Complete works of literal jokes

Literal jokes, jokes are often heard in life, and sometimes you can listen to jokes when you are in a bad mood, which has a lot to do with your mood and is particularly comfortable. So, what kind of jokes are they? Come and have a look with me.

Word joke encyclopedia 1

During the holidays of 1 and 1 1, the couple drove in the Beast Garden. When they stopped to take pictures, a male tiger slowly came to the car. The wife was a little scared and said, "The tiger is coming for us. Is it to eat? " Husband: "No" Wife: "What does it do?" Husband smiled and said, "Looking for a tigress!"

2. Watch Gongdou Opera at home on holiday. I said, "So many emperors, which one do you like?" Husband: "Wu Zetian" me: "Because she is the only female emperor?" Husband: "no, because I'm not gay!" " "

The neighbor's little girl likes playing with her son very much. I jokingly asked my son, Will I be your wife when I grow up? My son asked me in a daze: Do you sleep together as a daughter-in-law? Me: Yes! The son shook his head into a rattle and said, that's not good. If we sleep together, she will grab my quilt. . .

4. Three children in the community played house, and the little boy said, "I'm going to be a father!" A little girl said, "I want to be a mother!" " "Another little girl said shyly," well. . . Then I'll be a junior! "I ... . .

My little niece was playing in my bedroom and suddenly came to tell me that I had just fallen asleep and dreamed that I had broken your lipstick. Don't scold me. . . I comforted: nothing, just a dream! I won't scold you if it's really broken ~ she opened her eyes and said, really? As he spoke, he took out the lipstick that had been hidden behind him and had been unrecognizable. . .

Word joke daquan 2 1, eat pork

A restaurant, two large sums of money. The waiter is waiting to order.

Big style A: "Braised pork"

Big money B: "You didn't eat pork before, but now you like it?"

Big money B: "You don't understand this. What was the price of pork before? What's the current price? Ordering pork does not fall. "

The path thought: this is called big money, what is expensive! Only order the most expensive, not the best.

2. Chickens eat sand

Not long ago, my father Lu Xiao bought a live chicken. Kill a chicken and gut it. Check that the stomach is large and the incision is full of stones. Dad was furious and asked the peddler for a theory. The vendor said: chickens feed themselves and grind food. One day, I saw a rice vendor adding stones to rice in an alley and asked: Is your rice for chickens?

3. South China Tiger

Xiao Lu Ma: "I heard that a South China tiger in Tiger Valley recently gave birth to a baby tiger."

Path: "Know"

Lu Xiao's mother: "Now we are collecting the name of this little tiger. What do you think it's called? "

Path: "Just call it Zhou Zhenglong."

4. Chickens will become embarrassed

In May this year, Ma bought a fund of 1 10,000 yuan. Seeing the fund rising day by day, Ma Xiaolu said happily, "I really bought a chicken that can only lay eggs."

Some people say it's time to sell the fund. Lu Xiao's mother didn't believe me: "How can you sell chickens that lay eggs?"

By1February, the fund had shrunk dramatically. The path said, "chickens don't lay eggs in winter, but they will become embarrassed."

Text joke Daquan 3 1, the old turtle molested the mussel, and the mussel was very angry. He opened his mouth and bit the old turtle, who reluctantly dragged the mussels back and forth. When the frog saw it, he exclaimed, "Dear, Brother Tortoise mixed up, and all the things in and out were briefcases.

The doctor asked the patient how he broke his bone. The patient said, I thought there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes with a telephone pole. * * An asshole passed by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a stick and gave me two!

3. In biology class, the teacher asked: How can we correctly distinguish the hands and feet of an octopus? Answer: Give it a fart to smell. Is the hand will cover your nose, and the rest is your feet. The whole class fell down.

4, a person always farts at work, and colleagues can't help but say: Can you keep quiet? Then I saw him sitting there trembling. Colleagues asked him what he was doing, and he replied, I am tuned to vibration now!

5, someone riding a bicycle, heard passers-by yelling: go, go, go ... I wish I could sing: Oh, Ole Ole ... The voice plunged into the ditch, and passers-by scolded: Shit! I'm telling you, Hook is still riding! You deserve to fall to death.

6, carp and tortoise to get a marriage certificate. The clerk asked the turtle's age, and the turtle: 100. The clerk said regretfully, I'm sorry, according to your family rules, you are underage and are not allowed to get married.

7. A couple came to the wishing pool. The husband bent down and made a wish, then threw a coin into the well. My wife also wanted to make a wish, but when she bent down, she accidentally fell into the well. The husband was surprised, then smiled and said to himself, "How wonderful!"