Jokes about sports

A matador was drinking in the country. His friends advised him not to drink too much, but to show his bluff, he staggered until he couldn't control himself. Then he took a shortcut to the stadium, where a bull was already lying. The matador immediately put down his horn and fought fiercely with him. At last, the bull escaped. Later, the matador said to his friends, "I really drank a little too much just now, otherwise I had to drag the boy off the bike."

Not drowned

A swimming team returned from an international competition. At the airport, the coach said in an interview with reporters: "Yes, although our team didn't get a medal. But it should also be noted that no one in our team was drowned in the game. "

Silk noodles de socks

One morning, A got up and found no socks. Just say to B, "You help me with those socks!"

B: "Eh, why are there three socks?" Thinking about your own ideas.

A: "It's not easy, two main players and one substitute!"

alpine skiing

Ski teacher: From now on, I will hand in your ski lessons. Alpine skiing is divided into three steps First, you should learn to ski. The second step is to learn to slide down from a height. The third and most important step, you must learn to walk with crutches first! ! ! ! ! !

Kissing? Hold on.

Jordan hasn't been in good shape recently, and he can't catch the ball steadily. When we practiced passing and catching the ball, I passed him a good ball. I was afraid he wouldn't be able to hold on, so I shouted, "Hold on!" As a result, the ball hit him on the head and he said to me, "With whom?"

Insomnia boxer

A boxer who often loses sleep found a doctor.

Athlete: I often suffer from insomnia. what can I do?

Doctor: Let me tell you a folk prescription. Just count it before going to bed, from 1 to 100.

Athlete: I tried this method, but every time I count to 9, I jump out of bed.

The contribution of football

The reporter asked Bader, the football coach of the University of Oklahoma, what contribution does football make to physical exercise?

"Absolutely not." Bud answered immediately.

"Absolutely not?" The reporter asked in surprise: "Why?"

"22 people who need to rest are running hard on the field, and 40 thousand people who need to exercise are sitting there watching."

Cann't be a father

At the World Fencing Exhibition Conference, the third-ranked swordsman was the first to appear.

The staff released a fly, and the swordsman quickly waved his hand and split the fly in half, and the audience applauded.

Then the second swordsman divided the fly into four parts.

At this time, the audience was silent, and people were waiting for the greatest swordsman in the world to perform.

I saw him carrying a sword up the wind, and the blade of the sword cut straight at the fly, but the fly did not move.

The greatest swordsman missed the target at all, and the audience was shocked, but the swordsman was still smiling.

Someone shouted, "What are you proud of? You missed! "

The swordsman replied, "Look carefully, the fly is still alive, but it can never be its father."

China is amazing.

After visiting China, an American friend said to the translator, "Your China is wonderful, especially in writing and language. For example, "China defeated the United States" means that China won; And' China trounced the United States', and China won. In short, victory will always belong to you. "

hope

The football match is about to start. A reporter from a newspaper came to a player who was preparing for the game and asked him to tell the enthusiastic fans about his hopes for the game.

The player thought for a moment and said, "When I take the ball over the opposing defender and rush to the goal area to prepare for shooting, I hope the opposing goalkeeper will suddenly cramp and fall to the ground."

National football advertisement

It is said that after a national football team lost, "Viagra" found a member of the national team to advertise. The plot is: a national team player holds a football in his left hand, and his right hand points to the screen and says, "Who can not shoot for more than 90 minutes, I can!" " "

A condom manufacturer was deeply inspired by the advertisement of Viagra, so he found a group of players from this national team and made an advertisement. Pictured: All the players bombarded the goal with slogans: "No matter how hard you shoot, you can't shoot!" ! ! "

Contraceptive manufacturers also want a lift after reading it, but their own medicines are also for women. what can I do? ! However, after analysis, it is difficult to beat them. After three days and nights of thinking, I finally found a way: let a referee who plays a black whistle in A put on black, make a gesture after blowing the whistle and proudly say, "No matter how many goals are scored, it doesn't count!"

Referee China

God decided to hold a football match with Satan. God said to Satan, "I will win because I have the best players in the world."

Satan replied, "Don't be too happy. I asked China to be the referee. "

World Cup

The head coaches of soccer teams from Japan, South Korea and China went to see God, and the Japanese team asked when they would win the World Cup.

God said that thirty years later, the Japanese head coach cried and said that he couldn't wait. South Korea asked when it would win the World Cup.

God said it would take 50 years, and the South Korean head coach cried and said he couldn't wait. When will China win the World Cup?

God wanted to cry and said, "I can't wait."

out of luck

France was eliminated in the 2002 World Cup group match. A foreign reporter asked French superstar Zidane: "France didn't score a goal in the group stage. What do you think? " Zidane said: "This is mainly because we are unlucky not to be in the same group as China." Reporter: "..."

Police and fans

A fan couldn't get a ticket, so he had to climb to the telephone pole outside the stadium to watch the football match.

I watched it for a while and saw a policeman coming this way. He was just about to come down when the policeman waved his hand and asked, "Did you score?"

"One to zero, we are in the lead. The fans answered.

"Well, you can see there. Be careful not to fall. " The policeman walked away happily.

At the end of the game, the policeman came up and asked, "What's the score?"

"One to two, the visiting team won ..."

Before the fans finished, the police opened their eyes wide and shouted, "Do you still have a mind to watch? Come down quickly. "

Seeing this, the fans hurried down. Just halfway up, I heard cheers, thunder and gongs and drums coming and going in the stadium. The policeman said, "Come on, go up and see who scored again?"

