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Setbacks are very important to People's influence

People's behavior often appears like this. A person who is full of confidence in winning will do something important that is related to future development. However, due to various reasons, this matter fails. Not done. This kind of blow makes it difficult for him to cheer up for a long time, and even reaches the edge of collapse. This phenomenon is called motivation frustration in psychology, also called psychological frustration or dissatisfaction with desires.

Motivational frustration is a psychological state that occurs when a certain motivation is not satisfied. It is a desire obstacle or desire blockage. The causes of psychological frustration can come from objective reasons, such as poor organizational management, incoordination in interpersonal relationships, natural disasters and other external conditions and obstacles, and unsatisfied desires. It can also come from subjective reasons, such as lack of ability, lack of knowledge, poor communication, poor decision-making, etc. It can also come from psychological barriers, where the desire goal that is not actually possessed is pursued as something that one should have in front of him.

Psychological frustration generally affects individuals in two ways:

First, the degree of psychological frustration is closely related to the individual's motivation. When important motivations are frustrated, the frustration felt will be greater and the blow to the individual will be greater.

Second, due to different levels of psychological development, differences in cognitive methods, and levels of ambition, different individuals have different important motivations. Therefore, the feelings of frustration vary from person to person. If two people have their wallets stolen by a thief at the same time, one person may not be able to bear the blow, feeling as if the sky is falling and feeling very painful. The other person didn't think so, just to avoid disaster by losing money. Facing the same test, different people have different feelings and reactions.

It can be seen that psychological frustration does not exist objectively, but is a feeling and a psychological reaction.

Tolerance of motivation frustration

It is almost impossible for people to completely avoid motivation frustration. The above-mentioned manifestations take certain forms to express the state of motivation frustration. To eliminate or reduce the possible negative effects of behavioral frustration. First of all, we must promptly understand, eliminate, and prevent sources of frustration. Second, increase your tolerance for motivational frustration. People's reactions to setbacks vary. Some people can take it calmly and move on; others can't recover and have a mental breakdown. This ability to adapt to setbacks, that is, the ability to have the courage to accept challenges when encountering setbacks and avoid behavioral disorders, is called motivation frustration tolerance (also known as frustration tolerance).

A person's tolerance for motivation frustration is related to the following conditions:

(1) It is related to the individual's physiological conditions. Such as a person's health status, whether there are any physical defects, etc.

(2) It is related to personality and past experiences. For example, how is your character and cultivation, and what are your experiences and lessons learned from frustration? These all have a greater impact on motivation frustration tolerance.

(3) Related to the perception and judgment of frustration. For example, some people are more sensitive to setbacks, while others are more slow to respond.

People's survival and development are inseparable from setbacks

In the process of people's life and work, the long road of life, no matter how you design and arrange it, will always be accompanied by failure and setbacks By your side. This is determined by being a "person", this special social existence, and by himself and the various different environments in which he lives. Which historical figure at home and abroad in ancient and modern times has not experienced ups and downs, from failure to success until he has completed his life? Practice has proved that everyone is an aggregation of failure and success. Napoleon said: "The life of a great man is bound to be unfortunate."

Napoleon Hill (1883-1979) is the greatest inspirational success master in American history and the history of the world. He created the success philosophy and 17 success principles, as well as his ever-raging enthusiasm. He has inspired millions of people and is therefore known as the "Creator of Millionaires". His influence has gone far beyond the scope of success studies. During World War I, U.S. President Wilson used his inspirational secrets to train and inspire soldiers and raise military expenses; in 1933, President Roosevelt invited him to the White House and formed a huge think tank. Hill used his ideas and The passion awakened the long-sleeping confidence and vitality of the American people, and made material, spiritual and intellectual preparations to fight the Second World War launched by Hitler. It can be said that Napoleon's name is connected with the history of the United States. But for someone who is dedicated to studying and encouraging others to overcome setbacks and achieve success, his own life is full of tragedies and comedies. His mother left him when he was a child, and he encountered the most miserable life in his childhood. He met a kind-hearted stepmother who gave him love and the courage to grow. At the age of 20, he met the steel magnate Carnegie and helped him complete the study of success. He spent 20 years interviewing more than 500 successful people. On the basis of studying their success and relying on personal perseverance, Napoleon finally found people The true meaning of life that you dream of - how to succeed. When he won the unanimous respect of the White House and the American people and had a brilliant career, he fell into troubles of divorce, loneliness, and poverty.

