Modern funny jokes and stories

Collection of Modern Funny Stories (Selected 17)

A girl just learned ballet, went to the teacher for a few days and cried, "Teacher, I can't stand it!" " "The teacher is normal and said seriously," Nothing, if you persist more, you will lose weight ... "Did you poke your smile? Today we will take a look at the complete works of modern super funny jokes!

Modern funny joke story 1 1, I went to physical education class in junior high school. I was sick that day. I wanted to give my leave note to the PE teacher, but it turned into a ten-cent note. I haven't reacted yet and said, "I'm asking for leave."

The PE teacher frowned and said something even more thunderous: "Not a penny!"

2. The student asked the teacher, "The currency has depreciated too much. Is there any way to make the currency appreciate? "

Answer: "First, make two holes in the 1 dollar coin ..."

"... huh? All right, it's done. then what "

"... so you got a button worth 4 yuan. "

3. Periodic table of metal activities: potassium, calcium, sodium, magnesium and aluminum; Zinc, iron, tin, lead and hydrogen; Copper, mercury, silver, platinum and gold.

Because it is too difficult to recite, the chemistry teacher taught us a formula: add, take, big, beautiful, female; One, point, also, no, light; Total, * * *, one hundred, Jin.

Modern funny story 2 1, Xiao Ming made trouble, and called the students to the office to write a check after class.

Xiao Ming wrote: If you commit another crime, let the teacher divide (punish).

The teacher said: you are good at math, but the word punishment is wrong.

Xiaoming changed to: Ren teacher multiplication (punishment)

Teacher: You are out of breath when you say you are fat. Get out!

Xiaoming is at odds with his female deskmate again. The teacher asked him: How do you think students should get along?

Xiaoming: Don't break up because of a little thing!

Teacher: Go back and call your parents!

Xiaoming likes to doze off in class. One day, while the teacher was giving a lecture, he began to sleep again. At this time, the teacher was talking about the difference between innocence and romance, so the teacher woke him up and asked him to answer this question.

Xiao Ming: "sleeping in class like me is romantic, but I don't want you to find it naive."

Teacher: "Go home and be romantic!"

4. In the history class, the teacher asked, "Can you give an example of China's ancient war, so that fewer wins more?"

Xiaoming stood up and said, "the Monkey King has beaten 100,000 soldiers."

Teacher. . .

The Chinese teacher asked Xiaoming to make a sentence with "not only … but also ……".

Xiao Ming replied, "I not only have an ass, but also two halves!" " "

Teacher: You silly child, get out!

Modern funny joke story 3 1. In the evening, after singing, a group of people took several taxis to go back to school. When our car approached, several guys were saying, "It seems that our car arrived first!"

Say together: "Yes, we are sofas ..."

We have a very humorous teacher.

Once in class, two students went out with their bags on their backs during the break, apparently skipping class halfway.

In the second class, the teacher said to the whole class, "I feel like there are two students missing in our classroom."

Some students smiled knowingly.

At this time, the teacher smiled and said, "Of course, it's because I saw two students leaving with bags during a recess just now. Hehe. "

Suddenly, the teacher pretended to be nervous and asked, "Eh, they all carry their own bags."

3. A classmate was lovelorn, drunk and cried. When we are ready to leave, we just want to pay the bill ourselves and not let him pay the bill.

All the money was taken out, and the classmate yelled, "I'll buy it!" You are all my brothers. I am very happy today. Don't rob me! "

With that, I took out a stack from my coat pocket and began to count. One, two, three ... specious.

When we looked carefully, he took out a pack of napkins.

Modern funny joke story 4 1. An invigilator caught a cheating student and forced him to give up his partner, but the student refused.

The teacher smirked, grabbed the students' mobile phones and sent a mass message: the men's room on the second floor took the answer.

In class, the teacher saw that the students were sleepy again, so he put the textbooks together and said, "Now I will tell you a story about a romantic monk." The students' spirits have recovered a little.

The teacher said, "One day, a romantic monk walked across a bridge and saw a beautiful woman coming." And then suddenly stopped.

The students are very sleepy and ask what will happen after that. The teacher said simply, "One went west, the other went east, and left. Ok, let's start the class now. . . "

3. As soon as the girl learned ballet, she cried to the teacher after only practicing for a few days: "Teacher, I can't stand it!"

The teacher was not surprised, and said earnestly, "It's all right. If you persist more, you will lose weight ..."

