On Lies

Early in the morning, an entrepreneur friend of mine sent me this passage: "What's good? Plato said: behavior itself is good, and usually it can bring good results. What is a lie? It can be understood that the behavior itself is bad and usually brings bad results. "

Then he added, "I used to hate being lied to, but I don't know how much of it was kindness."

This caused me to think deeply.

Because what he really wants to express is that not all lies are bad.

Lying is not a good thing, and few people are willing to lie on their own initiative. Some lies may be due to the self-protection of the interviewee; And some lies may be because the interviewee wants to protect others. In the final analysis, we should judge a person according to the motives of liars, not the lies themselves.

I think deeply because people like me are actually worse than people like him, because the attitude towards lies is the same.

I used to like asking questions, but I still don't understand what's wrong with asking questions. When he finds out that others are lying to him, he will hate each other directly.

And I'm different. I think there must be something hidden in what others do. What is this? My focus will naturally shift from the lie itself to the underlying logic behind it. I'm going to ask that man. As long as this person gives me a satisfactory answer, I can let bygones be bygones.

2.

It was not until some time ago that a friend inexplicably accused me on WeChat and deleted my friends that I deeply realized why there was something wrong with asking.

She is a colleague of my first company since I came to Shenzhen. To tell the truth, I don't know her very well. I just tell a few jokes occasionally. Although I was old, I worked in several companies later. However, my feelings for her are still simply as we first met-a colleague of a company and a graduate.

From her point of view, she is angry with me because she thinks we are good friends, but I regard her as a tool. And every time she asks me a question, I don't want to answer it directly.

I patiently watched her long and smelly scolding, not angry. On the contrary, I think it is very interesting, which is a good thing for me-if there is something, I will change it, and if there is nothing, I will encourage it. After all, I haven't made up my mind to change for a long time, and no one is so angry with me directly. But unexpectedly, when I decided to explain to her, she directly deleted my friends angrily.

Between the lines, she used the words "I was careless with her" to describe my kind words to her, not lies, which chilled me.

This surprised me. I'm curious how a person can impose on others if he really regards another person as a good friend, why he doesn't listen to the explanation, and finally he will have such extreme behavior. What's more, with our relationship, what I did to her was far from cheating!

After careful analysis, I found my biggest "three sins" in her eyes:

First of all, she thinks we are good friends.

As an adult, I have my own set of criteria for judging my friends. It's natural for me to form relationships and keep boundaries. I can't have crossed the line with her. I don't know why she has such an illusion and imposed it on me.

I have never regarded her as my good friend, and our friendship is not within the scope of good friends. Is it a good friend to just say a few words on WeChat for a year or so?

Young people nowadays, I don't understand.

Second, she thinks I use her as a tool.

The adult world is more about tolerance and understanding. In this society, even ordinary friends, everyone can still say a few words. It's all too small. It's easy. If you think it's ok, help if you are busy. Others can find you because they trust and recognize you. It's not your fault if you don't help.

For example, I also get invitations from time to time to praise a web page for others. Or help those friends who want to seek some comfort from me with kind words and listening. The act of helping others is also in line with the psychology that human beings are needed. No one wants to do something effortless and maintain their relationship occasionally.

In her case, she became a tool person. Maybe her words were so violent that I was shocked when I saw her original words. Because it has been several years since we first met, I asked her for no more than five small things to help. Similarly, I will help her do some small things that I don't think will help.

Third, she feels that every time she asks me a question, I don't want to answer it directly.

Every time she asks me a question, it's already my privacy. Even people close to me, I have to think twice. If I am willing to tell others, it may be because I trust this person. It's also my right not to tell anyone. For example, my salary, my specific relationship with others and so on.

Besides, I didn't tell her my salary directly, because I'm just an ordinary worker and my salary is not high. But compared with traditional industries, my salary is indeed higher than her, and I don't want to hit her.

Because I can understand that in the eyes of migrant workers, others are thousands more than themselves, and they will be unwilling to do so more or less until the wages of others are beyond their ability. As the saying goes, "be better than others, and others will envy you;" Beyond others, others will envy you. "

She asked me why I care so much about someone, and my answer was curiosity. She felt that I was "careless" with her, and she was angry. A complicated person, even if I tell her the truth, she won't believe me.

I don't know what a person has gone through, from simple ignorance to so complicated, and guess what others think at will. I think she will never guess, because my starting point is very simple and pure, and I have already told her.

Although her behavior is not only rude and unreasonable, but also strange, I am not angry, because these are all places I should reflect on.

Maybe from your point of view, you feel that others have cheated you. But before you know each other and their real motives, you judge that others are lying to you. Grasping this person's behavior and asking others' privacy is tantamount to picking out crimes in the eyes of the other party. It's obvious that he crossed the line. It doesn't make sense. This curious victim mentality made him become an offender unconsciously.

As everyone knows, this is what makes people like me more hateful.

Because what is a satisfactory answer? Maybe not at all.

3.

There may be many types of lies, but there are only two motives: one is kindness, out of protection for yourself or others. This is because the swindler temporarily lacks security and trust in this matter or the people involved in it. So I had to lie to explain the truth gently. One is malicious. Liars themselves want to achieve a certain goal by deceiving others, so they take the initiative to cover up their true intentions with lies.

We also have many ways to respond to lies. Taking a hateful attitude or asking questions is just one or two ways to respond, and it doesn't apply to every lie.

It's really not advisable to simply take a hateful attitude towards anything that happens to us. But in study or in some aspects, we can still keep a curious attitude. Because it is used in different aspects, it shows different qualities. Such as the spirit of learning and exploring. Journalists need this spirit of not being afraid of power and being brave in asking questions to help victims get justice.

Write it at the end.

Some time ago, I was reading Seven Habits of Efficient People by Stephen Covey. In this book, Mr. Stephen Covey mentioned that one day he was walking among the bookshelves of university books, and a special book aroused his interest, and a passage in it completely changed the rest of his life.

I was shocked to see that sentence. Chew repeatedly and savor.

Now I want to send this sentence to every reader who sees this article:

"There is a distance between stimulation and reaction. The key to growth and happiness lies in how we use this distance."