About and describe classic funny sentences.

Describe classic funny sentences

1. Funny words 1. I once had a pair of wings, but I didn't use them to soar in the sky, but put them in a pot to stew soup; 2, chess, calligraphy and painting will not, laundry and cooking are too tired; 3, the public can be pleasing or out of favor. 4. Red beans don't grow in the south, but grow on my face. I really miss them.

2. When I was a child, my parents worked for a few hundred dollars, so my family was very poor. At that time, I made up my mind to find a job of two thousand dollars, which was higher than their salary, so that my life would not be so hard! Now, my wish has finally come true, but why is life even harder than before?

3. I especially dislike those who are showing off their wealth. Your toothpaste is Colgate, your shampoo is Rejoice, and your mobile phone is Nokia. Which one is not a famous brand? I take millions of buses to work every day, and maintain long-term and stable cooperative relations with Fortune 5 enterprises, China Construction Bank, Agricultural Bank, China Mobile, PetroChina, State Grid and Wal-Mart. Did you see me show off?

4. Stop it, it's too difficult! Threaten the leadership if the work is done well, and threaten the leadership if the work is not done well; If you work too much, your colleagues will be jealous, if you work too little, your colleagues will be angry, and if you can't work, you will be unlucky. Why don't you switch to tofu? Tofu insurance: if it's hard, it's dried tofu, if it's thin, it's bean curd brain, if it's thin, it's bean curd skin. If it can't be sold, it can be made into stinky tofu.

5, Lei Ren's quotations: 1. Is the departure of the stool the pursuit of the toilet or the failure to retain the ass? 2, all say that my sister is beautiful, in fact, it is all made up. 3. Brother smokes because it hurts his lungs and is not sad. Although the bird is small, it really plays the whole sky. 5, poor Nike, Fuadi, rogue Armani. 6. No matter how powerful Tang Priest is, he is just a monkey player. 7. Missing after breaking up is not missing, but being guilty!

6. A few days ago, after graduating from senior year, a child hung a sheet on the window at the end of the dormitory building, which said, "I'm leaving gently without taking a junior.". Uncle boarder came up with a sentence that he couldn't take away and had the face to write it. Then the uncle took away the shameful sheets.

7. I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night. I got up and went to the balcony for a cigarette. I found a cockroach and talked to it for a long time. Give vent to my dissatisfaction with my wife, my dissatisfaction with my boss and my oppression of my boss. I ran out of cigarettes, so I stomped on it and went to bed? I can't help it. You know too much.

8. Chinese hamburger doesn't care how many Chinese buns you have eaten before it; Pizza won't lose your temper when you are happy or unhappy; They won't be jealous of each other when they bite an ice cream in one hand; Jiaozi, who was eating a bowl, thought that there was no problem with the pan-fried food on the table next door, so in a word: eating food doesn't need love.

9. Xiao Ming is peeing in the toilet, and Xiaoqiang pulls down Xiao Ming's pants from behind. And then ran away smiling. Xiaoming ran to the principal's office to complain. Xiaoming: President Wang, Xiaoqiang pulled down my pants? President Wang: Well, take your time. Why don't you put your pants on first?

1. The sky is grey, the land is vast, and prices are rising. I can afford a car, but I can't afford gas. The bus is quite busy, and the car owners will eventually get hurt. I can't earn money to buy a house, and the beauty is rising, and the price is unstoppable. With my income, there is no hope in this life, and I sigh empty sorrow for the moon, and the breeze blows tears!

11. The school stipulates that teachers are not allowed to answer the phone in class. One day, we had a physics class and the teacher's phone rang. The teacher looked at it for a long time and asked us: Do you want to answer the phone? We replied: we must answer it! Then the teacher went out and shouted: What is the wife doing? I'm in class!

12. In Tibet, no matter how hard you try, you can't boil a pot of water, which shows that the environment is very important. Riding a bicycle, no matter how hard you try, you can't catch up with the BMW, which shows that fairness is very important; A man, no matter how excellent, can't have children without a woman, which shows that cooperation is very important; So sometimes, it is not enough for us to work hard, but also to learn to adapt to the environment and cater to the rules. Isn't that right?

13. "When I went out to play with a friend again, there was a dog on the ground, so she didn't see a foot on the dog's tail. The dog jumped up with a growl, and she quickly said, I'm sorry. Suddenly he felt something was wrong and said, "sorry ,sorry." As a result, an old man next to him said, "Alas, he doesn't understand anything, and it means he forgives you if he doesn't bite you."

14. How worried can you be? Worry about living makes it hard to buy a house all your life. Worry about eating can't prevent gutter oil. I was sick and worried, and I saved my life to stay in the hospital. When you are old, you have no one to rely on to drink porridge. Baby worries, melamine replaces milk. Eat meat, rinse a hot pot of fake mutton. Living in sorrow, working hard all his life is white. Dead sorrow, a cemetery and a building.

