There are some funnier adult jokes out there

There are many such resources on the Internet. For example, search for "Erqi Road", "Comfortable Jokes", "Le Tao Bar", etc., there are many, many.

Here are 60 first. Bar.

1. A classmate interviewed with a large company and accepted two people. About fifty or sixty people signed up. The test question is: Let the examiner remember yourself in the shortest possible time. My classmate didn't say a word

He went to give the examiner a mouthful, turned around and ran away. He was told to go to work the next day, but he gave up after thinking for a long time.

2. The most difficult thing this summer is for boys. Walking in the stairwell, if you raise your head, you are acting like a gangster, and if you lower your head, you are acting like a gangster... Walking on the road, a gust of wind blows, and you look straight

They are all hooligans.

3. Sometimes I really don’t know why I need this smartphone. I charge it all day long. What’s the difference between this and a landline phone? ! !

4. Early morning visit to Jinluan Hall. Song Renzong looked majestically at the ministers and was furious: "Why isn't Bao Zheng here?!" "Long live the return, isn't Bao Zheng right here?" The Eight Sages pointed at the bewildered Bao Zheng and said . Song Renzong: "Oh, seeing that his profile picture is black, I thought he was not here."

5. Every time I encounter difficulties, I will take out my wallet and look at my wife's photo. Then he said to himself: "What is there to be afraid of? Don't be discouraged. Is there anything more difficult to deal with than her?"

6.A: What have you been busy with recently? ? B: There’s nothing to be busy with. Firstly, I’ll invest in sports, and secondly, I’ll do charity. A: Successful people! B smiled slightly and took out a big lottery ticket and a two-color ball from the bag.

7. A friend from the north was on a business trip in Chongqing and went to eat hot pot for the first time. He was not used to the seasonings of Chongqing hot pot, so he called the waiter and asked: "Is there any sesame sauce?" the waiter asked

The pure Chongqing accent said: "No, there are pokers."

8. A netizen's status: Demons and monsters are having a meeting, "Although Tang Monk's meat is delicious, Sun Wukong is not easy to mess with. His The weapon is so powerful that I can’t even think of taking one from him.”

“What if I can take it?” “Next...the next step is to witness the miracle.”

9. When I see other people in their twenties with a fortune of over 100 million, one billion, or several billion, I only have five million, and it’s still pixels~~~

10. During the elective exam at noon , a call came from an unknown number, hung up, and replied to the text message: "What's the matter? It's the exam." I received a text message: "Then I will send you a courier tomorrow.

Take the exam well."

11. I was renting a house in a shared house, and a new colleague just moved in today, and the computer couldn’t be turned on. He said quietly: It’s a new place, the girls in the hard drive are a bit shy, I’m sorry to meet you. people. Another colleague said: Girls, stop hiding, my brother knows you.

12. Being with a girl is like hanging a penguin, the key is persistence. You insist on spending 2 hours with her every day, so... you will be able to have sunshine soon!

13. A: "What's your surname?" B: "I don't mind your surname being Li." A: "So long, four characters?"... Black line

14. In the past, My son has seen pictures of Mommy’s big belly. One day, Mom scared her 3-year-old son and said, "If you don't behave honestly, I will eat you back!" As a result, her son refused and said, "Mom, you don't want it." Eat me! If you eat me, I will turn into a stinky person!

16. In junior high school, there was a classmate who was very cool and screamed during class! He fell into a deep sleep and didn't wake up until the end of get out of class. One day, he was ten minutes late. When the math teacher saw him, he said: "You can't be late again, otherwise you will not get enough sleep!" ”

18. One day, I invited a friend to dinner. He probably ate too much, so he kept burping on the bus: “Uh, uh, uh…” There was a little brat sitting next to his mother. On my legs

, I heard a milky voice and then said: "Quxiang sings to the sky..." Everyone in the car laughed like crazy, but I was the only one who held it in there until I suffered internal injuries...

19. The client specially invited me to dinner today to thank me. A year ago, the client’s mistress was getting older and she was forced to marry her and demanded tens of millions in compensation. I suggested that the client send her to study in a high school.

