Wu song in the new water margin fights tigers, which is really funny. Really speechless.

Song Wu: "Hey! ! Zanjia is one of the top ten outstanding young people in Shaoxing and a professional chicken farmer, Song Wuwu Jiro. Look at my height of 9 feet and my weight of 250. I can squat down an elephant without farting, and trample an ant to death with one foot. Look at this pectoralis major, biceps macro, quadriceps femoris, hehe, holding KFC chicken in my hand. (Walking a few steps) I heard that there is a big tiger with a white forehead on Jingyanggang. Zajia will meet it today. I want to see if its forehead is white or mine. Let's go! "

(Take a few steps forward, put your hands above your eyes, and make a vision), huh? I found a fluffy hut in front (learning Japanese accent), but three bowls didn't pass the post? ! It turned out to be a small hotel on Jingyanggang. Let's eat first

Song Wu: Xiao Er, Xiao Er, you ate shrimp in your ear. Come out.

Shop assistant: Let's go! Guest, do you want to eat or tip?

Song Wu casually waved to the bartender, who flew out and fell to the ground.

Song Wu: "One altar of good Kuaiji Mountain, five catties of beef".

Shop assistant: OK! What an altar of Kuaiji Mountain, five catties of beef! (Turning around, he brought beef, put it in front of Song Wu and said, "Guest, five catties of beef." Then he turned around and made a gesture of holding an altar of wine. He came to Song Wu and said, "Sir, what else do you need?" )

Song Wu opened the jar, drank a jar of wine in one breath, touched his beard with his sleeve and said, a bucket of Master Kong noodles, two sausages, and a bottle of blue calcium tablets and delicious calcium tablets.

Shop assistant: What is it? Master Kong's thighs and intestines, what's the delicious pot cover?

Song Wu glared at the bartender and said, I can tell at a glance that this is an ancient man. I didn't even know this, so that's it. (Pick up the beef and chew it carefully. Song Wu chewed at sixes and sevens because the beef was too thick. )

Song Wu, satiated with food and drink, stood up and staggered to the door. Seeing this, the bartender quickly stopped him and said, where are you going, guest officer?

Song Wu: Jingyanggang.

Shopkeeper: Sir, I can't, I can't. There is a big tiger on Jingyanggang, which specializes in robbing passers-by and killing people for money. Even the beef you eat here will become its midnight snack.

Song Wu: How timid is he, like a mouse? We're here to find him. Look at this pectoralis major, biceps brachii and quadriceps femoris. Let's go

Song Wu staggered forward, feeling sleepy and uncomfortable, so he found a big stone to rest (snore).

The tiger appeared and roared: meow-woo-

Song Wu skid turn over, shook his head hard, wine has been awake for more than half, and the tiger as a confrontation.

Tiger: Haha, dinner is coming! (Speaking Shaoxing dialect) I want to pounce.

Song Wu was very nervous and wanted to pull out the badminton racket inserted in his collar, but he couldn't pull it out, so he said, stop it! Stop.

Seeing this, the tiger helped Song Wu take out the badminton racket and gave it to Song Wu, and then he wanted to jump on it again.

Song Wu: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

A stick hit a branch, the branch broke, the stick broke and fell to the ground.

Song Wu: Sorry, Brother Tiger, I missed my aim and hit a tree. Shit, it's broken.

The tiger roared again: meow-woo-

Song Wu: (Quickly picks up the badminton racket from the ground and says: This is an AK47 imported from the United States, and its firepower is super fierce. Afterwards, it shot at the tiger. ) dadada-shh ... prosperity ... Shit, why not import something and use it to make a missile? !

The tiger was killed before it was shaken off. Then he got up and touched his chest and said, well, it's a good thing I wore a bulletproof vest today, otherwise I would have died.

Song Wu: What brand is your bulletproof vest?

Tiger: of course, it's a bulletproof vest produced by Shaoxing people's government. It can not only prevent bullets and missiles, but also prevent eggs, ducks and quails.

Song Wu Song sighed. He was very lucky.

The tiger said, stop! Stop.

Song Wu: What! !

Tiger: I'll go to the toilet first.

Song Wu: Frequent urination and urgency, Qian Lekang-effective.

The tiger made a WC action and made a sound.

Song Wu: "Be gentle, don't knock down the tree!" " "

Tiger WC got up and shook his body and roared again: meow-woo-want to jump on him.

At this time, Song Wu's luck was completed, and his hand was pushed out. He said, Ah, more, more.

The tiger fell to the ground, its hands and feet cocked up and died.

Song Wu opened his eyes and found that the tiger was gone. He searched fiercely left, right, back and up. Finally, he found the tiger fell to the ground, so he tried to touch the tiger's feet several times. The tiger didn't respond and said, "My darling, the tiger is still wearing Li Ning.

Song Wu pressed the tiger's leg. Because the tiger was stiff after his death, his upper body suddenly sat up. Song Wu was scared to retreat again and again. He said loudly, "Sweep your face, lose your grandson's leg, close your eyes and fight.". When you are exhausted, you sit on the ground and open your eyes and find that the tiger is really dead. "

So Song Wu carried the tiger on his shoulder and went down the mountain.

When he appeared, Zhang and Zhao jumped out and muttered, "Two little bees, ah, flying around among the flowers, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, pa, turned their heads and said," How dare you kill wild animals? " Let's go and see Mr. Bao.

Song Wu asked, two heroes, what do you do?

Zhang Long replied, I'm under Bao and He's account. You can keep silent now, but what you say will be used as evidence in court.

Song Wu: My grievance.

Zhao Hu: When I saw the tiger die, I cried and muttered, "Oh, my brother, how did you die like this? Your hair is all gone, your teeth are all hard, your fists are all born, and your big feet are all cold, eh! " (Wipe a snot on the tiger)?

Song Wu; The tiger died. Why are you crying so sad?

Zhao Hu: It's a tiger, I'm Zhao Hu, and we are brothers?

Song Wu: I will!

Zhao Hu: Oh, my brother! I'll take you home! Pick up the dead emoko and leave!

Zhang Long stepped forward to stop Song Wu and said, Go and see Lao Bao.

Song Wu was taken into custody by Zhang Long. Looking back, he said, "We used to fight tigers into heroes, but now we fight tigers into bears. If we kill the tiger, Zhao Hu's family, it's hard to be a man. I will definitely come back! ! "

Zhang Long: Kick Song Wu's ass and say, Go back to your head, Kojiro. He thinks he is a big pervert, huh!

Quit