Joke 5000

Once upon a time, Americans went sightseeing in Russia. One day, I saw two Russian workers on my way to Russia. One is to dig a hole by the roadside with a shovel. He digs a hole every three meters. Another worker immediately backfilled the hole just dug by the previous worker, and so on ... The American was curious and asked the first Russian worker, "Why did the guy behind you fill in the hole just after you dug it?" Russian workers replied: "We are greening the road. I dig a hole, the second person plants trees, and the third person fills the soil. But the second man didn't come today. 2. School Booking Office: Tickets are particularly tight now. If you don't have the train ticket you want, will you obey the adjustment? Me: Obey. After getting the ticket the next day, I was very angry: I booked a ticket to Shandong, why did I get a ticket to Shanxi! ! ! School booking office: Didn't you say that you obey the adjustment? X, an employee of the personnel department of an enterprise, was recently transferred to the public relations department downstairs. On this day, his friend called the original department: "Is X there? X's colleague replied, "He is no longer in the personnel department." "Friend:" Huh? When did he ... Colleague: "Last week. "Friend:" I don't know anything about it … I didn't give him a ride … "Colleague:" Never mind, just go down and find him? "Friend, you are really joking ... Colleague: I'm not joking. He said when he left. If anyone misses him, you are always welcome to visit him below. Friend: ... This is inconvenient ... Colleague: Well, it's really inconvenient during the day, so I'll ask him to come to you at night! ! 4. When I got up in the morning, I saw a Netease comment on the first floor: Everybody calm down and come and listen to what the fifth floor says. Second floor: I think the fifth floor is very reasonable. The third layer: the fifth layer speaks the voice of the people. Fourth floor: The fifth floor is really nice! Fifth floor: upstairs are idiots! ! The dormitory is on the 6th floor. I climbed up and found that I didn't have my key. I went downstairs and asked my aunt for it. Then I climbed up to open the door, went down to return the key, climbed up again and found the door closed. A classmate next door passed by and asked, "You see your door is open, I'll close it for you. "6. Anonymous had a quarrel with her husband, and I felt very uncomfortable. While my husband was sleeping, I squatted on his head and farted so that he could smell it. I didn't expect that I pushed too hard and directly pulled a pile of shit on his face. It's funny, but it's also disgusting. Once the bell rings, everyone must go home. When going down the stairs, a boy stepped on his right foot with his left foot and fell into a big font in the middle of the road ... He thought at that time: No, it's too embarrassing, you have to pretend to be dizzy. As a result, the students nearby saw the boy motionless, quickly helped him up, and then slapped him wildly ... 8. A gentleman rented A Jin Tianyi in a rambling bar, and when he saw the second page, he burst into tears. I don't know which day he drew a circle on a character with a blue ballpoint pen and wrote-this is the murderer ... 9. A man ventured alone in the forest and suddenly found himself surrounded by cannibals. So he shouted to the sky: "I am dead, God help me!" " "When the light came on, I saw a voice from the sky:" Not necessarily, you can pick up a big stone on the ground and smash the leader to death. " So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground and threw it at the chief, just killing him. All the people stayed for a while, then glared at each other. At this moment, another voice came from the sky: "Now you are really dead. 10, two children are talking: A says: My whole family likes animals, my mother likes cats, my brother likes dogs and my sister likes rabbits. B said: What about your father? A said: I like foxes. 1 1. A customer walks to the front desk. Customer: "Give me a small bowl. "Me:" Huh? "I didn't know it was a sundae until the customer pointed to the menu. Me: "sundaes? What flavor do you want? " Customer: "Apple's. "Me:" Huh? Sorry, I have never sold apples. Customer: "What's that green one?" Me: Oh, that's aloe. Customer: Aloe vera? Isn't that a flower! Can you eat? "Me:" Yes! "Customer:" Forget it, I never eat blindly. "I want coffee." Me: (at a loss) "Sorry, I have never sold coffee." Customer: "What's the dark black one?" Me: "That's chocolate." Customer: "forget it, chocolate is too sweet." I want the red one. " It's strawberries. "I: (super happy, I can guess right once. ) "Yes, how much do you want? Customer: One, but I don't eat sesame seeds. Please help me pick out all the strawberry seeds. "I:! @~#$%^&； & amp**~! @#$%^&； * 12, examiner; What is the retail price of windows 7 Professional Edition in Chinese mainland? Me: 5 yuan Examiner: Go out, the word "give up the next one" has never appeared in my dictionary. I voted again and again and finally got an interview with Google. However, I went to Google for an interview and was kicked out after answering a question ... Examiner: Where did you get the news of Google interview? Me: Baidu examiner: Go out, the brother next door is depressed, but I still have to support myself first. Drag a friend to McDonald's to find a job. . But the other person is very abnormal, let me sing McDonald's songs. At this time, my brother smiled. I have known McDonald's songs since I was a child. So I opened my mouth and came: with KFC, life will be fine! Examiner: Going out ~ ~ ~ ~ McDonald's failed in the interview. My mother dragged someone to find a job in mobile customer service. My mom says this doesn't require technology. You should try it first. I agreed without thinking. The interview went well and the other party appreciated me. Finally, the examiner said to me, you are very good. Please leave your phone number so that we can inform you to go to work. Me: "132 ..." Examiner: Get out. . . . My heart is