EMBA. He spent 600,000 to send her to study. She suddenly became the heartthrob of the class and stopped talking to me as a client within two months.

- In fact, the inspiration comes from Hong Kong

Hong Kong playboy Zhao Shiteng. He said that if he wants to get rid of a woman easily, he must introduce her to a man who is better than himself.

20. When a woman complains, a man should never suggest a solution, just agree with her. Example: Traffic jams are so annoying! Why not go another way? wrong. I just said

You should go out early! Big mistake. I'll drive next time. Very wrong. Yes, it's really annoying. right. Yes, it really bothers us to eat something delicious later! Big pair. Yes, it’s really annoying

Let’s go eat something delicious and buy you clothes later. So right!

The diaosi confessed to the goddess, but the goddess said: I like someone...

1. The second brother in our dormitory is a very dedicated person, including sleeping... ...One night, everyone was asleep for a long time. Suddenly the second brother fell off the bed and everyone woke up. But I was too lazy to open my eyes for about five minutes. Just when everyone was about to fall asleep again, they heard the second brother getting up from the ground. Shouted: Damn it, it turned out that I fell...

2. Snow White escaped from the palace and came to the forest, where she saw a small wooden house with rows of rows inside. There are seven small beds. Snow White lay down and fell asleep. In the evening, the seven dwarfs

came back, and Snow White said: "You must be the seven dwarfs in my destiny." The seven people looked at each other, and then said: "You are in the wrong place, we are gourds< /p>

Luwa.”

3. There are still 100 days left, dear! There are still 100 days left for the pure freshman girl from elementary school to arrive! There are only 100 days left for sophomores to have discounts and promotions, dear!

There are still 100 days left for juniors to buy one and get one free, dear! There are only 100 days left for senior women to be sold off the shelves~Dear~! Hold on, dear~

4. The Sixth National Census Office counted the most hilarious names in the country: Liu Chan, Lai Yuejing (still a man), Fan Jian, Ji Congliang, Fan Tong, Xia Jianren, Zhu Yiqun, Qin Shousheng (thank his parents for thinking of it) Pang Guang, Du Qiyan, Wei Shengjin, Jiao Hougen, Shen Jingbing, Du Ziteng. Number one: Shi Zhenxiang.

5. I was looking at the ceiling at night, and then I calculated with my fingers and predicted that a terrible thing would happen in a few hours - I would be late for work again!

6. When I get off work every day, I especially want to praise myself: Awesome! Just another fucking day!

7. If you gain weight, your man’s love for you will not change, but the average love for each piece of meat will be less...

8. Four days a day and midnight At around 1 o'clock, a friend called and said: "Well, I just saw a missed call from you on my phone from last year, so I called to ask you.

What's the matter?" Me I was speechless...

9. See a girl's signature: When you stretch out your index finger to accuse others, please don't forget that the other four fingers are pointing at you. ——Girl, these are great words

! So profound! So philosophical! I'm just curious, how did your thumb grow?

10. The shortlisted candidates for Dare to Move China in 2012 are: South Korea, Philippines, North Korea, and Japan.

11. Gongsun Ce loved to lick his pen when writing, and one day he licked his mouth black.

Zhan Zhao: Mr. Gongsun, there is something I don’t know whether I should ask< /p>

Gongsun Ce: Just ask!

Zhan Zhao: Did you kiss the adult just now?

Gongsun Ce:...

12. Female: You have to be nice to me, otherwise be careful of my red apricot cheating... Male: You are not pretty either, and your brain is You are not smart, your body is not working hard, and your grains are not separated. Are you sure you are behind the wall and there is someone on the other side?

13. The President of the Philippines visited China in 1987: "At least geographically, those islands are closer to the Philippines." , move again and again, move again and again, move again and again, move again and again, the vast horizon is my love..."

14. Weekly work summary of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the People's Republic of China: expressed on Monday Dissatisfaction; protest on Tuesday; strong condemnation on Wednesday; solemn representations on Thursday; deep regret on Friday. Closed on Saturday and Sunday

.

Organize outdoor activities during holidays: go to North Korea to plant rice...

