How do people with high emotional intelligence "chat"?

Some people spend money on food and drink, some people spend money on songs, some people spend money on beauty, some people spend money on massage, Song Dandan has found a good job, and some people pay her to chat with others.

"Talk to you, talk to you, talk to you", this sentence comes from the lines in Zhao Benshan and Song Dandan's sketch "The Hour Worker"

Of course, what the sketch wants to express is that it is difficult for the elderly who follow their children into the city to integrate into the social atmosphere of the city.

Nowadays, with more and more young people pouring into "Northern Guangzhou", facing the glitz of the city, our hearts are full of endless loneliness, but we never talk about loneliness. We laughed and cheered, pretending to be one in the group and satisfied. And how many people, privately puzzled to find the answer:

"How can I integrate into the new environment?"

This problem, unlike many years ago, is a dilemma faced only by the elderly. It is the anxiety of all people who come to strange cities and strange teams. Chatting is the key for you to integrate into the new environment, join new circles and make new friends.

We often fall into silence after greeting, are too lazy to chat with our elders, and talk incoherently with the opposite sex ... We become embarrassed and passive because we can't chat, and even begin to question our emotional intelligence and personality.

In fact, "chatting" plays a very important role in our life. Chatting is also exquisite, not everyone can chat; Chatting skills can also be improved, and you need to study hard. Don't fall into some kind of "honey confidence", thinking that chatting is the innate chatting instinct of human beings, and slowly ignoring its function of communicating with people.

Perhaps, some people will say: I am fine alone, and I don't need to communicate, communicate or talk with others. I can say for sure that this is unlikely. Why?

Why do we need to talk?

I dare not say that chatting is air, without which we can't live. However, chatting is really like vitamins or trace elements in our bodies. Sometimes it doesn't seem to be a big problem. If it continues to drain, it will definitely touch the bottom line of people-oriented. Therefore, chatting is not dispensable.

Daily chat seems to have no practical significance, in fact, there are different nameplates on different occasions.

When we are willing to describe happiness to others, we share happiness; We are talking when we tell others sadly about the pain. When we are listeners, we are inspired; In the chat without special emotions, we will also get some information invisibly. We play different roles in chatting again and again.

In addition, please recall that when you are full of doubts about your memory, do you remember what others said particularly clearly? The phrase "listen to xx" appears very frequently in chat. In fact, in chatting, the efficiency of obtaining information is very high.

Therefore, if we insist on the utilitarian purpose of chatting, it is to get the information we need in a relaxed, pleasant and warm atmosphere. We can directly get the information we care about subconsciously from different people, and unconsciously filter out useless news.

Give a few "chestnuts":

? Lao Wang! Do you know where the hot pot restaurant is delicious?

? Xiao Zhang, your clothes are really nice. Where did you buy it?

? Liu Damei girl ~ Today's makeup is good. Can you teach me?

? Xiao Liu, I went to the movies yesterday. Xxx is really as good as online reviews.

Such things are all small talk. Is it really useless?

Chatting is also a way of "picking". No matter what you eat, drink, wear and play, as long as it appears in chatting, it is hard for you to forget.

When chatting with others, we can express our feelings and vent our emotions; Secondly, friends will inadvertently give us some information, which is also one of the functions of contacts; At the same time, we also output our own information.

However, we just couldn't talk before. When I speak, I will be deadlocked. I get angry when I joke. I will be interrupted as soon as I open my mouth. After chatting for a long time, others still don't know what I want to say. So, we began to be afraid of chatting and refused to talk. Abide by the etiquette principle of "silence is golden" throughout the ages.

Can you really chat?

With the rapid development of communication technology, it seems that we are always separated from our friends by many megabytes of optical fibers; Young people with fast learning ability always feel separated from their elders by decades of information development; People who work diligently are mostly obedient to leaders and superiors, which is relatively inhuman.

We began to be keen on chatting with people who were invisible and intangible. In real life, in addition to the needs of work and life, we even feel uncomfortable chatting face to face. It seems that my mouth is misplaced, or my mouth has run away and started complaining on the Internet.

This reminds me of a law in physics: the conservation of energy. Our time and energy are limited. When we pass a lot of time and content to others through mobile phones, face-to-face seems to have nothing to say.

People are right beside you, but they are chatting on their mobile phones, unwilling to look up and talk sideways. Even if everyone is sitting in the same office at work, they would rather discuss their work through online social tools than take the step of talking face to face with your colleagues.

Have you ever thought of the phrase "meet for three minutes"? This is why many people argue with others online, but it is difficult to argue with others in real life. Because face-to-face chat can better grasp the emotional psychology of speaking than virtual text dialogue, can grasp the other person's manner, tone and action, and will not cause unnecessary misunderstanding, so it is impossible to talk about swearing for three days.

How to get rid of

Can't talk, say the wrong thing, don't want to talk.

An awkward situation?

A teacher helps us find the feeling when chatting. Let's not be afraid to talk face to face, let's express ourselves bravely on the basis of respecting others, and let's show our true feelings hidden in the snow for a long time.

Mr. Dapeng, Lecturer, Broadcasting Department, Shanghai Theatre Academy. Born in a well-trained class, his voice is full of familiarity. Yes, it is the kind of professional "broadcasting cavity" that is widely known. In daily life, he is also a chat teacher. With absolute respect for people, Mr. Dapeng will put forward his own point of view, and definitely grasp the discretion in the process of joking, so as not to let the joke go too far.

Exclusive chat, watch first.

1. In the face of people with shallow friendship, add a few words after greeting, and you can successfully pass the awkward silence period.

In the face of strangers, you don't have to say "hello" or "nice to meet you", but start chatting according to well-known topics such as weather and traffic.

3. Chatting is chatting. Don't be serious, don't draw conclusions, and don't need to distinguish who is right and who is wrong, so as to avoid breaking up in the middle of a conversation or in a bad mood.

Since there is a beginning, there must be an end. In the face of talkative people, it is sometimes a good idea to simply say that you are in a hurry and leave first. The result of procrastination is that the other party will find your careless and perfunctory attitude. But before you leave, please don't forget to add: "Nice talking to you. Let's talk about it next time. " The other party won't think you are a rude person.

5. Poor eloquence does not mean that there is nothing to say. People with poor eloquence can make their voices more vivid and energetic by paying attention to their tone and intonation. The dull voice will only cast a shadow over the chat and make others unwilling to listen to you.

He is the best candidate for the speaker of the program "Super Chat: Chatting with Anyone". Teacher Dapeng with a sense of humor teaches you how to chat with strangers, how to chat with leader Kan Kan, how to chat with elders and how to make friends.

Teacher Dapeng will also teach us to pull back from the brink in time when we are about to step into the minefield. Tell us what to say, and what we said can't be undone. Because many times, jokes will sting people's hearts; After a sense of humor, it will become a cold joke; It's easy to tear if it's too serious. Teacher Dapeng will tell us how to chat carefully and easily.

Here, silence is not golden, you can play the lute to a cow, the donkey's head can just sit on the horse's mouth, and lovers can talk a couple of words.