Joke Collection Website - Cold jokes - Funny joke: Why do I always get hurt?
Funny joke: Why do I always get hurt?
A boss of B club caught a glimpse of a young man in an alley and asked him: What is one plus one? The young man was afraid, thought for a long time and said, it's equal to two. The boss of B club quickly took out his pistol and killed him. Leave a message when you leave: You know too much.
I think as long as I have some modest qualities, I will be a perfect person.
One day, Mung Bean broke up with his girlfriend. He was very sad, so he kept crying, crying, crying .............................................................................................................................................................. ~ ~ ~
Policeman: "Say, what's your name?" Prisoner: "My name is Jackie Chan." Policeman: Why don't you call Zhen Chen? Put your attitude right ~ tell me your name ~? Prisoner: My name is Zhen Chen.
One day, eggplant was walking in the street and suddenly sneezed a lot. It wiped its nose and said angrily, "It's taking a photo again!" "
Two jellyfish collided at the seaside. Jellyfish A: "What the hell! You can't swim with your eyes! Jellyfish B: What are eyes? Jellyfish A: I don't know. Last time I met someone, he called me that. Jellyfish B: Oh! That's right! 」
In primary school science class, the teacher told us that knocking on the knee would lead to knee jump. When I got home, I took a hammer and hit it on my dad's knee. And my dad stood up and kicked me. It turns out that the teacher is right!
One day Xiaoming opened the refrigerator and said, Oh! It's cold.
A child once said to me, "Sister, you are so beautiful." I killed him with a stick and said, "You know too much."
If one day I become a hooligan, please remember to tell me that I am innocent.
There is a kind of fruit. He is very busy all day, and finally everyone calls him Busy Fruit.
The first lie in life begins with writing a composition in primary school, and the truth begins with writing a love letter.
When the brothers Grimm wrote Snow White, they were very prescient. The man who finally saved Snow White and lived happily with her is called "Prince Charming". And now the female compatriots all want to find the prince charming in their minds, so why pinch it? Because the pinyin abbreviation of Prince Charming is-BMW, or Z series.
A sausage in the refrigerator feels very cold. Then I looked at the other one next to me and felt a little comforted. I said, "You are so frozen that you are covered with ice!" "As a result, the root said," I am a popsicle. "
A man wanted to jump off a building, and his wife shouted, "honey, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go!" " "Hearing this, the man jumped up with a whoosh. Pol.ice said, "You really shouldn't threaten him like this! "
Wang, the host of Happy Dictionary, interviewed an audience and asked, "Which hostess do you like best?" Audience: "You." Wang: "Why?" Audience: "Because you look a bit like Yang Lan!"
Shit and urine are good brothers. One day, I was killed by a car when I took a shit crossing the road, so pee said, I really want to take a shit …
One day, Xiaoming bought a brand-new eraser. Xiaohua wanted to use it when he saw it, and he kept pestering Xiao Ming, who said angrily, No! Xiaohua said: I will die if I borrow it! So Xiaohua took Xiaoming's eraser away, and Xiaoming died. ...
Xiaoming: "Mom, my classmates say my head is so big." Mom: "Nonsense, they are all bad children. Ignore them. Go and buy chestnuts for my mother. " Xiao Ming: "What do you use?" Mom: "Use your hat."
I've been so busy recently that I can't even get 18 hours of sleep. I'm depressed! ~~~~~~~~~~
One day, five-year-old Xiaohui looked at her aunt's face and said, "Aunt, your face is like a peach!" " "Aunt happily hugged her relatives and asked," How is it like the law? " The little niece naively replied, "There is a lot of hair on it. "
Think of a number in your head, multiply it by two, add five, then subtract the number you originally thought, multiply it by eight, subtract five, and then close your eyes and you can't see anything, right?
A classmate secretly loves a PLMM that he meets every day after school, but he has no chance to get close to it. One day I followed MM to a ramen restaurant, and finally got up the courage to strike up a conversation with her: "What's your name, classmate ..............? "MM:" beef noodles. " ................................................
Who is Elva Hsiao's eldest brother? Pig, so you are my title song (Brother Pig) ~ ~ ~ La La La.
A piece of shit went swimming, swimming, and suddenly shouted, "XXX, the water in this swimming pool stinks!" " #! #! #……%¥! ! !
One day, I said to Xiao Ming, "Hey, you really look like Xiao Ming!" "
A man fell down while walking. He stood up and walked on, and fell down again. So he said; If I had known, I wouldn't have got up just now.
