To all those who feel inferior.

1

At 23: 55 on February 17, I received a private letter from a reader friend. His exact words are as follows:

"Hello, uncle Han. I am a person who doesn't work hard, doesn't live up to expectations, is useless, has accomplished nothing, and has a bad family. So I feel inferior and introverted.

After I went to college, I woke up, studied hard and lived hard. At present, the top few majors get first-class scholarships every time.

In front of my classmates, I am confident to communicate with others in the present environment.

I thought I had changed. I thought I could express myself confidently and express my views on many things by getting along with people who were "afraid", but this is not the case. I still feel inferior in front of them, and I still feel that nothing has changed.

I really feel helpless. In fact, I have been reading some chicken soup myself, and I understand a lot of truth, but I still can't do it, and I still have a hard time. "

The above is all the information and opinions sent to me by readers. Below, I want to give this reader a simple reply in the form of words, and also talk to you about "self-confidence".

2

First of all, hello, reader friend.

I call you a reader friend and say hello to you. It is not difficult for everyone to see that I respect you.

Then the question comes: why do I respect you? Why do I respect you?

Is it because you are beautiful or because you are handsome? Is it because your clothes look tasteful? No, you didn't tell us your appearance and gender. We have never met.

Is it because of your occupation? Title? Identity? Not exactly. At present, I only know that you are a college student. There are many college students and universities in China. I also studied in college, and I don't think it's sacred or strange.

Or is it because you work hard and are "useful", or ... you are noble and can't afford to lose? No, of course, hard work is a good thing, but hard work is also divided into many forms and aspects. Studying hard is hard, taking care of your family is hard, planting flowers and grass is hard, eating and sleeping is hard, but the fields of projection are different.

As for "useful and useless", it is even more unclear. No one in this world is particularly useful, and anyone can leave; No one is 100% waste. It is unnecessary because a certain group or social machine in this world has not used you for the time being.

As for moral integrity, first of all, I have no experience with you. I can't accurately judge whether you are noble or obscene. Secondly, morality is a concept, which can't exist in isolation from specific people and situations, so I'm not sure whether you are moral or not. Everyone has his own little secret. Maybe you are the person of the year who touched all beings, or maybe you are the real murderer who has not yet been arrested. Most importantly, I am not sure.

But in the end, I still call you a "reader friend", say hello to you and tell everyone that I respect you.

three

The reason why I made the decision and behavior of "respecting you" did not come from your appearance, family, taste, social status, or even from your "hard work" and "moral level".

It seems that you haven't given me a reward yet, so much the better. Our relationship is cleaner, and my respect for you does not come from economic interests.

That comes from basic etiquette and social etiquette? Come on, everyone who knows me knows that I'm tired of this.

Is that from "fear" and "potential stress"? But why should I be afraid of you? I don't need to pretend to be a gentleman here and play some popular tricks. I can call you a fan. No one can push me into the river on the line. I have a pen to help me, and I have the means to use weapons.

Rule it out, then in the final analysis, why do I still respect you?

It is simple: because you are a living person! You are my kind, like me, with five senses and one body. You are another thinking reed, fragile and powerful, an independent and unique individual.

four

Between you and me, the power of social relations is so simple and clear: I am me and you are you. You call me Uncle Han, I call you a reader friend, you say hello to me, and I say hello to you.

You ask questions and I'll answer them. Good answer, you can thank me or not; If the answer is not good, you can express your opinion and tell me what is wrong. I can express my views and publicize how great my ideas are.

You praise me, I can apologize, you scold me, I can scold back or keep silent, you can blow your beard and stare, I can give you exhaust gas, you can snap your fingers in my ear, I can wink at you and flirt.

What is the reason for all this? Why can you and I treat each other like this? Why do you and I both "can"?

Because you and I both know each other's "looks, family, social status, hard work and moral level"? No, because we are all human beings. From the moment we are born, we have our own dignity and rights.

five

Where does our confidence come from?

What makes you and I dare to speak in public and show our thoughts and thinking results to others?

What makes you and I deserve all the recognition and affirmation? What makes you dare to hold your head high and tell the staff head-on when there is something wrong with the ticket?

What makes you and I stand up straight and look at every face calmly, whether standing on the luxurious red carpet in the golden hall or standing in a pile of garbage and ruins?

What makes you and I reach out our palms calmly and say "please wait a moment" when chatting with every soul, and then tie our shoelaces or tidy our skirts?

Is it because you look good or because I look good?

No, aesthetic standards vary from place to place and from space to space.

What's more, in addition to "looking good", there is also "living sexy" in the world. The former is congenital, and the latter mostly comes from personality charm. Even sex is sex with the brain after the fresh period, so it is not convenient to say too much.

Does our self-confidence come from external decoration or social label?

No, once a person entrusts his inner quality to something external, it is particularly easy to be shelved. You attach yourself to something to manually boost your confidence. When that fragile thing is really broken, you are particularly easy to give up on yourself.

Because you are better dressed, you think you are better than me now, but when you get to the bathhouse, what confidence can you tell me?

Because you are the boss of the company and I am a truck driver, I may raise your nose when I work for you. If you want to take a ride in the west Gobi, I will kill you at will.

Because of the different social division of labor, you frighten me with unfamiliar posts, and you are proud of yourself. But once I know the limited operation process and business background of your line, what do you want to do with me, pretend to be the jade emperor in front of my family?

In this world, there is no height at all, only different problems. No one should look down on anyone. Similarly, there is no need to think that anyone is beyond your power.

Even farmers and white-collar workers are only differences caused by social division of labor. The joys and sorrows are essentially the same, except that one is in the field and the other is guarding the desk and printer.

Listening to beijing beijing's white-collar jokes and listening to the farmers in Phoenix Legend, who dares to say that those seemingly tall folk songs or rock music are just copies of Phoenix Legend in some people's ears?

Why does the older you get, the more people who have experienced it will gradually dilute the problem of inferiority and self-confidence? Because I have seen more and experienced more, and I know the more specific operating rules behind it, I will find that it is actually the case. No one is awesome and no one is easy.

six

Once, I chatted with a person from the other side of the globe (in Chinese).

At some point, I asked him: What do you think of Harbin?

Just ask, I know in my heart that Harbin has its own advantages and disadvantages. Whether it is from the degree of economic and social development, or rising to cultural heritage and spiritual civilization, it is not the best or the worst.

The man in front of me said to me in English: unique (adjective: unique)

Cities are like this, so are people. Our existence and self-confidence do not come from anywhere, just because: everyone is unique, unique. (Source: Jane Book)