My Autobiography: The Dragon-Slaying Boy Will Be Backlashed Eventually

One morning in 1994, a new life was born in a small town in the south. That was the starting point of my life. As the Three-Character Sutra says: Human beings are originally good by nature...but later on when the young man slayed the dragon, he was eventually backlashed. Is human nature inherently evil, or are desires and temptations causing us to deviate from our original intentions?

My memory of my hometown stays in my childhood when I was six years old. At that time, the sky was very blue, the water was very clear, and the fish and shrimps in the small town stream could be faintly seen, the innocent friends in the town, and the kind old man, Harmonious neighborly relations, as well as vegetables in the fields and the tree full of mulberries. Later, I left this place and went to the city, permanently leaving this small place that was unforgettable and the happiest place for me.

I remember the day we left the town, my grandparents packed their luggage, locked the wooden door of the tile-roofed house, walked through the small stone road in the town, and rushed to the township trail. We were going to the county seat, and we took the bus to the city. bus. When I left that time, I had a vague feeling that I might never come back to my hometown. I felt a little longing and a little reluctant to leave. Every few steps I took, I looked back until I got on the township minibus and could no longer see my hometown.

When I arrived in the city, I was excited by the new things I saw: high-rise buildings, cars, snacks I had never eaten before, vending machines, shopping malls, video games, fried chicken burgers... ...Yes, these are things I have never seen before. The city is so nice and a paradise for children.

Later I went to primary school in this southern city. I still remember that on the first day of school, the teacher asked the students to go to the podium and introduce themselves. Other students may have lived in the city from the beginning, and they have become accustomed to everything in the city. They are well-informed and will introduce their dreams and hobbies. But when it was my turn to walk to the podium, I didn’t know my dreams and interests, and they still vaguely existed in my hometown town. So when I talked about my hobbies, I shyly said: I love learning. You can imagine the reaction of the city students sitting here

I am a newcomer from a small town and have few friends. It is difficult to integrate into the topics and games of my classmates, but I have a good attitude and am really focused. I want to study hard, listen to the teacher, and become a so-called good student. Maybe it was because he didn’t have many friends, or maybe he was focused on studying, which proved the allusion of “unintentional planting of willows creates shade”. His grades in all subjects were among the best, and he was deeply loved and recognized by his teachers and classmates.

The improvement in my grades allowed me to integrate well into the new environment. I was recognized and praised. I had more and more friends and more and more attention from teachers. I asked myself, I didn’t understand it at that time. What is pride or arrogance? I just think that if I study hard, my grades will be good. This kind of time lasted until the fourth grade. I remember that after a mid-term exam, the teacher walked into the class as usual and read out the results very excitedly. He was told that I was very lucky to get the first place in the grade. This is something I never thought about. Things happen, but surprises are always unexpected. The applause and envious looks from all the classmates really made me very excited. One can imagine how much love and kindness I received from my teachers and classmates in my future life. But in the process of my recollection, it may be that this honor started my life path of pride and complacency.

When I felt the convenience and pleasure that my grades brought to me, I always maintained an attitude of studying hard. At the same time, I also began to actively participate in various extracurricular activities in classes and schools, and achieved good results. Achievements and received many awards. I don’t know whether it’s because people need to grow up or because I have actually practiced the saying “where there are people, there are rivers and lakes” in elementary school. Among all kinds of honors and attention, in addition to the teacher’s love, many students actively wanted to Became my friend, so I became the so-called "King of Children".

If admiration for the opposite sex is an adult matter, I might not agree with it. Maybe it was the convenience brought by honor and attention. When I was in the fifth or sixth grade of elementary school, many girls liked me, but at that time, people didn't understand adult feelings, they just loved me. There will be many girls surrounding me, and there will also be jealousy and attacks from other boys, but I enjoy the feeling of being appreciated and liked, and the pleasure of being jealous but having nothing to do with me. Later, a girl appeared who made me fall in love for the first time. She was the monitor of our class. In addition to her good grades, she was also a girl who was considered very good-looking in terms of aesthetics as a primary school student at that time.

