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My interpersonal relationship is not very good, and some people will avoid strangers. Who can teach me how to integrate into the group?

How to deal with interpersonal relationships when you just step into society

The end of one's studies means to bid farewell to the quiet campus and classmates who live together day and night and have simple feelings, thus ending student life and stepping into society and a brand-new world. For every newly graduated student, there is a sense of strangeness and tension in the face of the new environment, and they are at a loss for a while. Facing new faces, I don't know what to say or do; I don't know how to get along with colleagues around me. These problems make me dizzy, I can't eat well, I can't sleep well, and I'm exhausted all day. How can we get rid of this embarrassment and avoid trouble? This is a lot of people who have just entered the society. Is it a teacher?

In fact, it is not difficult to solve this problem.

1. First of all, we should fully understand and face up to the differences between social environment and school life. As mentioned above, school life is simple, and the communication between students is based on simple feelings. Students are mainly concerned about the quality of their study. Social life is different. People are always busy with work and family, so they can't spend more time on leisure and communication. In addition, social phenomena are complex, and truth, falsehood, goodness, evil, beauty and ugliness are intertwined. Therefore, we should learn to face up to the society, face the reality, objectively analyze social phenomena, take its essence and discard its dross, so as to guide our future work and communication.

2. Put your heart and soul into your work. Maybe the job you get will make you satisfied or dissatisfied, but in any case, you should cherish your work, love your work, devote yourself wholeheartedly, and learn from your predecessors with an open mind when you encounter problems you don't understand. Only in this way can you gain the recognition and love of others, and of course, you can also close the emotional distance between you and others.

3. Treat each other sincerely, understand and respect each other. The most taboo in getting along with people is hypocrisy, one set to face and one set behind. Perhaps doing so can temporarily gain the appreciation of others and make good relations, but the feelings gained by this method will certainly not last long. Only by treating each other sincerely can we get true friendship. Mutual understanding and respect are also important. Your colleagues may be inferior to you in some places, or have shortcomings and mistakes, but you must never laugh at others for this, let alone look down on others for this, because no one is perfect. We should learn to understand and accept the shortcomings and mistakes of others, respect others, care about their sufferings and help others solve their difficulties. This is bound to get the result of giving a peach back.

Learning artistic language is an advantage, but sometimes it is easy to hurt people's feelings. When appropriate, use euphemistic language to express disagreement or criticism with others. This is easier to be accepted by others and shortens the emotional distance between you and others.

I believe that every young person who has just entered the society can get through this difficult period smoothly.

Definition of interpersonal communication

Turn it in Song Na, a meteorite invaded Gajiao? What's wrong with fresh satin? Oh, what? Nbsp; this process. In short, interpersonal communication is the process of communication, information exchange and interaction between people in the process of social life activities. ? Communication has two main characteristics, namely:

(1) information exchange-all communication must be information exchange between people, such as the exchange of knowledge and experience, the exchange of needs, desires, attitudes and emotions.

(2) Communication must have psychological contact and interaction between both sides. Both sides of communication are the main body of activities. From the perspective of information theory, the sender of information is the subject in communication, and the content of the information he sends can influence or change the receiver of the information; The receiver of information is also an active subject, because he does not passively accept information, he will inject new information and return to the sender of the influence information. Through the interaction between the two sides, the concepts, thoughts, interests, moods, emotions and personality characteristics of both sides can communicate and influence each other.

Interpersonal communication is very important for establishing, consolidating and developing interpersonal relationships. Marx pointed out: "Because their needs, that is, their nature, and the way they seek satisfaction are linked, (gender relations, exchange, division of labor), they must have a mutual relationship." (The Complete Works of Marx and Engels, Volume III, page 5 14) Any individual can only meet his own needs within the society, and a single individual cannot meet and develop his own needs. Therefore, you can't live without me, I can't live without you, you rely on me, and I rely on your nature to bind people tightly together. Interpersonal relationship is established in people's contact and communication. People who refuse all contacts do not exist, and there is no precedent for establishing interpersonal relationships. A person with a wide range of contacts must have a wide range of interpersonal relationships. People who are not good at communication have extremely limited interpersonal relationships. The development and consolidation of interpersonal relationship depends on the repetition and deepening of communication. Although some people have extensive contacts and established many relationships, they are superficial, indifferent and superficial, because they have not continuously developed and deepened this relationship in repeated exchanges.

