I owe 100,000 yuan and my parents look down upon me. My father is only allowed to sleep on the sofa when I go home for the New Year. What should I do?

Life is a bit bitter, starting from overestimating family ties

I saw a stranger describing his parents online and used this sentence: I never dared to hope that I could learn from them. Get warmth. Later I realized that for some people, home is a haven and a retreat, but for others, from the moment they leave home, they can never look back.

Her answer was anonymous. There is always some suffering in this life. We need to wear a mask to speak out boldly. Because we have to continue living, we cannot openly analyze our weaknesses for everyone to see. .

If you do this, some people will sympathize with you, some will look down upon you, and some even want to add a pinch of salt to your pain. It doesn’t matter anyway. to myself.

People's hearts have always been unpredictable, no matter what the relationship between two people is.

I can tell from her words that she is a daughter.

She talked about the saddest thing about returning home during the Chinese New Year.

Last year, due to various reasons, not only did she not make any money, she also owed 100,000 yuan in external debts, and her life was very unsatisfactory. Things were not going well, so when she went home to celebrate the New Year, she held out hope in her heart that she could find a little warmth and courage at home and continue to work hard in the coming year.

What she didn't expect was that after graduation, her father's expectations for their three children were not as pure as before, and he began to allocate his love according to the amount of money he earned.

This trend has existed before, but there has never been much difference between their three children. Whether it is income or work, everyone is roughly at the same level.

If you have to rank her, she is the one with the most ideas and overall the one with the best income. Later, she didn't want to work for others all her life, so she decided to start her own business. As a result, she lost money last year.

After returning home, her father's attitude changed a lot. He was always blaming her, saying that she didn't do her good work and insisted on doing it. As a result, she ended up like this. She went out to work for others. Asking made him lose face.

Her father is a very respectable person, especially in front of outsiders, and enjoys the feeling of being praised. As a result, some relatives asked her about her affairs. Even though she was concerned, her father felt a little embarrassed on his face, thinking that others might be watching their family's jokes behind their backs.

Originally, their home had three bedrooms. She and her sister had always slept in the same bedroom, with bunk beds and she slept on the upper bed. As a result, her father put a lot of things on the upper bed and said there was no room at home to put them. , unable to move away, letting her sleep on the sofa alone, which was never the case before.

The gap between the front and the back made it impossible for her not to mind her father's partiality at this time. Especially the father's accusations increased more and more. Although he didn't say that he didn't recognize her as his daughter, nor did he say anything too extreme, the closer someone was, the more sensitive they were to details.

So, she must be sad.

Life is a little bitter, starting from overestimating family ties. In the minds of most of us, when it comes to parental affection, it is always a positive side. It is linked to selfless dedication, love and care, and giving the best to our children even if we wrong ourselves. It is warmth. of harbor. This definition is consistent with the real life of most people.

However, it is true that not all parents are like this. One of the many differences in this world is that there is no absolute value for the upper and lower limits of a relationship.

In other words, the same emotion and different people can produce two completely opposite results.

And there is no connection between the two. You will never be able to convince one of them or understand the other's thoughts, and there is no need to waste this energy. You are undoubtedly asking for trouble.

I think of a friend of mine who said that her parents-in-law were relatively powerful people and had never encountered any major problems. She had no chance to see clearly, so she chose to marry her husband.

She bluntly said that if she had seen things clearly before marriage, she might reconsider the matter of marriage, because the cultivation and atmosphere of a family are really important. They are closely related to her life and cannot be ignored. .

It’s just that she didn’t find out before she got married. After getting married and getting pregnant, she had new feelings when she came into close contact with her parents-in-law. Her husband's sister and brother-in-law also owed money last year due to various reasons. Her parents-in-law did not allow them to come to their home to pay New Year greetings during the New Year, saying that they would not take away their family's wealth.

When she heard this sentence, she was shocked. She didn't expect that this was said by a parent. She was their daughter. She couldn't understand it.

Not only did she not understand, but her parents were also very confused about this idea after hearing about it.

They are both parents. She said that if they were her parents, they would definitely comfort her and most likely secretly give her money, fearing that she would have a bad life. If it’s difficult, let’s clear the relationship first. Life is so long and you are still young. Who has not encountered difficulties and has no chance to turn around? Why bother adding insult to injury at this time?

But she found that her parents-in-law thought this way, and she couldn't change it.

Especially her father-in-law, who is very stubborn and does not get involved. He always thinks that he is very capable and cannot be refuted. Everyone in the family likes to express their opinions when there is something wrong, and others will not follow his opinions. You will still have opinions about what you say and do, thinking that this is disrespectful to him. If the conditions are better than him, he will be jealous, but if they are not as good as him, he will look down on them.

So, she said that she lived in such a family atmosphere and felt depressed a lot of the time. Considering the harmony of the family, she kept silent and did not talk back. Otherwise, according to her father-in-law’s temperament, she would definitely To arrange.

However, just like this, she became more determined to live separately after giving birth to the child. Before she took over the new house, she could rent a house first.

Her husband also agreed, mainly because he felt that her father talked too much and did not want to live at home.

I gradually discovered one thing. The first time most people around me had the idea that "money can affect other people's attitude towards you" came from their parents.

Because parents make it clear that they treat rich and poor children differently, naturally this idea will immediately penetrate into their hearts.

To be honest, most people in life are just acquaintances. They also follow the principle of "leave a thin line in everything" in dealing with people. Even if your conditions are not good, I will respect you. Feng shui takes turns, who knows what will happen in the future, so you won’t go too far in what you say or do.

This is especially true for better friends.

Therefore, parents who often have this idea may not be so obvious to outsiders, but with the blessing of family affection and a sense of calmness and fairness as elders, they will not consider their children. Feelings, on the contrary, tend to reveal the truest character.

This is why some people, as parents, look down on their children.