A load of classical Chinese jokes

1. Looking for jokes in classical Chinese, shorter ones

The original text of the joke is a scholar who was about seventy years old when he suddenly gave birth to a son.

Born because of age, it is called age. Not long after, another son was born, who seemed to be able to read and learn knowledge.

The following year, another son was born. He laughed and said: "It's a joke to have a baby at such an old age."

Because of the name, it was called "a joke." The three of them were old and had nothing to do. They all ordered to go into the mountains to collect firewood. When they returned home, the husband asked: : "Which of the three sons has more firewood?" The wife said: "I have a lot of age, but no knowledge at all, and a lot of jokes."

Translation There is a scholar who is nearly seventy years old. His wife Suddenly a son was born. Because he was old, he gave birth to a son, so he named him "Jiu". Not long after, another son was born. He looked like a scholar, so he named him "Xuewen".

Another son was born in the third year. The scholar laughed and said: "It's a joke that you can still have a son at such an old age." So he named it "Joke". .

When the three sons grew up and had nothing to do, the scholar asked them to go into the mountains to collect firewood. When they came back, the husband asked his wife: "Who among the three can collect more firewood?" The wife said: "You are older. If you have a lot of knowledge, you have no knowledge at all, but you have a lot of jokes. "A snobbery person will always avoid someone who is in trouble."

When a fellow traveler asked him why, he replied: "I gave up my relatives." This happened again and again, and the traveler got tired of it.

I met a beggar by chance, and tried to evade him, saying: "I want to give up my marriage." He asked: "Why do you have this order to marry me?" He said: "But the good ones are all recognized by you."

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Translation: There was a vain man. When he went out and saw dignitaries passing by, he stayed away. People traveling with him asked him why he did this, and he said, "That's my relative."

This happened many times, and every time he did this, people traveling with him found it annoying. Later, suddenly I met a beggar on the road. The people who were traveling with him imitated his behavior and hid aside, saying, "That beggar is my relative."

The vain person asked, "You How come you have such poor relatives?" The person traveling with me said, "Because you have recognized all the good things." People from the original text of eating olives went to the city to have a drink, and there were olives in the banquet.

The country people tasted it, but it was astringent and tasteless, so they asked the people sitting at the table: "What is this?" As a name, he remembered it and told people: "I tasted a strange thing in the city today, and I named it 'Su'."

The crowd didn't believe it, but the person opened his mouth and exhaled and said: "You don't believe it. , Nowadays, everything is vulgar." Translation: A farmer went to the city for a banquet, and there were olives in the banquet.

The farmer took it to his mouth and ate it. It was both astringent and unpalatable, so he asked the people at the table: "What is this?" The people at the table thought he was vulgar and said contemptuously: "Vulgar. The farmer thought that "Cu" was the name of olives, so he kept it in his mind and told people after returning home: "I ate a strange fruit in the city today, called 'Cu'."

Everyone. The farmer didn't believe it, so he opened his mouth and said, "You don't believe it, now I'm talking about vulgarity." The original text of the funny joker was to let a guest have lunch, but the guest had already finished the whole bowl, and there was no more food.

The guest wanted the host to know, so he pretended to say: "A certain family has a house for sale." So he turned the mouth of the bowl to the host and said: "The rafters are also this big."

The host Seeing that there was no rice in the bowl, he called out to the boy to add more food. Because he asked the guest: "How much is he worth?" The guest said: "Now that I have food to eat, I won't sell it."

Translation: A man invited a guest to have lunch, and the guest had already finished a bowl. , no one helped him. The guest wanted the host to know, so he pretended to say: "A certain family has a house for sale."

Then he deliberately pointed the mouth of the bowl towards the host and said: "The rafters are also as thick as the mouth of the bowl." The host saw the bowl. There was no food in the house, so he hurriedly called the servant to bring him more food.

Then he asked the guest: "How much did he sell it for?" The guest replied: "Now that I have food to eat, I won't sell it anymore." Original text of the lie Some people are used to lying.

His servants will be round in every generation.

One day, he said to someone: "A well in my house was blown by the strong wind to the house next door yesterday."

Everyone thought it had never happened before. Pu Yuanzhi said: "It's true.

My well is close to the neighbor's fence. The wind was strong last night. I saw the fence blowing over the well, but it was like the well blowing over the neighbor's house. "One day, he said to others: "Someone shot a goose with a bowl of rice soup on his head."

The crowd was surprised again. Pu Yuan said: "This is also the case.

My master was eating noodle soup in the courtyard. Suddenly a goose fell down and its head fell into the bowl. Could it be that the goose was holding noodle soup on its head?" day.

He also said to the people: "The Han family has a warm sky tent, which covers the heaven and the earth so tightly that there is no gap." The servant raised his eyebrows and said: "Master is offended, and he is telling such lies all over the sky. How can I cover it up?"

