Looking for jokes that will make your stomach hurt and make you cry.

1. There once was a little boy who ran up to ωǒ and said to ωǒ: Brother, you are so handsome. He said to lovers who were caught by savages in the mountains: If you eat each other's shit, you will be let go. The lover did it, and the woman cried loudly on the way back. The man asked the reason, and the woman sadly said: You don't love me, otherwise you wouldn't have pooped so much. 3. During the New Year, two poor beggars didn't get anything to eat all day long. , in the middle of the night, cold and hungry, the older one said: "Brother, this is not possible, we will definitely not survive. Let's go out and find something to eat." The two of them came to the door of a restaurant, and a group of people happened to be drinking. When they came out drunk, one of them vomited in the street, and the two beggars rushed over to eat. Just after eating, the younger one said to the other person: "Brother, you just ate a fly." The older one spat out what he had just eaten with a "swish" sound. Just as he was vomiting, The younger one quickly opened his mouth and drank the whole thing without wasting it. The older man asked: "What are you doing?" The man replied: "Brother, my stomach is not good, I have to eat something hot." 4. An old landlord who was famous for being stingy, in order to change himself in the eyes of the people, he was "stingy" One day, I put a big vat in front of my house, gathered all the young and old in the village, and said, "Whoever spits in this vat today, I will give 10 yuan." Who believes it? What bad idea does the old landlord have? Everyone stood there motionless. At this time, a stranger passed by and thought: There is no loss anyway, so he spat a big mouthful of sticky phlegm into the vat. The old landlord immediately gave him 10 yuan without saying a word. The stranger left happily. The villagers woke up as if from a dream, and spitted into the vat one after another. After a while, the vat was full, and everyone got their due reward. The old landowner said: "Don't leave. If anyone takes a sip, I will give 100 yuan." While the villagers were hesitating, a young man flew up and drank from the vat. When there was only the bottom of the tank left, he slowly stood up and looked at everyone. Everyone was anxious and asked: "Why don't you leave more for us?" The young man replied: "I want to too! But I never bit off." 5 .There used to be three kids competing in a pooping competition. The first pooped an S-shaped poop, the second pooped an L-shaped poop, but the third pooped an equilateral triangle poop. The other two admired him very much. , and asked him how he did it, he added his fingers and said it was ready. 6. After work, I played mahjong with several of my colleagues, two men and two women. Later, when we started playing cards, one of the men played mahjong. According to the custom in Guangdong, the young husband is the husband. When playing cards, there will be many people watching. This is when a woman discovered that the man was missing a card, so she said that he was the husband. , and then another man said, "Don't introduce me anymore, we all know that he is your husband-in-law!" 7. The prostitute said: We are destined to come thousands of miles to meet each other, is two hundred yuan expensive? The client said: Thousands of rivers and mountains are always the same. Love, can you pay fifty yuan? The prostitute said: How many times the spring breeze blows through Yumen Pass, it will cost at least one hundred and three. The client said: There is no grass anywhere in the world, and I will not do it if it exceeds eighty! 8. There is a pear on the plate. There was a piece of clay on the table that looked like leather. Xiaoli used the clay to learn how to pinch pears. She looked at the pears and pinched them with her hands. They were almost the same as real pears and fake pears. 9. In order to gain strength. Studying is not a disease. Examination is half a life. When nominated for the gold list, parents I'm scared to death. The tuition fees are like a mountain, and my waist is already bent before I study. I hold the notice in my hand, and my eyes are wide open. My parents are in tears, and the students are sighing. The school is in the hands of the government. The tuition fees have stopped me, so I have no choice but to work. Solve the difficulties in life. Parents, please take care! It is your own responsibility for your children to quit farming. Don’t blame your parents for being poor. They look like human beings and come back to worship their ancestors! 10. A mother bought a parrot for her son and then took the *** to deliver it. go home. In the car, the lovely son asked his mother, "Is this parrot male or female?" "Female," the mother replied. "How did you know?" the son asked again. There was silence in the car, and all the passengers wanted to hear how the mother would answer. She replied calmly: "Didn't you see the lipstick on this parrot's beak?"