During the Eastern Zhou Dynasty of our country, the military strategist Sun Bin was tortured by his junior brother Pang Juan after he came down from the Ghost Valley. He used a trick to escape from the Wei State and became a military advisor of the Qi State. Later, he defeated the Wei State and shot Pang Juan dead. In Malingdao, he finally became famous all over the world and passed down his military skills to later generations. After the defeat of King Gou Jian of Yue, he tried his best to destroy Wu in one fell swoop and dominate one side.

Frustrations in life come in all shapes and forms, some serious and some minor. Some setbacks can be overcome, and some setbacks may hit people so hard that they will not be able to cheer up for a long time. When I was a child, I wanted to eat popsicles, but my mother couldn't satisfy her, so she cried and screamed non-stop. When I entered the age of going to college, I failed to pass the college entrance examination, stayed at home and couldn't come out, feeling shameless. Meeting people; I couldn't find a suitable job after graduating from college, and I was dejected; I failed the TOEFL several times and lost the opportunity to go abroad; After working, others were not as good as me, but I was still the same; I couldn't get along with my boss. Well, leaders are always looking for trouble...

Some people always think that their lives are unhappy and do not have the nourishment of other people's lives, and they think that they are the most unfortunate people. In fact, in this vast world, there are more than tens of millions of people who have experienced the same thing as you? You should know that the process of human survival and development is actually a process of fighting against difficulties and setbacks. If a person does not have difficulties and setbacks, life will have no value and meaning.

The root cause of frustration

In the process of people achieving their goals, various interfering factors that make their needs unsatisfied often appear. These interfering factors are also the causes of frustration. That is, a frustrating situation. Any setback anyone suffers is related to the situation at that time, and the factors that constitute the situation are diverse.

1. World outlook and outlook on life

Frustrations in life development are caused by one's own factors, among which wrong outlook on life and world outlook are the main sources of frustration.

The outlook on life is the basic view on life issues such as the purpose of life, attitude towards life, and value of life. Why do people want to live? How should one live? Why should people have ideals? What ideals should we have? Why does life have adversity, difficulties, pain, troubles, partings between life and death, mistakes, failures, and tragedies? How should we treat them? How can one be free and satisfied? The value of life is money and status? Or make contributions to others... For many life problems, some people understand its true meaning and achieve success. Some people are confused and confused throughout their lives, unable to understand the spirit of life, and waste their time in vain.

2. Differences in individual ability limits

Some setbacks are affected by individual abilities, which means that people have high or low abilities. For example, some people have very strong memories and can achieve photographic memory; some people are forgetful and have poor memories; some people can command thousands of troops and strategize. The decisive victory is thousands of miles away. Some people cannot even lead the people in their own families, or even manage themselves well. This shows that people have differences in abilities.

In a person's ability structure, some people are good at theoretical thinking, but poor at observation and experiments; some people have strong book learning ability, but are clumsy in doing things; some people have poor book learning ability, but are poor at observing and experimenting. But their hands-on ability is very strong: Some people have strong language expression skills but poor writing skills. Some people are good at scientific research, while others are good at interpersonal relationships. Human abilities may be large or small, long or short. This is an objective law. But the key lies in how to correctly understand your own strengths and weaknesses and use your strengths to avoid weaknesses.

If you fail to correctly evaluate your abilities when setting goals and set goals that are too high, your needs may not be met and your goals may not be achieved due to limitations in your abilities, resulting in psychological frustration.

To correctly evaluate one's own abilities means that people must be self-aware, otherwise it will lead to failure. Read the fable "The Mantis Blocking the Car": There is a mantis strutting in the grass. A bee that stopped to rest immediately panicked and ran away when it saw the praying mantis approaching. Soon, another ant came over and saw the praying mantis hiding around. Seeing this, the mantis stood even more triumphantly in the middle of the road. At this moment, there was a sudden loud sound, and it turned out that a carriage was approaching. The carriage saw Mantis but had no intention of stopping. This move made Mantis very angry, so he raised his arms to block the way of the carriage. Unexpectedly, the carriage continued to move forward, and Mantis was finally buried under the carriage.

