I want to know what jokes are funniest.

When I was at school, I was going to change my pants in the dormitory one day. I just took off my belt, but I didn't expect several female students to come in. I had no choice but to come to the dormitory next door with my pants. I untied my button and was about to take it off. Unexpectedly, several female students came in. I had no choice but to carry my pants to the door of the dormitory next door. Because I was in a hurry with pants in my hand, I had to kick open the dormitory door and shout, "Is there a woman in it?" Is there a woman? "I saw many girls sitting in the room, looking at me in horror. ...

2. One day, the geography teacher asked the students, where does this river go?

A student suddenly stood up and sang: The river flows eastward.

The teacher ignored him and then said, how many stars are there in the sky?

That classmate sang again: the stars in the sky can participate in Beidou.

The teacher is short of breath: get out!

Student: Just leave.

The teacher said helplessly, are you sick?

Student: You have everything I have!

Teacher: Try again. .....

Student: shout when you see an uneven road!

Teacher: Do you believe I hit you?

Student: Do it when you should. ...

The teacher was angry: I told you to drop out of school!

Student: Rush into Kyushu!

Hehe, I wish my brothers and sisters who are wandering outside in advance.

Friends who are studying know that some students often set up some "sets" to make fun of you. I remember when I was studying Yueyang Tower, classmate A suddenly pointed to the word "poem" in the sentence "Tang Xian's modern poems are engraved on it" in the textbook and asked me, "How do you pronounce these two words?" I was caught off guard and blurted out, "Poetry!" A immediately replied, "Hey, disciple!" I don't know. I was fooled Now I think hard for a moment, and I have the law of revenge. I asked, "How do you pronounce these two words?" A said, "I don't know." I knew there was such an answer. I smiled and said, "You're outrageous! You don't even know the' master'! "

At the end of the art class, the teacher collected a classmate's picture book in the local area. Kangkang said to the teacher when handing in the picture book, "Teacher, please don't put my book at the bottom." The teacher asked strangely, "Why?" "Because I draw an egg, if I put it under it, it will be crushed."

5. Once in an English class, the sound of starting a motorcycle came from outside. The sound lasted for a long time, making people fidgety. At this time, the teacher noticed everyone's irritability, shook his head and said, "China's motorcycle. Hey! " After class, we found out that it was the workers who were logging!

The absent-minded professor was ill and had to stay in the hospital. When the doctor came to the door of his ward, the nurse said, "Professor, the doctor is here." The poor professor snorted and said, "Tell him I can't see him now. I am too ill. "

7. My friends and I were very proud when we first entered the military training. We just got the uniform from the material supply office and saw a man in uniform coming towards us. We immediately saluted and said loudly, "Good morning, sir."

"Good morning," the other replied. "The post office staff are at your service."

8. In the anatomy class, there are five hearts on the anatomy table, one of which is at least four times larger than the others.

The classmate whispered, "This man must have died of pleural effusion."

"This person must have died of myocarditis. His heart has become so thick that he must be inflamed. "

"This person must be a myocardial infarction, and both left and right ventricles are hypertrophy."

The teacher said, "In order to let the students see more clearly, I specially prepared a big cow heart today ..."

Classmate:! @@$%^&； *

One day in anatomy class, the teacher couldn't find the pointer, so he picked out a person's upper arm from the anatomy table, held it up, pointed to the blackboard and said, "Let's talk about the next question." ....

9. Teacher: "If you have twenty marks in one pocket and fifty marks in the other, what does that mean?" Student: "That means I'm not wearing my own pants."

10. Teacher: Please rewrite the sentence "My brother goes to school" into the future tense. Student: My brother's son goes to school.

1 1. In the computer class, the absent-minded Luca was asked by the professor by name. "Why don't you answer, Luca? Is my question difficult? " "Oh, no, sir. I fully understand your question, but the answer stumped me. "

12. Several students get together to compare who worships foreign things the least. Wang Jia spoke first: I never buy foreign goods; Yi Lee shook his head: I never watch foreign movies; Zhang Bing stood up slowly and said, Hum, I have never failed a foreign language exam since I entered school! Angry teacher (joke)

One day, when the teacher came into the classroom, the students stood up and shouted, "Good morning, teacher!" " "The teacher said angrily, just good morning? What shall I do in the afternoon? Not good? "

So the students shouted together: "Good afternoon, teacher!"

The teacher said angrily, "What about my evening?"

The students shouted together again: "Good evening, teacher!" "

The teacher nodded and said, "That's it. Now shout it again! " "

The students shouted together: "Good morning, good afternoon and good evening, teacher!"!

