Valentine's Day gift jokes

1. Chinese Valentine's Day is approaching, and my husband affectionately asked his wife, "Honey, what can I give you on July 7?" My wife said shyly, I like whatever you give me! My husband said lovingly, then I will take you back to your parents’ home!

2. Thoughts on Valentine’s Day: Youth is like playing mahjong, setting off cannons and touching yourself. How many otakus and rotten girls have exhausted all their traps just to enjoy the moment of being overthrown

3. Valentine’s Day is here. My brother asked his sister what kind of flowers she likes and gave them to you. The younger sister replied shyly: "I like two kinds of flowers." The elder brother asked eagerly: "Which two kinds? I will give them to you." The younger sister lowered her head and whispered: "If you have money, spend it as you like." The older brother said stupidly: "You So beautiful." My sister asked charmingly: "How am I beautiful?" My brother said affectionately: "I think so." 4. I haven't passed Level 4 or Level 6! Celebrate your sister’s Chinese Valentine’s Day! Summer vacation is almost over! Celebrate your sister’s Chinese Valentine’s Day! Liu Xiang even fell down! Celebrate your sister’s Chinese Valentine’s Day! My belly is about to become a life preserver! Celebrate your sister’s Chinese Valentine’s Day! The issue of Diaoyu Mountain has not yet been resolved. It’s your sister’s Chinese Valentine’s Day. The motherland has not yet been reunified. It’s your sister’s Chinese Valentine’s Day!

5. Chinese Valentine's Day, Ziwei: "Erkang, today is Valentine's Day, please sing a song for me." "Okay. Love really needs Yongqi..." "You are MB."

6. If someone gives me a gift today, it would be Valentine’s Day. No one gave me gifts, so I just celebrated it as the Lantern Festival. If you don’t eat Yuanxiao, just celebrate it as Friday.

7. On Valentine's Day, a friend sent a message from his long-time crush: "Come to my house, there is no one!" The friend ran away excitedly! After knocking on the door for more than an hour, I found out: There is really no one at MM’s house...

8. Man: "Is the chocolate I sent delicious?" Woman: "It's very delicious, my boyfriend I like it very much.

9. Confess your love on March 14th! Confess your love on May 20th! Your sister’s Chinese Valentine’s Day! I want to confess my love to my aunt!

10. What gifts are you planning to give to your girlfriend for Valentine’s Day? I bought a 1T mobile hard drive to buy a bigger house for my girlfriend. /p>

11. What’s the most depressing thing about Chinese Valentine’s Day? It’s when Cowherd and Weaver Girl meet once a year. Among the curses related to the Chinese Valentine's Day, this is the most vicious: Curse the Weaver Girl to come to her aunt on Chinese Valentine's Day!

13. One day, the four masters and disciples of Tang Monk came to Pansi Cave and saw seven beauties in the pool. Taking a shower, Bajie was so greedy that he drooled: "Seven fairies. Tang Monk just glanced at it and immediately clasped his hands together: "Monster." "? Wukong said: "I admire them, these seven people are monsters, but if the master doesn't have piercing eyes, how can he know that they are not seven fairies? Tang Monk smiled and said, "One of the seven fairies is married to Dong Yong. How can there be seven people taking a bath?" ”

14. My room is filled with Valentine’s Day gifts. I am not rich, handsome, but a lazy courier.

15. Emergency notice: According to 2.14.net Surveys in 100 cities across the country show that millions of wives have recently hired private detectives to turn Valentine's Day into a man-hunting day!

16. The day before Valentine's Day, I bought 1,000 flowers! I gave the roses to my girlfriend, who was so moved that she shed tears as if they were worthless; on Valentine's Day, I sold 1,000 roses and made 1,000 yuan, which I then saved for my wedding.

17. On Chinese Valentine's Day, Yishengnv posted on Weibo: I have been a Qitian Dasheng for more than 20 years and I have never met a master. Please take her away. Then a friend replied on the bottom: You are not the material for sperm extraction... …

18. On the early morning of the eighth day of July, the magpie saw a crow. The crow saw the magpie’s haggard face and asked, “Why are you so tired? "The magpie sighed: "Build a bridge." The crow was very puzzled: "But why do you look so tired this year? "The magpie sighed again: "The bridge is shaking."

19. Last year on Chinese Valentine's Day, four bachelors had hot pot together. I vowed that I would leave you next year, but I did it, and now I'm the only bachelor left... a cup of tea.

20. In the evening, I should be able to scroll through WeChat at home and find various beauties to comfort them. That's right, don't ask me who I am, please call me Lei Feng!

21. On Chinese Valentine’s Day, she updated her status: I received hundreds of bouquets of flowers today, so happy. Looking at the envious and complimentary comments from her friends, she suddenly felt that being a company receptionist would be quite good.

22. Reasons for falling out of love: Ordinary young people: Because of personality disharmony; Artistic young people: Because what I said is too profound and my girlfriend doesn’t understand it, no matter how I say it; 2B young people: Because my husband doesn’t agree.