"If you remember, there will be repercussions." In the sixth grade, perhaps because the teacher used to arrange for students with good grades to be classmates, it was obvious that we became deskmates, starting a classic example of achievement and admiration in the class. The booing from the classmates finally attracted the attention of the head teacher, who called both parents to the school to discuss the topic of "puppy love". In those days, early love was not allowed, and admiration was not allowed, so we were separated and we were no longer in the same class. table. But it did not affect our personal relationship until we graduated from elementary school. Looking back now, perhaps each of us’ initial love happens to be the purest and most beautiful memory in our lives.

In the blink of an eye, I entered junior high school. Because my grades in primary school were always among the best, and I received various awards for extracurricular activities, I successfully entered a key middle school in this city. A new environment and a new starting point are bound to bring new challenges and setbacks. I am used to being surrounded by the halo in elementary school. What challenges and changes will I encounter in junior high school?

Key middle schools, as the name suggests, are all top students from various elementary schools. This also brought about the second major change in my life. In the first monthly exam, I ranked in the bottom ten of my grade in terms of comprehensive scores. Faced with the teacher’s criticism and disappointment, I felt aggrieved and cried. I was used to the halo of primary school, but when I was disappointed with my grades and teachers, I was very depressed and even doubted my life. But at that time, although I was frustrated and aggrieved, I was full of hope. I felt that as long as I worked hard, I would definitely make progress, regain the recognition of my teachers and classmates, and do myself justice and prove that I was not bad.

After the first monthly exam in junior high school, I started crazily taking extra classes. Throughout the three years of junior high school, I never had a holiday entertainment life. I was obsessed with improving my grades, getting recognition and proving myself. Fortunately, from the first to the second year of junior high school, after two years of persistence and hard work, the results have been qualitatively improved. Although it is not among the best, it has also moved from the bottom ten of the grade to the upper middle level. There are also some subjects that are at the top of the class. Ranking in the top five, this progress has once again been appreciated and affirmed by the teacher. He is often regarded as an exemplary progressive student and is widely mentioned in parent meetings.

The good times did not last long. Under this long-term high-pressure study and losing my extracurricular life, I finally collapsed one night in the third grade of junior high school. That night I accidentally discovered that I had a nervous headache whenever I read a book. Without any common sense, I thought it was just an occasional discomfort caused by fatigue. This lack of attention caused me to suffer from depression and depression for ten years.

In that era, "depression" was not well understood by society. Very few people had basic common sense about this mental cold. I myself was also afraid of being known by my family, classmates, and teachers, so I became increasingly depressed and depressed. , reached the extreme. This caused my grades, learning ability, and ability to withstand stress to plummet in the third year of junior high, and at one point reached the point where I suffered a very nervous breakdown, which is what is now called social phobia or panic disorder. This year was the year I struggled with depression. Every day I felt very depressed, fearful, nervous, and depressed. At the same time, I was still studying under high pressure to prepare for the high school entrance examination. At one time, I thought about ending this painful life countless times. That is suicidal tendencies. Maybe it’s because of my persistent personality, maybe it’s my estimation of my parents’ feelings, maybe it’s because I’m still full of hope for the future, or maybe it’s because of other sustenance. I finished my junior high school career in a super uncomfortable state, and my grades exceeded the key line for that year. A few dozen minutes later, I was successfully admitted to a key high school.

With the end of the high school entrance examination, it was also the starting point of my life’s official downward spiral. I remember that after the high school entrance examination, after long-term mental torture and high-pressure study, I finally collapsed. I could find that I could not express myself clearly, paused in speaking, was in a trance, was extremely negative, suffered from drowsiness, headaches and other physical and mental problems. But even so, I still dare not tell anyone that I may have serious mental problems, including my family. I just had the last obsession, thinking that things would get better after the three-month summer vacation. It was just because I was tired in the past few years and needed a good rest. But in the end, my hope did not hold up, and the vicious cycle continued.