3. Wrong way of thinking

The correct way of thinking is a way of understanding that conforms to objective laws and thinking rules, and the wrong way of thinking is a way of knowing that is contrary to objective laws and thinking rules. Way. Manifested as wrong ways of thinking. The most typical two types are narrow experiential thinking and dogmatic thinking.

(1) Narrow experiential thinking

The fable of "waiting for the rabbit" is a typical example of the narrow experiential way of thinking: There was a farmer in the Song Dynasty who was farming in the fields one day. He saw a rabbit running past, and happened to hit a tree stump on the edge of the field. His neck was broken and he died under the tree. He picked up a rabbit without any effort. After that, the farmer put down his hoe and always sat near the tree stump and waited, hoping to pick up the killed rabbit again. However, no rabbit touched the tree stump anymore. And in the land he used to cultivate, many weeds grew up and it was completely barren.

Narrow experiential thinking mode refers to obtaining information through one's own or other people's special experiences. Among them, the special experience from oneself is obtained in local activities and narrower scope activities. Sometimes it is not repeatable or will not be repeated again.

The empirical way of thinking extrapolates one-sided conclusions infinitely to other things and scopes. One-sided conclusions obtained through information processing may still be valid if restored to certain situations, but if extrapolated indefinitely, they will definitely become invalid and harmful conclusions. If this conclusion is extrapolated indefinitely, it will lead to failure in action because it is not suitable for the scope of external things.

People who "just wait and wait" will unknowingly consume their youth and fail to maximize their potential in the environment. Such people are doomed to failure in all likelihood.

(2) Dogma and rigid thinking

"Carving a boat to seek a sword" is a typical dogmatic way of thinking: It is said that a man from Chu State took a boat across the river and accidentally took the sword with him. A sword fell from the side of the boat into the river. He immediately carved a mark next to the drowned boat. The people standing aside asked him: "What is the purpose of the mark you carved on the side of the boat?" He replied: "This is where my sword fell into the water. I will make this mark so that when the boat docks later, , I will go into the water from this marked place to retrieve the sword." After the ship docked, he naturally found nothing.

Ma Di was a typical dogmatist during the Three Kingdoms period. He was familiar with military books and was Zhuge Kongming's general. Many of his suggestions were adopted by Kongming and appreciated by Zhuge Liang. However, when he was guarding the street pavilion, he used a dogmatic way of thinking and did not understand the geographical environment of the street pavilion. He stationed his troops on the top of the mountain and wanted to use "power to break through the bamboo" to rush down the mountain to repel the enemy. But he didn't want Sima Yi to surround the mountain and cut off his food, grass and water sources, so he used fire attack to defeat Ma Di and seize the street pavilion.

The formation of dogmatic thinking is due to the failure to view "books" correctly. Book knowledge is a summary of experience. When using book knowledge, it must be combined with objective reality and analyze whether the objective reality is the same as what the book says, or there are certain differences, where the difference lies, how to adjust it, etc. If you blindly copy books, fail to recognize the changes in the objective environment, and cannot adapt to the changed environment, you are doomed to fail.

(3) Putting the cart before the horse

In addition, some people cannot distinguish between what is primary and what is secondary, what is means and what is when achieving their goals. Purpose. Sometimes secondary things are treated as major things, and means are treated as ends. Because the main reasons cannot be grasped and the main direction of attack cannot be grasped, the causes of setbacks cannot be eliminated, which delays the opportunity and delays the resolution of the problem. solve. Therefore, cultivating correct analysis and problem-solving abilities is important whether it is to overcome setbacks or avoid setbacks.

4. Individual level of understanding

Research shows that frustration is a psychological feeling and does not exist objectively. In other words, there are things that affect you that cause psychological frustration. . But for individuals, the frustration caused by objective facts is a psychological feeling. Different people experience frustration differently. Even if it is the same situational event that causes frustration, it may be a big blow to you and a very serious setback; but to another person it does not matter, it is just an ordinary, minor setback.

