Humor is our choice - funny can’t be too ordinary

Humor is our choice - funny things cannot be too ordinary

Humor is our choice - funny things cannot be too ordinary

< p> The unlocking function of my mobile phone is very sensitive, and my pants are very thin. After rubbing on my legs, I unlocked the phone, entered the business card and dialed... At that time, I was walking at night and knelt down to tie my shoelaces, only to hear the voice left. I'm very close... . Hello…. . Hello…. . I looked around and there was no one around. Holy shit, I was so scared! ! After running for 10 minutes, nothing could be more stupid. . .

A buddy, I didn’t buy a ticket for the National Day, so I was forced to stay in school. I washed clothes on the balcony for two hours in the morning. I washed all the clothes I had saved for several days. I went to the cafeteria for lunch at noon. I was blocked by a man when I was walking downstairs. I confessed to my buddy that he lived in the building opposite. I saw that he had been doing laundry this morning and I thought that my buddy was a thrifty and family-oriented type, so I wanted to date him. . . Damn it, humans can't stop this erotic world. . .

On the first anniversary of his death, Steve Jobs was interviewed by CCTV: "Are you happy?" Gang Leader Qiao: "My surname is Joe." Reporter: "Do you have any regrets?" Gang Leader Qiao: "I didn't do anything while I was alive. Damn Samsung." Reporter: "What have you been busy with in the past year?" Leader Qiao: "Changing Heaven." Reporter: "Why can you still hear me talk after you are dead?" Leader Qiao: "Because you talk nonsense every day. Ah." @1平九飞

It is reported that scientific statistics show that during the Mid-Autumn Festival Golden Week holiday, the most popular tourist attractions across the country are highway toll stations.

During the Mid-Autumn Festival, the whole family reunites happily, sitting around the table and admiring the full moon; under the moon, there is a large plate of moon cakes, which are eaten with joy; when the moon is full, people have round bellies, and the family is round, and dreams are round; I have nothing to do and my hands are itching, so I sent a text message to remind you: the full moon is beautiful, take care of your health; although the mooncakes are good, eat them in moderation; although the dream has come true, you still need to work hard; on the fifteenth day of the coming year, the whole family will get together again! Finally, I wish you: Happy Mid-Autumn Festival!

My friend and I went to the flower shop to buy flowers. We saw a pot of mimosa. I poked it with my hand and found that it didn’t move. So I asked the boss what was going on. The boss said calmly: "Maybe this one is thick-skinned..." A collection of hilarious jokes

During the National Day, CCTV was busy asking: "Are you happy?", "Zeng Xingfu" popped up last time , today I got another "Godly reply", at a train ticket sales office in Zhengzhou: What is your biggest regret? "We haven't confiscated the Diaoyu Islands yet"; what do you want most? "Girlfriend"; So, what's the worst thing that happened to you in the past ten years? "I was interviewed by you and someone broke in."

I guess...many people don’t know that Lu Xun and Zhou Enlai are uncle-nephew. Raise your hand if you don’t know~~ Zhou Enlai and Lu Xun are both descendants of Zhou Dunyi. Lu Xun is the twentieth generation grandson, and Zhou Enlai is the descendant of Zhou Enlai. Twenty-first generation grandson.

Google is the most humane company in the world. It even complies with labor laws when manufacturing mobile operating systems. Mobile phones around the world are equipped with his Desktop system, which implements an eight-hour work system. You must go to work on time and work continuously for no more than eight hours. You will never work overtime. Sometimes you will be late or leave early. The comfort of the working environment is also required. Very tall, if the job gets a little bigger, she will exercise her right to strike.

My boyfriend said I was delusional and wanted to break up with me, but it didn’t matter because he was a figment of my imagination anyway. @飞TNND机

The community held a mooncake eating contest, and it was said that there was a huge mysterious prize. Then my mother signed me up... but when I went there, I found that they were all five-nut mooncakes! ! As a result, I ate 11 five-nut mooncakes and won second place... When I went to receive the prize, I found that the prize was actually a five-nut mooncake that was thicker than a dictionary! ! I, CNMB, who came up with this competition! ! ! ! @一mouth的蔴苴

The direction of the new season of The Big Bang Theory tells us that no matter how rich the otaku material is, it will eventually run out. Only the relationship between men and women is a theme that will never get boring and is not afraid of repetition - but this If this continues, I will consider giving up the show. If I want to watch the relationship between men and women, "How I Met Your Mother" will be enough. On the other hand, the two dramas Revenge and Homeland are pretty good, and they are still barely maintaining the quality of the first season.

@马boyong

Psychological analysis: Do you have obsessive-compulsive disorder? 1. Follow the footsteps of others when walking; 2. If you eat a bitter melon seed, you must eat N more seeds to eliminate the bitter taste; 3. Like to press the same poles of two magnets together to prevent them from bouncing. ; 4. I often forget whether I have done something and then go back to check; 5. If my fingers are peeling, all the curled skin will be torn off! !

Those who like to tell me, "I have walked on more bridges than you have walked on," I admire them from the bottom of my heart, but what I admire is not that he knows better than me. Duo, I admire him for his great fortune. @9 Degrees Qiuku

I had acute gastroenteritis yesterday. I had a stomachache in the middle of the night and went to the toilet. As soon as I sat on the toilet, my stomach started to churn. I turned around and climbed on the toilet to vomit. As a result, I vomited all over the toilet and pooped on the floor. I felt uncomfortable at that time. Didn't feel it. After vomiting, I sat down on the toilet again with great difficulty, only to find that I had pooped on the floor and was covered in feces and vomited again. At this time, the bathroom door was opened by my husband. He looked at me and then at the ground, rushed over and shouted in horror, "What's wrong with you?" Did you vomit this shit?

The most romantic thing about the National Day "Golden Porridge": Staying at home and watching the crowds~ Tens of thousands of people in Huashan were stranded; more than 20,000 people were stranded in Putuo Mountain; tens of thousands of tourists in Lijiang were unable to find them Go to your accommodation; Dameisha Beach is so crowded that you can’t see the sand; Sanya Beach has become a garbage dump; Gulangyu Island has “fallen”; no one can see the bridge in West Lake; Huangshan is full of tourists; the road to Jiuzhaigou Valley is motionless at 12 o’clock in the middle of the night, the Forbidden City is crowded, and the Great Wall is not Inside and outside. Humorous Joke

USB only has two sides, which means you have a 50% chance of plugging it in correctly, but 99% of the time, you plug it in wrong! Of course, a lot of "wrongs" are caused by your feeling that you were wrong, only to find out later that you were right!

I have been thinking that if Sina Weibo held a "guess the author based only on Weibo content" contest, the final winner should be Lu Qi, right? ----Ma Boyong

Please be sure to cherish girls with straight bangs because they have a certain financial foundation and can go to the hair salon several times a month. Or if they have thrifty habits and have enough food and clothing, they can deal with middle-parted curly bangs. They remain calm even in uneven and embarrassing situations. They dare to bear the consequences if they cut their faces and make them round. They move forward bravely and face difficulties without fear. They have more patience to sort out their hair than girls without bangs or slanted bangs. hair!