In the blink of an eye, the three-month summer vacation ended, and I entered my senior year of high school, starting a new journey with fear and depression. I don’t know what I will face, but I know that my mental state may not be able to face it. Finally, this prediction was verified. In terms of psychological state, it was a state of nervousness, fear, negativity, depression, unstoppable thoughts, inability to concentrate, cold sweats, and severe insomnia. In terms of grades, I ranked in the bottom ten in the overall grade for the entire first year of high school, which made me, who was severely depressed, feel even more inferior and blame myself.

In terms of my relationship with classmates, although I was friendly, I was in a state of social anxiety and panic. I couldn't communicate with others freely most of the time, and I felt very inferior because of my psychological problems and poor grades. In the end, I could no longer hold on. I wanted to end my life countless times due to pain, depression, and panic. At the same time, I also realized the fact that I was deeply depressed and decided to boldly tell my parents and teachers to seek help. Later, I went to a mental hospital. The doctor diagnosed me with severe depression and I received three weeks of inpatient treatment. At the same time, because of this situation, I had to give up continuing my high school education, or taking the college entrance examination. At first, I couldn't accept this fact. I felt that my life was hopeless, and I wanted to end my life again.

After receiving treatment and returning home from the hospital, my condition did not change significantly and I fell into depression for a while. So my parents decided to send me to study abroad, hoping that I would change in a new environment or a relatively relaxed environment. Since then, I have left high school education. In the next one or two years, I will mainly study English and prepare for the TOEFL exam. This also gives me more time to travel or participate in outdoor activities. This change in lifestyle has really allowed me to My depression has eased, and life seems to be gradually heading in a good direction, which once again makes me full of hope for the future, and makes my family less worried.

After nearly two years of English learning and TOEFL preparation, I was finally admitted to a foreign university. The new environment, new life journey and new lifestyle gave me a lot of encouragement. Hope you can give me a chance to be reborn. But this seemed like a bright turning point, but at the same time it also planted a major crisis in my later life, which has affected me to this day.

When I first went to Country M, the novelty and an unfettered environment kept me excited for a long time. My attention and eyeballs gradually dispersed into the colorful world, and my original serious mental state gradually improved. Great improvement, everything looks so beautiful, and the future of life is promising. But this kind of free and unfettered days, which seemed to be about to be reborn, did not last long, causing me to fall from one extreme to another.

The first two years of college were almost smooth. I broadened my horizons, made many friends, and fell in love. My life was rich and colorful, my spirit was relaxed a lot, my mentality was getting better and better, and I was worry-free. Being carefree but also having sustenance. The good times did not last long, because emotional setbacks once again traumatized me in the process of self-healing, and I began to become quiet and self-isolated. I became accustomed to being alone, as if I had entered a kind of unity between nature and man, or in other words The state of nothingness between man and nature. Even so, it did not let me return to the very bad state of the past. After a period of adjustment, the impact of emotional setbacks on my subsequent life gradually dissipated. I fell in love with traveling and food, being friendly with people, listening to different life experiences, and at the same time not shy about sharing my experiences or insights. This state lasted until my junior year, and it has also been my passion over the past few years. The most beautiful stage.

The sky is unpredictable, and people are prone to misfortune and good fortune. In this beautiful, free, self-sufficient state of life, I seem to have begun to forget my past bad experiences, or to deliberately get rid of the bad memories of the past, and indulge in this happy and free life, or to say... A kind of rebellion against my depressive state in the past few years, I started to let myself go to make up for the sins I suffered in the past. In this state, the first is self-indulgence, the second is not seeing the crisis or being vigilant in good times, and at the same time meeting a fellow alumnus with whom I have a good relationship. These three factors once again made me go to the other extreme.

With this classmate who is also from China, we first realized that the early stage was very positive. They have many similar good hobbies, they are also very active and love life, and they are full of hope for the future. From the beginning, we talked about philosophy, life, and the future, to discussing what kind of life we ??should pursue when we first enter society after graduation, and how to practice our ideals. Including holidays, we often made appointments to travel together to explore this unknown world and understand different humanities. Later, we decided to try to start a business and gain different experiences. At first, the two had the same views and were positive. They went to many places together and did many meaningful things together, but what followed was an even greater collapse.