15. Part 2 of "A Bite of China": Winter is coming, and when the people of Nanjing in southeastern my country use blue alum to keep leeks fresh, the North China Plain People in Fucheng, Hebei Province are busy turning old leather shoes into capsules. Not far away in Shijiazhuang, people use Sudan red to make duck eggs with red hearts. People in Shandong Province like to add formaldehyde to cabbage, and people in Liaoning Province like to add some sodium nitrite to bean sprouts. Across the country, delicious gutter oil is becoming popular across China.

16 Someone asked: "If a Taiwanese person said confidently: 'I am Taiwanese, not Chinese.' How would you answer?" Answer: "You should be more forceful at that time.

< p>We are all Taiwanese!

17. Township cadres have three things to do: eat some, get some, and catch abortions; county-level cadres have three things to do: sell land, maintain stability, and collect some money; save money. Three things for senior cadres: speaking, inspecting, and performing.

Three things for ordinary people: paying, working hard, and staring. 18. Guo Degang: "Sun Wukong is very stupid and naive. , he is just a monkey and can never be a human. He was guarding the peach orchard, and seven fairies came to pick peaches. He called out, and the seven fairies all decided to pick peaches, but he turned around and went to pick peaches! It can be seen that a monkey is a monkey! Yu Qian: "What if it were you?" "Guo Degang: "I have to get a basket.

”

19. The client specially invited me to dinner today to thank me. A year ago, the client’s mistress was getting older and was forced to marry her, demanding tens of millions in compensation. I gave the client the idea to send her there

< p>Study in high-end EMBA. He spent 600,000 to send her to study. She suddenly became a heartthrob in the class and stopped talking to my client within two months. - In fact, the inspiration came from Xiang. p>Hong Kong playboy Zhao Shizeng said that if he wants to get rid of a woman easily, he must introduce her to a man who is better than him.

20. I confessed to the goddess I have been secretly in love with for a long time. Goddess: Me. I like someone. Me: Who? Goddess: I like someone! Me: Who do you like? ! !

20 hilarious jokes that will be popular in May: I will never show my nakedness again after watching it

1. Give it to a female colleague at night! Send a message. I wrote: Are you busy? I have a room waiting for you! She replied: Don’t be ridiculous. I replied: Really,

I want to try it. Test the authenticity. She replied: Where are you? I replied: Happy Landlord, Netcom Area 1, Room 12, Table 22, come quickly. She replied: Get out...

…

< p>2. Several students got up late on the day of the exam. They lied and said that the bus tire had burst and they missed the exam. The professor allowed them to make up the exam and arranged it in a different exam room. The test paper only had one question: " Which tire is punctured? ”

3. Husband: How many blessings did I have to go through in my previous life to find such a good wife like you! Wife: It’s not your blessing, it’s my fault! Husband: .....

4. The teacher said: "Nobita, the teacher will give you 90 yuan, and you can borrow 10 yuan from Fat Tiger. How much money will you have in total?" Nobita said: "0 yuan." "The teacher said: "You

don't understand mathematics at all! Nobita said: "You don't understand Fat Tiger at all!" ! ”

5. Grandpa KFC said to Ronald McDonald: The most romantic thing I can think of is to always appear within 300 meters of you, watch you silently, and then

My chicken wings sell for one dollar more than you do. This is love!

6. A boy said to a girl: "I will chase you, okay?" The girl blushed and said shyly: "I hate it~~ Okay..." The boy said happily: "Then you run!" ”

7. One-two-seventh Road - Forum netizen Awesome discovered that after watching Detective Conan for more than ten years, he just noticed today that the Japanese pronunciation of "I am Kudo Shinichi" turned out to be: o lei wa

Rolling-type washing machine~~~~

8. "The Tao can be Tao, but it is not Tao. The things you pursue, care about, and cling to in your heart are your Tao. Some people are infatuated all their lives, and they have cultivated the path of infatuation; some people have cultivated the path of filial piety; some people have a love for killing, and they have cultivated the path of killing.

"I turned to a young man and asked: "Young man, what are you pursuing? ""Get into the exam. "That's a Tao!" "Lao Tzu said kindly.

