Urgent for a sketch! ! (School performance) Five people take part in the performance, which is better and funnier! !

Rose dating funny version

Venue: Hunan Satellite TV "The Covenant of Roses" Studio.

Time: 8 pm on Sunday.

Moderator: Jin Xiaoyu (female)&; Feng Qi (male)

Male and female guests: The guests sitting on the host's right are all beautiful women: from 1 to No.6. The introduction column in front of them reads: Bai Jingjing, Xia Zi, Chunsanniang, Xiangxiang, Mrs. Niu and Guanyin in turn. The male guest sitting on the host's left is also eccentric. FromNo。 1 to the 6th, the introduction column in front of the male guests reads: Tang Priest, Sir Zhong, Supreme Treasure, Blind Man, Bodhisattva, Erlang God in turn.

The show is on!

(In the audience's music and applause, the male and female hosts appeared with smiles and microphones in their hands. )

Fengqi: Invite Happy as a companion and go on a date with Rose!

Jin Xiaoyu: Welcome all the distinguished guests and audience friends to the scene of The Covenant of Roses!

(warm applause and whistle)

Feng Qi: Jin Xiaoyu, do you know what "dang dang dang" is?

Jin Xiaoyu: What is sonorous?

Feng Qi: Bang, bang, bang, bang, that's (singing)

Only you. You can help me marry a wife;

Only you. Can show your face and show off;

Only you can promote me and let the bachelors all over the world know me;

Your greatest skill is only yourself-!

Jin Xiaoyu: Hey ... This song is familiar.

Feng Qi: (Continue to sing) On-lyyou-! Don't blame me for being too impatient;

Walk into the TV station and sit in front of the camera;

I'll find a chick, you make a fool of yourself, and do your best for the blind date!

It's worth the sacrifice, Amitabha!

Jin Xiaoyu: You sing out of tune, you know? I tell you. ...

Feng Qi: Go-go-!

Jin Xiaoyu: On your mother! Is that all you got to say (Knocking down Feng Qi with one punch) I have already told you, it's terrible, and you have to continue-continue! Open-open-! I can't stand ignoring me completely, and I'll stab you to death again!

Feng Qi: (getting up from the ground and wiping the blood from her mouth) I won't hit you because you are a woman. Don't think I'm afraid of you! Besides, I sang this song for the needs of the program.

Jin Xiaoyu: Kao! It's not your turn to sing (Turning to the audience) Ladies and gentlemen, let's introduce today's 12 male and female guests! First of all, the male guest 1, that is, the original singer, famous Buddhist and singer of that song just now-Tang Yan! !

(The bald Tang Priest got up to greet the audience with a smile, and the warm applause sounded, and a girl audience lost her voice and shouted; How cool! )

Fengqi: Hello, Tang Priest. We all know that you are a world-famous Buddhist monk, so why did you sign up for today's rose appointment?

Tang Priest: I used to look at things with the naked eye, thinking that all women were white (1 gave him a look). But at the moment when I learned from Buddhism, I began to look at the world with my heart, and everything could be seen more clearly than before ... It turns out that it is the happiest thing to have a daughter-in-law to hug and sleep with!

(The warm applause sounded, and the Tang Priest's relatives and friends group played a big banner, which read: "Tang Priest, Tang Priest, accompany you to live a gentle life"! )

Jin Xiaoyu; Well said! Here's the second male guest, drooling!

(Mrs. Niu on the other side secretly said to Guanyin, No.6 and No.2 are so ugly! )

Second husband: Ladies and gentlemen, there is no denying that I am ugly, but I am gentle and will never lie.

Feng Qi: Yes, our second male guest looks a little sudden, but through his unremitting efforts, he has now obtained a postdoctoral degree, which is the top scholar mentioned before! ! Now I work for an online e-commerce company with an annual salary of over one million. (When the six female guests across the street heard this, they all showed their most charming smiles to No.2.. )

Jin Xiaoyu: Next, let's meet the youngest and most handsome male guest No.3 today! It is Mr. Supreme Bao, Chairman and CEO of Wutaishan Axe Gang Robbery Co., Ltd.! !

