverted and inferior. I find it difficult to blend in with the crowd. I don't like going to KTV. When I hear loud music or loud noise, I feel uneasy and like to be alone.

I didn't know I was a highly sensitive person until I saw The Power of Highly Sensitive.

In the book The Power of Highly Sensitive, it is mentioned that in life, 15%-20% people are highly sensitive. Being highly sensitive is not a physical or psychological disease, but a temperament.

The author of this book is Kathleen Soost, who also suffers from high sensitivity. Later, she studied high sensitivity and gave full play to its advantages. She not only became an expert in highly sensitive research, but also founded the high sensitive person social networking platform, which can be said to be very powerful.

The book Highly Sensitive Power is divided into three parts. The first part analyzes the advantages and disadvantages of highly sensitive people. The second part analyzes how highly sensitive people behave in real life with real cases. The third part is about how highly sensitive people turn disadvantages into advantages and make life better.

If you are a highly sensitive person, after reading this book, you can understand your own characteristics, find your true inner needs, and no longer be bothered by sensitivity. If you are not a highly sensitive person, you can also find ways to get along with highly sensitive people and better establish interpersonal relationships. Next, we will interpret the advantages and disadvantages of high sensitivity from four aspects, the impact on life, and how to grasp the benefits brought by sensitivity.

1. Are you a highly sensitive person?

Dr Elaine n Allen, a pioneer in the field of highly sensitive research in the United States, found that highly sensitive people are born with a special nervous system. This kind of nervous system will make people have a deeper ability to perceive and deal with internal and external stimuli than others.

This explains why highly sensitive people are afraid of itching and pain, and it is difficult to adapt in a noisy environment.

So, is being highly sensitive a psychological problem? Are women more sensitive than men? In fact, being highly sensitive is not a psychological problem or a disease, but a trait, which is hereditary and changeable. It's not what we thought. Women are more sensitive than men, and so is gender distribution.

In real life, people who are highly sensitive often arouse others' antipathy. Because she is sensitive and suspicious, she is very demanding of her friends. They were very nervous when they heard that there was going to be a party. They always lack interest in small talk, and an inappropriate sentence will haunt them for a long time ... their behavior is either arrogant or difficult to understand. Even if you just smell a special smell, you will yell.

Highly sensitive people do have some shortcomings, such as self-doubt, vulnerability, fear and guilt.

The most famous height sensitive person is the famous French novelist marcel proust, who wrote the novel "Memories of Time Past". Even in middle age, he can still remember the smell of a cake when he was a child and the moldy smell in the stairwell. Even if his mother forgets to say good night to him one day, he can dream for a long time and stay up all night.

The director of Swiss Institute of High Sensitivity found that high sensitive person has three obvious signs: a narrow and comfortable area; It is easy to overreact after being stimulated; It takes a long time to calm down after receiving stimulation and information.

This reminds me of myself, sitting on the subway, very quiet. Suddenly, I was interrupted by a loud phone call, and I felt extremely bored. My heart seems to be filled with too many troubles, and irritability attacks my heart in an instant. Even if it is a beautiful day, I will be lost because strangers talk on the phone like no one's watching. Even before, I was reading quietly, but he interrupted me, and I never got back to my state.

Similarly, if I make a little mistake in my work, I will be criticized by the leader. This matter will stay in my heart for a long time. Even if you don't think about it deliberately, it will emerge from time to time. For a long time, you can't face your leaders and colleagues normally. Fear of making mistakes again, fear of being fired, fear that colleagues feel incompetent ... they often put all kinds of responsibilities on themselves and put more pressure on themselves.

Seeing this, do you think sensitive people are difficult to serve? In fact, all this is because Gao sensitive person's neural perception system is different. When millions of pieces of information flood into the brain, a small amount of information enters the consciousness, most information enters the subconscious, and some information enters the relay station, which will be processed if necessary. Because sensitive person's height exceeds ordinary people's feelings, the transfer station is easily filled and an alarm is issued. This will bring pressure to sensitive people, make them psychologically fragile and even have self-doubt. Excessive sensitivity can also cause anxiety and give people too much burden. In this way, sensitive people seem to be deeply troubled by the nervous perception system. So, the special neural perception system is useless?

Second, instead of obsessing about blx, we should see its advantages.

Everything has two sides and is highly sensitive. Because they are more sensitive than others, highly sensitive people will observe nuances that others can't perceive, and they will be more empathetic and considerate. In this way, he is superior in emotional ability, cognitive ability and sensory acuity.

1.*** Emotional ability is a weapon to expand social interaction.

