100 jokes, thank you

Jokes after the 2011 College Entrance Examination

1. The final test of college is really not IQ, it is really human physiological limits and EQ, plus intelligence gathering ability, interpersonal skills, and the ability to formulate topics. . The ability to preview, analyze, understand and master, and have the financial resources to print a bunch of things that I don’t know are useful or useless.

2. It is obviously a test volume the size of a pad, but it has a large test range for daily use, requiring students to review with extended use at night. But even so, there will still be side leakage...

3. Watching "Cell", I died of apoptosis; watching "Blood", I lost circulation; watching "Breath", my lungs became atelectatic; watching " "Digestion", I had too much stomach acid; watching "Energy", I collapsed; watching "Excretion", I had diabetes; watching "Sensation", I was numb; watching "Nerve", I was confused; watching "Endocrinology", I Out of tune; God! If you take a physiological test, you are sick. . .

4. If I don’t fail the exam, that’s what I want; if I don’t study, that’s what I want. You can't have both, so I'll just leave. . .

5. There is a type of question called: For this knowledge point, I may take multiple-choice questions, term explanations, short-answer questions, or essay questions. Directly blowing away the macro...

6. If you read it in the morning, you will forget it in the afternoon. If you read it in the afternoon, you will forget it in the evening. After reading one subject, you will forget another one. After finishing one subject, there will be another. . .

7. "The College Entrance Examination of Loess Gaopo": "My family lives in Loess Gaopo, and strong winds blow from the slope. Whether it is Li Yuchun or Zeng Yike, they are my brother, my brother. ... I I live on a high loess slope, and the sun walks over the slope. Whether it’s Brother Chun or Brother Zeng, please bless me to pass and not fail the exam.”

8. Look at each question and take the test. It's fate; it's luck to answer each question one by one; horizontal comment: Doing more is useless. Reading one book in a day is efficiency; passing each exam is strength; horizontal batch: sudden success.

Super short humorous campus stories

1. The mantis stalks the cicada, but the oriole follows behind. Mantis only sees immediate benefits but ignores the danger behind him.

Student: Teacher, if you were an oriole, would you eat a chubby cicada or a skinny mantis?

2. Teacher: What does the cry of wolf mean?

Student: This story tells us that adults always like to listen to lies and do not believe the truth.

3. Teacher: The frog at the bottom of the well thinks that the sky is as big as the mouth of the well.

Student: The sky is broader than the sea, the human mind is wider than the sky, and the wellhead is broader than the mind. Otherwise, why would people always fall into the well?

4. Teacher: Everyone knows the story of Mr. Ye’s love for dragons. When the dragon really appeared, Mr. Ye was very scared. Do you know what era this story is from?

Student: Teacher, it’s the Jurassic period.

5. Teacher: What mistake did the protagonist make in the story of Carving a Boat and Looking for a Sword?

Students: carving boats, vandalizing public property; throwing swords, littering; swimming without parent company.

6. The teacher saw a colleague graffiti on the toilet wall and asked in surprise: "Why do you do this kind of thing too?" Colleague: "Oh, no, I am correcting my classmate's typos."

7. After the mid-term exam, the math teacher wanted to announce the results. He said:

"There are as many people with scores above 90 and above 80; there are as many students above 80 as there are above 70." There are also the same number of people who have scored ten or above."

As soon as the conversation was over, the whole class cheered, and one student asked: "So... what about the number of people who failed?"

The teacher answered unhurriedly: The number of people who failed is as many as the number of people in the class."

A collection of jokes about the college entrance examination

1. Parents asked the teacher: "My son's history How was your exam? When I was in school, I didn't like this subject and always failed the exam. "

The teacher replied: "History is repeating itself. "

2. The classmate failed the English test again. In the morning, the teacher asked him: "Did your parents let you eat last night? "

The classmate said, "I usually show my parents the report card after eating. ”

3. During the college entrance examination, I found that the questions were very simple, and I wasted many hours reviewing last night. So I thought of closing my eyes and resting for 10 minutes. After I woke up, I looked at my watch. Ah! Only 10 minutes left! MD, the paper is still empty. 4. The exam is in progress.

A student asked the teacher: "Teacher, why doesn't water come out of my pen?"

Teacher, "You can try shaking it!"

The student shook it and was suddenly surprised. asked: "Teacher, where is the nib of my pen?"

5. After the intense college entrance examination, in the freshman dormitory of a key university, four freshmen took turns introducing themselves to their roommates.

"My name is..., I got 650 in the college entrance examination, from Shandong."

"My name is..., I got 680 in the college entrance examination, from Henan."

" My name is..., I have a score of 630 in the college entrance examination, and I am from Hebei."

"My name is..., I have a score of 490 in the college entrance examination, and I am from..."

"Beijing!" the other three said in unison. road.