The teacher said, "Sit down! Today, we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. If I say you shouldn't talk, you will get-10! You say antonyms out loud. From now on.

Teacher: "The weather is fine today. Student: "The weather is terrible today. "

Teacher: "There is sunshine everywhere." Student: "There are clouds everywhere."

Teacher: "The road is crowded with people." Student: "There is no one on the road."

Teacher: "Young." Student: "Old."

Teacher: "Stand." Student: "Lie down"

Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road." Student: "There is an old man lying on the road."

Teacher: "I found a dollar." Student: "I lost a dollar."

Teacher: "I found a dollar and gave it to the teacher." Student: "I stole a teacher and lost a dollar." Teacher: "No, you can't say that!" " Student: "Correct, you should say so! " "

Teacher: "Wrong." Student: "Correct."

Teacher: "this is not possible, it is illegal;" ! "student:" this is ok, this is a legal act; " !"

Teacher: "I was wrong." Student: "We are right."

Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is right!" " Student: "Listen to everything the teacher says. "

This is a mistake! "

Teacher: "You are so stupid." Student: "We are very smart.

Teacher: "Stop!" Student: "Go on!"

Teacher: "You stop now! Stop it! " Student: "Go on now! Say it! "

Teacher: "You stupid pigs, I said stop!" " Student: "We say that we are all geniuses. "

Go! "

Teacher: "You listen to the teacher!" " Student: "The teacher listens to us! " "

Teacher: "all students have to listen to the teacher!" " "Student:" The teacher should listen to the students! " "

Teacher: "now you stop practicing!" " Student: "Now let's continue to practice! " "

Teacher: "Are you endless?" Student: "We finish what we started!" "

Teacher: "Then stop! Stupid pig! " Student: "Then we should continue! Genius! "

1. The headmaster and English teacher visited a middle school in France. The headmaster spoke in the auditorium and the English teacher translated.

Principal: "Teachers and students!"

English teacher: "Ladies and gentlemen!"

Principal: "Ladies and gentlemen!"

English teacher-_-! Thought for a moment and said, "Good morning!"

Principal: "Good morning!"

English teacher: ... = = "Sweat.

2. It is said that there is a polar bear, because the snow is too dazzling, he has to wear sunglasses to see things, but he can't find sunglasses, so he crawls around on the ground with his eyes closed and crawls until his hands and feet are dirty. Put on sunglasses and look in the mirror, only to find: Oh, I'm a panda.

3. A polar bear stayed in a daze on the ice. When he was really bored, he began to pluck his hair, one, two, three, and there was no last one left, and then he froze to death.

4. Once upon a time, there was a bird that passed through a cornfield every day, but unfortunately, one day there was a fire in that cornfield, and all the corn turned into popcorn! ! ! After the bird flew by ... it thought it was snowing, so it was very cold.

Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged, so he ran outside crying and flew away.

6. The spider fell in love with the butterfly, but the butterfly refused it. Spider asks: Why? This is why! Butterfly said: My mother said that people who fool around on the Internet all day are not good people.

7. On a hot summer day, two bananas were walking on the road. The banana walking in front suddenly felt so hot. He said it was too hot. I want to take off my clothes. As a result, he skinned it. As a result, the banana in the back fell down. Then peeled bananas become dried bananas ~

One day, three explorers finally found the "Valley of Hope". According to legend, as long as you stand on the edge of the valley and shout out what you want, and then jump into the valley, you will get what you want. So the three of them decided to have a try.

The first one was a goat, so he shouted "Woman! Woman! " The next jump is really full of beautiful women waiting for him.

The second is a bookworm, shouting "Book Book Book Book Book Book!" Then, jump into the valley and get books full of pits and valleys.

The third kind is an indecisive person, who can't decide what he likes after thinking about it. After an hour, he finally made up his mind that money is the most useful thing, so he went to the valley. He accidentally kicked a stone and scolded, "Shit!" Unexpectedly, an unstable center of gravity fell into the valley.

9. What about Xiaoming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV in the evening.

Xiao Ming's mother asked anxiously: Have you finished all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I finished reading it.

Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow.

Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over'.

10. The panda loves the deer deeply, but it is rejected when expressing its love. Panda roar ~ why? What's all this for? The deer said timidly, my mother said that those who wear sunglasses are all bad teenagers.

1 1. One day, Xiao Ming was walking on the road. I suddenly feel sore when I walk! Why is this happening? Because Xiaoming stepped on a lemon!

12. Which Chinese character is the coolest? Thong (cool)

The towel said to the coin, son. If you put on a doctor's hat, you will be worth a hundred times.