Coincidence of the champion

1978: Juventus won the Serie A championship, Inter Milan won the Italian Cup, Liverpool won the European Champions Cup, Charles got married and the Pope died.

2005: Juventus won the Serie A championship, Inter Milan won the Italian Cup, Liverpool won the European Champions Cup, Charles remarried and the Pope died.

The secret of growing taller

A reporter interviewed basketball star Bater: "Mr. Bater, do you have any secrets to grow taller?"

Bater said, "Mr reporter, you'd better ask Yao Ming. He is taller than me. "

Predict the game

During the game, two fans' traffic police were sent to the intersection for duty.

Ten minutes later, a glass flew out of the upstairs window opposite. A traffic policeman said, "Our team scored!" "

Ten minutes later, traffic policeman A said, "We scored another goal!" B the traffic police found another piece of glass flying out of the upstairs window opposite.

Twenty minutes later, a TV set flew out of the upstairs window opposite. B traffic police asked: "What's the matter?" A traffic policeman said gloomily, "The other side scored!"

Donkey of Qian Xin

There are no donkeys in the World Cup, but there are elk, which are carried on board. Finally, they were useless and released to Gwangju. When Costa Rica saw it, it was a big country and thought it was a god. Hou Xun can get a glimpse of it. Come closer and talk about it. On the day of the race, the donkey attacked. My brother was so scared that he retreated to the backcourt, thinking that he had been eaten, and he was very scared. However, if you look at it from time to time, if you think you have the ability, you will learn its voice. I dare not fight before and after I go out again. I got a little closer and broke through from the side. The donkey won't get angry, but it can walk. Costa Rica is very satisfied with this plan: "Technology ends here." So he attacked on a large scale, broke into the house, got two eggs and left.

Who is more important?

The coach angrily scolded the athlete: "You threw the javelin at the audience and stuck it on an audience, even the spear head was bent!" " "He shouted," do you know how much it costs to match a javelin head? "

Teacher Han's best explanation

"No.7 player Sharp points the ball at No.9 player, who is also called Sharp. They may be brothers. There are many brothers who are active in football, such as Delporte in Holland and Keane in Ireland. Good shot, this ball is passed to 10, very good. Hey, 10 is also called Sharp. It may be that foreign players only have their last names printed on their jerseys. These players are all surnamed Sharp, just like many players in Korea are surnamed Park. Beautiful, 10 connected two players and scored a goal, 1 1 went to congratulate, 1 1 was-sharp? (Pause for a long time) Sorry for the audience, Sharp is the name of the sponsor printed on the jersey.

retaliate

In Madrid, a bullfight has just ended. In this game, a famous matador was seriously injured. Shortly after he was taken to the hospital, people saw him coming out of the hospital, covered in bandages.

"I must take revenge!" The matador shouted at many admirers gathered in front of the hospital.

Then he started walking along the street, and people followed him closely, wondering what he was going to do.

The matador walked into a pub, sat down at a table and said to the waiter, "Give me two roast beef, the more burnt the better."

Stand in the wrong place

An athlete was practicing archery and accidentally hurt a bystander. The athlete rushed to apologize.

The bystander said, "It's not your fault, but I stood in the wrong place. If I stand in front of the arrow target, won't I get hurt? "

Swimming on an empty stomach

"Why do you always go swimming on an empty stomach?"

"This one won't sink, it's buoyant."

Make it difficult

"I have watched many football games and I know football like the back of my hand."

"Are you? Then tell me, how many holes are there in the football net? "

Football fields and cemeteries

After a Brazilian farmer bought a piece of land near a city, he immediately drove a tractor to farm and dug a front tooth from the ground with a plow bowl.

"Bad luck." He murmured a word and went on plowing. 100 meters later, he dug out another tooth.

"It's just inexplicable." The farmer said to himself that he was still plowing forward. After about 30 steps, the plow dug another tooth out of the soil.

"There must be something wrong with this." He cried and turned the tractor around and drove home.

That night, he wrote a letter to the original owner of the land: "Is the land I bought before a cemetery? I beg you to give me my money back. I don't like ghost domain. "

Two days later, a telegram came: "Don't be angry, this used to be a football field."

Just look at our team.

A Scotsman came to the ticket office of the football field. He took out 50p and bought a ticket.

"It's 50 pence short, sir." The conductor said.

"But I only watch our Scottish team. As for the other team, I don't watch it at all. Do I have to pay? "

be injured

"You know what? My husband was injured in the football match. "

"But no one has ever seen him play."

"yes. He broke his vocal cords in last week's competition. "

Don't throw bottles.

Before the football match, the person in charge of maintaining public order in the stadium said to the audience, "Ladies and gentlemen, please don't throw bottles at the referee, because all bottles can be refunded."

Take a penalty first

A football match lasted 120 minutes. It's time to decide the outcome with a penalty. Neither side scored the first two goals.

An audience member said: "I am too tired to play and my feet are not allowed."

Another spectator interjected, "Then why not take a penalty before the game?"

Punish fans

Rolando Bausch, a 27-year-old football fan in a certain city, was taken out of the stadium on the spot to be tried by the court because he rushed to the stadium while watching the game between the city football team and another football team and injured a visiting team member's nose.

In the dock, Bowie said, "I didn't see clearly whether I hit the ball or the head." When I saw that the team in this city seemed to lose, I almost became a red-eyed cow ... "

The city court sentenced Bao not to watch the football match for life. Since then, the Bao family has got an extra broken TV set every month.