broken. . . Being unemployed for so long, eating and drinking at home. My family looked at me helplessly. Walking to a shopping mall, I saw Artie looking for a clerk. I think I should try. Examiner: Please tell us our slogan. I: Just do it. Examiner: Get out, next. Repeated failures did not dampen my confidence. I settled down to study hard and finally got into our local civil servants with excellent results. Still, there is a fucking interview. During the interview, I answered questions and saw the examiner's face. I think there is no problem with this job. When I am happy. The examiner asked me, young man, which historical figure do you like best? I answered without thinking: Little Shenyang! Examiner: Get out. This failure, I have a very important life consideration. Looking back on everything before, I finally found that the most important thing is that I answered some questions wrong. However, I have made the best preparation for this interview. Nokia's product department informed me that it took me a week to finish all the work. Even the slogan is not wrong: science and technology are people-oriented. The examiner was very satisfied and said that if there were no accidents, he could come to work tomorrow. At this moment, the phone rang and a discordant voice appeared: "Hello MOTO". 13. Reasons for exam failure If students fail in the exam, they really can't be blamed for the following reasons: 1. Weekend: There are 52 Sundays in a year, so there are 52 × 2 = 104 days off. Excluding these days, it is only 26 1 day a year. 2. Winter and summer vacations: About two months in a year are either very hot or very cold, so you can't study. So after deducting 60 days of winter and summer vacations, it is only 20 1 day a year. 3. Annual legal holidays account for 10 days, and only 1 9 1 day is left after deduction. Sleeping 8 hours a day accounts for one year 122 days, leaving only 69 days after deduction. One and a half hours of meals, snacks and fruits every day take up 23 days, so if you deduct them, there are only 46 days left in a year. 6. One hour of game time per day accounts for one year 15 days, and only 3 1 day is left after deduction. 7. The communication time per day 1 hour accounts for one year 15 days, and only 16 days a year after deduction. 8. Going to the movies, shopping or other activities accounts for 10 days a year, and there are 6 days left after deduction. 9. It is estimated that if you are sick for five days a year, there will be only one day left in a year. 10. Today is my birthday. How can students pass the exam with so little study time? So you can't blame them. Funny sentences and comments series: on Monday, February 30th, it was sunny. It's too bad the sun didn't shine all day today. Dad bought two goldfish and drowned one in the water tank. I am sad. Teacher's comment: I am also very sad. I've lived so long that I've never met anyone on February 30! I have never seen a sunny day without the sun, and I have never seen a goldfish that will drown. 1. Title: While ... Teacher's comment: Does he want to take it off or wear it? 2. Title: One of the children wrote: My left foot is injured. Teacher's comment: Are you a centipede? 3. Topic: After a while, the children wrote: After work, dad went home one after another. Teacher's comment: How many dads do you have? 4. Topic: The sad child wrote: There is a ditch in front of my house, which is very sad. Teacher's comment: The teacher is even sadder. 5. Title: Again ... Again ... Children write: My mother is short, tall, fat and thin. Teacher's comments; Is your mother a deformed diamond? 6. Topic: Watching children write: What are you reading? I haven't seen it. Teacher's comment: I haven't seen it. 7. title: prosperous children write: prosperous confession. Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many series! 8. title: delicious children write: delicious fart. Teacher's comment: Some things are inedible. 9. Topic: Naive children write: It's really hot today. Teacher's comment: You are so naive. 10. Title: Sure enough, some children wrote: I ate fruit yesterday and then drank cold water. Teacher's comment: The word is 1 1. Title: ... Children write: Goodbye, sir! Teacher's comment: Imagination exceeds the wisdom of people on earth. 12. Topic: In addition, the children wrote: A train passed by, in addition, the teacher commented: I will forget it if I die. 1 robber: tell me the password of the safe. Female employee: Even if you kill me! Even if you spoil me, I won't say anything The robber looked her up and down and said, you must be beautiful! A Dai had a physical examination, and the nurse told him to have a urine test and a stool test. As a result, after a long time, the nurse wondered whether you would take the exam or not. A Dai: I've swallowed my urine, but it's a little difficult to defecate. Going to the top of Mount Tai with friends to watch the sunrise, a friend pointed to the sky and said, "I saw it! """I saw it too!" At this time, someone in the distance came out with trousers and scolded: "See it when you see it!" " What are you yelling about? "When I was born, God promised to marry his most beautiful daughter to me. I looked around, looked up and down, waited for 2 1 year, and then ran to ask God. God said, "What's your hurry? I don't have a girlfriend yet! "Lele: Mom, how did I grow up? My mother felt that the opportunity for education came, so she said that my mother raised me with a handful of shit and urine. Lele cried: How did you give me those? Oh! I heard that you quarreled with your wife yesterday. What is the ending? " "Of course she knelt down and begged me!" "no! How did she beg you? " "She said,' I won't hit you. "Come out from under the bed!" "Seven Bajie peeked at the spider essence taking a bath, wanted to see the naked body, and asked Tang Priest for help. Tang Priest shouted, Look out! It thundered! It's raining to collect clothes! Spider spirit ran ashore, and Bajie fainted: Master, I'll take you. Jokes.yahoo.com/ is trendy. Com segment /Jindex. active server pages