(1) The influence of life experience

In life development activities, a person's experience has an important impact on the improvement of the person's understanding of setbacks. I have experienced more things and encountered more difficulties. In the process of constantly overcoming difficulties, I have enriched my experience and tempered my level of understanding.

(2) The influence of human characteristics and human weaknesses

Everyone has certain human characteristics. Some of these characteristics are conducive to career development, and some are not conducive to career development. The advantages in personality can become the psychological basis of personality for success in specific activities. For example, extroverted people are more lively and have greater advantages in public relations activities; while introverted, serious and dull people are not suitable for public relations work, but they are better suited for public relations work. It is possible to achieve results by doing work with strong principles and doing scientific research. Character flaws may, under certain conditions, prevent people from achieving success. Characteristics such as hypocrisy, stubbornness, rudeness, frivolity, rigidity, cowardice, cruelty, imperiousness, recklessness, eccentricity, suspicion, laziness, impatience, hesitation, etc. are the biggest obstacles to success.

Everyone has their own human weaknesses, that is, people must first satisfy their own basic needs before they can take care of others. People all long for the satisfaction of their own desires. Only when this desire is at least partially satisfied, we will shift our attention away from ourselves and in other directions. This is human nature. People pay more attention to their own things than anything else in the world. Everyone thinks that they are the most important and everyone is eager for appreciation in order to affirm themselves and satisfy their spiritual needs. This kind of "egoism" for human nature has been rejected in the past. For example, we have tried our best to suppress our own human needs, thus stifling the creativity that arises from our needs; we have suppressed the human needs of others, thereby deteriorating the normal state of human nature. interpersonal relationships, leading to dissatisfaction, jealousy and confrontation.

In fact, before a person has more energy to pay attention to anything else, he must eat and pay attention to his own most basic needs. As important as these basic physiological needs, any normal person needs to a certain extent. Recognition and praise from others and society to maintain basic spiritual needs. Without this kind of spiritual approval, people may become withdrawn, eccentric, or even mentally ill. This is the characteristic of human nature.

If you understand the characteristics of human nature and meet the needs of others first, your interpersonal relationships and career will develop in a good direction; on the contrary, if you ignore the characteristics of human nature and the needs of others, your interpersonal relationships will deteriorate. Go narrower and narrower. This will have a negative impact on life's career and love.

Satisfying oneself first and then taking into account the human weaknesses of others makes people always live in some contradictory concepts. For example, every time you do something, you always consider your own interests first. On the other hand, you place unrealistic expectations on others, hoping that others can help you selflessly. Once this hope fails, suspicion and resentment will arise towards others. It can be said that the weakness of human nature is the reason why people are difficult to be perfect and will inevitably suffer setbacks.

5. Interpersonal Barriers

The practice of life development shows that interpersonal relationships have a huge impact on the road to career success. Especially in modern society, harmonious interpersonal relationships and team spirit are necessary to get things done.

Generally speaking, people are more inclined to approach those who are willing to approach them. If people respect me, I will respect them. This is an emotional reward. Especially those who have low self-esteem, low self-confidence and setbacks, once they are liked, appreciated and affirmed by others, they will repay it with strong feelings. This kind of interpersonal attraction is generally strong and long-lasting. This shows that interpersonal attraction is the basis of interpersonal relationships and the importance of interpersonal attraction to interpersonal relationships.

In interpersonal communication, some unfavorable factors will cause obstacles to interpersonal communication:

Language difference disorder: Language barriers, or different understandings of the same vocabulary or sentences, which can easily Difficulty communicating and communicating;

Obstacles due to age differences: generation gaps occur due to age differences, mainly due to different attitudes and concepts towards society, which makes communication and communication more difficult;

Prejudice Obstacles: There are often many prejudices among people or groups of people. Class prejudice, racial and ethnic prejudice, regional prejudice, gender prejudice, etc. form attitude barriers;

Obstacles of cognitive differences: the cultural level of both parties Significant differences in cognitive styles, opinions, interests, values, and purposes and methods of communication will inevitably cause cognitive dissonance between the two parties, thereby hindering further communication.