Interpersonal communication is the only way for individual socialization. Communication is characterized by interaction between people. People always use the expectations of people around them to test their actions, know what to do and what not to do from their own opinions, feelings and requirements, and absorb other people's behaviors, attitudes and values into their own personality organizations to form their own world outlook and personality. People always adjust their behavior orientation in communication to make themselves more similar to others. It is communication that forms the same sex of human activities. In a word, a person's character and behavior can only be produced in communication. Without interpersonal communication, a person can only be a biological person, not a social person.

There are different views on the role of communication in social psychology. Love, a Soviet scholar, thinks that the function of communication can be divided into three categories: information communication; Exchange of ideas; Emotional communication. Western social psychologists generally believe that there are two functions, namely, transmitting information and meeting personal spiritual needs. We summarize the following points.

1. information function

Communication between people is the process of information exchange, so communication can make people get a lot of information. First, intra-group communication can make people get more information, promote understanding between teachers and students, colleagues and classmates, and enhance unity and friendship. For leaders, through communication, they can understand the wishes, attitudes and enthusiasm of the masses, as well as the relationship between individuals and departments, which is helpful to the development of management work and the formulation of goals and systems. Secondly, communication outside the group can get a lot of external information, from government policies and decrees to market conditions, which is an indispensable condition for individuals to adapt, survive and develop to the outside world. In today's information society, if information is invalid, it will be eliminated by competition.

2. Emotional interaction function

People need communication and interpersonal warmth, just as organisms need air, sunshine and water. This kind of overlapping and gathering demand occupies a very important position in the human demand structure. If you block the possibility of interacting with everyone, people will feel lonely and afraid, and feel as if they have been abandoned by the world, which is very painful. It is said that the most severe punishment for prisoners in the United States is solitary confinement, and he is not allowed to see anyone for months and years. Even if the accommodation is not abused, the prisoner will suffer more than death, and he will go crazy because of losing his social life. After retirement, a person will stay at home all day without necessary social activities and information exchange, and will feel lonely, lonely, empty and depressed. Brain cells will shrink faster and life expectancy will be shortened. Only in extensive and eclectic communication can people's depression be relieved, their emotions can be vented, their thoughts can be enriched and their spirits can be satisfied, otherwise they will be swallowed up by loneliness like being in the dark.

3. Interpersonal coordination function Interpersonal communication is an indispensable adjustment tool in group life

In order to make the individuals in the group coordinate tacitly, unify the pace and rhythm of action, keep the coordination between group activities and the external environment, and obtain the benefits of activities, we need to rely on interpersonal communication to continuously obtain information about changes in the external environment.

Interpersonal communication within a group is the formation of public opinion, morale, ethos and cohesion of the group, and it is indispensable for individuals to work together. Full interpersonal communication can make the group relationship closely integrated up and down, left and right, and bring all kinds of forces together to become a unified force. On the other hand, the lack of interpersonal communication within the group will lead to misunderstanding, estrangement, contradictions and disputes between people, destroy the group atmosphere, lead to the disunity of goals and actions, and lead to the disunity of the group.

4. Self-regulation function

Under certain social conditions, human personality is gradually formed and developed through contact with people and participation in social practice activities. It is communication that enables people to gain social and historical experience, master social behavior norms and constantly adjust themselves to meet the requirements of social life. For example, university teachers can actively adjust their contents and methods in learning, scientific research and teaching by obtaining information about professional academic trends through exchanges; Obtaining information about the evaluation of professional titles can determine the direction of efforts; With the feedback from students, we can adopt adaptive behavior in time to meet the teaching needs.

The nature, scope, density and degree of interpersonal communication are extremely complicated. According to the research results of Chinese scholars in recent years, the main forms of interpersonal communication are: there are ten aspects that are both different and related.

