I have been persuaded by reality for 28 days to treat other people's children as my own. Why is it so difficult for my stepmother?

"Two years ago, my ex-wife has been talking about divorce. Finally, one day, I was crazy: I left, who was afraid of who!

It was not until I really got divorced that I realized that divorce was not as simple as I thought. In the first half of the year, I enjoyed the freedom of being unattended. My ex-wife lives with our daughter at her parents' house, and I can go home whenever I want. No one nagged me and no children pestered me.

But later, I began to feel lonely, the kind of loneliness that you can't deceive yourself.

After work, other colleagues are rushing home, picking up their children, picking up their wives and buying food ... Only when they get lost can they see clearly how warm and beautiful the fireworks are.

And I can only order takeout and eat fast food by myself. Sometimes I treat myself to a better restaurant. I am the only one who can't finish two or three dishes. Ordering a dish is like a joke. On holidays, it is even worse.

So, after six months of divorce, I decided to remarry.

I read a lot of posts about men looking for unmarried girls after divorce. But the truth I have experienced is that divorced men are greatly discounted, and it is impossible to find unmarried girls unless their conditions are particularly good!

All the people I can get in touch with who are willing to get married are divorced women like me. Most of them have children, and even if they don't, they don't want another child. They just want to find someone to live with.

I definitely don't want to live together. I still hope to have a complete family and children.

One of the divorced women is Qin, 32 years old, beautiful and virtuous. She divorced because her ex-husband cheated on her. She has no material requirements for me. She is an open woman with a house, a car and a job. She only asked me to take her son as my own.

I was full of sincerity at first, but I didn't know until I lived with her son for 28 days (I resigned and moved to Qin's city, looking for a job during that time, and lived in Qin's house) that people who can treat other people's children as their own are truly selfless, and I'm really sorry I can't!

Qin's son is not that kind of cheerful child. After hearing what Qin said, her son was sad to know that his father had cheated on him, and his heart had a bottom. She talked to her son many times and explained that it was between adults. Although mom and dad are separated, their love for him remains unchanged, but her son has always felt that if they really love each other, they will live together, accompany each other and help each other, instead of betraying, cheating and separating.

In a word, Chin's son is very resistant to my appearance.

Although I am 8 years old, I still stir in the dish bowl with my hands when I eat, and only pick what I like, regardless of whether there are others on the table. Jane doesn't want to talk about her son, and it's hard for me to talk. Every day when I eat, I will hold back my anger.

If my daughter had been like this, I would have scolded her to her face. But if it's not my child, I have to hold back.

I went to pick him up after school several times, and his classmates asked him who I was. He actually said that I am a person who wants to "eat soft rice" The first time I knew such a young child, I knew to eat soft rice. "

Once Qin worked overtime, I worked hard to make his favorite oil-sprinkled noodles for a long time and put them in front of him with a smile. He didn't eat a bite.

In order to promote the relationship, I bought him an expensive set of building blocks, and the next day he deliberately took them to school and lost them. He also said coldly, isn't it just a set of broken building blocks? My dad bought me more and bigger ones!

At that time, I scolded in my heart! If you buy it for your daughter, she will say that she loves her father. It's very kind of her to buy it for someone else's son. People look down on you and shoot you. No normal person can stand it.

Although Qin severely criticized his son after knowing these two things, it could not change the essence.

Willing to eat a person's cooking and accept a person's gift is psychologically willing to accept this person. So Qin's son is demonstrating with various behaviors to draw a clear line. He can't accept me.

Besides, as long as I get a little closer to Chin, her son will find all kinds of reasons to make trouble. Obviously, I studied very well, and suddenly I became illiterate, unable to do problems and kept making mistakes. He repeatedly asked Qin to teach him at night 1 1, and said that he had nightmares and asked Qin to accompany him.

Although Qin was very kind to me and tried every means to compensate me and buy me expensive clothes, I decided to quit.

Because I clearly see that if I marry her, her son will not give me good fruit to eat, and I don't want to humble myself to cultivate my feelings. The biological ones can be beaten and scolded and loved, but the biological ones can't. It's useless to say or do anything.

Most importantly, I have to face my true feelings: I don't want to spend money on Chin and her son!

Don't spend a thousand dollars, even if I spend a hundred dollars, I'm thinking about what I can buy for my daughter with this money. It seems insincere not to spend money, but once you spend money, you can't help feeling stupid and worthless. Isn't it sweet to spend your hard-earned money on children?

28 days, living in a foreign land, relying on others, split inside, as hard as 28 years.

When I broke up with Qin, she also cried. She has been single for almost five years, and her work is very busy. She takes care of the children alone and no one helps her (her mother has a brother, so her mother can't help her take care of the children). She finally got through it until the child grew up. She thought she should be able to breathe a sigh of relief and have her own happiness, but after several talks, she was defeated by her children.

Chin's ex-husband has been waiting for her for two years, but Chin still can't get over it. When Chin finally calmed down, she knew that her ex-husband had remarried. ...

Looking at Chin's tears, I felt sorry for her and shuddered. I saw the future of my ex-wife and my daughter.

Now, I have been talking about remarriage with my ex-wife, and we have no contradiction in principle. When the divorce was immature, it was for trivial quarrels. The experience after the divorce made me mature a lot. One can't live without a home. A man must take good care of his wife and children, otherwise he can't live like a man! "

What did you feel in this story? I feel there are four points:

First, regard marriage as a battlefield. It's either life-and-death or both.

I'm afraid readers are familiar with the phrase "who is afraid of leaving". Many people have said this sentence. This is the man who regards marriage as a battlefield.

None of these people can get nourishment from intimacy, but squeeze and control each other, and there is no happiness at all.

Second, men and women who talk about divorce are giant babies: threatening divorce, kidnapping, a panacea.

Divorce is not everything, and neither is marriage.

Mature people get married because they have a high understanding of the nature of marriage, recognize the form of marriage and meet the right other half.

So is divorce. Mature people have most of the conditions for divorce. Materially, divorce does not affect the normal life of children. Mentally, husband and wife get together, leave each other, and start a new life at the same time, with the responsibility of raising children as the first priority.

How many people are divorced? They don't have the conditions for divorce at all, but they are impulsive and finally let their children pay the bill. I don't understand divorce at all, but I talk about divorce all day. I can control the other party to obey my wishes by saying "divorce". Such a huge baby must learn to grow up.

Third, time waits for no one, and it is early to remarry.

I'm not trying to persuade people to remarry, nor am I trying to persuade people to forgive cheating. Whether to get married, whether to divorce, whether to remarry and whether to forgive depends on the individual. Without a standard answer, others are not qualified to intervene. Instead, kindly remind them: If you regret your divorce and still feel that the original match is good, please remarry as soon as possible.

Because time waits for no one, three to five years, things are different. Qin is a living example.

Fourth, after divorce, don't tie new feelings to children, and don't be a slave to responsibility.

Chin only wants one thing from this man: to treat her son as her own. This is a very idealistic and naive behavior. Many people like to kidnap their feelings like this after divorce, and they can never enjoy their feelings and can only become slaves of responsibility.