* * * Emotional ability is a manifestation of high emotional intelligence, that is, being able to put yourself in others' shoes and understand and appreciate their feelings. That's why when I see other people's sadness and pain, I also cry with them. In fact, this is not to say that I am melodramatic or emotionally fragile, but that I put myself in others' shoes in time and observed others' feelings.

Zhang Xiaolong, senior vice president of Tencent, is a master of emotional ability. In the eight years since the birth of WeChat, every time I open WeChat, there is a person facing the earth. Even when everyone is keen to put advertisements on the homepage, WeChat has always kept its own interface. For WeChat, whose monthly activity exceeds 65.438 billion+0 billion, how much advertising fee has it lost?

I never understood why WeChat did this before. Is it because I am rich and willful?

It wasn't until I saw Zhang Xiaolong's speech on WeChat Night on 20 19 that I realized that Zhang Xiaolong was on the customer's side, so he didn't put an advertisement on the WeChat homepage. Zhang Xiaolong said: "Users spend more than half an hour on WeChat every day, and some people even spend more than two hours. Maybe for your family, you don't have that long communication time. It's your best friend. I don't want to see that when users talk to good friends, they must first tear off the advertisements on their faces. "

It is Zhang Xiaolong's emotional ability that makes WeChat better and better.

* * * Emotional ability enables sensitive people to think from the perspective of others, to narrow the distance with others, to touch the inner softness of others, and to establish a better relationship with others. * * * Emotional ability has also become the ability of highly sensitive people to expand interpersonal relationships.

2. Cognitive ability widens the gap between people.

In the knowledge talk show "Luo Ji Thinking", there is a story about a middle-aged woman who works in a restaurant but lives in a hotel. Almost all her salary is used to pay the house fee, and sometimes she can't eat. Someone was curious and asked her why she didn't rent a cheaper house. Renting a house is much cheaper than staying in a hotel, and you can save money to do what you want. Who knows that the woman said, "Don't you know that you have to pay three for renting a house?"

Different cognitive abilities make middle-aged women work constantly to pay high room rates. I don't know if she ever thought about it. Even so, she is in a precarious state. What should she do if she is ill?

Cheetah CEO Fu Sheng put it very well: the essence of cognition is decision-making.

10 years ago, a friend borrowed 40,000 yuan for a down payment and bought a house. I was laughed at by another friend for years. At that time, he had 200 thousand in his hand, and a little more would be enough to buy a house, but he felt that the house was enough to live in. It is safest to deposit money in the bank.

A few years later, my friend's small house was replaced by a big house, and one set was replaced by two sets. With only a house, he has enough to eat and drink. Another friend who doesn't buy a house has long been unable to keep up with the price increase of the house. Now the money in hand is still only enough to pay the down payment.

The difference in cognition leads to the difference between the two friends. Cognitive ability is like our own operating system. A person with win 10 will always run faster and get more living space than a person with win7.

3. Sensory acuity is both a disadvantage and an advantage.

Highly sensitive people have keen senses and developed sense of touch, and even subtle tastes can be smelled.

Just like a child mentioned in the news report before, he smelled gas and told his mother. Mother sniffed hard, but there was no smell. However, the child insisted that it was the smell of gas. Later, when my mother went to the kitchen, the porridge in the pot overflowed and put out the gas stove, resulting in gas leakage. The child belongs to a highly sensitive person. It is also thanks to his keen sense that the disaster is invisible.

And our love-hate sister Lin is also a highly sensitive member. It is precisely because of Lin Daiyu's extraordinary keen sense that she can feel strong sadness in the falling flowers and dancing. Coupled with her rich and peculiar associations, she also uses flowers to compare people. When Jia Jia flourished, she saw the desolation in decline, as well as her anxiety and confusion on the edge of life and death, and created a sad "Burying Flowers". At the same time, it is also that keen feeling, which makes her feel that flowers are alive and can't be trampled by dirty people or fall into the sewer to get dirty, so they are collected, put into bags and buried in the soil.

Highly sensitive people are afraid of itching, pain and all kinds of noise, so I don't like going to KTV very much. Others go to KTV to relax. My going to KTV is a kind of physical and mental torture. I dare not watch horror movies, even listening to a horror story told by others will make me afraid for a long time. However, it is precisely because of their keen senses that highly sensitive people unexpectedly gain the resolution and appreciation of graphics, and so on. They are very suitable for sommeliers, writers, painters, designers and other occupations.

Third, stop internal friction and make life more meaningful.