Beijing people scratched their heads in wonder and asked: "Hey, how did you know?"

Funny things on campus

1. When I was in high school , one day the Chinese teacher taught us a lesson about "Medicine" by Lu Xun. As usual, the teacher read the text to us first. When reading the text "Grey Beard" and others were discussing Xia Yu in the teahouse, a late girl shouted outside the door: "Report!" The teacher had to interrupt the reading and nodded outside the door, and the girl came in Finally, the teacher continued to read: "At this time, a man with a sinister face came in outside the door..."

The whole class burst into laughter...

2. The classmate is one of the handsome guys on campus. , many girls have a crush on him. On this day, the school held a charity dance, and he invited a woman with a "winter melon" figure to dance at the scene.

The woman was flattered and asked: "Why would a handsome guy like you ask me to dance?"

The classmate said: "It doesn't matter, a charity ball, this is a charity ball. ! ”

3. My father came to school to see me and brought a lot of food and warmly invited everyone to eat together. At this time, the whole dormitory suddenly became very introverted and politely declined. .

When I sent my dad off, he also asked his classmates to eat more of these things. I smiled and said: Dad, you are too ignorant. You don’t need to tell me these things. They all know.

Sure enough, when I returned to the dormitory, there was nothing but banana peels and empty lunch boxes. There is also a note on the table: These things were brought by your father, and now they have dirty the dormitory environment, so you must sweep the floor and clean up the garbage...

4. For the convenience of classmates, the dormitory duty room has been renovated. A new function has been added - a small shop. One night, several classmates came home late, only to find the building door closed and the store dark. I shouted a few times, but no one answered. Then I knocked on the door, but still no one answered.

Everyone was worried that they would not be able to enter. Suddenly a classmate suddenly came to his senses and shouted, ‘Instant noodles! 'The lights in the duty room suddenly turned on, and then there was a loud response: "What brand do you want? How many bags?"

5. In the English class, the young female teacher complained: " Some students’ homework was careless and careless. I really wanted to tear it up and throw it into the wastebasket so that I wouldn’t have to correct it.”

At this time, A boy had a look of regret on his face: "You are always too soft-hearted, too soft-hearted."

After hearing this, the female teacher shook her head and said with a bitter smile: "I will correct until dawn alone."

6. Before the CET-6 exam, Ajie planned to eat a fried dough stick and two eggs for breakfast in order to seek a good omen, hoping to get a hundred points. Unexpectedly, one of the eggs had a double yolk. He thought about it over and over again, and finally ate only the double yolk egg.

After the results were announced, Ajie shouted: "It's really accurate!" Everyone saw: 18 points.

7. In a university basketball game, the previous champion history department team and the computer department team entered the finals. Before the game, posters are put up to boost the reputation.

The Department of History said: "History has proven that history is surprisingly similar!"

The Department of Computer Science said: "Public opinion has recognized that computers will rewrite history."

Hilarious campus classic cold humor

1. The classmate forum said: Brother’s IP4 is so powerful, it dropped three times and it was fine!

Someone immediately replied below: This unlucky kid bought a copycat...

2. When I went home during the winter vacation, there was a problem with my computer at home, so I installed a 360 Security Guard for her. .

As a result, while knitting, my mother asked me: "What should I do if there are still 5 days left?"

A classmate in the dormitory went to the toilet and accidentally dropped his phone while playing with it. Then, he went back to get it. He picked up a pair of chopsticks and was about to take them out. Just as the classmate was about to take them out, a buddy came into the toilet. Seeing this, he asked with concern, "Brother, haven't you eaten yet?"...

3. When I was in college, I pursued a girl and confessed her love to her several times, but the girl never responded. Finally one day, the girl texted me and told me that I should go to the Yellow River to play on the weekend. I was so excited that I didn't sleep well at night. I was invited to the Yellow River Beach on the weekend. After walking for a while, the girl said, there is something I have always wanted to say to you... I was so excited and thought that there was something interesting about this, so I said, just say it, I will listen. She said: "I have also seen the Yellow River, so I have given up this time!"

4. After the speech contest, the class teacher made a summary: "When we speak, the language must be concise and artistic. Mr. Lin Yutang said After a sentence, "A wonderful speech should be like a girl's miniskirt, the shorter the better."

A student raised his hand and asked: "What if you don't say a word?"

The head teacher sternly said: "No hooligans allowed!"

5. Failed geography? normal! Don't you know the way home?

Failed math? normal! Do you use functions when you go shopping for groceries?

Failed English? normal! What else do the Chinese do to sing like birds?

Failed physics? normal! Do you need to consider air resistance when jumping from a building?

Failed in politics? normal! Will it be your turn to be a senior official of the central government?

Failed the Chinese language? normal! Do you need to use rhetorical techniques to curse people?