(Applause and whistle sounded warmly again, and the victorious Supreme Treasure was waiting to get up to meet him, and there was a loud cry from the opposite side ...)

Bai Jingjing: Is that you? ! Are you a smelly monkey? ! ! After what you did to me before, you came out on a blind date?

Supreme treasure; (confused) me? Smelly monkey? Miss, you have the wrong person!

Erlang Shen: Female guest 1, if you have any grievances, just say so! I am the sixth male guest Erlang Shen, and I am the deputy director of the Nanmen Police Station in Tiangong. Call the police when you are in trouble, and I will call the people when they are in trouble!

Bai Jingjing: (Smiling at Jiro and turning to the host) I'm just joking with you. Although male guest number three has wronged me before, I have written my story with him into a best-selling book, Water Curtain Cave Baby, and I don't want to dispute with him. By the way, two hosts, three male guests have been introduced just now. It's time to introduce the female guests, or I'll sue you that The Covenant of Roses discriminates against women!

Feng Qi: Of course, of course. Ladies and gentlemen, let's introduce the six female guests present today.

First of all, the female guest 1 is Miss Bai Jingjing, a famous "beauty writer" born in the 1970s!

Jin Xiaoyu: Hello, Miss Jingjing. We all know that you are an open-minded writer and like to "look at men with your body", so why do you want to participate in The Covenant of Roses, which is mainly known by chatting today?

Bai Jingjing: Now we are in the Internet age! Pay attention to attention economy. Although I can't personally comment on the six male guests opposite, as long as I can be seen by hundreds of millions of viewers in front of the TV, it is enough to remember my outstanding figure!

Feng Qi: What kind of man does Miss Jingjing like? Do the six male guests across the street think it's appropriate?

Bai Jingjing: You are crazy! How do you know who is suitable without a medical examination?

(Music and warm applause. Six male guests are fidgeting, looking forward to the end of the program, so that 1 will review itself early)

Spring 30 Niang: (full of envy) I copy! Not the kui is a "beauty writer", I convinced you.

Feng Qi: Next, I'd like to introduce Miss Xia Zi, a famous poet known as a "talented woman"!

Xia Zi: Good evening, everyone! I'm Xia Zi, the second female guest, and I'm very happy to attend the date of the rose. Here I want to say, (affectionate)

There was a sincere love before me, and I didn't cherish it. When I lost it, I regretted it The most painful thing in the world is this.

If God can give me another chance, I will say three words to that boy: I love you.

If I have to add a time limit to this love, I hope it is … ten thousand years!

(Applause warmly.

Audience A: I'm so touched.

Blind man: Shit! She copied these poems from my graduation thesis!

Bodhi Bodhi: (wet eyes) World articles, a big copy. Just now, the female guest 1 always copied other people's articles, so she became famous! )

Jin Xiaoyu: The love story of Miss Xia Zi is very touching. Then why did you break up with him?

Xia Zi: Hey ... It's a long story. Once we went to the park together, and he threw away the soda bottle he had finished drinking. I can't help talking about him. You are so naughty! I told you not to throw things around. It's wrong to throw things around. Hey, why did you throw the lid away before I finished eating? Soda bottles are rubbish. Littering will pollute the environment. What if I hit a child? Even if you can't hit children, it's not good to hit flowers and plants! You said, yes, and then ...

There was a slight commotion under the stage. Some people began to cover their ears and others began to bubble. )

Feng Qi: You are right. It's his fault that he left you. I thought to myself, what a suck, who let you be so wordy! )

Xia Zi: Alas ... another time, I bought him a hat, which he thought was too small and uncomfortable to wear.

I said you can give it to your dog if you don't wear it, so it can also be used as waste, and the Animal Protection Association can also praise our love. It's a little big, but it doesn't matter. I know a tailor in Chenjiazhuang. His craft is very good, the price is cheap, and he is innocent. Let me take it to him and change it another day. ...

Audience B: (Shouting) I can't stand it! ! ! (Take out a fruit knife from his pocket and stab himself in the stomach.)