23. The Cowherd handed the Weaver Girl a cup of fragrant drink, and the Weaver Girl took a sip: "It's a little bitter, but also a little sweet, fragrant and rich. What is this?" The Cowherd smiled: "This is the taste of longing. What you drink is the ashes on the Magpie Bridge, which are made from my endless longing for you. I named him, Magpie Bridge Ka Ash."

24. A: What are you playing at? ? B: Watch it again and again. A: Those are all for little girls to play, but you, a grown man, do this? B: Isn't today Valentine's Day? As a single person, I hate these one-on-one couples the most. I want to get rid of them all.

25. On Chinese Valentine’s Day, when I was going to work in the morning, a courier suddenly came in to deliver flowers, and the recipient was one of our male colleagues! We were all speculating whether he was gay or if a girl was chasing after him. We saw him holding the flowers and being confused for a while, then suddenly he patted his head and said, "Damn, the recipient and sender filled out the wrong words!"

26. A police officer was driving on patrol at night before Valentine's Day and found a car parked on a remote road. There was a man and a woman in the car. The man was reading a newspaper and the woman was knitting a sweater. The policeman was very surprised. He opened the car door and asked the man: What are you doing? Man's answer: I was reading the newspaper and she was knitting. The police asked: How old are you? The man answered: I am 18. Then he looked at his watch and said: She will be 18 in 10 minutes.

27. Two lovers are chatting. The woman asked: Dear, people say that women in love will become stupid. Do you think I am stupid? Affectionate man: Silly, you are so stupid, how could I think you are stupid?

28. Question: What should I do if I don’t have a lover on Valentine’s Day? God’s reply: If no one is killed at home during Qingming Festival, do we still have to kill a few?

29. Today is Chinese Valentine’s Day. Do you know what painful things are? It's the holidays and you haven't prepared any gifts. What's even more painful is that the gifts have been prepared and there is no lover to celebrate the holiday with. The most painful thing is that I prepared a gift, but before I could give it to my lover, my wife discovered it... The most painful thing is that I prepared a gift and took it home to give to my wife, only to find that my wife went to celebrate the Chinese Valentine's Day with someone else. .

30. Valentine’s Day is here, and my wife said: “Husband, let’s get couple tattoos”! The husband said: "What kind of tattoo do you want?" The wife said: "Just get one tattoo: Wife, I love you, and I will never change my heart in my life. I will always be good to you and buy you delicious food. If I change my heart, I will cut off my hand." My feet will be buried in cow dung and I will never be reincarnated!" Husband: "I'll die if I get rid of it." Wife: "I'll just get one tattoo."

31. Oh! My dear, let me tell you that on the Chinese Valentine's Day a thousand years ago, I didn't go home. If you think I was fooling around, leave me alone because there were no text messages at that time. So I have to inform you after a thousand years that I will go buy flowers.

32. If you need light bulbs during Valentine’s Day, please contact me. We are located in a beautiful suburb, covering an area of ??70 kilograms. We are a leading high-tech enterprise, executive director of the China Lighting Association, and one of the largest manufacturers of energy-saving lighting products in the country. Our leading products are energy-saving lamps and low-frequency induction lamps, and our products are best-selling at home and abroad.

33. A: After being single for so many years, I finally want to have a meaningful Valentine’s Day. B: Ah, I have a partner. Didn’t I hear you say that? A: No, I mean I can eat Yuanxiao with my family at home.

34. On Valentine’s Day, my wife called her husband, who is a programmer: “I bought a pound of steamed buns to bring back after get off work. If you see a watermelon seller, buy one.

That night, the programmer husband came into the house with a bun in his hand... The wife said angrily: "Why did you just buy a bun?" ! The husband replied: "Because I saw a watermelon seller." ”

35. Chinese Valentine’s Day is coming soon. I asked a girl I liked to go out and ride the Ferris wheel together. After several appointments, I finally agreed. I waited for her at the entrance of the park, and the person who sent her there was a handsome guy. She introduced to me that he was her boyfriend. Boyfriend...

　36. I was wandering on the street on Valentine's Day when a little flower seller came over and said, "Uncle, buy a bouquet of flowers for your girlfriend." Bar. "I said: "Uncle doesn't have a girlfriend yet. The little Loli flashed her big eyes and said, "Liar, how come you don't have a girlfriend when you are so handsome!" I smiled and teased her and said, "Since my uncle is so handsome, give me a bouquet of flowers for free." The little Loli waved her hands quickly: "No, these flowers cost money!" "I said: "The same goes for my girlfriend. ”

37. There are more holidays and more greetings, but my blessings are not less; there are more friends and more social activities, but my thoughts are not diminished; there are more phone calls and more business, but my messages are not less. It will be less. 520 is coming, and my blessings are here as promised: I wish you a happy breakup

38. Someone wants to go out with PLMM on Valentine's Day. A: Have you eaten? Passed. A: It’s so early. Can I chat with you for a while? B: I’m going to have dinner. Let’s chat some other time. 88.

39. I asked my friend, she changed from a male friend to a boyfriend. How does it feel? My friend replied solemnly, it’s nothing. I just upgraded from ordinary membership to VIP to enjoy more services and privileges, but I also have to pay more fees.