15. I saw my friend Weibo very sad the other day, so I asked another friend: What happened to him? This Weibo is like a masterpiece. Let's go to Doby to see him. The friend said: Don't make trouble. You are obviously in a bad mood. Don't add fuel to the fire. We have been friends for so many years. Let's watch the fun.

16. I don't want to fall in love for a while = I don't want to fall in love with you; I just want to be friends with you = if you pester me again, I won't even have friends; You are a good person = just be good to me; don't expect me to value you; I just regard you as a brother/sister = relative. How can you have love? Not my type = you are ugly; You can't give me what I want = you are poor; Are you kidding? = It better be a joke. Please say it's a joke! Understand?

17. "When I was still very cute in junior high school, there was a female classmate named Xu Yizhu, whose pinyin abbreviation was" "XYZ" ".She was always proud of her initials, and she thought her name was handsome, so she wrote the three letters XYZ on all her stationery. Until one day, the monitor picked up one of her pencils, looked at the three letters XYZ engraved on it, and slowly read: ""Small? Prostitution? Thief ""

18. In the park, a woman met a hooligan. The woman was furious and pointed at the hooligan and scolded him: You are shameless. Rogue: How do you know? This is my charm. Woman: mean! Rogue: Yes, this is my unique moral quality. Woman: You bastard. Rogue: concession, concession, this is the personality fashion I have always adhered to. Woman: Dirty! Rogue: Thank you, this is the service provided by my profession!

19. Ordinary youth: When it snows, I can have a snowball fight with my girlfriend. Gao Shuai Fu: I can meet many pure girls in the snow again. Short, ugly and poor: it's snowing, so I can make a snowman to accompany me. Idiot youth: It's delicious to mix some sugar with snow.

2. The study style in the university is not good, and no one likes to attend classes, and no one will go at the end of the term. A buddy obeyed and went to class. As a result, he went to a classroom that could accommodate 1 people. As soon as the teacher is moved, he should draw the key points for him. As a result, this buddy came up with a sentence: Teacher, I didn't bring my book?

21. When my son was 3 years old, he often clamored to sleep with us because he had just been told to sleep in separate beds. One day, I didn't go home until the early hours of the morning, and my daughter-in-law said to her son, son, you see your father is so poor. He works so hard until midnight that he can't sleep next to his wife! Who knows that the little guy took a sentence: Mom, I am even more pitiful. I don't even have a wife!

22. Go shopping for watermelons with your wife. It's not cheap to sell watermelons. Me: It's the same watermelon. Why do you sell one and a half when everyone else sells one? He: How can you get your 15 pounds if you are also a daughter-in-law? Me: You wait for me to calm down for a while.

23. When a woman was walking at night, she suddenly saw a man stretching his shoulders in front of her, walking slowly towards her in a hug gesture. The woman was very angry, and suddenly there was no shadow foot, only to hear a crash. The man said in dismay, this is the second piece. Alas, why can't I even take a piece of glass?

24. When I was a soldier, once we had a meal, our class sat at a big round table. At that time, in XinBingLian, we had a large amount of training and the food was vegetarian. As soon as the food was served, we started to eat with chopsticks. A person next to me suddenly stood up and chopsticks picked up a piece of meat. Just shout: monitor, I found a piece of meat! The monitor grabbed the chopsticks and said, Very well, leave it to me, and you will continue your reconnaissance?

25. In yesterday's Chinese homework, this sentence appeared: or? Although? . Xiaoming finished his homework and handed it in, but he was still punished by the teacher, because Xiaoming's homework said: The teacher is still ugly, although she has put on makeup!

26. "You are not allowed to hand in the exam in advance. When I took the math exam, I finished it half an hour in advance. I had nothing to do, so I wrote a note on draft paper." "Idiot, did you take all the trouble to open it and think it was the answer?" "Then I wrapped it in paper layer by layer, but I forgot how much. When the invigilator saw it, he came to see that I had finished it. He thought I had handed it to others, so he collected it together with the paper, opened it layer by layer on the podium, and finally his eyes ... I will never forget it."

27. A man was starving in the desert when he found the magic lamp. Magic lamp: I can only realize your one wish. Come on, I'm in a hurry. Man: I want a wife? The magic lamp immediately conjured up a beautiful woman, and then disdained to say: I'm starving and still covet beauty! Pathetic! Then he disappeared. Person:? Cake.

28. When I was a child, my family education was very good. Every time I went out, I would shout, Mom, I'm leaving. I won't leave until my mother answers. As a result, one day my mother didn't wake up, and I shouted, Mom, I'm leaving. No response. Keep shouting, mom, I'm leaving, and there's no response. Then he shouted, mom, I'm leaving! My mother got up and rushed to the door. Come on, get out! Me, go down to earth?

29. The young couple were at odds. They didn't say a word for a long time during the cold war. While sleeping, the husband suddenly heard a poof under the covers, and then the daughter-in-law pulled the quilt up, covered her head and shouted: I will die with you ... mutually assured destruction!

3. There is a TV program that a white radish was planted and turned into a carrot in autumn. Experts from all over the country discussed collectively. Water, fertilizer, land type, air, weather and even planting methods were investigated. Episodes 1, 2 and 3. The final conclusion is that the buddy planted the wrong seeds.