9. I discovered a secret. In order to prevent China from competing for hegemony, the United States hired a large number of people, flattered them, and deliberately kept China backward and made it political.

p>

Systematically, it has been unable to become a country with rule of law, democracy and freedom for a long time. Economically, property rights are unclear, and culturally, it is arrogant and self-indulgent. An ironclad proof is that these are called the Five Cents

There is a headquarters in the United States called the Pentagon.

10. It became fashionable to read comics in the evening during self-study. One day, when the teacher was spitting on the stage, he suddenly rushed. I stood next to the girl in the back row and confiscated the comic book in the girl's physics book on the spot. The whole class was stunned and exclaimed that the teacher had developed clairvoyance. Unexpectedly, the teacher said something on the spot. "When I read the physics book, I wanted to

cry, but you laughed while reading it!"

11. There is a very tall coconut tree with four kinds of animals, orangutans. , ape, monkey, and King Kong climbed up the tree to pick bananas. Which one do you think picked it first? Test what kind of personality you are

. The answers are: 1. Monkey, the most typical 250; 2. Orangutan, a mentally retarded person with few tendons; 3. Ape, a precursor to Alzheimer's disease; 4. King Kong, whose head was caught in a door fool. Have you ever seen bananas growing on coconut trees?

12. A Taotieke netizen posted that a friend, who is very serious, once ate noodles in the cafeteria and ate an unknown black object, so he reported it to the cafeteria chef, but he was scolded

, so this guy silently bought a bowl of noodles every day, ate it quickly, and then vomited it out in public... After three days, the noodles in the cafeteria could not be sold at all, so on the fourth day, the cafeteria The master knelt down and begged him to stop...

13. A couple took the subway to Century Park. After leaving the station, they got into an argument over which entrance was closer. The boyfriend insisted on taking Gate 1, while the girlfriend insisted on taking Gate 2. As a result, the boyfriend had no choice but to ask the staff at the information desk for help. The aunt glanced at the boy and said only: If you want to go to Century Park, take exit 1, and if you want a girlfriend, take exit 2.

14. Look at the hairstyle, center parting to look at the nose, straight bangs to look at the face shape, slanted bangs to look at the temperament, no bangs to look at the facial features...and I...fit for a mask!

15. A beautiful woman found a super low-cut evening dress at Chanel and tried it on immediately. When she came out, she asked the shop owner: Boss, is this dress too low-cut? Boss:

Excuse me, miss, do you have chest hair? The beauty said angrily: What did you say? Why do people have chest hair? Boss: That is indeed too low.

16. In the history class, the teacher asked my deskmate: "Who was the Wing King of the Taiping Rebellion?" The deskmate stood up at a loss, so I reminded him in a low voice: "Shi Dakai

< p>, Shi Dakai,..." He said weakly with a confused look on his face: "Is it... 18 open?" The whole class laughed, and the teacher glanced at him and said: "It's 24 open..."

17. Yesterday, a colleague bought a BMW X6, which made other colleagues envious. It has beautiful appearance, fine workmanship and full horsepower, but one shortcoming is that the battery is not powerful

...< /p>

18. A buddy treated me to a drink, but everyone drank too much, and he insisted on taking a taxi to take me home. In the car, I kept holding the pull tab on the passenger door. When I walked into the downtown area, I told the driver: "Master, please slow down. It's too fast and I feel uncomfortable." The driver replied helplessly: There's a traffic jam, brother!

19. While eating, my son suddenly left the table and ran to the mirror, pointing at his teeth while nagging angrily. I asked him what he was doing, and my son said funnyly:

"My tongue was bitten by my teeth, and I was criticizing it!"

20. I just went to the library and found myself in the dark. Climbing up the crowded corridor, I noticed a fair-skinned little boy walking beside me. I deliberately walked in the middle to block his way. He said

My classmate was embarrassed to give way, so I didn’t move and continued to block his way. He was stunned for a moment and said that my senior sister had borrowed it, and I was unhappy. I thought, am I the youngest? So I turned my head and said to him with a weird smile, can you see me? After being stunned for a few seconds, he turned around and ran away...