40. Valentine’s Day has just passed. Now, the circle of friends is full of people showing off gifts and showing affection. Is it interesting? Do you dare to show off your lover and see if there are any similar ones?

41. On Valentine’s Day last year, four bachelors were together. After eating hot pot, I vowed that I would leave them next year. But today, on Valentine’s Day, I am the only one left. 42. Everything about Valentine’s Day. The hotel will be full, and countless girls will lose their virginity. The happy thing is that the person lying on the bed is someone else's future wife. The tragedy is that you don't know whose bed your future wife is lying on. What's more, she was in her 80s. She lost her virginity in a hotel for RMB 20,000 per square meter, but she only married you when you had three bedrooms and one living room for RMB 20,000 per square meter.

43. It’s almost Valentine’s Day, and I went downstairs just now. After shopping, the boss asked me: "Sir, do you want to buy flowers?" "What are you buying flowers for?" "Buy flowers for your girlfriend." "Oh, how many flowers can you buy for your girlfriend?" "Then the boss quietly took the flowers back.

44. Valentine's Day is the best gift for your lover. This is a subtle advertisement. But it is definitely the favorite signal of love between lovers.

45. Chinese Valentine’s Day is here, the hotel owner is smiling, the next day, the pharmacy owner is smiling too, and a month later the hospital doctor should be smiling too.

46. Female: "Your mother and I were at the same time..." Man: "You won't fall into the water, don't ask such questions. Woman: "Your mother and I are celebrating the holidays at the same time today. Who will you accompany?" "Male"..."

47. Today is Valentine's Day and the Lantern Festival. If you feel that eating "Yuanxiao" is unlucky, you can eat "Lianyuan" instead. Remember this.

48. Female: Valentine’s Day and Lantern Festival are on the same day this year. How can we be more romantic? Male: When opening a house, you should be more romantic and I’ll be slower...

49. Female: Husband, this year Is there any gift for Valentine's Day? Man: You are not my lover. Woman: Then I am your wife! Man: It is not Wife's Day. 50. Valentine's Day Emergency Notice: Only Only allowed to listen to serenade, no marching music allowed, only allowed to flirt with others, only allowed to surf the Internet, not allowed to go to bed, only allowed to moan, not allowed to scream.

You are only allowed to send text messages and make phone calls to fight, and you are not allowed to go deep into the tiger's den to fight in the tunnel!

51. The most profound quarrel on Valentine's Day was when I saw a woman burst into tears and punched a man in the subway station: "You didn't bring your ID card today! What do you mean!"

52. Today, a buddy told me excitedly that as Valentine’s Day is about to come, he is already at the top of the spare list of the girl he has loved for a long time. I replied quietly, in case she is What about the lottery?

53. Fahai provoked Bai Suzhen and Jinshan Temple was flooded; Zhu Bajie provoked Chang'e and was demoted to the mortal world; Cowherd provoked the Queen Mother and was separated in two places. Don’t mess with women on Chinese Valentine’s Day, whether it’s your “Weaver Girl” or your “Mother-in-law”.

54. A girl asked her boyfriend: What should you give me for Valentine’s Day? 2B boyfriend: "I'll give you a new pose!"

55. The best Chinese Valentine's Day gift: Before leaving get off work in the evening, a female colleague gave me a pack of tissues, saying it was a Chinese Valentine's Day gift, and asked me to save money. Use it wisely.

56. Valentine’s Day is here, and I see people everywhere asking for gifts. Are you embarrassed to ask for gifts? If you don't give gifts to others and always let others give them, what's your conscience? To such people, I only want to say six words: help me too.

57. Someone posted: "If your love rival and the person who betrayed you fell into the water at the same time, would you choose to go to a disco or a KTV?" The god replied: The video recorder recorded it. Take your time...

58. Cowherd: You have lost weight! Weaver Girl: I drink a cup of slimming tea a day. Cowherd: You are cheating! Weaver Girl: Nowadays bronze color is implemented. Weaver Girl; you are old-fashioned! Cowherd: I'm convinced YOU.

59. A buddy sent his girlfriend back to the dormitory. He asked his girlfriend what gift she was going to buy me for Valentine’s Day. The girl suddenly acted shyly and said coquettishly that she was going to buy me a gift on Valentine’s Day. I have a surprise for you, saying that I will shyly run to the dormitory building. Suddenly, the buddy turned around sharply and yelled at his girlfriend, "You can't be pregnant."

60. I was forced to go on a blind date. The other person was an English major. When I first arrived, I told him that he had English level 8, Japanese level 1, and German level 2. What level did he ask me? I told him QQ is level 30, yellow diamond is level 7, red diamond is level 4, fancy color diamond is level 4, and green diamond is level 3. The other party walks away, blind date is also a pleasure of life.

61. For male compatriots, there are four ways to celebrate the Chinese Valentine's Day: the first is to celebrate it with other people's wives; the second grade is to celebrate it with one's own wife; the third grade is to celebrate it alone. The fourth level is watching your wife live with others.