The "ruler" said to "do": Sister, the results have come out. You are pregnant with twins.

The minister said to the giant: the same area as you. I have three rooms and two halls.

13. One day, a university teacher asked a student that there were ten birds in the tree and one was shot dead. How much is left?

The student asked: Is it silent pistol? No, how loud was the shot? 80- 100 decibel. Is it illegal to shoot birds in this city? No offense. Are you sure that bird was really killed? Of course. At this time, the teacher was impatient: "Will you just tell me how many birds are left?" Are there some deaf birds in the tree? No. Have you ever been caged and hung from a tree? No. Are there any other trees nearby? Are there any other birds in the tree? No, if a bird is pregnant, is it a bird in its belly? Not exactly. Is there a flower in the bird photographer's eye? There are no flowers, only ten. The teacher was sweating all over, and the bell rang, but the students continued to ask: Are there any stupid birds that are not afraid of death? Fear of death. Would you kill two with one shot? No, the student said confidently, if your answer is not a lie, "if the bird that was killed hangs on the tree and doesn't fall, there is only one left." If it falls, there will be none left. " . The teacher immediately foaming at the mouth fell to the ground!

14. One day, someone passed a crossroads and found something super scary. He found Kakashi and the Monkey King laughing!

15. Once upon a time, one night, there were three shrimps in the pond. Ha ha ha, a female ghost farted to death.

16. A female alien engaged in biological research came to the earth. Turning around, she felt that there were many things worth learning from human genes, so she arrested a person and wanted to take him back with written information about human genes. But the ship is too small to take him away, and the information is too huge to take away at one time. Just when she was anxious, the computer help system of the spaceship said, "This man has a small stick, which can solve all your problems …" Then she suddenly realized and smiled and said to the drooling man. . . . . Give me the flash drive! " .

17. A potholed man was crossing the road, but he was accidentally run over by a truck. When he died, he looked at his body and said, "I was stuffed with bean paste, not meat."

18. Brother, stop touching it! You touched the top and the bottom, and your hair fell out. Such tender skin, you have touched all the water! How do you want me to sell it later? These peaches are all fresh, don't buy them!

19. Once upon a time, there was a lamb. One day, he went out to play and met a wolf. The wolf said: I want to eat you! ! ! The lamb is frightened! Guess what happened? As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

20. Once upon a time, there was a swordsman. He was cold, his heart was cold, his sword was cold, and finally he died of cold.

2 1. Once upon a time, there was a tiger chasing a deer on the road! The deer was frightened, ran faster and faster, and finally turned into a highway.

22. One tomato was smashed by a stone, another tomato was smashed, another tomato was smashed, countless tomatoes were smashed, and the last tomato fell! Tomato sauce!

23. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

24. One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them. The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up. Whatever. At this moment, the wolf grinned and drooled and said, Then tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is.

25. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

26. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

27. Two counterfeiters inadvertently created counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.

28. Someone's newly-installed phone has just been rented out by the cinema, so people often call to ask about the movies being shown. At the beginning, he always explained politely that this phone is no longer his, so please don't call again. After a long time, he also felt annoyed and simply said, "You have the wrong number!" " This will also save some saliva. One day, a familiar voice came from the other side: "What movie is showing now?" As usual, he said, "You have the wrong number!" After a moment of silence, the other party replied, "Is it a domestic film or a foreign film?

29. A man climbed over the wall and went out of the school gate, and was caught by the headmaster. The headmaster asked: Why not go from the school gate? Answer: Meters, Bang Wei and Bang Wei don't take the usual road. The headmaster asked again: how did such a high wall cross over? He pointed to his trousers and said, Li Ning, anything is possible.

The headmaster asked again: What's it like to climb over the wall? He pointed to his shoes and said, Xtep, it feels like flying. The next day he entered the school from the main entrance, and the principal asked, why don't you climb over the wall? He said: Anta, I choose, I like it. On the third day, he wore a gangster costume. The headmaster said: You can't wear a gangster costume! He said, you are what you wear, Mason. On the fourth day, he wore a vest to school, and the principal said that he could not wear a vest to school. He said, man, simple is good, love fort clothes. The headmaster said I would give you a bigger score. He said: Why? The headmaster said, M-Zone, my site is my decision.

Life is really boring. Last month, a buddy of mine borrowed 4000 yuan from me, saying that he was going to have plastic surgery. As a result, he didn't know what he had become. Oh, 4,000 yuan.

3 1. Notice to robbers: Our staff only know Spanish, so please be patient when robbing, and it is best to bring an interpreter. Thank you!

