Collect jokes

Eat meat poor, eat shrimp rich, princes will eat tortoise;

Men want to be tall, women want to be thin, and dogs wear clothes to show meat;

I used to give my first child to my husband, but now I give my first child to my husband.

Chickens crow in the country in the morning and in the city at night;

Actors in the old society do not sell themselves, while actors in the new society do not sell themselves.

A farmer was arrested for whoring and wrote a profound review: "The main thing is to relax his study, confuse himself with party member cadres, completely forget that he is a mass, and think that he can do whatever he wants like a leader."

The mother camel and the giraffe are blind date, and the giraffe is shy after meeting. Female camel: Are you introverted? Giraffe: No, I didn't expect you to be so open. By the way, don't you usually wear underwear?

Sorry, I spelled Miss kiss and accidentally kissed you. I'm really sorry. I, the son of a good family, an orthodox teenager, has always maintained a high-spirited attitude with wide eyes, and people have given him the evaluation of "aloof and arrogant". Today, it's hard for me to keep my passion in my heart. I have been lighting candles at night to pay for mosquitoes and flies. I have tried my best to write this love letter to you. Well, it's all your fault.

On behalf of the royal family of the Qing Dynasty, I wish you a smooth study, good health, good conduct, bright future, excellent grades, both ability and political integrity, cheerful mood, and all publicity in the final stage of this semester!

Dude, you've been doing well recently! Last time the municipal party committee heard that you attended, the mayor personally met with you. He came up to you affectionately, patted you on the shoulder with a smile, and politely said, you, get out!

Now my heart is full of depression and despair, which makes me lose the meaning of living. I really want to die! Only you can help me ... cuff it! Just going to the toilet, ten dollars fell into the toilet. Can you help me pick it up?

A pupil confessed to his teacher who had a crush on him for a long time. The teacher said it was wrong, but he wouldn't listen. Finally, the teacher couldn't stand it anymore and said, "I don't want children!" " "The pupil said," Teacher, I will be very careful? "

What is expensive? The mountain is blue, the moon is bright, people are right, love is true, and I am precious to you!

Today, I am speechless. How can I love someone? I don't want to use self-harm to win your care and love; I don't want to use violence to get your temporary submission; I don't want to deceive your pure heart with sweet words; I just want you to know that I really love you!

I wish you: the banquet is open every day, and you can look forward to the promise when you make money. Love is like the Great Sage of Love, righteousness is like Huo Yuanjia, and body is as strong as King Kong. Everything is beyond myth.

Others have a big bouquet of roses for you, but I am short of money and only have one cactus. I hold it and summon up courage to say three words to you: "sit down!" " "

There is a girl who works in an IT company. One morning, the weather was so fine that the IT girl was so absorbed in her work that she didn't even notice that her skirt was caught in a drawer. When she stood up, her skirt hissed and was torn. Colleagues have all heard about fame, and IT girls quickly picked up an IT magazine around them to cover it. Unexpectedly, my colleagues burst into laughter. It turns out that the cover of the magazine is an online game advertisement: "Super capacity, which can accommodate100000 users at the same time". IT girl picked up another magazine. Colleagues laughed again. The cover of this magazine is anti-virus software: "Beware of viruses". IT girls are going to faint. She fainted when she picked up the third magazine. The third magazine is a hardware magazine, and the cover is a U disk advertisement: "Plug and Play". In a daze, I still remember to protect the key parts, so I pulled the fourth magazine to cover it. When I woke up, I saw a shopping guide magazine that said, "30% off!" " Faint again.