Cold joke classic joke

A cold joke refers to the joke itself because it is boring, homophonic, translated, or omits the theme, different logic, judgment or special content. The following are the classic jokes I collected for you, for reference only. Welcome to read.

Cold joke classic joke 1 1, my wife is a salesman in an insurance company and her performance is not good.

Seeing his wife's sad face, the husband helped out with an idea: "The most important thing in selling insurance is personal connections. Under the guise of rushing to the past, look for all your classmates from elementary school to university, and you will gain something. "

A few days later, the husband asked about the result.

The wife said angrily, "It's all your bad idea! I didn't sell any insurance, but I received eight invitations in succession-seven students are getting married and one child is full moon ... "

There is a fruit salesman on the train. ...

A diaosi asked, "Do you have any oranges?"

The salesman said, "Yes!"

Diaosi asked again, "How to cut without a knife?" ?

The salesman said, "I have!" " "

Diaosi asked again, "Do you want money with a knife?"

The salesman said, "No."

Diaosi said, "Then lend me your knife!"

Then take the oranges out of the bag beautifully ...

3. A junior high school boy is sitting in the last row of the classroom. Once, he had no money to spend. He wanted to find a classmate to spend some money, so he put twenty cents in the lunch box and handed it to the front. As a result, the lunch box was empty …

Cold joke classic joke 2 1, star's troubles: there are really too many people in this industry who "care" about you: there will be scandals when they are ripe; Unfamiliar, spread your discord; When you are not in love, help you pair up; When you are in love, you start to make up stories, such as breaking up, the third party, the four-corner love … When you get married, you start to guess when to divorce. If there is no scandal, then doubt your sexual orientation.

Lu Yu always asks whether people are true or not. Li Yong always advised people to eat and drink. Hong Huang is too bitter, and Yang Lan knows better than all the guests.

An expert's description of our tour group: getting on the bus to sleep, getting off the bus to pee, taking pictures when seeing the scenery, and finally knowing nothing.

When I was a teenager, a palmist said that my hands were full of golden fingers, which I didn't understand. When people reach middle age, I point to a wasteland, and the wasteland will soon become a commercial street. When I point to a puddle, it will soon become a playground. I pointed to a person who will soon become a leading cadre. Finally, I went in, because my fingers kept pointing and I couldn't control it.

In the last century, if you saw a beautiful woman and imagined that you could write a poem, now if you want to see a beautiful woman, you will immediately think of how much money is left in your account.

When an artist needs to be famous, his parents are ordinary people. When an artist is about to become famous, his parents are the media. When an artist became famous, his parents were wealthy businessmen. When an artist is famous, his parents are civil servants.

Cold joke classic joke 3 1, once the master asked me, miss, can you drive? I said no, it's hard to ask the master. It is not difficult for a master to pat the steering wheel. Tell him that if you hang a bone on the steering wheel, a dog can drive it!

2. I once took a bus with a female colleague. She said that she just spent more than 400 yuan on a bottle of flour oil, and the driver said with emotion, then you can wipe dozens of pieces with that finger. The female colleague said, yes, it's still a master. I'll wipe it for you and don't give you money. The driver said, then I have to ask you for some money.

Another time, I rushed out of the office door to call a taxi to settle accounts with my boyfriend. The boarding master taught me that the little girl should be quiet, without your big steps!

4, there are also mumbling. Once I walked to the threshold of Tsinghua West Gate, the security guard found a huge steel pipe lying across it. The master clanged and muttered, It's so fucking high that the tank can't drive!

5. You can't go straight under Xizhimen Bridge in the north-south direction. To the north, you need to go around the bridge twice, or take the Jimen Bridge once, and to the south, you need to detour to the exhibition hall.

A master said, "We should hang two sofas on this bridge, one in the south and the other in the north, so that the designer can sit on them all day and watch the cars in line and see what nonsense he designs himself."

6. From Zizhu Bridge to Xizhimen on Baiji Road, there is a big semicircle, which is a waste of space. I asked the driver what was the reason for this design.

The master said, "This? You don't know, this is waiting to be selected into the Guinness Book of Stupid Things. "

Cold joke classic joke 4 1, cat

My wife goes abroad to study, because she is busy with her studies and writes less letters. On this day, she called home and asked her husband to be caring and attentive. Finally, she asked:

"Honey, what happened to my lovely kitten?"

"dead"

"Oh my god, this news is terrible! Why didn't you tell me such sad news gently? For example, the kitten climbed a tree to catch birds and accidentally slipped down to heaven, understand? "

"I see."

"Dear, is there any news from my hometown? Is my mother better? "

"Her old man's house also climbed a tree ..."

Step 2 write an article

Look at your sad face. What happened? Write an article entitled "What did I do yesterday". Well, what did you do yesterday? Have a drink. You are so stupid! Let me tell you something. If you keep writing, why don't you just change the word drinking to reading? Zhang Wen was inspired. He wrote: "I got up early in the morning and read for a long time. I thought about it and ate the second half in one breath, but I didn't think it was enough, so I went to the store and bought another one. " I met Li Da head-on on the way back. When I looked into his eyes, I knew he had read the same thing.

I want to count the stars

At the end of the year, a colleague who was usually very calm drank his eyes red that day. When the leader saw that the situation was not good, he quickly asked me to take him home. But when I reached for a taxi, my colleague didn't get on the bus anyway, but sat on the side of the road with great interest. He looked up at the sky and said, Who said there are countless stars in the sky? I'll count them all tonight!

4. Delicious

My deskmate fell asleep doing the paper, and put an earth-shattering fart in her sleep, which smelled extremely bad. Everyone stopped looking at him at once, but he didn't mean to wake up. Looking at the teacher's livid face on the platform, we all tried to hold back our laughter. But at this time, the deskmate actually talked about talking in his sleep, only to hear him say: it's delicious!

Step 5 change money

In the public toilet, I suddenly heard someone talking in the toilet. Friend, do you have any toilet paper? I searched my pockets. I'm sorry, I don't know. After a few seconds, the man asked again, friend, do you have a small newspaper? I smiled helplessly, sorry, no, I just came to pee. A few seconds later, a piece of RMB 10 was stuffed under the toilet door. Friend, can you break it into 1 10 pieces? Then I gave him 10 coins.

;