1. Oral communication and non-verbal communication. Oral communication is communication with language as a symbol system. In interpersonal communication, the most important thing is oral communication, because this kind of communication is simple, rapid and accurate, which can make people's thoughts communicate quickly. However, nonverbal communication is often used, such as letters, telegrams and faxes. Sometimes two people get along with each other day and night, but because of shyness, embarrassment and other reasons, they rely on non-verbal means such as letters to express their intentions. Relatives and friends in different places, husband and wife are separated, and non-verbal communication has become a powerful bond to maintain feelings.

2. Direct communication and indirect communication. Face-to-face communication between two people without any medium or intermediate link is called direct communication. Generally speaking, oral communication belongs to direct communication, but not necessarily. For example, if you send information by telephone, it is indirect, even though it is all done orally. Because a person's activities are limited, indirect communication is essential. Otherwise, interpersonal relationships can only be confined to a very narrow range. With the progress of modern science and technology, the way of communication between people is developing in the direction of indirect communication with symbols.

3. Directional communication and random communication. Directional communication, that is, the object and purpose of communication are very clear and specific, such as communication between friends, superiors and subordinates, and neighbors. Casual communication means that the object and purpose of communication are not clear and specific. For example, in public places, people get together occasionally and can talk to each other or take it lightly. Casual communication can be transformed into directional communication.

4. Personality communication and impersonal communication. Interpersonal communication always happens as an individual, so in general, interpersonal communication belongs to individual communication. However, communication processes that require personal participation often appear in impersonal relational systems. For example, when someone comes into contact with a representative of a group, there are two kinds of relationships: impersonal relationship and personal relationship. As an impersonal relationship, he can't go against the intentions and assumptions of this group; As a personal relationship, he can still show his unique personality in his communication, or he is humorous, alert and capable, gentle and generous. Generally speaking, the communication we carry out in the name of a group at work is mostly impersonal communication, and the communication between individuals in daily life is mostly individual communication.

5. Famous contacts and anonymous contacts. The communication between people you know is called well-known communication, and the communication between people you don't know is called anonymous communication. Well-known communication meetings can shorten the distance between people and reduce some red tape, which can be treated according to specific people. However, as we all know, communication often brings personal feelings to the relationship between the public and the public, and brings difficulties and troubles to normal work. Anonymous communication is less involved in personal emotional disputes, and decisions can be made according to rules and regulations. However, anonymous communication will make it easy for criminals to escape, swindlers to cheat, and ordinary people to commit deviant behaviors that they dare not do at ordinary times, which will bring certain difficulties to social management and youth education.

6. Moderate communication and cross communication. In a certain social environment, the communication between people is relatively stable due to the depth of the relationship between the two sides and the limitations of their respective status, personality and cultural level. These norms limit the frequency of communication. Communication that adapts to this frequency is moderate communication, and communication that exceeds a certain frequency is excessive communication. In addition to frequency, there are dimensions (with whom), depth (to what extent) and breadth (to what extent), and communication between different people has different degrees. When dealing with friends of the opposite sex, we should accurately grasp the boundaries between love and friendship. In the process of communication, we should love ourselves without arrogance, respect others without flattery, help others without being a gift, and criticize others without arrogance. There is a question of "moderation".

7. Near-body communication and far-body communication. The close body mentioned here refers to the spatial distance when people communicate face to face. Foreign scholars have done a lot of research on this and think that the spatial distance of interpersonal communication of different nature is different. They divide the range of communication between people into four areas: intimate area, personal area, social area and public area. In the intimate area, the distance between them is about one and a half feet. If the person you are talking to is less than this distance, either the relationship is close or both parties will feel uncomfortable. The distance from one and a half feet to four feet is a personal area, and friends usually keep this distance when they have informal contact. Four to twelve feet is the social area, and people who work together in the office always keep this distance to talk. More than twelve feet is the distance from the public area. Very formal public speeches, or very stiff conversations between people, often keep this distance. Of course, the distance between communicators is closely related to the social status of individuals, their relationship and the traditions and cultural habits of different nationalities.

