Summer must be a cold joke.

1. On blind date, the woman asked: Where do you live after marriage? A: 1 Start living with grandma, dad and stepmother, and then ask: Do you have a house? A: There are ... old houses from the last century, but I asked again: Is there a BMW shuttle bus for marriage? A: No, is a carriage all right? Fuck you, I'd rather cry in a BMW than laugh in a carriage! Prince William burst into tears. ...

A good man was asked by a sister to repair his computer, but the broken computer could not be repaired. At this time, the sister squatted on the back of the good man and said, "This is very difficult to repair. Why don't we do something else, or it will be boring. " Good people feel that their technical strength has been greatly challenged and insulted, and their eyes firmly say, "You are questioning my technology, and I will be able to fix it!" "

3. I know many friends in the entertainment circle, and I will go to their filming scene when I have time. Not long ago, I went to a studio, and the director was talking to the extras: There is a kissing scene behind, will you play it? The extra actors are very happy: acting. The director turned back: Tian Gong, bring the dog here!

4. When a person plays the piano for others, everyone can't understand. One day he met a woman who cried when she heard the piano. The pianist happily asked her why she was crying. She said that she thought of her dead husband. Piano player: Does your husband play the piano, too? The woman replied: My husband plays cotton ... 5. Father: Son, go and buy a bottle of wine. No matter how much the boss wants, kill him at half price. Son: I see! Son: How much is a bottle of wine? Boss: 80! The son thought for a moment: No, 40. Boss: 60. Son: No, 30. Boss: 40 then. Son: No, 20! Boss: 30 is always ok! The son thought for a moment: no! 15! The boss said angrily, I will give it to you for nothing! The son thought again and said, no, you have to give me two bottles.

6. At 3: 30 noon, when the sun was shining, the supervisor ordered: chop! Suddenly, the condemned man burst out laughing, and the supervisor asked, Why are you laughing? The condemned man hesitated for a moment and said, The expert is right. Laughing every day can prolong life for 5 seconds!

7. A coach pointed to the goal net and said to the goalkeeper, "Have you seen this net? The price is not cheap. If the ball is broken, it will be deducted from the salary. "

8. A man walked into a restaurant, took off his coat and hung it on the hook, leaving a note saying, "The owner of the clothes has learned Shaolin Boxing, and no one in this city can beat him." Another person in the restaurant saw it, added a line at the back of the paper, then picked up his coat and left. When the owner of the clothes came out after dinner, he saw that the clothes were gone. Only the note said, "The man in the coat has practiced scud, and no one in this city can catch up with him."

9. A playboy said to a beautiful girl who had dinner with him, "Would you like to have breakfast with me tomorrow?" She replied, "Of course." . Playboy said, "shall I call you or pat you with my hand?"

10. Put the notebook on the table first, and then put your chin on the notebook. Well, this is my gift to you-a notebook to pad your brain!

1 1. A rich man took his dog to travel abroad. In a small town, his dog suddenly disappeared. He rushed to a local newspaper and asked for a dog-seeking notice, saying that whoever found a dog for him would be rewarded with 1 10,000 dollars. The rich man waited until the evening before the newspaper was published. When he went to the newspaper office, there was only an old man guarding the door. The rich man asked, "Is there no newspaper today?" "Yes, sir." "Why?" "They all went out to look for dogs."

12. Four people were playing mahjong when they caught fire. They didn't notice. The fireman arrived and shouted inside, How many people are there? At this time, I just played cards alone: 40,000! The fireman asked again: How many people died? At this time, another person played cards: 20 thousand! The fireman was startled and asked quickly, where are the others? First there was a loud noise, and then there was a scream: burnt.

13. Mother snail crawled on the road with her baby snail on her back and finally reached her destination, but the bus that started with them was late. The little snail was very surprised and asked, "Mom, why is the car not as fast as ours?" Mother snail replied, "son, we don't have the trouble of traffic jam."

14. Collectors, businessmen and thieves went to see the merciful God, and God decided to meet their demands: "What do you want?" The collector said, "I want the world famous paintings! Picasso, Van Gogh. . . "God said," Well, you will get it! " What about you? "The businessman said," money! Dollars, marks, francs and pounds. . . God said, "well, you will get it." . "What about you, son?" The thief said, "I want the addresses of those two people."

15. The duck said to the old lover Chicken Girl, "Didn't you say you would stay with me forever? Why do you want to marry a dog again? " Chicken girl bowed her head and said, "I didn't even agree to his proposal with roses." I don't know who took a handful of rice from the ground! " When I pecked rice, the guy told me that I had nodded so many times that I had promised him to marry me. I ... I regret it too late. "

16. Single woman, in poor health, often catching a cold, likes to watch some bitter movies. After reading it, she sighed and wept alone, which was very depressing. Later, someone advised me to strengthen physical exercise and watch comedies and jokes. When you are in a good mood and your body is better, you will naturally not catch a cold. One night, as soon as she fell asleep, she heard a sigh coming from the living room ... "Alas, there has been a lack of cigarettes recently ..." The drawer in the living room sighed.

17. The unit leader is a little old, but he knows nothing about computers. One day, he came back from training in other places and asked Xiao Wang to apply for an email address. After a while, he asked if the application was done. Xiao Wang agreed, and he immediately said: Then copy my email with a USB flash drive and install it on my computer.

18. It didn't rain in the village for more than a month, so the chicken and its good friend mushroom went to pray for rain. Zhang Cun looked at the chicken and finally said, "Although this chicken came the latest, it is the most confident. Only it came with an umbrella!" !

19. A nearsighted man was walking in the street when a strong wind blew away a black hat he was wearing. He caught up with him immediately. At this moment, a woman shouted to him, "Hello, sir, what are you doing?" "I'm chasing my hat," he panted. "You are chasing my black hen."

20. A penguin went to steal something and was found and surrounded by the police. Penguin picked up a yellow round shield and walked in front of the police aboveboard. As a result, a bunch of policemen swarmed on him, caught the penguin and beat him. The penguin cried innocently, "Why can you see me? Am I not invisible? "