Joke Collection Website - Joke collection - The ancient and modern jokes of language are embarrassing.
The ancient and modern jokes of language are embarrassing.
Laughter is closely related to people's health and longevity. Let's take a look at this little joke.
Something in the sewer
Wang was a minister at the end of the Northern Song Dynasty, and his home was close to a temple. There was a monk who fished out the rice grains flowing out of the sewer of Wangfu's house every day, washed them and dried them.
After a few years, it accumulated into hoarding goods.
In the second year of Jingkang, Jin Bing broke through the capital of the Northern Song Dynasty (now Kaifeng), and Wang Fu's wife and children starved to death. The monk sent his rice to the Wangs. The Wangs, old and young, ate well and thanked them again and again, but I didn't know it was his sewer.
Benefits of real estate
When Zhang Yuzhao was guarding Cangzhou, he plundered the people's fat and paste very badly. Once, he asked a Zen monk, "What is a relic?" ?
The Zen Buddhism hated Zhang Yuzhao's mercenary attitude and deliberately laughed at him. He deliberately misinterpreted that the relic meant that if there was an extra house, it would be rented to others, so as to gain the benefit of the house being on fire.
Yuhong Jin Si
In the Southern Dynasties, the mermaid was rich and expensive, and sex was extremely extravagant. They wait on 100 concubines and play with horses and chariots, all of which are the first of their kind.
I used to be the magistrate of Nanqiao, Xuyi, Jingling, Yongning and Xinxing counties. I once said shamelessly: I have a characteristic as a county magistrate, that is, I do everything: fish and turtles in the water, elk in the mountains, rice and grain in the fields, and people in the villages.
Meat barrier meat array
Yang, the favorite of Emperor Xuanzong of the Tang Dynasty, always asked concubines and maids to hold a kind of food for guests to enjoy when entertaining guests, paying attention to strangeness and luxury. In winter, keep the maid around to keep out the cold and count the meat screens. Also choose fat and tall concubines to keep out the cold in front, which is called meat barrier and meat array incense spittoon.
Xie, a native of the Eastern Jin Dynasty, loves neatness and pursues strangeness. Every time I throw up, I sleep in the clothes of people around me. After that, give this person a day off to do laundry. Finally, I want to receive this gift every time I want to vomit.
Yan Shifan, the son of Yan Song in the Ming Dynasty, spat and was accepted by the beautiful ladies. As long as there is the sound of phlegm, the maid has to open her mouth and wait. Yan Shifan called it an aromatic spittoon.
Chimonobambusa walking stick
In Kanluoji, Runzhou, there are extremely high monks. Prime Minister Li Deyu inspected Runzhou. When he saw the monk, he gave him a bamboo stick. This staff is produced in Dawan Prefecture of the Western Region. It is a solid square and a rare product.
After many years, Li Deyu met the monk again and asked: Is Brother Zhu still there?
Monk A: I still cherish it. Said and took out a round cane.
Li Deyu repeatedly called it a pity.
At that time, some people ridiculed the precious people who didn't understand things, saying: Cut a round bamboo pole, but draw a broken piano (famous piano, famous for its special texture).
Self-criticism of talents
There was a big family in the Northern Qi Dynasty. Some people in the family claim to be good at writing poems, but his poems are teased, but he thinks himself great. Even some celebrities look down on him and even write poems. At this time, people deliberately said that his poems were very good, very talented, and he was on cloud nine, killing cattle and sheep and inviting ridicule.
Knowing the absurdity and carelessness of a man, his wife repeatedly cried and advised him not to do it again. What this man hates is that talent can't even hold his wife, let alone be a stranger!
? Water god? splash water
Li Mengyang's name is empty. When crossing the river one year, Li Mengyang found it interesting to see a fellow shipmate asking to worship the water god to protect his safety. He asked his entourage to tie up the water god and throw him into the river, saying: The water god himself jumped into the water, which is the most suitable way for him!
Kill dogs with horses.
When Ouyang Xiu was in the Hanlin Academy, he often traveled in the same yard with others. Once, I saw a galloping horse trample a dog to death. Ouyang Xiu said: Tell me about it.
A man said: there was a dog lying on the road, escaped from under the horseshoe and killed it.
Another man said: there is a dog lying on the avenue, and the lying dog was killed by it.
Ouyang Xiu said with a smile: If you study history like this, you can't finish 10,000 volumes.
The two men said, what do you say? Ouyang Xiu said: Kill the dog with one horse. The two men blushed and laughed at each other.
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