Ancient humorous jokes

The garden couldn't be closed in spring, so I lured an almond out of the wall. The following is an ancient humorous joke to share with you. Let's laugh together!

Ancient humorous jokes 1 1, salt beans and property

A rich businessman is very stingy. He put the pickled beans in a bottle and put a few in each meal with chopsticks. He was having dinner that day. Suddenly someone told him: your son is eating big fish and meat in the restaurant! ? Hearing this, the rich businessman scolded: Whose money have I worked so hard to save? Then pour out a handful of salt beans from the bottle, put them all in your mouth, chew and say: I lost, too! ?

2. Like father, like son

There is a kind of person who is arrogant and never lets others. One day, he was walking in the street, and a man came and didn't make way for him. Of course he wouldn't let him, so the two men stood face to face. After a long time, the man's father came to him and asked him anxiously, why are you still standing here, waiting for the family to buy food and go back to cook! ? I can't leave, this man won't make way for me! ? Then you buy rice, and I'll stand here and show you who will make way for whom in the end! ?

3. Boring words

A scholar met a monk. Thinking of the monk's ugliness, the scholar asked the monk, Master, how to write the bald word for a bald donkey? The monk said:? It's just a scholar's words, and his ass is slightly bent. ?

4. Holiday

This is Passover. A newly married couple didn't understand complicated holiday etiquette, so the husband asked his wife to peek at the blacksmith's house next door. The wife approached the window and saw the blacksmith hitting her with a coal shovel! When his wife came home, her husband asked her what she saw, but she wouldn't say. Finally, the husband got angry and picked up a coal shovel to hit her. She cried and said, since you know all about it, why did you send me?

Ancient humor joke 2 1, fasting mosquitoes

A monk wants to use blood to fast mosquitoes. When there were a lot of mosquitoes, the monk couldn't stand it, so he beat around with his hands. People nearby asked:? Why fight mosquitoes when you want to feed them? The monk said:? They eat and eat, and they deserve to be beaten. ?

2. Ji Xiaolan is good at dealing with eunuchs.

Everyone knows that Ji Xiaolan is a quick thinker. . . . . One day. . . When he wants to find the emperor. . . Was stopped by a eunuch. . . Eunuch: I heard that Mr. Ji is very talented. . . . Can you write a poem? . . . . . Or I won't let you pass. . . Ji Xiaolan can't imagine. . . . I wrote two poems. . . The eunuch said, "Three Lights, Heaven and Earth, Four Seasons, Summer, Autumn and Winter". . . . Aren't there four seasons in a year? Spring? Mr. Ji looked at the eunuch coldly. . . . Say: Do you still have spring?

3, the story of the scholar

A scholar took a book boy to catch the exam. I lost my hat on the way. The extreme boy said: The hat fell (the first one). The scholar quickly said: Don't say landing. Talk about the ground. Extremely help the scholar pick up the hat, fasten it firmly on the scholar's head, and then say: I won't touch the ground again this time.

4, stingy

A couple of landlords are notoriously stingy. One day, a person went into town and wanted to go to the toilet while walking, but on second thought, such a good fertilizer could not be cheap to others. So I've been holding it. Later, I couldn't hold it any longer, so I went to the toilet. But nothing came out except a few farts. So I'm proud. Go home and tell your wife about your experience. Who knows that my wife flew into a rage: You are a black sheep, how can you live like this? How nice it would be to save these farts and blow the lights!

Ancient humorous jokes 3 1, crooked poems

There used to be a scholar? Xipo? I often praise Su Shi. During the drought, the satrap set up an incense table to beg for rain and ordered him to write poems to remember this grand occasion. The scholar wrote a poem and said: The satrap prayed for rain, and all the people were grateful. Last night, I opened the window to see the moon. ? The satrap was furious and sent Yunyang. His uncle gave it to him. When saying goodbye, the scholar saw that his uncle was blind, so he presented a poem: Send Yunyang to see his uncle as a mother. People cry together, three lines? . To match, officials like his poems, take his wife as the topic and ask him to recite them. The scholar said:? The ring jingled and the lady walked out of the back hall. Three-inch golden lotus, horizontal. ? The official's anger made him laugh at himself. The scholar lamented:? The ancients called Dongpo, but now I call it Xipo. If you compare two people, how much is the difference? .

2. Tea shed

A scholar went to a tea shed to drink tea. A nun in the shed didn't know a word in the scriptures, so she asked the scholar, "Excuse me, Guo Jian, how do you pronounce this word?" When the scholar heard someone calling him a Guo-zi-jian diploma, he deliberately showed off his knowledge. He said, "This monk should know sorrow and decline. Guo-zi-jian diploma and scholar are the same, but their stomachs are different. A nun heard that he called himself a monk and said disapprovingly, "You should know that Qi and Zhai, nuns and monks are the same as cassock, but their crotch is different. A little girl serving tea in a tea shed couldn't help laughing. Both of them turned back and said, "Sister-in-law, what are you laughing at? An unmarried little girl heard them call her eldest sister-in-law. She was very angry and said, "You should know how to make up. A girl and sister-in-law have the same figure, but the circle is different. 」

3. Little monk

There was a young monk who ran into the yard with a long bamboo pole in the middle of the night, waving and banging at the night sky, making a scene. Finally, the old monk was disturbed. The old monk asked, "What on earth are you doing without sleeping in the middle of the night?" The young monk summoned up his courage nervously and replied, "Master, I want the stars in the sky, but no matter how I wave them, I still can't beat them." Hearing this, the old monk immediately flew into a rage and swore, "You idiot, you don't know such a simple question. How can you fight in a place like that? . You won't climb the roof. 」

4. Husband and wife quarrel

One night, a couple were quarrelling? . Dave: OK, stop it. You will disturb your neighbors in the middle of the night. The wife argued irrationally: it's five o'clock in the evening, obviously it's half past two in the middle of the night. Why three o'clock? After quarreling for a while, the husband felt that his wife was unreasonable and slapped her in the face! The wife shouted: help, you killed someone in the middle of the night! Husband: I'll tell you why you were beaten in the middle of the night.

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