The drizzle fell on the river, and the river got goose bumps.
Which anime characters are the most involved? Answer: Mermaid (because she can't cheat)
Once upon a time, there was a dog who took a poop, but it was separated by four stools ... When the owner saw it, it turned out that a button was stuck in the dog's P leg ... |||||||||||
Where's Xiaoming? He will have an exam tomorrow, but he is watching TV in the evening.
Xiao Ming's mother asked anxiously: Have you finished all the books? There will be an exam tomorrow.
Xiao Ming replied brightly: Mom, I finished reading it.
Xiao Ming's mother praised Xiao Ming happily: Good boy, then you must do well in the exam tomorrow.
Xiao Ming cried and said, Mom, I mean,' Mom, I think it's over'.
Xiao said to Xiao B: dig the plug ... it's raining outside! ! Have you seen it?
Xiao B is very excited: Yes, I see you.
Xiao Ming returned to the classroom after going to the toilet and said to the teacher:
There are many ants in the toilet.
The teacher suddenly thought of the English word ant for ants, so he tested Xiaoming: What did the ants say?
Xiao a face of vacant ... Said:
Ant, he said nothing.
One day, three little pigs built three huts to avoid being chased by wolves. Wolves easily destroyed straw houses, wooden houses and brick houses. Three little pigs ran as fast as they could, but the wolf caught up with them.
The three little pigs said in despair, it's up to you. We gave up. Whatever.
At this moment, the wolf smiled and drooled and said, Then tell me where Little Red Riding Hood is.
I want to have a handsome son in the future, so that others will say when they see me. ....
What a handsome father ~
Once upon a time, there was a eunuch. .........
What about below?
Go ~
Xiaoming got a new haircut and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head looks like a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. . Cry, cry. . He flew. .
Giraffe said, "Little Rabbit, I hope you know how good it is to have a long neck. No matter what I eat, I will slowly pass through my long neck, and that kind of delicious food can be enjoyed for a long time. "
The little white rabbit looked at him without expression.
"Also, in summer, cold water slowly flows through my long neck, which is delicious. What a long neck! White rabbit, can you imagine? "
The white rabbit said slowly, "Have you ever vomited?"
There is a match that tickles his head. After catching it, his head caught fire. Then he went to the hospital. After the nurse bandaged him, he became a cotton swab.
The diver's movements are difficult. He turned three times, then somersaulted forward for three and a half times, and then somersaulted backward for a month.
Once upon a time, there was a marshmallow who went to play ball for a long time. He said, "I'm so tired that I feel soft."
When my friend Li Shansi and I just moved, there was no TV at home, which was very boring. Let's pretend that there is a TV set on the desk, and then we can change the channel by pretending that we have a remote control. This son of a bitch keeps changing channels. I told him, but he wouldn't listen. Then we started fighting.
Dad once took Xiaoming to a wedding. Xiao Ming saw the couplet outside the door and asked, Dad, what is this? Dad said: this is a couplet. Someone got married, post this to celebrate ~
On the second day of New Year's Day, Xiao Ming went to his grandmother's house to pay New Year's greetings. Seeing the couplets outside, he excitedly shouted to everyone: grandma is married!
The tortoise lives with the white rabbit, and the white rabbit is hurt. The tortoise went out to buy medicine for it. Two hours later, the tortoise didn't come back. The white rabbit said in a hurry, "Bastard, if you don't fucking come back, I'll die ..." At this moment, the turtle's voice came, "Xiaobai, if you complain again, I won't fucking go out."