Xia Zi: Why bother? Why bother? I just want to express my views on love before the party. Is it necessary?

Jin Xiaoyu: (Emergency) Ladies and gentlemen in front of the TV, I'm sorry, there were some minor accidents at the scene. It's advertising time!

(The fun is yet to come)

Feng Qi&; Jin Xiaoyu: Welcome back to the live broadcast of The Covenant of Roses!

(Music and warm applause)

Jin Xiaoyu: Miss Xia Zi's speech just now was wonderful! That time is only 15 minutes, so we should speed up the program!

Feng Qi: Next, I'd like to introduce the third female guest, Miss Chunsanniang! Female number three, may I ask the reason why you joined the rose appointment?

Spring 30 Niang: (wriggling) I got up this morning and happened to pass by here. I happened to see a lot of people watching the fun, so I signed up in a daze. You suddenly asked me why I joined. I ... I haven't brushed my teeth.

Jin Xiaoyu: Well said! Let's introduce contestant number four, Miss Xiang Xiang. Why did you come to today's program?

Xiang Xiang: Do you need a reason to participate in this project?

Jin Xiaoyu: Don't you need it?

Xiang Xiang: Do you need it?

Jin Xiaoyu: Don't you need it?

Xiang Xiang: Do you need it?

Jin Xiaoyu: Hey, I'm just asking. There's no need to be so nervous. Do you need it?

Blind man: (obsessed) No.4 really has character! But I like it.

Feng Qi: Okay, okay, stop arguing, two beautiful women. Time is the most important thing, otherwise advertisers will curse again. Next, let's introduce the fifth female guest-Mrs. Niu! !

Jin Xiaoyu: Huh? Fifth, don't you have a husband?

Mrs. Niu: The relationship is broken.

Feng Qi: Rare feelings should be cherished.

Mrs. Niu: Well, when you find yourself in love with someone you shouldn't love, this relationship is the most deadly.

Jin Xiaoyu: Right, right, right. Joining Rose's date means giving yourself another chance. Hurry up and introduce the next one-Miss Guanyin No.6! !

Guanyin rose from her seat to meet the audience, and the audience was in an uproar! Exclaimed constantly. )

Audience C: Immortality! ?

Audience D: Monster! ? !

Guanyin: (Nodding) Thank you!

Bodhi Bodhi: Idol! ! Sister Guanyin, I have always admired you. Please sign for me first.

Guanyin: You call me Sister Guanyin?

Bodhi Bodhi: Sorry, it should be a bodhisattva.

Guanyin: When you used to chat with me at 3: 15 in the morning, you asked me to dance lightly. Now the newcomer is better than the old one. Call me Bodhisattva!

Bodhi Bodhi: Dancing?

Guanyin: Do you think that I have come all the way here to show miracles to so many people? It's for you heartless rascal!

Feng Qi: Huh? Two immortals, what's the matter? You two used to be old-fashioned

Bodhi founder; Wait, wait, wait. How do you know that I am the number one killer of online girls, rascal Cai? Murphy? Tell me how you know me. Too many women have died under my keyboard. )

Guanyin: I danced lightly in a dark and horrible chat room for a month. You are a rogue Cai, and a wonderful love begins with a plan you wrote. As soon as I sent you an email, you suddenly confessed to me, and my whole heart was touched. I vowed never to part. Unfortunately, happiness is always short-lived, and what you get is endless pain and sigh. Why didn't you talk to me a few days later?

I only used the IP address to find out the truth, and finally found out that you are Bodhi Bodhi! It's really the girl killer in the chat room. Even the queen mother was planted by you!

Bodhi Bodhi: What do you ... what do you want now?

Guanyin: Don't meet me here. We'll go back and get married right away!

Jin Xiaoyu: Hey, hey, why are you so serious and impulsive? Everyone in the chat room is hypocritical.

Feng Qi: Fish, how can you talk to Sister Guanyin like this?

Jin Xiaoyu: Wow! Shut up!

Feng Qi: You scared me again!

