Funny, funny, humorous, tell me.

Tell me you can write jokes and humorous phrases. I'll give you some to show you. What you need are: 1, well-born, handsome and determined to become a monk;

2, the one with great ability and high status does not say that his temper is not good;

3. The ugly one has a good temper and makes people happy. He is still a playboy.

4. The one who is honest and in good health has no skill, and at most he carries a bag for the leader …

I'm a good girl,

Can be straight, flexible, flexible and sellable.

You can play the second, you can play a girl,

Play queen, lower limit of sun exposure,

Red cheeks, playing with a little freshness,

Swallow a heavy taste,

Scout out shameless and ignorant teenagers,

Avoiding hostile accolades, uncle,

You tell jokes, I can clap my desk and laugh,

You want to play literature and art, I look up at the stars.

You are lucky, but I lost your life.

Why did I become a leftover woman before I knew it?

Dear husband, I will love you, and I will be gentle and considerate.

I will give you a massage when you are tired, I will cook for you when you are hungry, and I will warm you when you are cold.

You play games, I cheer ... Oh, my God, give me a boyfriend.

The twins go to school in the same class, and the teacher assigns a composition-my father.

As a result, the teacher found that the father written by two people was completely different.

Not only are their personalities and habits different, but even their dates of birth are different.

The teacher asked them, "aren't you twins?" Not the same father? "

The twins said, "They are twins. They write the same thing. We are not afraid of you saying that our composition is plagiarized. "

Oh, my God, because of the disorder in class today,

Handsome teacher directly said, "If you make trouble again, I will kill you one by one!"

Hehe, the point is, the only boy among 40 people in our class,

I also replied: "Don't worry, teacher, I took a bath last night!" " "

This is a great loss to the teacher. ...

Playing checkers with my 5-year-old daughter, my mobile phone rang, and it was my friend Lao Hou, so I said hello: "Hello, Brother Hou!" " At this time, my daughter looked at me with reverence and said nothing. I'll put the phone down when I'm finished. The daughter whispered, "Dad, how did you and the Monkey King meet?"

Xiaoming said to his deskmate, "I only made one mistake in my composition yesterday, and my father killed me!" " The deskmate was surprised and asked, "Which word?" Ming Dow Jr.: "Isn't it just writing ancestors as inferior ancestors?"

Teacher: Xiao Ming, have you written the composition assigned yesterday?

Xiao Ming: Yes, the topic is Hometown Soil.

Teacher: This is a good topic. Read it to everyone.

Xiaoming: I went back to my hometown yesterday and found people in my hometown ...

That's called dirt ~, dirt to eat, dirt to wear, dirt to play with …

Teacher: Get out!

The new girlfriend said that her first boyfriend sold wonton and stopped eating wonton after breaking up.

The second boyfriend opened an Internet cafe and stopped surfing the Internet after breaking up.

I replied, "Then you can't leave me in the future."

Girlfriend asked why?

I fucking sell clothes, you don't know!

A classmate can't find a job for a long time, ask another classmate:

"I have a stubborn temper. I can't listen to what others say. No one can ask me to do anything. I always do what I want. What do you think I can do? "

Another student replied, "Suitable for hairdressers!" …

When writing a composition in a primary school, the protagonists will always be Xiaohong and Xiaoming. Then one day, I found it boring to use Xiaohong and Xiaoming all the time, so I changed the names of some characters on TV. As a result, the teacher said that what I wrote was untrue! I don't understand. Can't Xiaoyu and Hua Wuque sweep the floor together after school?

I think I can write 800 words in one breath on the composition topic of the college entrance examination "Walking":

Walk over there! Pass by! Don't miss it! All the goods in this shop are from 2 yuan, one from 2 yuan and one from 2 yuan, so everything you want is cheap.

Buy what you can afford, don't come back when it's now or never, and sell it at a loss after clearance! What to pick, what to take,

Everything is 2 yuan! Original price18 yuan, 0 yuan, now the whole audience is in 2 yuan.

You can't buy two dollars at a loss, and you can't be fooled by two dollars …

1. When I just bought something, it cost 7 yuan. I felt in my pocket, and there was a 10 yuan and a 5 yuan.

Gave it to the boss 10 yuan, gave it to me, 3 yuan, and looked at 8 yuan.

I was confused for a moment: "boss, I just have 7 pieces of change here!" " "

It is estimated that the goods are also wandering, silently holding the 7 yuan I handed over.

Then return the bill of 10 to me, and the more I think about it on the way back, the more inappropriate I feel …

Did I lose or did the boss lose?

The difference between booking tickets after 2, 70, 80 and 90,

After 70: look at the brand; After 80: read the comments; After 90: Look at the mood.

After 70: used for rest; After 80: For the sake of mood; Post-90s: Take photos.

After 70: the house money is reimbursed by the unit; Post-80s: We have room money AA system; After 90: My dad's card was swiped.

I hope this helps.