Who has a super joke?

1. Yesterday, I dreamed that God said I could have a wish. I took out a globe and said I wanted world peace. He said it was too difficult to change. I took out your photo and said I wanted this person to look good. On reflection, he said that I would take another look at the globe.

2, the woman is ugly, can't marry, and hopes to be trafficked. Finally, my dream came true, but I couldn't sell it for half a month. The kidnapper sent him back, but she insisted on not getting off. The kidnapper gritted his teeth and stamped his feet: Let's go, don't want the car.

Twenty years ago, my father held you waiting for the bus. Everyone laughed at the ugly child, and my father cried. An old man selling bananas patted his father and said, "Don't cry, big brother, give the monkey a banana!" " ! Poor thing, I'm so hungry that I have no hair. "

On the plane, a parrot said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The pig followed the parrot's example and said to the stewardess, "Give me a glass of water." The stewardess was furious and threw the parrot and pig off the plane. Then the parrot said to the pig, "Don't be silly, I can fly."

An old farmer was hoeing in the field, and a crow flew over and took a shit and landed on the old farmer's face. The old farmer looked up and cursed: "Depend on your mother! I don't know how to wear shorts when I go out! " The crow said, "Shit! You shit and wear underpants! "

6. Girls should not say that.

A man said to a woman, "I invite you to dinner."

The woman said, "Some other time."

7. Save money bucket

A widow went to buy cucumbers and told her not to slice them, but the cucumber seller forgot to slice them. When the widow saw it, she scolded, "Do you fucking think I'm a money bucket?"

8. Internship

A large group of girls went to the farm for internship, and the bishop of the farm milked the cows. After the demonstration, they taught everyone to try it by themselves. At this time, a girl was puzzled to see that others had squeezed a small part of the tube, and her own was only a little. The farmer came over to have a look and said, Miss, you not only squeezed in the wrong place, but also chose the wrong cow.

9. A handsome guy wants to buy condoms.

A handsome guy wants to buy condoms, but he doesn't know the size. The waitress had no choice but to check it and said to her colleagues around her: a box of 5 inches, oh, no, 7 inches ... Oh, my God, go and get the toilet paper. . . . . . . .

10, I caught my ex-girlfriend flirting with my new lover.

Shadow Pig has just been abandoned by his girlfriend and happened to meet his ex-girlfriend flirting with his new lover in the street. The more he watched it, the angrier he became, trying to humiliate them. So I made a polite greeting and said contemptuously to my girlfriend's new love, "You don't dislike my second-hand goods!" " Just when he was proud of his creativity, his ex-girlfriend smiled and said, "One inch outside is old, and the inside is brand new!" "

1 1 is gone.

Roll call after class. If you don't come, 50 points will be deducted from the final grade! When I saw a brother, I jumped over inexplicably, and he shouted, "Teacher, you are beside the point!" " "

The old teacher over sixty lowered his head and said, "No ~"

12 One summer, a young man in slippers got on a bus. He sat down and crossed his legs. Opposite him sat a girl in a miniskirt (without underwear), and the bus left! ! Suddenly! A brake! Boys' feet are inserted into girls' BB, hey! That's what happened! After two days, the girl felt that her BB was very uncomfortable and went to the hospital. When the doctor examined her, she was surprised and said, "Wow, your BB has beriberi, which is very strange."

Just then, the door was pushed open and another doctor broke in and said, "What's so strange about this? There was a young man with syphilis on his feet just now! ! "。

13, wedding night, the bride has undressed and gone to bed.

The groom also took off his coat, shirt and tie, but when he got the shoes, he was in trouble.

Because the shoelaces can't be untied, they are more and more connected. The bride quickly said, "What a fool! There is a knife there. Just cut it with a knife! " "

The bride's mother eavesdropped in the next room to see if everything was satisfactory. Hearing the bride say this, she shouted, "No, you can't use a knife." She said through the wall, "Tell him to wipe some saliva."

14, a couple lived in the suburbs, and the hotel owner told them to put up with it, because the power was often cut off at night because there was not enough electricity.

Unexpectedly, the couple not only didn't mind, but also felt very exciting, so they agreed to make out as soon as the power went out.

Sure enough, at night, the electricity was cut off every two hours. After several times, the man had to drag his tired body to consult with the hotel owner. "Boss, I am willing to pay more, but would you please do me a favor and turn off the electricity every four hours?"

The hotel owner smiled awkwardly and said, "I'd be happy to help you, but it's a pity that you came a little late." Your girlfriend has just given me more money on condition that the electricity is stopped every half hour! " "

15, the carrot saw the sausage and said, Wow! Too rich. I'm wearing a fur coat. Sausage: What's this? Look at sausages. They are wearing real leather, and we are still wearing this kind of artificial leather.

16. Kangaroos and frogs fuck chickens. The kangaroo listens to the frog next door all night. One, two, three. Hey! Kangaroos are so envious. The next day, the kangaroo said, "Wow! ~ ~ Brother Frog, you are great! " The frog said, "Cao, I didn't jump on the bed all night!" " ~~

16, it is said that there was a shy little boy who fell in love with an elegant beauty. Shy, he secretly observed her life every day, and finally found a cycle-she had to go to the noodle restaurant to eat noodles one day a week.

He felt the time was ripe, so he waited for her at the noodle restaurant one day. When she walked into the shop and sat down, he took a deep breath and strode forward to ask her name.

He said, "Miss, what's your name?"

The young lady opened her eyes wide and said to him, "My name is beef noodles."

17, the couple watched others dance in the ballroom. The husband said with emotion, "This world is really strange. That ugly and stupid man has a beautiful wife. " The wife smiled and said, "honey, you are really flattering."

18, the husband heard that his wife was having an affair and planned revenge. One night he took his wife to bed and put concentrated rodenticide on her nipples. The next night, my wife came home late, and my husband asked why. My wife said bitterly, "Our leader is poisoned to death!" The husband asked, "Do you know who did it?" The wife said, "The murderer is very cunning." Even the police can't find out how the poison was passed, but there are clues. We are investigating Sanlu and Shengyuan milk powder. "The husband asked," Why? " "The wife said," the leader said when he died, "Oh, my God! Is there any safe milk in the world?