In the last row, two girls are talking and laughing loudly. The teacher's face sank and knocked on the blackboard angrily: "class!" " Be quiet! "

They were startled and immediately shut up, but it seemed that the topic just now was so interesting that they could only keep silent and shake their shoulders. ...

The teacher sneered, "Yo, there are vibration modes."

Modern funny story 5 1, what to do for the family

My brother is in the fourth grade of primary school. He is so fat that people often make fun of him. One day, the teacher asked one of their classmates to start writing "What to do for the family every day" in the contact book. My brother couldn't think of anything, so his mother had to help him fill it out. She wrote in the contact book: "Help the family eat every day." The teacher's comment is: "I can see that you are working hard!" "

2. notice; pay attention to

"What's wrong with you today? What have you been fiddling with it for so long? " Father said, from

The son grasped the notice in his hand and turned it over. There is a teacher's comment on writing on it: "Shooting slingshots in class, putting bugs in classmates' pockets ... please ask parents to talk about it. "

"What kind of person will you become when you do all this at school?" The father yelled at his son.

"Dad, this is not my notice. I found it in your old box. "

3. Dad infected me

One day, both father and son got up very late. Father didn't go to work and son didn't go to school.

"In the office, people will think that I am ill. What about you? What do you say when classmates ask about you? " The father asked his son.

"I told you that my father's illness infected me."

A rich man traveled abroad and stayed in a big hotel. It's just that he found that no one there seemed to notice that he was a rich man.

So, when he had breakfast again, he deliberately shouted, "Waiter, please have a breakfast of 20 francs.

"The waiter came over and said," Sir, we don't sell half breakfast here. "

Modern funny joke story 7 sow gave birth to a litter of piglets, all strong, fat and lovely. The husband is thinking that he can take the pig to the market soon, which is not a small income and can't help but be complacent.

One day, the husband came home to find a little pig missing and asked his wife why. The wife replied: the wolf took it away. He was very angry. A few days later, I came back from the outside and found another one missing. My wife said the wolf took it away again.

So the husband waited at home every day, and sure enough, the wolf didn't come for several days.

On this day, the husband had something urgent to go out, so he asked his wife to take good care of him. Out of the village, I suddenly remembered that I forgot to take something and went home. Just entering the door, I saw my wife busy in the kitchen, her face covered with soot. It turned out that the pig in the pot was almost cooked, and the husband got angry and beat his wife.

The wife was still crying, and the husband stepped forward and opened the lid. He only smelled the smell of pork, tasted it, and couldn't help nodding his head in praise: it smells good! Delicious! Seeing this, the wife burst into tears immediately and said, "Ginger hasn't been released yet. It is more fragrant and delicious after it is released! " "

Wang Weiren, a drug dealer, is a profiteer. People always dig at him and say that he eats people and drinks blood.

One day, his businessman came home and passed a dark mountain road. Suddenly, a wolf jumped out of the forest, jumped at him and tried to bite his throat.

"Don't eat me, my meat is not delicious!"

The wolf said, "Does it taste bad? People say you always eat people. It must be delicious! "

Once, good friends Patrick Mahoney and Bernard Shaw talked about many issues. When they talked about the love entanglements of celebrities, Mahoney asked Mrs. Xiao, "How do you get along with your husband's many female admirers?"

Mrs. Bernard Shaw didn't answer directly, but told an anecdote. She said, "Shortly after we got married, an actress made a desperate pursuit of my husband. She threatened that if she didn't see him, she would commit suicide and her heart would be broken ... "

"So, did she die of a broken heart?"

"Indeed, she died of a heart attack." Bernard Shaw interrupted the conversation and said, "But that was 50 years later."

Modern funny story 10 1, a student was invited to his parents for fighting, and the parents shouted at the teacher: I fight every day when I come out, and it's not bad now.

2. Teacher: Hello, parents of XXX? Your child doesn't do his homework. ...

Parents: Oh, you assigned the homework. You ask me if he did it?

Teacher: That's homework.

Parents: Homework, our family never assigns homework. ...

Teacher: ...

3. Teacher: Hey, your children can't mix with classmates. ...

Parents: Please also ask teachers to give more education. My children have been timid since childhood, and they dare not go when there are many people. ...

Teacher: ...

4. Teacher: "Parents, it is not normal for your son to fail 30 exams every month."

Parents: "Teacher, I am very happy because my son has expanded the development space."

