Ask jokes, the more the better, don't repeat them.

40. In college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In desperation, I got up and shouted: You are talking nonsense, I am not.

Not stupid!

4 1, a buddy of mine went on a blind date. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At noon, when the meal arrived, two people entered a house.

Arriving at the beef noodle restaurant, the girl shouted to the master: Hey, pull two bowls ~ ~ Lamian Noodles's master said: Do you want to eat? I eat and pull.

42. When I was a child, popsicles and ice cream were usually sold on bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: New ice cream is selling well.

Yes (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks. )

43 once the leader of the Education Bureau inspected the exercises between classes. After that, the PE teacher should have announced "dissolution", but in desperation, they forgot the words and held back.

After a long time, I shouted: "Retreat!"

44. When I was in college, I went to Hengshan to play. I was halfway up the mountain. When I am tired, I want to have a rest. I saw an Obasan buying souvenirs by the roadside.

Go up and ask, "Wife ..."

45. During the self-study class, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just finished reciting the words, help me write them down." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG just

Please, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it anymore, shouting, Teacher, you see I don't want to (touch) him, he

I have to (touch) silence ~ ~! ! !

46. One day I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call him uncle, but he said wrong, "Dad,

Come and sit down! "~ ~ cold! A bunch of classmates laughed to death.

47. My colleague had a quarrel with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "

48. When I was in primary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I don't borrow it, he will pester me and hit me. Say that finish, I yelled with all my strength.

"I won't marry (lend) you." At that time, the students immediately quieted down.

49. Once I ordered a song at ktv, a mm shouted loudly: Give me a stick to cut "Double Jay" every week. ......

I spit on your face!

5 1 I went to work this morning to catch the bus. When we arrived at the platform, the bus had already left. So I had to chase and shout:

"Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! "

Then a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, stop chasing."

A customer ran into the tailor's shop angrily.

Pointing to the fashion designed by the shopkeeper for him, he said, "I stood on the street corner yawning and two people put letters in my mouth!" " "

A primary school student participated in the school recitation competition for the first time. He was very nervous. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms were still sweating. It's finally her turn. Pupils gritted their teeth and walked a few steps to the center of the stage: teachers and classmates, the topic I recited was: Red leaves are crazy (maple leaves are red) ...

I am still a primary school student, and I am particularly envious of my classmates who are assigned by the teacher to read the composition. I always hoped that the teacher would let me read it. End of opportunity

I'm here.

So-and-so, read your composition to everyone!

Pupils stand up: "My teacher". Teacher, I look like your mother. ......

This time I am an unskilled host of a song and dance troupe.

At a performance, I hurried on stage without being ready. The performance takes turns. It's her turn to announce: audience friends, please listen next.

Du Zi (Du Zi) plays flute. ......

My family often plants green onions in pots in winter to keep them fresh and tender. My sister saw it when she came home for the New Year, and she was very happy with my mother.

Say: hey! Mom, this is so rude ... Mom and I both laughed.

57. A neighbor named Auntie goes to work by bike every day. Early in the morning, I met her at the door. I smiled and said politely, Aunt,

Big class ... bah! ..... I want to bite off my tongue.

One day, my classmate anonymous felt sorry for himself and suddenly turned to the person behind him and said, is my chest hair good-looking? He was taken aback and said, Oh, I am.

I want to ask if my eyebrows are fierce.

When I was a primary school student, I made a resolution at the general meeting of the whole school: we should learn from the revolutionary spirit of the Red Army in climbing snow-capped mountains and crossing grasslands. From then on.

Deprived of political speech for life!

When I was 60 years old, my father told me that there was a paragraph about Liu Hulan in the Chinese book. When Liu Hulan took the initiative to admit to the Japanese that she saved the whole country.

When the villagers were alive, an old man stepped forward to save her. The line is: Alley, are you crazy? ! But in the era of * * *, poor.

Rural children read aloud: little madman, do you smell good?

6 1 In high school, the teacher asked me to read the text at the same table. This girl has always been famous for her lively reading. She was also holding a textbook that day.

Read aloud:

..... He clung to the sentry in the snowstorm, clutching a steel gun in his hand ...

What we hear is that .....

..... He stood guard in the snowstorm, holding a pen tightly in his hand. ......

..... There was silence in the class, the teacher fell down with laughter, and then the classmates fell down. ....

Everybody stand up! Play the national flag and raise the national anthem. ...

I take my son to feed the ducks. He ran after the duck while scattering bread crumbs, and I ran after him with his apple (he didn't)

Yes, I can only find a chance to give him a bite when he is distracted. He kept running, and I kept calling him to come and have a bite of the apple.

Chasing ducks again! I kept repeating this sentence, and finally I shouted it out: Have a bite of duck ... and then put on the brakes skillfully.

I remember when I was in primary school, there was a text called Waterfall. In the middle, the author turned a mountain and saw a waterfall hanging on it, which was one of mine.

When a female classmate was reading aloud, she was also very loud and said excitedly: I was shocked when I climbed over this mountain, and there was a rag hanging on the mountain. . . The whole class.

I was shocked.

There is also a passage from a Russian writer's novel: all the houses here belong to the lords (referring to the rich).

As a result, one of my male classmates read aloud: All the houses here belong to old men. At the same time, our Chinese teacher asked him doubtfully:

So where do the old ladies live?

The most classic thing is that I once watched Tao tell an anecdote about his first time as a host. He never said that the opening ceremony was a curtain call ... What impressed me most was that.

He said that once when he was hosting a party, he calmly walked up and said affectionately, friend, have you seen the Yellow River? You know this is our mother.

Kiss the river ~ ~

After deeply introducing the Yellow River, he said, let's listen to the song of the Yangtze River.

Once I was driving, the female colleague sitting next to me suddenly asked, "Why don't you wear a condom when driving?"

68. Going home at the weekend, I became addicted to cigarettes after dinner and planned to go for a walk under the pretext. When changing shoes at the door, my father asked me why I wanted to go. I said, "Go for a walk.

Smoke! "。 As a result, my father found a pack of white generals from me and gave me a good K.

In computer class, a classmate shouted when there was something wrong with his machine. "Boss, change the plane!"

Once I went to McDonald's to buy a sweet bucket, and finally it was my turn. I can't wait to say, "Give me two rollers!" " ".I didn't expect the waiter to treat me badly.

Speak aloud; "Two rollers, four dollars!" .

7 1 I met a long-awaited girl who came out of the bathhouse and wanted to make friends with her. She held back for a long time and said, "Go take a shower, there are many men in it."

Not much? "。

A teacher played mahjong all night. Seeing that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who will make trouble in the village today?" Don't clean the blackboard! " .

The teacher asked me to do my homework. If I can't do it, I'll copy from others. Then I go to the office to hand in my homework. I saw the teacher say, "I copied it!" " " .

On the day of driving test, a gentleman was particularly nervous. The examiner embarrassed him and asked him to stop at a place with a fire hydrant on the side of the road. This Curtis is very nervous.

He said, "Call the fire hydrant. There are examiners on the roadside. No parking!" " .