Self-perception disorder: Some people have major deviations in their understanding, which manifests as excessive self-esteem or excessive low self-esteem. The former is too arrogant and arrogant and separates himself from the crowd, while the latter is ashamed of himself and keeps away from the crowd. Both will arouse people's disgust and make it difficult to interact with them.

Obstacles of bad personality traits: Good personality traits can promote interpersonal attraction, while bad personality traits will naturally destroy interpersonal relationships. Typical bad traits include: hostility, selfishness, rudeness, greed, hypocrisy, coldness, viciousness, unkindness, narrow-mindedness, jealousy, suspicion, etc. Experiments show that these bad personalities are the most important reasons that lead people to failure and setbacks.

6. Environmental factors

Environmental factors include natural environmental factors and social environmental factors. The natural environment is the sum of the natural conditions that people rely on for survival, including the time and space restrictions caused by various non-human forces, life, old age, illness, and death in the world, as well as unpredictable natural disasters and various accidents, such as earthquakes Frustrations caused by accidents, floods, car accidents, death of relatives, etc. are all natural environmental factors, which are often uncontrollable and unavoidable.

Social environment refers to the setbacks caused by the limitations of human factors that individuals suffer in social life, including all political, economic, religious, ethical, racial, family factors and All customs and habits are included.

The frustrations caused by this are more complex, and the obstacles to personal needs and motivations are more numerous, larger, more common, and have a more far-reaching impact than the frustrations caused by the natural environment.

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Thoughts on setbacks in life

The road of life is long and winding. Human life is full of contradictions such as success and failure, prosperity and adversity, happiness and misfortune. Frustration in life is a basic issue that a person must take seriously on his journey to success. Only by carefully reflecting on and grasping the setbacks in life can we truly appreciate the joy of life, and only after overcoming the setbacks in life can we truly achieve success.

1. Analysis of the connotation and causes of setbacks in life

The so-called setbacks in life refer to the obstacles that people encounter in the process of achieving their goals driven by certain motives and the painful experiences caused deep in their hearts. In layman's terms, setbacks in life are also It is people's common adversity and unfortunate feelings.

The content of life is multifaceted, so the setbacks in life are also multifaceted. Such as political injustice, failure at work, poverty in life, frustration in love, family separation, physical illness and disability, etc. In addition to the ordinary situations encountered by ordinary people, the setbacks experienced by college students are also manifested in failure or dissatisfaction in the college entrance examination, failure in competition, poor family background, the death of first love, etc.

The elements that constitute frustration in life include: First, the motivation for behavior and the goal pursued, which is the value and significance of life. Human activities are guided by motivation and goals, and frustration means The behavior deviates from the course and loses its due meaning. Secondly, the means or behaviors that satisfy motivations and achieve goals. The implementation of means and behaviors means that individuals make actual contributions to their goals. Paying without receiving anything will naturally lead to failure. There is loss and pain. Third, the actual situation of frustration occurs, that is to say, the behavioral means do not receive the results they should have due to various reasons, and the corresponding goals are not achieved. Fourth, the individual's psychological experience of frustration, that is, the individual's behavior due to Feeling pain and misfortune due to the deviation between means and pursuit of goals.

Frustration in life is essentially the conflict between life practice and life ideal. The actual practice fails to achieve the goal expected by the ideal, making the ideal unfulfilled. can become a reality. The failure of this ideal causes a strong shock in the depths of people's hearts, resulting in a sense of destruction in life or a sense of mission and urgency in trying to change the status quo.

There are many reasons for frustration in life. We can analyze it from both subjective and objective aspects:

(1). External objective reasons, that is, natural and social reasons. The constraints of natural conditions can often bring unfortunate consequences to people. As a result, some unpredictable and irresistible natural phenomena, such as flash floods, volcanoes and earthquakes, rivers bursting their banks, severe droughts and floods, etc., will leave the stage of life in an unfavorable environment. And people have to survive in an unfavorable environment. Achieving satisfactory results requires greater hard work, and even then the probability of success is lower than that under good natural conditions. At the same time, unfavorable factors in the process of social change will also cause many adverse effects on individuals. In particular, the specific low ebbs and countercurrent periods in human history always limit or even destroy people's beautiful pursuits, leaving most people in frustration and misfortune. For example, the "Ten Years Cultural Revolution" brought to every member of our nation disaster.

