Classic funny quotations: the tortoise is also wondering.

1. In class, the teacher handed out last night's homework and said, "Dear students, last night's topic is very important. If you don't understand anything, ask me privately. " Then Xiao Ming tore it up.

My wife gave me a brain teaser and said there was a goldfish and a turtle in the fish tank. One day, the goldfish died. Why? I said I was killed by a turtle, but she saidno. I said the goldfish was ill, but she saidno. I really couldn't guess, so I asked the answer. She said the tortoise wants to know, too. ...

3. Husband: "Tonight I ride an electric car with my friends to see Transformers 4. When I came back, the electric car made a strange noise and threw me out at once. Then I became an electric car man and ran away without taking a few steps! " Wife: "This TM is why you lost your electric car?"

4. Go to the bank to withdraw money, park the car on the side of the road, afraid of being punished by the traffic police, and let friends stay and watch the car. Let me know if the police come. . . Soon, as expected, Pol.ice came, and my friend hurried to the bank, shouting, Big Brother, the police are coming, let's go! Nima was instantly pushed to the ground by three or four security guards. This pig-like teammate really dare not bring it in the future!

5. "You are not allowed to come here!" She said seriously. He nodded and said nothing. She is not at ease. "Go away!" He smiled and said, "Shall I close my eyes?" "Then turn around and close your eyes." She said. He turned around and said helplessly, "What are you shy about after being together for so long?"? You won't grow much meat when you look at it. " "Hum!" She ignored him, then pouted and stepped on the weighing machine in front of the street drugstore. "190 kg, really not heavy!"

6. I saw crayfish flooding in Scotland on the news today. I just laughed! I want to say: as long as we are invited, their next generation may not know about crayfish. ...

7. The professor saw two turtles huddled motionless by the river. Ask a farmer: What are they doing? The farmer said: in PK. The professor doesn't understand: I didn't move, P what K? Old farmer: Who lives longer than who. Professor: But the one with Oracle Bone Inscriptions on the shell is dead? At this time, the other one suddenly poked his head out and scolded: MD, don't say a word even if you die! The other one also sticks out his head: "SB! Experts say you believe it! "

8. I just saw a super goddess MM in the street. I stepped forward and said, "Are you waiting for the bus?" Goddess left me a look "students? Go away, I'm waiting for business! "

9. The traffic police stopped the uncle who was riding a bicycle and said with a smile, "Grandpa, you can't ride this road. How dangerous so many cars are. You should ride on a non-motor vehicle lane. " "Come on, I still want to live. You let them run on the road of flying motor vehicles. "

10. When your hair is waist length, you agree to marry me. What do you mean by cutting your hair from time to time?

1 1. The girl said, "after class tomorrow, you go out from the school gate and turn right at the fourth crossing." Let me tell you the answer. " The next day, the boy got dressed and went excitedly. After coming back, the buddy clamored for the result, and the boy said disappointedly, "That's a dead end."

12. I just chatted with my colleagues to pee. I thought it was all men, nothing, but I just took it out and found that my colleagues' eyes were fixed on my JJ. I bowed my head and lay down! A circle of scraps of paper.

13. I always like smoking in bed, which is often said by my mother. One year, I smoked in bed during the Spring Festival and set the quilt on fire. I am also very happy to send a short message to my girlfriend saying: I am definitely going to be angry this year. I burned the quilt. The girlfriend replied with great concern, "Then your mother didn't say anything about you, did she?" I texted her back: "No, my mother asked me why I didn't burn you as soon as she entered the room! ? "

14. Before I got married, my wife did everything like a lady. The last car is very witty. After marriage, motorcycles soared to 120. I sat in the back and my hair stood on end. She also knows Sanda, yoga and taekwondo. Women are liars, liars.

15. At dinner, my wife asked me, "Who is the most beautiful woman in the world?" I answered without thinking: "I don't know, I only know you!" " "My wife nodded with satisfaction, and now my mother is going to cut off the mother-child relationship with me.

16. A colleague is too old to find an object. The chairman of the trade union sent an aunt to care and asked him what he was looking for. Colleagues have been holding back for three days: nothing special, but we must find the people! Aunt asked him why, and he whispered: pork is so expensive, find someone who doesn't eat pork to save money. ...

17. Yesterday, a child, female, aged 12 or 13, added me to QQ. At first glance, I didn't know her, but I decisively refused. After a while, my fifth-grade brother sent me a message. Dude, that was my girlfriend who just added you. Please add her! ! ! ! For a 24-year-old single diaosi, this life can't go on.

18. In junior high school, there was a classmate named Cai Li. Once in an English class, the English teacher asked him what his name was. He said it was Cai Li, and the teacher asked again. When he answered like this, the English teacher was furious and shouted "I don't guess", and the whole class burst into laughter!

19. My son is lazy and does nothing after marriage. The daughter-in-law is very angry: "Look at your precious son, who is married and knows nothing, not like you at all." I really don't know if it's your son? " My father-in-law was speechless. He went into his son's room and took out a stack of private money from the bookshelf. My father-in-law said, "He must be my son. The place and way of hiding private money are all inherited by me! "

20. "Xiao Er, if you have any good food and drinks, give them to Grandpa, otherwise, I won't kill you!" "Yes, sir." And then what? Then Xiao er was killed ... because he served a plate of good leeks.