On the first day, the little white rabbit went out and met the wolf. The wolf grabbed the white rabbit and hit two mouths: "Let you not wear a hat. The next day, the little white rabbit went out wearing a hat and met the wolf. The wolf gave the white rabbit two more mouths: "Let you wear a hat! "Little rabbit went to the tiger and told him that the wolf bullied him. The tiger asked the wolf to do ideological work, saying that it was too obvious for the wolf to bully the white rabbit, and it was difficult for the tiger to do it. For example, let the white rabbit find a piece of meat. If the white rabbit finds lean meat, it is said that the wolf asked the white rabbit to find fat meat, so that it can beat the white rabbit, and vice versa. Or, you can ask the white rabbit to find a rabbit for the wolf. If it is a male rabbit, the wolf can say that the little white rabbit is looking for a female rabbit, or it can be justified to hit the little white rabbit, and vice versa. Unexpectedly, the little white rabbit heard it outside the door. On the third day, the white rabbit met the wolf. The wolf asked the white rabbit to find a piece of meat. The white rabbit asked, "Do you want lean meat or fat meat? "The wolf was speechless, but he had a second move, so he sent the little white rabbit to find the rabbit. The little white rabbit asked, Do you want a male rabbit or a female rabbit? The wolf was very depressed, stayed for two minutes, grabbed the white rabbit and gave it to two big mouths: "Let you not wear a hat!" " "
The little white rabbit asked the wolf when he was sleeping. When the wolf chased out, the white rabbit quickly rolled on the ground and turned itself into a gray rabbit. He took a copy of Southern Metropolis Daily and pretended to read it. At this time, the wolf chased here and stopped to ask, "Grey rabbit, have you seen a little white rabbit passing by?" The white rabbit replied, "Is it the rabbit that Q B killed the wolf?" The wolf said, "Shit, it took so long to report?"
The big white rabbit and the big black bear go to the forest to go to the toilet. The big black bear asked the little white rabbit, "Xiaobai, Xiaobai, does it matter if the poop sticks to your body?" The little white rabbit comforted and said, "It's okay. Just go home and wash it." So the big black bear brought the little white rabbit to wipe his ass.
Once when I was shopping, I felt very painful in my stomach, so I walked into the corner "1 19" and wanted to borrow a toilet, but I couldn't find it on the first floor, so I ran to the second floor. The second floor was still under renovation, and there was nothing left, but I found a toilet door that said, "Failure maintenance, please don't use it."
I really can't help it. Whatever. Anyway, there was no one around, so I took off my pants and squatted in the toilet, tickling ... so cool!
Then I went downstairs and found nothing. It's weird. I just returned it to the wedding downstairs at dinner time, so why did I go to the building alone? Even the waiter and receptionist are gone. .....
So I approached the bar and asked, "Hello? Why is there no one? "
At this moment, I saw a waiter come out from under the bar and said, "Damn it! You were lucky that you weren't there when shit fell from the ceiling and hit the electric fan just now. " I am sweating.
What about catching mosquitoes alive in summer?
1. Of course we should raise him.
Send him to school.
3. Buy him a house
4. Help him get a wife
5. babysit for him
What else can you do?
After all, it is your blood.
Xiao Zhang is a friend of mine.
He said, "Go! Please go swimming! "
I said, "No!"
He said, "Why?"
I said, "The water is so dirty that they all pee in it."
He said, "Then let's pee in it!"
I said, "No."
Then he went by himself.
Call me after playing for less than half an hour.
He said, "Give me that 300 yuan. I was caught peeing.
I said, "How can anyone arrest me?"
He said: "People pee in the water and I pee on the platform."
The next day, I had no face to sneak in again. Call me again in half an hour.
He said, "Give me that 300 yuan, and I'm caught peeing again.
I said, "I caught it again."
He said, "Don't mention it. I pee in the water. Yesterday, I was fined 300 yuan and was ignited. I have a yellow line when I pee! "
On the third day, I went again. Call me again in half an hour.
He said, "Give me that 300 yuan, and I'm caught peeing again.
I said, "I caught it again."
He said, "Don't mention it. I caught a cold yesterday and took a shit when I peed."
On the fourth day, I went again. Call me again in half an hour.
He said, "Give me that 300 yuan, and I'm caught peeing again.
I said, "I caught it again."
He said: "Don't mention it, I saw a super hot beauty today. What she brought out when she peed was actually a white sticky substance."
On the fifth day, I went again. Call me again in half an hour.
He said, "Give me 300 yuan.
I said, "I caught it again."
He said, "Forget it, I peed too much, and the whole pool overflowed."
Me: ". . . . . . . . . "
On the sixth day, I went again. Call me again in half an hour.
He said, "Give me 300 yuan.
I said, "I caught it again."
He said, "Don't mention it. People are scared away when I come."
Me: ". . . . . . . . . "
On the seventh day, I went again. Call me again in half an hour.
He said, "Give me 300 yuan.
I said, "I caught it again."
He said, "When I came, everyone in the swimming pool peed.
Me: ". . . . . . . . . "
On the eighth day, I went again. Call me again in half an hour.
He said, "Give me 300 yuan.
I said, "I caught it again."
He said, "Don't mention it. When I came, the manager was scared to pee. "
Me: ". . . . . . . . . "
On the ninth day, I went again. Call me again in half an hour.