Translation: There was a man who was used to telling lies, and his servants always lied for him. One day, he said to people: "A well in my house was blown to the house next door by strong wind yesterday."

Everyone thought that such a thing had never happened before. His servant justified his lie and said: "It is true that my well is close to the neighbor's fence. The wind was strong last night and blew the fence to the well, just like the well blew to the neighbor's house."

One day, he said to people again: "Someone shot down a wild goose with a bowl of rice soup on his head." Everyone was very surprised and did not believe what he said.

His servant explained his lie again and said: "This happened too. My master was eating noodle soup in the courtyard. Suddenly, a goose fell down and its head happened to fall into the bowl. Isn't it a goose? "Powder soup on your head?" Another day, he said to others: "The Han family has a warm sky tent, which covers the sky and the earth tightly, without any gaps." The servant frowned in embarrassment after hearing this. Said: "Master has gone too far, telling such a big lie, how can I cover it up."

Original text of Lishui Xuetai A scholar's servant peed on the baby, and did not urinate for a long time. He was frightened and said: "The school is here." The doll immediately peed.

The scholar asked why and replied: "I saw you scholars were so frightened that they peed and pooped when they heard that they were dismounted. I know this." The scholar sighed and said, "I didn't expect that this baby could inherit his father's ambition. Keshao is scholarly; I didn’t expect that this school platform is good at benefiting from the water and can help with defecation.”

Translation: A servant in a scholar’s ??house would hold a baby to urinate, but the child would not urinate for a long time. The servant frightened him and said: "The school is coming."

The doll immediately peed. The scholar asked him why and replied: "I saw that you scholars were so frightened that they peed when they heard that the academy was coming, so I frightened him like this."

The scholar sighed and said, "I didn't expect this. The baby can inherit his father's ambition and continue his scholarly pursuit; let alone imagine that this school is good at diuresis and can facilitate defecation. "The scholar was afraid of the examination. When he heard that the school had dismounted, he became panicked and went to pick up the school and saw the bearer. Resent it. 2. Classic jokes in ancient Chinese

Everyone is equal to me, and the class is full of students. It's so elegant that no students come. "

The joke goes like this: There was a private school teacher who taught the Analects of Confucius. He mistakenly pronounced "Yu Yu Hu Wenzai" as "Everyone is equal to me". Later, a new private school teacher changed the correct reading of "Yu Yu Hu Wen Zai". When "Wen Zai" came, the students thought that the new teacher had made a mistake and did not come to school. People at the time mocked him and said: "Everyone is indifferent to me. The whole class is full of students. I am so depressed that none of the students come to school."

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One day, the wind was gentle and the sun was shining warmly. Yu and his friends gathered in the lower room. The edges were short and the wind was blowing cold, so I had He sighed and said, "Oh, my luck is bad. The dragon is trapped in the shallow water, and the wind and clouds are hidden in the young pine trees. Who is to blame for not being professional? It's God's fault!"

Yu You also sighed, "Destiny. I have a great responsibility, my bones are suffering, and the Chinese system is miserable, but this is not the case!"

His friend shook his head and hit the fou, saying, "The Chinese language is miserable, and it can be compared to the disparity that spreads across the five continents. The absurdity of your chemistry often lies in remoteness and cannot be understood by ordinary people. Therefore, the suffering of my muscles and bones cannot be clearly understood by you three.

"

The other man kept silent, and the rest of them managed their lives endlessly. Some were twice as good as me, so they laughed and said, "Brother's career can be said to be hot, and his wife and children can be said to have no hunger. That's right. , no? "

Brother Beige was still angry, and everyone was shocked, "Your career can make a living, but my career is hopeless, so why bother? "

The other three people all asked, but they were silent at first. After a long time, they answered, "Invertebrate linguistics!" ”

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One night, I was strolling on the Third Teaching Platform when I saw a woman coming gracefully with long hair. I couldn't help but look at her sideways.

As I approached, the woman suddenly stopped and looked at me. My eyes and the corners of my mouth twitched, and I sighed, "Am I too ugly?"

But I saw that his eyes were getting wider and wider, and his mouth was opening wider and wider, and I was terrified. I secretly thought that I am a true gentleman on weekdays and have never offended her, let alone not knowing her before. I almost wanted to turn around and run away, but suddenly I heard Yi shouting "." . . . . . ah. . sneeze! ! ! ". Yi

I rubbed my nose and drifted away.