Jin Xiaoyu: You have no idea how sad I am! Ever since I saw "The First Intimate Contact", I have a crush on rogue Cai. Unexpectedly, it turned out to be such a smelly old man!

Supreme treasure: I cried when I watched it. I also like light dancing, but Guanyin's figure is too weighty! Give me back my tears!

Xia Zi: Hey ... don't be angry, you will be offended if you are angry! In addition, Cai, a rogue, didn't say he was a handsome boy in the novel. Alas, there is always a big difference between reality and ideal. I have had painful experiences and lessons before. It's a long story. I have to start with my first love at the age of thirteen ... Ah! ! !

Countless tomatoes and rotten eggs flew from the audience, and there were dozens of binge drinking: stop! ! ! )

Feng Qi: Please be quiet. Then I'd like to ask the man No.5, why do you want to write light dancing and flying so well? What kind of person is she in your heart?

Bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi I once lied to her and wrote her so well, but I felt a little guilty. I hate her more and more! I am going to have a successful party today. What do you want?

(Wow! Bodhi, Bodhi, Bodhi, Bodhi, Bodhi Tree, Bodhi Tree, Bodhi Tree, Bodhi Tree, Bodhi Tree, Bodhi Tree, Bodhi Tree, Bodhi Tree, Bodhi Tree, Bodhi Tree, Bodhi Tree, Bodhi Tree, Bodhi Tree

Chunsanniang: I always thought you were the last spoony man in the world! Don't consider sth ...........

Erlang God and Xiangxiang: (in unison) Liar!

Mrs Niu: Alas, I'm going to meet a net friend named "the abbot" in a couple of days. Now it seems that this guy who calls himself "a new generation of handsome guys" is not reliable!

Feng Qi: OK, OK, let's stop arguing. The program lasts only five minutes. Now let's press the button to choose our Prince Charming.

Blind man: Hello! I haven't introduced myself! !

Jin Xiaoyu: You? ! Look at you, sneaking around, making a fool of yourself, wearing long hair and putting on airs. How can anyone have a crush on you, huh? If it weren't for our director's fancy that you are gay, how could you come to the show!

Blind man: If you don't let others introduce you, others won't introduce you. Why are you scolding me? 555555555 ~ ~ (crying)

Feng Qi: OK, OK, hurry up, please put your hand on the button and choose another one in your mind!

(One minute later)

Jin Xiaoyu: OK! Now the results are out!

Feng Qi: Please look at the big screen!

Jin Xiaoyu: Three female guests chose the second male guest to be the second master! They are Bai Jingjing 1, Xiazi No.2 and Chunsanniang No.3. Congratulations to male guest No.2!

Second husband: (drooling) Hehe, Hehe, Jingjing, Xia Zi, and 30 Niangs are indispensable!

Feng Qi: Let's ask the three female guests who chose him.

Bai Jingjing: Because he works for an Internet company! I want him to put my nude photos on the front page of their website, so more people will buy my books!

Spring 30 Niang: Sir Zhong is a pig. He is easy-going and tolerant, can eat, play and enjoy, has the concept of money and knows how to manage money. He is much better than his two other disciples who know nothing!

Xia Zi: Second brother! In fact, I have a crush on you for a long time! (Emotion) Isn't your bridge company located at No.302, Building 7-5, Pioneer Park? I'm from Building 7-4, No.305 Zhulu, and I'm only 100 meters away from you. Every time you pass by the door of our office, I secretly hide behind the curtain to see you. I often wander around your building when I have nothing to do, just hoping to see you! My love for you is like the water of the Yellow River. Can't you see? I'm ..........!

From the audience, countless tomatoes and rotten eggs flew in, and there were hundreds of binge drinking: stop! ! ! )

Feng Qi: Ladies and gentlemen, please take your time and see the results below.

Jin Xiaoyu: Female No.4 Xiang Xiang chose male No.2 Supreme Bao No.4, why did you choose him?

Xiangxiang: I choose, I like it.

Supreme treasure: Yes! I also chose you! I will give you happiness, believe me, that's right.

