Notes on "Have something to say"

Have something to say: Your life is what you say. This book introduces the methods and significance of improving life happiness from different angles, and provides readers with some social skills that are hurt by practice. The author of this book, Lu Wenli, is the founder of China Happiness Coaches' Union, the winner of the most beautiful scholarly family in China, a psychological counselor, a CCTV reader, a guest and a best-selling author, with works such as Steady Happiness and The Ability to Happiness.

As the saying goes, "a good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts June", language can always convey a positive energy, which makes people feel kind, warm and happy. People who don't know how to speak are like throwing grenades at people, and every word may hurt each other.

Especially in social situations, if you can't speak, it may be easy to offend people. No one wants to be your friend, and it is impossible for someone to give you a job and cooperate with you. On the contrary, if you can speak, a nice word and a good-looking face, it is often easy to win good popularity, and we may gain more understanding and support, and have many friends, information, opportunities and possibilities.

First, communicate efficiently, starting with a good "no"

When you are rejected, you will always feel a little uncomfortable in your heart, and it is hard to say that you refuse people, especially those who have a good relationship with you. After all, people's ability is limited, and rejecting others correctly is actually a very important knowledge. The author provides several ways to say "no" here.

1, don't say "no" directly, but express it visually.

When we want to express that we don't want to do something, we don't just say "no", but change it into a positive and picturesque statement, and the effect is often better.

2. When we say "no", we should first pave the way with recognition, and then show our attitude.

That is, when we want to say "no", we can agree with each other first and then show our attitude.

Listen first, then say "no".

In fact, whether we want to express approval or rejection, if we don't take listening as the basis of communication, the effect will be discounted. Listening means respecting each other's speech, and it also means that we think carefully about the process. If we don't listen carefully, sometimes we will tell sarcastic jokes.

Second, how to chat with people happily

1, learn to praise others without showing traces.

Here, the author suggests that people should be specific when praising others. Being too general means saying nothing. You can use a golden saying, "How did you do it?" On the surface, this sentence doesn't look like a compliment. In fact, this sentence is a trace of praise, which makes people's good feelings for you multiply.

2. Say more "wow" and less "hmm"

This is because a pleasant chat actually doesn't need too complicated sentences, and sometimes it's just a simple sentence, such as "wow". A simple sentence represents heartfelt appreciation, curiosity and admiration, which will make the other party feel that what they are doing has been seen and recognized, thus producing extremely pleasant feelings psychologically, so they are more willing to share. If it is "hmm", it will make people feel depressed and dull. It will make them feel perfunctory and neglected, indicating that the other party is not interested in you. Under the cold eyes, we are often no longer willing to share.

3. Know how to avoid the minefield of chatting.

The first minefield: asking questions and probing. An agent with a strong purpose always wants to get the information he urgently needs from the other party, which often makes people feel too direct and utilitarian, and it is difficult to make people feel good, especially when the things you ask involve the privacy of the other party, which is even more disgusting.

The second minefield: self-centered. If a person is too self-centered and pays too much attention to himself in chatting, it will inevitably make people unhappy and feel that you don't respect him, that you are arrogant and that you are unpopular wherever you go.

The third minefield: interrupting others. This is the taboo of chatting. On the one hand, it is extremely disrespectful to each other. What are you talking about if you don't even have the minimum respect? On the other hand, when you interrupt someone, the other person is often in the throat. This experience must be very bad, and naturally he doesn't want to talk to you.

The fourth minefield: evaluate others' choices at will in public. This will be particularly disappointing and will make people feel disgusted with you.

Third, how to speak well in the workplace

1, ambiguous words are taboo in workplace communication.

Ambiguous words are ambiguous. If you use a popular sentence on the Internet, it means "I seem to have said it, but I don't seem to have said it." Ambiguity is often a sign of self-confidence or disinterest, which easily makes people feel unreliable, while opportunities in the workplace are usually only given to those who are willing.

2. Learn to express it in the mode of "making you".

Here, the author shares a golden speech template necessary for the workplace, which is called the exemplary expression of "achieving you". Divided into three parts, "success" is to feedback whether the task has been completed; "Gang" refers to what will happen to you, or what you didn't do to save the copy; "You" is the other person's view on this, so please ask the other person to choose. What you say according to this template will make people feel that you are considerate of him everywhere and often make the other person feel happy.

3. Will everything be three seconds slow?

Sometimes, whether in the workplace or in life, we always inevitably have emotions, and our expression under emotions is often impulsive, so "impulsiveness is the devil." When we find ourselves in a mood, please bite your tongue first and wait for three seconds before you speak.