In my senior year, when everything we did went smoothly, ambitions or ambitions also followed. Because there were no setbacks in the process, I sang in harmony. Motivating each other and encouraging each other, confidence or self-confidence has reached an unprecedented high point. And this self-confidence later turned into serious arrogance, and disaster followed. Because our first business venture went relatively smoothly, and we also made our first pot of gold in life. We have unprecedented confidence and want to have greater challenges, or make more money, in order to verify our financial independence or A practice of self-worth opens up the challenge of the financial game. This challenge also verifies the saying "When you stare into the abyss, the abyss also stares into you."

Because we both majored in finance and hoped to make achievements in the financial field after graduation, we discussed putting the first pot of gold earned from starting a business into the futures market to achieve greater success. wealth value. The initial mentality was rational, and there was a bottom line for the amount of funds invested. There were certain standards for profit and loss, such as how much loss we had to exit the market, and how much profit we had to exit the market. With this rational mentality, we made almost 40 times the profit for the first time in the futures market. The reward, and this rapid reward, also opens up the greed of human nature or a kind of self-expansion, and the final outcome is self-evident.

After successfully earning a 40-fold return in the futures market, we, who were young and frivolous, increasingly felt that making money might be an easy thing, and firmly believed that we could quickly obtain so-called profits through the futures market. of wealth and freedom. People are young and courageous. After tasting the sweetness of this kind of quick money, their desires begin to be unintentionally opened up and they invest more and more money, but in the end they end up with a total loss. Not willing to admit defeat, or in other words, extremely convinced that as long as you keep investing, you will have a chance to get your money back. This is where the gambling mentality begins, leading to a vicious cycle for many years to come.

After graduation, we each went to different first-tier cities and successfully entered leading companies in the financial field. This was another starting point and hope in life, but it ended again in the trap of being addicted to futures in the last year of college. I was used to fast in and fast out. After entering the society and entering the workplace, I felt that it took a long time to make money through work, or that it was too slow to get paid through labor. Even if we did not live in the same city, we entered the futures market again and had no intention of working. , fell into a vicious gambler's mentality, so that later we both left the company.

In the same year that I left the company, Bitcoin began to gain craziness in the country. More and more people speculated in the currency. The leverage of the currency circle platform was as high as 125 times. This kind of stimulation was far greater than that of futures. And this classmate and I coincidentally asked for a generous amount of start-up capital from my family on the grounds that we needed funds to start a business. Before we could start a business, we plunged into the currency circle and developed the mentality of getting rich overnight. We kept track of the market almost all night long. I have forgotten what life is, what my original intention is, and what my ideal is. What is left is the vicious cycle of gambler mentality. I always feel that I am the lucky one who got rich overnight, and I am unswerving for this.

As soon as I entered the currency circle, I was as deep as the sea. I played in the currency circle intermittently for two years. I made profits and losses in the middle, but the end result was a complete loss. Under the stimulation of fast in and fast out, two years passed in the blink of an eye. In the end, this classmate of mine was unable to repay millions of dollars in foreign debt due to huge losses and high borrowings. His mentality collapsed, he was listless and even in a trance. His family found out and he was sent to the hospital for withdrawal treatment. And after I witnessed his experience, I finally realized that we had wasted our good years, and that our original intentions, our ideals, and our future prospects had all become a joke. And I myself had finally come out of a deep depression, and fell into a gambler's mentality again. It was so inappropriate.

The boy who slayed the dragon will eventually be attacked. It proves the saying "When you stare into the abyss, the abyss also stares into you." I have experienced a lot along the way, including setbacks, good times, confusion, deviations, positivity, and decadence...Thousands of words may not be able to describe everything I have experienced. But fortunately, we all woke up in the end. My classmates returned to the workplace after withdrawal treatment, and I also woke up from my dream, paying for the youthful frivolity of the past, and for the fearlessness and invisibility of the past. Crisis pays the bills, no matter what, life still has to look to the future and be positive. No matter what we have experienced, as long as we have hope, determination, and perseverance, we will eventually have a better life than the past. come on!