2022 new decompression joke

I believe that everyone will hear many jokes in life, so everyone knows more or less the role of jokes in life. In fact, the role of jokes is not only funny, but also has many implications. Here are the new decompression jokes in 2022.

2022 New Decompression Joke 1 1 It keeps raining in the madhouse ... The patient in the madhouse rushed into the rain and shouted, "Come and take a bath ..." The doctor had no choice but to smile ... The doctor turned around and suddenly found a patient standing as steady as Mount Tai: "Why don't you go down and take a bath?" I saw the patient smile: "I am not like them, they are all a group of insane people." The doctor suddenly became excited: "I finally cured you!" " "Then he said," I'll wait until the water is hot ... "Doctor," ... "

2. My wife passed by a yard in the morning and saw a sign hanging on the door with two words written on it-"lover". Suddenly, he found the owner of this yard very interesting, so he gently pushed the door and went in. As a result, without taking two steps, two big German shepherd dogs suddenly rushed out from the side ... After returning from the rabies vaccine in the hospital, I rubbed my eyes and looked at the sign carefully, only to find that the above two words turned out to be "cautious". It is urgent to protect your eyes. Stop nagging about that stupid mobile phone. ....

3, noisy and noisy, the husband said: break up! The woman said: Good. Husband said: Let's take a hundred steps back and meet again as friends. He took 99 painful steps, but turned around at the last step and bumped into her face. He froze! The woman said calmly, as long as you are willing to turn back, I will always be behind you. He cried and held her tightly in his arms! She quietly threw away the brick hidden behind her back.

4. Dyeing Hair A 70-year-old woman went to a barber shop and asked the barber, "How much is the hair dye?" The barber replied, "8 yuan." Old lady: "It's too expensive. Is it 4 yuan to dye half? " Barber: "Well, if you like." Old lady: "well, just dye the white one black, and leave the black one alone!" " ! Barber: ...

2022 New Decompression Joke 2 Virtue

Seeing my son's grades decline, it is an education for me to hold him.

After listening for a long time, the son finally got impatient: Dad, you are so wordy and talk so much. Mom is much simpler than you. I am curious to ask: how did your mother educate you?

Son: Mom, in a word, if you don't study hard like this, you will be just like your father. .....

Me: .....

Double claim to be heavy

The teacher told the students:

"Don't call yourself the author when writing articles in the future, because now, no one uses pens."

The student asked, "What should I call it?"

The teacher said, "Call the key man."

The student asked again, "Oh, what about those who only use the mouse?"

The teacher said, "Call it a mouse."

The student asked again, "But now everyone uses smart phones, all of which are touch-sensitive. What should they be called? "

The teacher said, "This is called touching life!"

Three pairs of unique

A student was sleeping in physics class and was seen by Teacher Luo.

Teacher Luo: excuse me, sleeping student, "swim in the West Lake and carry an iron pot." Is the tin pot falling into the West Lake precious to the West Lake? What is the bottom line of >?

The students answered this way: physics is like fog. Look at physics in the fog and ignore physics!

Su Shi didn't even answer this sentence, but was answered by a student who was sleeping in physics class.

Four-fertilizer reduction

My good friend gained weight in the New Year and asked me how to lose weight.

I told her that to find an ugly man for online dating, it is best to find an ugly man who can't eat at a glance.

Whenever I eat, I will open the video to chat with him, and I will gradually lose weight.

Girlfriend: Where can you find a boyfriend like that?

Five frogs and toads

The teacher asked:

"What's the difference between frogs and toads?"

The student replied: "Frogs are conservative, don't make progress, sit in the well and watch the sky, which is negative energy;" Moreover, toad is very avant-garde, and wanting to eat swan meat is positive energy. "

A toad that doesn't want to eat swan meat is not a good toad!

Six car accidents

The old man accidentally bumped into an Audi car parked on the side of the road, and he rode away after the collision.

When the owner got off the bus, he scolded the old man: "You are blind! Do you want to run after the collision? "

The old man turned around and said calmly, "Young man, if you want so much, I'll lie down!" " "

The host said, "Uncle, I'm just joking with you!" "

2022 new decompression joke 3 1. Look at a pair of shoes in the mall. The salesman said coldly: 39,000 yuan, don't touch it if you don't buy it, you can't afford to lose it if you touch it dirty. As soon as I heard it, I got angry and said, "Wrap it up for me and don't touch it. I don't want it if it's dirty!" " "The shop assistant is blue in the face, busy wearing gloves and shoes and issuing invoices. I asked where to pay, and the waiter said, go ahead. Ok, I took the opened ticket and strolled out of the mall gate. Damn it, there is no money! I am also very headstrong.

2. One day, I took a bus. There is a beautiful woman in front of me. When I got on the bus, I said to the driver, I have no money. Can I kiss you like a coin? The master said: Yes. The beauty kissed the driver and sat down. The old man in the back saw clearly, kissed the driver fiercely without saying anything, and then said, I have no money on me either. The driver's master cried with fear and said, that was my daughter-in-law joking with me just now …

I went to see a doctor because of toothache. The doctor said my teeth were a little worn. I asked if I would grind my teeth at night. I said I don't know. How do I know if I'm grinding my teeth when I'm asleep? The doctor said, Oh, single!

I went to see a doctor because of toothache. The doctor said my teeth were a little worn. I asked if I would grind my teeth at night. I said I don't know. How do I know if I'm grinding my teeth when I'm asleep? The doctor said, Oh, single!

4, 3-year-old girl is not obedient, her mother said: if you are not obedient, throw you out and pick up another one. After a short silence, the little girl whispered, the child you picked up won't listen, because nobody fucking wants it!

5. Once, a girl went out to do business, and suddenly she was in a hurry. She went to the door of a toilet and asked a man at the door of the toilet, "Sir, is this a ladies' room?" The man replied, "I don't know, I've never been inside! " "

Xiaoming's dog is obedient and clever. Father asked what 1 Canada 1 was, and the dog barked twice. Two plus two equals several, and the dog barked four times. One day, the neighbor's children stayed up all night, saying that Xiaoming's dog was crazy and barked all night. When his father asked Xiao Ming what was going on, Xiao Ming said, "I just asked him what 10000 plus 10000 is ..."

7. When a person goes to tell a fortune, the fortune teller touches the bones, looks at the face and counts the eight characters, saying that you are in love at the age of 20, married at the age of 25 and have children at the age of 30. You have a rich and stable life and a happy family in your later years. The man was surprised at first, and then he was very angry. He said, I am thirty-five, a doctor, single, and I have never been in love. Mr. Wang pondered for a moment and said, "Young man, knowledge changes fate."

He is a lonely child, and no one wants to play with him. He made a snowman until the first snow came. He asked, "Can I hug you?" The snowman asked, "Why?" He said, "Because I like you." The snowman fell silently in his arms. The next second, he heard the snowman whisper in his ear: "I traveled through the four seasons just to melt in your arms, thank you for liking me." The next day. The little boy died of a bad cold.