Fengqi: Mrs. No.5 Niu chose 1 male Tang Priest. Tell me your reasons.

Mrs. Niu: This monk is good. He is honest, clean and not greedy! (advertising words of carved soap)

Jin Xiaoyu: Is it clean? You don't want to party with him, you want to eat his meat and live forever.

Feng Qi: Female guest No.5 doesn't mind. Xiaoyu just likes talking nonsense. Too many people watch Stephen Chow's nonsense movies.

Jin Xiaoyu: Let me see, Goddess Guanyin No.6 chose Bodhi Zu Bodhi No.5!

Erlang Shen: How infatuated! It's so touching.

Guanyin: Sorry! Ladies and gentlemen, I just pressed the wrong button. Actually, I don't want to choose male number five!

Feng Qi: Then who are you going to choose?

Guanyin: That's you!

(The audience is stunned! Bodhi bodhi bodhi old zu breathed a sigh of relief, but Jin Xiaoyu looked at her partner nervously. )

Feng Qi: Did I do something wrong?

Guanyin: When I came to see you at the scene of the Rose Appointment, I felt that I was not looking for him, but you. You and I have to believe that this is an act of god, a legendary fate.

Feng Qi: Huh? !

Guanyin: On the other hand, you are younger and more handsome than him. If I don't choose you, who will you choose? Women, always be kind to yourself. (Advertising words of Taitai oral liquid)

Jin Xiaoyu: Hello! Wait, wait, wait ~ So, Miss Guanyin, what do you know about him? You have only known him for less than two hours. Can feelings be so trifling?

Guanyin: That's right. I really just met him, but that doesn't mean I can't love him. If I say this is a joke, then all the programs before the rose date, the confessions between those guests, are bullshit!

Jin Xiaoyu: This ... this ... this. .........

Guanyin: (facing Fengqi) Hey, you can't run away today! Everything is under control!

Guanyin suddenly stretched out her long arm and grabbed Fengqi from the opposite side.

Feng Qi: No ~ ~ ~ Help ~ ~ ~

The scene was in chaos, and some people were scared to run around. Someone took out his mobile phone and began to call: "hello, XX newspaper?" Come on, there is big peach news, and Guanyin Bodhisattva grabs men. " )

Blind man: What a pity! A tragedy is unfolding. .............

Xia Zi: Hey, Miss Guanyin, how could you do this? Being a fairy is just like being a man. With a kind heart, it is no longer a fairy, but a fairy.

Supreme treasure: Fairy, you are a big man. Do something to save lives.

Tang Priest: Sister Guanyin, can you listen to me first?

Guanyin: Save it. Nobody told me to let him go.

Tang Priest: Sister Guanyin is a famous beauty on the Internet. She used to like rogue Cai so much. She must like his funny and talented personality. Since the rascal won't talk to you, you don't want the host to be body double.

Guanyin: Then who should I go to? Are you a smelly monk?

Tang Priest: No, no .. Now there are so many talents online, I will introduce one person to my sister, that is, the abbot, a well-known talented and handsome guy in Netease community! He writes well, and there are more people than the rascal Cai Shuai!

Blind man: Yes, yes, his signature file is: "I'm not particularly handsome, I'm just a little bad", which is so cool!

Guanyin: Ah, there are such figures. I'll go and see them first!

Guanyin let go of Fengqi and turned into a puff of smoke. )

Fengqi: Whoo-hoo (panting) almost scared me to death! I declare this issue of the Rose Covenant over! Thank you, guests and audience. ....................

(When the audience leaves, the theme song rings:)

Once upon a time, now, the past is gone, not returning to the red leaves, buried in the dust, and so on. Another day, you are floating in the sea of white clouds, and you can't escape the fate of blind date. You can't get close or should I believe this is fate?

Lovers never come back after breaking up (what? That man looks strange. I saw him, too. ) See the world without words (I hope to get together again tomorrow) (... like a dog) Although the flowers will fade, they will bloom again outside the white clouds (for you).

Suffering sea, love and hate between people, can not escape the fate of blind date, unexpectedly inaccessible or should we believe it is fate.