I was sweating profusely. 3. Write a humorous joke in classical Chinese (short)

A man was extremely mean-spirited. When he encountered a newly swollen stream, he was stingy with the money, so he waded desperately. When he reached the middle stream, the water rushed over him, and he drifted for half a mile. His son was looking for a boat to save him on the bank. The boatman asked for money. One coin was enough to go. The son only offered five cents, and the price was undecided for a long time. When his father was dying, he looked back at his son and shouted: "My son, my son, I will save you for five cents, but not for a cent!" ”

Translation

There was a man who was extremely stingy. One time when he was on the road, he encountered a newly rising river. Although he could cross the river by boat, he was afraid of paying for the boat, so he waded desperately. He was crossing the river. As soon as he reached the middle of the river, he was knocked down by the water and drifted for more than half a mile. His son was on the shore, looking for a boat to rescue him. The boatman offered a price for the boat and said he would have to pay one dollar to go. The son gave it to him. He bargained for only five points. The bargaining was delayed for a long time and was not settled. His father was dying. When he was dying, he turned around and shouted to his son:

" My son, my son, I can save you for five cents, but not for a penny! ” 4. Jokes and short stories about classical Chinese

1. When a married girl is rich and the boy is poor, the husband’s family is afraid that the girl will refuse the marriage, so they choose a day to lead the men to snatch the girl, and accidentally carry the aunt out. The girl’s family pursues her He shouted: "It's a rush. "

My aunt said on my back: "Don't listen to him, it's okay, it's okay, go quickly! "——"Xiaofu"

2. When one person entertains a guest, he only eats tofu. He says that tofu is my life, but he doesn't think it tastes as good as others. The next day when he arrives at Hakka, the guest remembers his eating habits. He mixed the fish with tofu, and the man chose the fish to eat. The guest asked: "Brother tastes that tofu is life, why not eat it today?" He replied: "If you see fish meat, you will lose your life." "——"Laughing Mansion"

3. Once upon a time, there was a clever wife who cooked rice and gave it to her father-in-law. After taking a bite, his father-in-law praised: "Today's rice is very delicious. , I want to eat three big bowls. "Qiao's daughter-in-law heard her father-in-law's compliment and said hurriedly: "Hey, I cooked this meal. So the father-in-law started to take a second bite, but as soon as the rice was put into his mouth, he heard a "click", and the father-in-law immediately shouted: "Oh, there is so much sand!" Qiao's wife hurriedly said: "That's the rice my sister-in-law bought." "The father-in-law put his chopsticks in the rice twice, smelled it, and asked: "Why, this rice still tastes a bit mushy? "Qiao's wife answered more simply this time: "That's the fire started by mom! "

4. The kite chased the bird, and the bird fell into the sleeve of a monk. The monk picked it up with his hand and said: "Amitabha! I will eat a piece of meat today. "The bird closed its eyes and stayed still. The monk just said it was dead. When he opened his hand, the bird flew away. The monk said: "Amitabha! I'll let you go. "——"Laughing Praise"

5. A guest came to a friend's house to drink tea. The friend's son borrowed tea leaves from his neighbor before he arrived. Every time the soup boiled, he added water to it, and the cauldron was full. But the tea leaves will never be able to.

The wife said to her husband: "We know each other well, let him take a bath." - "Laughter Mansion" 5. Funny questions and answers in ancient Chinese prose

A load of jokes

There was a scholar who was nearly seventy years old and gave birth to a son, so he named him "Jiu". The next year, another child was born. He looked like a scholar, so he named him "Xuewen". In the third year, the third child was born again. The scholar said: "It's a joke to have a son at this age." So he named it "Joke".

When the three sons grew up, one day they went up the mountain to collect firewood. After returning from collecting firewood, the old scholar asked his wife: "Which child collected more firewood?" He replied: "You are old, but you have no knowledge at all, and you are full of jokes."

Be more lively

The father taught his son: "Whenever you talk to others, you must be more lively, and you can't say anything dead." The son asked what "lively" means,

At this time, it happened Neighbors come to borrow things. My father said: "For example, if a neighbor comes to borrow something, you can't just say that some are at home and some are not at home. You can just say that you have everything. And so on."

The son remembered. A few days later, a visitor came to visit and asked: "Is your father at home?"

His son replied: "Some are at home and some are not."

Mother's Eyes

A woman stole a neighbor's sheep, hid it under the bed, and warned her son not to tell anyone. The neighbor started scolding her along the street.

Her son quickly said, "My mother didn't steal the sheep." Don't talk nonsense. His son pointed at his mother and said to the neighbor:

"Look at my mother's eyes, they look like the eyes of a sheep under the bed."

The mute spoke

There was a beggar who pretended to be mute and asked for money on the street. Once, he took two pennies, bought wine and drank it and said: "Give me more wine." The hotel owner was surprised and said, "Why can you speak?"

The beggar said: "How can I talk when I don't have money on weekdays? Today I have two money, so I can naturally talk."