He said, "Give me 300 yuan.
I said, "I caught it again."
He said, "Don't mention it. I can't pee. People won't let me go. "
Me: ". . . . . . . . . "
On the tenth day, I went again. Call me again in half an hour.
He said, "Give me 300 yuan.
I said, "I caught it again."
He said, "Don't mention it, I haven't peed yet. If people see me again, they will be fined 300 yuan first. "
Me: ". . . . . . . . . "
The big lemon saw the little lemon crying and asked what was going on. Little lemon said, I licked it myself. It is too sour.
A celery was walking in the street and felt a stomachache. Guess what? It left "diligence". Do you know what color celery dung is? "I don't know" … "Huang" … "Why" … "Because of Qin Shihuang"
What other functions does PP have besides poop and fart?
Everyone has used it. Oh,
Of course, you can also clip the poop off.
Two sausages are put in the refrigerator. A month later, one sausage shivered and said to another sausage, Wow, it's so cold! Another sausage gave it a surprised look and said, huh? You are a sausage. How can you talk?
A few days ago, mad cow disease swept across the country. ..........................
On the endless green grassland, one cow is talking to another.
You know, I heard that mad cow disease will infect us soon.
-"fortunately, we are rabbits, aren't we?"
- "......"
A bird passes through the corn field every day.
One day, the cornfield caught fire.
Broken corn turned into popcorn.
The bird flew by and saw the glitter below, thinking it was snowing.
It's freezing. . .
Well, there are two bananas walking on the road. The banana in front felt very hot, so I took off my clothes. As a result, the banana at the back slipped.
During military training, the instructor shouted: Count off in the first row! Xiao Ming didn't move, and the instructor stopped again! Xiao Ming still didn't move. The instructor was puzzled and shouted at Xiaoming: Count off! Xiao Ming glanced at the instructor and walked helplessly to the playground and hugged a tree. ...
One snake touched another snake and asked his brother, are we poisonous? Another snake said, I don't know. Why do you ask? The snake said that I accidentally bit my tongue. ...
The centipede and the crab are blind date, and the crab is very shy. The centipede disdains to say, Hum, it's rude to shake hands before meeting.
The crab rubbed his hands, blushed and asked, Hold … Which hand are you holding?
An elephant was bitten by a snake and chased out. As a result, the snake sneaked into the hole and the elephant waited at the hole. As a result, when it was getting dark, an earthworm came out of the hole, slammed on the earthworm and said, boy, where's your father? !
True story: In high school, a friend liked Stephanie very much. Therefore, he is a very honest boy backstage and studies well. One night before self-study, he heard this buddy talk about Stephanie, so he asked him who Stephanie was. His deskmate answered him first:1the girls in class 85 are very beautiful! The boy also asked, "Really?" Make sure the bad boy around you smiles and tells him it's the result. Shanbing really went to 185 class to see it! Still asking people at the door: Who is Stephanie in your class? Is it really beautiful? Not only did their class 3 185 shake ... it was a joke for a while.
Do you know how it makes people feel? I wanted to laugh, but I didn't laugh after thinking about it. The reflex arc smiled, but the brain didn't. Laugh with your skin, not your body. Anyway, it is a very tormenting feeling. Chris Lee likes to tell cold jokes, which is very annoying. If it is too cold, it will make people feel sick. Brother, are you comfortable reading these jokes yourself?
A can of wine was buried underground 1000 years. What did he become? Alcohol.
There is a pig. He walked and walked until he came to England. What has he become? -Pigs.
In class, the teacher recited the text at will. Piggy, puppy and kitten all raised their hands. Who will the teacher call? -puppy, because wangwang is humble.
Butterflies, ants, spiders, centipedes, they worked together, which one didn't get paid in the end? -Centipede, because you won't take it for nothing.
The elephant's nose is the longest in the zoo. Who is the second longest? Elephant.
What kind of fruit has the worst eyesight? Mango.
Which two kinds of fruits have mobile phones? -radish and green vegetables, each has his own love.
A turtle walked through a pile of shit, but left only three footprints on it. Why? -There's a foot on your nose.
Why do people go to bed to sleep? -The bed won't come by itself.
It turned out to be the Spartan 800 warriors. Why did it become 300 in the movie? -Wu Bai went to sing.
Why can Xiao Qiang stop the car with one hand? -Take a taxi.
If there is a car, the driver is a prince and the passenger is a princess, whose car is it? -If
Forget it. It's not that complicated.
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