8. Positive communication and negative communication. Sometimes in interpersonal communication, both sides have a positive attitude. Both sides regard each other as bosom friends and have a strong desire to deepen understanding and pour out their hearts. But there is a situation where one party is positive and the other party is not. For example, when shopping in a store, you are very courteous to the clerk in order to choose a satisfactory product, but she is indifferent to you. Another situation is that both sides have a negative attitude towards communication, but they have to communicate because of work or life needs.

Besides communication attitude, the nature of communication can also be divided into positive and negative. Those that contribute to people's mental health and personality formation, are conducive to people's progress and career success, can enhance unity and friendship, and can make people happy are all positive exchanges. On the contrary, it is negative communication. We should develop positive interpersonal communication.

9. Extravagant communication and indifferent communication. A friendship between gentlemen is as light as water, and a friendship between villains is as sweet as water. Communication, first of all, is ideological communication, spiritual satisfaction and material communication, which also serves this purpose. Due to the influence of unhealthy trends, some people have a extravagant style in their communication, often throwing banquets and giving generous gifts to each other, which has infected interpersonal communication with a copper smell. Some people's extravagance in communication is not out of their own will, but because of indifference, they can't achieve anything and have to endure pain. Luxury communication and bribery are often closely linked, because the relationship between them is really good and there is no need for luxury. When the relationship is generally nothing, there is no need for luxury. We advocate indifference, self-control and equality in communication.

10. Two people communicate and many people communicate. Large numbers can also have a great influence on interpersonal communication. The communication between them is dependent and reciprocal, and it is easy for them to keep secrets, and some problems are also easy to be confused. If one more person becomes three, the interpersonal relationship will change from one to three, the reciprocal relationship will be destroyed and the situation will become complicated. If four, five or more people communicate at the same time, interpersonal relationships will be much more complicated. Some people play the role of intermediary and connection, while others play the role of division and alienation. Modern society is a society with unlimited contacts. People's communication is generally not limited to two people, but it is the most basic structure of interpersonal relationship.

In addition to the objective environment, personal status, ecological distance and other factors will affect interpersonal communication, there are several psychological factors that will affect people's mutual understanding and mutual perception in the process of communication.

1. First impression?

The impression when people meet for the first time is called the first impression, which often affects the interpretation of a series of behaviors in the future and has a preconceived effect. When people meet for the first time, they should first observe each other's clothes, looks, gestures and other perceptible actions, and then make a preliminary evaluation of each other according to the observed impression. Although the first impression is based on limited and superficial observation data in a short time, it can leave a deep impression on people's minds because of its novelty of the opposite sex and bright feelings between the two sides. The first impression sometimes coincides with a person's temperament, and sometimes it is quite different from a person's temperament. Different people will have different first impressions of the same person, such as a young man with long hair and a beard. Some people think he is sloppy, others think he is fashionable and "pie". Therefore, we should try our best to avoid being influenced by the first impression in our communication, store the first impression as a kind of information in our minds, and wait until we reach any conclusions about a person. If you want to know a person accurately, you need to further deepen communication. "Looking at horsepower from a distance, seeing people's hearts for a long time" is still a truth. At the same time, in the process of interpersonal communication, we should try our best to leave a good first impression. Dr Leonard Bosco Wong, an American scholar, pointed out in his book Contact: The First Four Minutes that the first four minutes are very important when making new friends. In order to give the other person a good first impression, he thinks that when making new friends, he should concentrate for at least four minutes, instead of looking around while talking to the other person, or being sympathetic, or changing the topic in a hurry to make the other person unhappy. The first impression teachers give students has a great influence on the formation of teachers' prestige. Therefore, every teacher should be good at first impression management and try to leave a good impression on students from the beginning.