(2). Internal subjective reasons, that is, the limitations and obstacles to life caused by personal conditions and cognitive deviations. It is obvious that the limitations of one's own conditions make it impossible to achieve goals, such as personal appearance , physical fitness, economic status, intelligence level, psychological quality and other reasons make it difficult to meet personal needs and form a sense of frustration. Deviations in personal understanding lead to the loss of ideals, which is often invisible. Individuals improperly position or pursue life value goals. The deviation between the ideals and the ways and methods of struggle will make the goals of struggle unachievable or create a distance between the realistic goals that are achieved and the ideal goals that are hoped for in the heart, causing inner feelings of loss and imbalance.

2. How to face it Frustrations in life

When people survive in society, they are bound to encounter setbacks of one kind or another. In the tide of market economy, human activities and interactions are becoming more and more frequent and complex. While this change stimulates people's diverse motivations and goals, it also increases the probability of individual life setbacks. We cannot passively endure or avoid this, but should face up to the setbacks in life, actively seek effective ways to overcome them, heal the scars, and strive for the goal of success in life. In this regard, many outstanding figures at home and abroad, both ancient and modern, have provided us with many useful enlightenments.

First, enhance self-confidence and despise setbacks.

Although the occurrence of setbacks in life is an objective fact, the psychological experiences reflected in people with different mentality are different. Therefore, to overcome setbacks, you must first have a strong will and a high degree of self-confidence. Bravery and self-confidence are the first step towards success in life and the psychological cornerstone of success. People with a brave spirit may not necessarily succeed, but those who are weak and have low self-esteem are doomed to achieve nothing. For brave and confident people, setbacks and suffering can inspire their fighting spirit and pride. The more frustrated you become, the braver you become. People who lack self-confidence and courage may be resigned to failure when faced with setbacks. "Suffering is the whetstone for strong people to sharpen their will, and it is also the slide for weak people to surrender." A high degree of self-confidence can arouse the courage to overcome setbacks and mobilize all one's energy to fight against setbacks.

In the contest with setbacks, oneself becomes stronger, while setbacks become relatively insignificant. "Being poor will make you stronger, and your ambition will not fall into the clouds." No matter what the circumstances, we cannot shake the belief that "there is no mountain that cannot be climbed, no river that cannot be overcome, and no difficulty and setback that cannot be overcome."

Second, sublimate goals and downplay setbacks.

Frustrations in life are related to the goals of life. A person's life goals are multi-faceted, and the specific goals in each period and in each field will be different. In the process of achieving these goals, large and small, there will be various setbacks in life. However, what determines the strength of people's psychological experience of life's setbacks is a person's life value goal, that is, his fundamental value pursuit of the entire life. The strength of the psychological experience of setbacks in life is determined by the person's awareness of the negative impact of setbacks on his pursuit of fundamental values. For a person who regards personal utilitarianism as his goal in life, poverty and official failure mean life is miserable for him, while for a person who takes the prosperity of the country and the nation as his own responsibility, he will regard the gains and losses of fame and wealth as a passing cloud. For a love supremacist, loss of love and family divorce are like the destruction of life, lamenting "How to live without love, how sad it is without love!" And for a person who regards career as his life, personal emotional frustration is like a rose The thorn pricked my hand. Although it hurt a little, it was nothing serious.

Third, work hard and overcome setbacks.

Faced with setbacks in life, people all hope to turn setbacks into smooth roads and win glory in life. However, the key to overcoming setbacks lies in their own perseverance and hard work. The ancient proverb says: "Failure is the mother of success, suffering is the wealth of life." Its original intention is to guide people to seriously summarize setbacks, learn life lessons, adjust themselves scientifically, and actively seek ways to overcome setbacks. In this way, setbacks are like "life mentors", motivating us to turn bad things into good things and move towards success step by step. If you are passive and patient in the face of setbacks, complain about others, or even give up on yourself, then suffering will always be suffering, and setbacks will always be setbacks. A "failure" mother will never be able to give birth to a fat boy like "success."