32.are you blind? You can't see such a big shield, but you want to throw stones at my head!

33. I think I should lose weight. Last time I donated blood, I actually shed 100 ml of lard.

34. Tourist: Master, is that straw house over there a toilet? Monk: Except that thatched cottage, all the places are toilets.

35. Without hair, dandruff is more prominent!

36. defecation and urination are good brothers. One day, I defecated across the road and was killed by a car. When he urinated, he said, I really want to shit …

I signed up for a weight-loss training class yesterday, and they asked me to wear loose clothes when training. How dare you? If there are still loose clothes, then why should I sign up?

38. My wife and I haven't spoken for 18 months, so I haven't had a chance to interrupt her.

39. thief a: count how much money was robbed today? Thief B: No, just read the newspaper tomorrow.

40. Stand higher and pee farther.

4 1. Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

42. Wear other people's shoes, go your own way and let others find it.

43. One night, when a young woman passed a mental hospital, there was a sudden "wow" behind her. The woman turned her head and saw a naked man chasing her. The woman began to run in fear, and the man behind her followed. No, there's a dead end ahead. Desperate, the woman knelt on the ground and cried and begged, "Whatever, just don't kill me." The man smiled cunningly and said, "Really? Then you start chasing me now. "

44. At a literary evening, the host came to the stage and announced: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! The whole audience was silent and creepy! ! ! Cold ~ ~ ~

45. Tigers don't send cats. You think I'm dying!

46. One person in our dormitory drank too much urine and then came up with a cold sentence: if you drink too much wine, you will get more.

47. When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much are these shoes?"

48. In the past, others visited menstruation's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt was going to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " "

49. In college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You talk nonsense, I'm not stupid! I spit in your face with shit.

50. When I was a child, I usually sold popsicles and ice cream by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well. (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks. )

5 1. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "

52. Once KTV ordered a song, a MM shouted: Give me a Shuang Jie with a stick every week.

One day, in the big forest, the fox was smoking marijuana. At this time, the little rabbit came from a distance and saw all this. He came up and said, Fox, how can you smoke marijuana? This is harmful to your health. Look, how fresh the air is. Come and run with me. The fox thinks this is right, so he runs after the rabbit. They saw the elephant smoking heroin. The rabbit ran to the elephant and said, elephant, elephant, why are you taking drugs? Look how fresh the air is. Run with me. Elephants think it's right to run together. Running and running, I saw the lion roll up his sleeves and was about to inject heroin. Little rabbit shouted to the lion from a distance: lion, lion, taking drugs is not good for your health. Look how fresh the air is. Run with me ... I saw the lion put down the syringe and rushed over to beat the rabbit crazy. The elephant said to the lion trembling, why did you hit the rabbit? He doesn't want us to hurt his health! The lion said: since the rabbit took ecstasy, he has asked me to run with him every day!

54. In summer, a giraffe met a rabbit. She proudly showed off her neck to the rabbit: ah, little rabbit, do you know how good the neck is? Do you know how sweet the top leaves are? Do you know the feeling of drinking water in summer? Cool water flowed slowly through her neck. The rabbit looked at her and only said, "Have you tried to throw up?"

55. Once my brother hit me, I got a pimple on my head. Later, my brother wanted to pack things, but he couldn't find his bag, so he took the bag on my head to pack things.

56. Once upon a time, a marshmallow went to play with a ball for a long time. He said, I'm so tired. I think I'm getting soft.

57. Once upon a time, there were two snowmen. A snowman said, I am cold, and another snowman said, I am cold, too. The other said, let's hug, so they hugged each other. Guess what happened? Then they froze to death.

When I was a child, I ate dishonestly. In order to educate me, an old farmer said to me, "Sixty years of hard work. I have no food, and I never spit out my nose. "

59. A rich man wants a servant. The topic of the interview is going to the toilet. The first few came out without washing their hands. So the rich sent them away. Only one person washed his hands, so the rich man left him. But one day, the rich man found that he didn't wash his hands when he came out. The rich man asked him why. The servant replied, "I brought toilet paper today ..."

60. A man saw a store having a big sale and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time and finally had to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole in it and found the salesman. "What can I do for you?" "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."

6 1. A man and a friend went to visit his grandmother. While he was talking to his grandmother, his friends began to eat peanuts on the coffee table and ate them all. When they left, his friend said to his grandmother, "Thank you for the peanuts." Grandma responded, "Oh! Hmm! Alas! Because all my teeth have fallen out, I can only suck out the chocolate. Old, cough. . .