31. A colleague of mine sprayed three words on the outside of his tool cabinet and his helmet, Wang Jiudan. From then on, everyone called him Wang Jiudan, and one day a guide also called, Wang Jiudan, come here. He came running like a fart, smiled at the guide and said, what do you want to see me about? The guide turned green after thinking about it ~ ~ green ~ From then on, Wang Jiudan called everyone brother ~~

32. The research center of Harvard University found that people with messy desks were 5% more creative on average than those with neat desks. People who are often late have an average 7% higher sense of humor than those who are never late; People who eat a lot have an average EQ of 9% higher than those who eat a little. On the whole, I am excellent.

33. One day, a man went to the hospital to see a doctor. He said to the doctor, Doctor, I can pull whatever I eat now. It's not the same. I ate cucumbers yesterday and tomatoes today. How can I return to normal? The doctor replied, then eat poop!

34. Someone is ugly and pessimistic. He waded through mountains and rivers to find a Zen master who lived in seclusion in the mountains and cried about his appearance. After hearing this, the Zen master said, You should be like me! Someone mused: Does the master want me to be as quiet inside as the master, and be humiliated? The master said angrily, idiot, I want you to find a deep mountain to hide like me.

35. A couple quarreled. Wife: If I had known you were such a person, I would have listened to my mother and refused to marry you! Husband: You mean your mother stopped you from marrying me before? The wife nodded her head. The husband pounded the table hard: I really misjudged her over the years!

36. Walking home, I passed the pedestrian street. A little girl was holding a big golden retriever about her height. It was the dog who was holding her. The dog was walking and sitting on the ground. The little girl couldn't pull for a long time. Then she squatted next to the dog and began to reason with the dog? Be reasonable? Reason?

37. It is said that there is a beautiful antithetical poem circulating in the Chinese Department of Peking University. The above was written by a girl: Last night, walking in the playground, Lu Yu frog pretended to be cool, vomited, vomited, and only hit his head against a tree! The following boys are right: Last night, when the stadium was cool, I saw a dinosaur hit a tree. It was horrible, horrible, and pity the little tree! ! !

38. Mom took Xiaoming to visit his uncle. Xiaoming asked his uncle: Why isn't my aunt at home? Uncle: She didn't rest on Saturday and went to the middle class. Xiaoming: Why does my aunt still go to kindergarten when she is so old? Still working in the middle class? I'm in a big class at such a young age! Uncle:?

39. During the class, the teacher suddenly said, whoever can answer the next question I ask can go straight home from class. I immediately threw the pen in the teacher's face. Who threw it? I threw it! Then I'll go home! And then there wasno. Then?

4. Since I was a child, people have said that I'm young, and now I'm getting married. People think I'm a freshman, and I'm used to it. I rented a house with my boyfriend. One Saturday morning, a girl came to sell cleaning products. After I opened the door for her, I politely said, Hello, what can I do for you? I felt that she was stunned for a few seconds, and then suddenly she said: Well, is your adult there? Me? Directly shout to your boyfriend: Dad, someone is looking for you?

41. I'm not afraid of millions of beautiful women, but I'm afraid of beautiful women coming to discharge: the eyes are hot and high voltage. Unrequited love is called direct current, and double love is called alternating current. Love at first sight is called electricity, and two of a kind is called electricity. Love is like a battery, you should always charge it!

42. Take an examination of Lu Xun's possession in Chinese, Gaussian possession in mathematics, Li Yang's possession in English, Newton's possession in physics, Dalton's possession in chemistry, Doraemon's possession in history, Zhou Enlai's possession in politics, Darwin's possession in geography, Columbus and Li Daoyuan's possession in geography.

43. Before dinner, an instructor lectured the cadets: You can only eat food close to your face when eating. Don't think you are an infantry, just have one? A long journey? ; You can't go through the dishes at will. Don't think you are an armored soldier. On the rampage? ; You can't wolf it down and threaten it. Don't think you're a marine, just one? Amphibious landing

44. You were in my heart, then slowly you ran into my stomach, and then I digested you, and then you ran into my large intestine, and finally you became a fart, and then I let you go. You are a fart, and I won't let you go. Can't you stay in your intestines and slowly savor it?

45. When we were young, we were the Monkey King: naughty and troublesome. When we were young, we were pigs and eight quit: we did whatever we wanted and stumbled. In the prime of life, we are the sand monk: hardworking, honest and honest. When we are old, we are the Tang Priest: wordy and troublesome.

46. It is said that there is a bird in the world that has no feet. It can only fly and fly all the time. When it is tired of flying, it sleeps in the wind. This bird can only land once in its life, and that time is when it dies. When I heard this story before, I felt that the bird was so pitiful, and there was always a trace of sadness in my heart! Later, I heard from a friend that the original name of a bird was Angry Birds.

47. It is strongly recommended that the swimming pool should not be shallow in the deep water area in summer.