5. A buddy was arrested for puppy love and called his parents. When his father came, the teacher asked, "Your son is puppy love, take care of it."

As a result, my father said, "I heard that girl is quite beautiful."

Teacher: "I know you don't care." How can you be a parent? "

As a result, his father was also angry: "Tube? Don't let him date. When you grow up, you will marry him! "

Modern funny stories 1 1 1 I want to be a teacher when I grow up.

There is a daughter at home, four and a half years old. Usually timid, it is not good to talk to strangers. But if you don't sing, it will be a blockbuster.

During the Spring Festival, an uncle and aunt who didn't come often came to visit. She doodles and draws on the table alone, and looks very handsome. Aunt asked, "What are you drawing, Youyou (daughter's real name)?"

The daughter was silent.

"Well, that's nice. Do you want to be a painter when you grow up? "

Still silent.

"Oh, my aunt guessed wrong. Tell her what she wants to be when she grows up? "

The strangeness faded away, raised his head and said innocently, "I want to be a teacher!" " "

"Oh, yes, tell my aunt again. What kind of teacher do you want to be? "

The daughter looked surprised: "My name is Wang. Of course, I am a teacher. I don't know how simple it is? "

2. Teaching

There is a clever student in the third grade of primary school, but it is difficult for him to settle down and listen to the class.

One day, he said to his teacher, "I know enough." There is no need to continue studying. "

Teacher: "Oh, really? You only read until the third grade. What are you going to do? "

Student: "Teaching the second grade."

3. The truth about children

A young teacher just told a little boy in her class a story about a sheep that was eaten by a wolf because it left the flock. "Look," she said, "if this sheep is honest and doesn't leave the flock, it won't be eaten by wolves, right?" "Yes, sir." The little boy replied, "but we ate it later." "

Modern funny joke story 12 Tom came to ask Jim for money, but Jim was afraid to show up at home. He saw Jim's shoes by the door and knew that people must be at home, so he knocked on the door.

But there was no movement in the room, so he said loudly, "Jim, I know you are hiding at home, and your shoes are still by the door?"

A voice inside said, "No, I can go out barefoot."

A gentleman just bought a computer from a computer shop. A few days later, the computer began to smoke.

He consulted a person who knows a little about computers and was told to change batch files under DOS. He tried for a long time without success, so he called the store and asked what to do. The store manager said, "You can exchange your computer for another one."

But this gentleman insisted: "My friend said that it is enough to change the batch file under DOS. Why?"

The manager was very helpless about this "lever head" and made a joke with him: "Then I will tell you an undisclosed technology from Microsoft! You add a line of command NOSOMKE.EXE to the batch file, and there is no problem. "

A few days later, the gentleman called again and said, "No, after I joined that order, the computer still smoked."

The manager said, "Your version of NOSOMKE is too low. You can contact Microsoft service department. "

A few days later, the poor man called again. He told the store manager, "Microsoft people say that the power supply on my computer is not compatible with their NOSOMKE. EXE！”

Modern funny story 14 Xiao Wang put the written manuscript on the table, went on a business trip and went home at noon. He found that the table had been cleared, but the stacks of manuscripts were gone. When he smelled smoke, he asked his wife, "What are you burning?"

The wife replied, "Do you think I am so stupid that I will burn useless paper? I burned the written waste paper. "

When Fulton first publicly demonstrated the steamboat he invented, no one believed that it could move. People on both sides of the strait kept clamoring and saying, "Don't move, don't move, don't move!" Unexpectedly, the ship started at once, with steam and singing.

After reading it for a long time, everyone was tongue-tied and changed their mouth and said, "I can't stop, I can't stop, I can't stop!"

One day in 1950s, an American journalist saw an American Parker pen on Premier Zhou Enlai's desk.

He asked in a somewhat ironic tone: "Excuse me, Prime Minister, you are from China. Why do you use our pens?"

At this time, Premier Zhou listened and said humorously, "This pen is a long story. This is an anti-American trophy given to me by a Korean friend. I refuse to accept worthless rewards. My friend said, keep it as a souvenir. I thought it was very meaningful, so I left this pen from your country. "

American reporters were speechless when they heard this.

A group of young students asked Einstein to explain what relativity is. Einstein made a vivid and humorous analogy: "If you sit with a beautiful girl for two hours, you will feel as if you have only sat for one minute;" However, if you sit by a hot stove for even a minute, it's like sitting for two hours. This is the theory of relativity.

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