Highly sensitive people have strong emotional ability, and it is easy to put others in front of themselves and take responsibility. Moderate emotional ability can close the relationship with others, while excessive emotional ability will accumulate too much pressure for yourself, leading to anxiety and depression. This requires sensitive people to give full play to their advantages, abandon those trivial details, stop internal friction and make themselves positive.

So how do you give full play to your advantages and discard unimportant details? Three strategies are shared in the book:

1. Give up perfectionism

Highly sensitive people think carefully and always demand perfection in everything they do. Once things don't go as expected, or there is a little mistake, sensitive people will amplify the consequences of the mistake, produce psychological burden, produce self-doubt, and make negative comments on themselves. Under pressure, anxiety and depression will follow. This puts you in a vicious circle.

As a matter of fact, to err is human. Even Albert Hubbard, a famous American writer, once said, "The biggest mistake a person can make is fear of making mistakes."

There is nothing wrong with pursuing Excellence, but excessive pursuit has become your own burden. We have been making mistakes all our lives and correcting them, so we should learn to allow ourselves to make mistakes, not as an opportunity to condemn them, but as a positive motivation. Even if you only get 80 points, you should applaud yourself in the process. In this way, there will be less negative emotions and more motivation to do things.

2. Cultivate your own insensitivity.

"Passivity" was put forward by Junichi Watanabe, a famous Japanese writer. He believes that modern people are often hurt if they are too sensitive, and passivity is our means and wisdom to win a better life.

He also put forward five iron laws of callousness: quickly forget unpleasant things; Set goals and continue to challenge even if you fail; Face the gossip calmly; Always be grateful for jealousy and irony; In the face of praise, don't push your luck and get carried away.

A passive person is not numb to everything, but turns negative emotions into a driving force for progress. Don't dwell on other people's comments, dare to face rejection and criticism, don't waste energy on trivial matters, recognize the differences in the world, face your own goals and try to get close.

As Junichi Watanabe said, "It is better to keep keen sensitivity than to be discouraged by most things. This plain and tenacious will is the strength of modern survival and a kind of wisdom. "

3. Find your original appearance.

Sensitive people think too much about other people's feelings and often put other people's needs before themselves, which will lead to their own needs not being met. In the long run, he will feel dissatisfied and even stressed. At the same time, I care too much about other people's comments and often blame myself for a long time.

In fact, everyone is willing to be himself and express their true feelings.

Just like PAPI sauce, in the ranking of life, put yourself first, followed by others.

Stick to yourself and don't live in the expectation and judgment of others. Try to live in the present, not be disturbed by irrelevant factors, pay attention to your real inner needs, don't force yourself to adapt to the environment, learn to say "no", find your real goal and be brave in making progress. In this way, on the road of life, you will gain different scenery.

Blx？ Is love true? Melodramatic? Don't be afraid of being thin-skinned, you have to thank these advantages.

Fourth, find a sense of superiority in life.

In the eyes of others, Lin Daiyu is stingy, narrow-minded and calculating, and most of them are unwilling to make friends with her. In fact, Lin Daiyu herself is also helpful. She taught Xiangling to write poetry and treated Zijuan like a sister. Rewarding subordinates is also generous. Jiahui brought tea, and she grabbed two handfuls of money. A woman who sent bird's nest also gave several hundred dollars. Because she is sensitive, she is often unkind and critical of others. In addition, it is easy to amplify others' comments on her. In the Grand View Garden, Lin Daiyu's popularity is far behind that of Xue Baochai.

Even so, many people admire Lin Daiyu's talent. This is because highly sensitive people have rich imagination and rich inner world, which is reflected externally. They can easily express themselves in artistic creation and find their sense of superiority. Lin Daiyu's poems are well written, thanks to her sensitivity. She is always more sensitive to external stimuli than others, and with rich imagination, her poems are more eye-catching.

Lin, known as the "God of Ci Music", is a highly sensitive person. My father has severe mania and bipolar disorder, and he has a bad temper. When I was a child, when Lin took a bath for a little longer, his father would swear at me. Growing up in such an environment, Lin became sensitive and anxious, just like a panicked wild cat. It's just that Lin gave full play to his emotional ability. He tries to understand other people's feelings and pains, so the words he fills in always make people sing * * *. Lin devoted all his emotions and time to his creation, leaving him no time to entangle those imperfections, but to make his career glow.

If Lin Daiyu were alive now, she would definitely become a famous poet and be worshipped by countless fans.

Understanding high sensitivity can make us realize that we are no different from ordinary people. Give full play to its advantages, resist those shortcomings, accept ourselves more, and set new goals on the road of life, and we will certainly reap different light.