2. Halo effect

Halo effect is also called prejudice effect or general effect. That is to say, when a person has a good impression or a bad impression on someone, he thinks everything is good or bad, forming a certain prejudice, just like the halo of the moon, which magnifies the light of the moon. Halo effect is the result of making a general judgment in interpersonal communication when the other party has little information. Prejudice often affects people's communication. For example, in a group, when you have a good impression on a person, you feel that he is pleasing to the eye everywhere, "love me, love my dog", and even his shortcomings and mistakes will be lovely; When you have a bad impression of a person, you feel that he is not pleasing to the eye everywhere, "hates people and things", and turns a blind eye to his advantages and achievements. This psychological state will inevitably affect the harmony and harmony of interpersonal relationships.

3. Social stereotypes

Refers to a relatively fixed view of a person or a certain class of people due to social influence. Also known as the stereotype effect. Generally speaking, stereotype is based on limited past experience and comes from the classification of people. For example, in people's minds, intellectuals are full of bookish spirit, workers are rough and bold, and accountants are careful, and professors are bound to be white-haired. Square chin is a sign of strong will, broad forehead symbolizes wisdom, fat people are kind, thick lips are honest and so on.

Social stereotype has advantages and disadvantages in interpersonal communication. On the one hand, it will simplify the process of knowing others and help people have a general understanding of others; On the other hand, if we generalize in non-essential aspects and ignore individual differences, we will form prejudice and make wrong judgments. ? In interpersonal communication, we must overcome the above psychological prejudice, observe and understand a person dialectically, developmentally, comprehensively and historically, strengthen mutual communication, improve the breadth and depth of understanding of people and things, and thus improve the level of communication.

1. What are the basic types of college students' interpersonal communication?

College students live in groups 24 hours a day for four years, and their interpersonal communication is complicated. The types of communication can generally be divided into direct communication and indirect communication.

Direct communication is generally a "face-to-face" natural psychological contact by means of human communication (vivid language, facial expression or physical expression), with a rapid and clear feedback contact system.

Indirect communication is generally full psychological contact with the help of words, mass communication or technical equipment, and its feedback is difficult and slow in time.

Both direct communication and indirect communication can be subdivided into three types: interaction between individuals, interaction between groups and interaction between individuals and groups. ? In the process of interaction between individuals, it can be subdivided into the interaction between specific individuals mediated by emotions and the general interaction with individuals in an even cluster. ?

Second, how do college students communicate?

With the expansion of the content and scope of college students' social communication, the way of college students' mutual communication has also developed from single to diversified. At present, college students' communication methods include study, chatting, communication, participation in cultural and sports activities, outing, party games, various salon parties, community activities, social practice, military training and so on.

1. Learn. Learning activity is the main way of college students' communication, which is mainly manifested in two-sided response in class discussion, mutual assistance in self-study, mutual encouragement in practice and internship activities and competition for excellent results. These learning-centered activities are often excluded from college students' social ways by some people, which is obviously inappropriate. We believe that the socialization of college students is centered on learning, which is the life of all college students, including learning.

2. Salon party. Salon party is a lively way of communication among college students developed in colleges and universities in recent years. Most salons have certain themes, some are called literary salons and some are called reform salons. Through salon activities, we can gain mutual understanding and communication ideologically or emotionally. Some salons have no fixed theme, but use a fashionable drink as a means to become a good way for some informal group members to communicate with their friends.

There is also a common salon in college life, which is chatting in the dormitory. Dormitory chatting is no less than any kind of salon in content, time and influence on college students. Moreover, in a certain period of time, it will closely revolve around a theme, and the concept of love and political fashion are its two eternal themes.

3. Recreation and sports activities. This is the normal way for college students to socialize. The content of cultural and sports activities is very extensive, including all kinds of ball, chess, book and painting activities, all kinds of song and dance activities, outings, parties and so on.

4. Social practice. As a way of communication, social practice is not only the communication between college students, but also the communication between college students and other social personnel. For example, it is a good way to let college students interact with military officers and soldiers through military training, so that college students can understand military life and strengthen organizational discipline. Through practical activities in the countryside, college students mingle with workers and farmers and are influenced and edified by their good quality. ?

5. communication. Communication is a common means of college students' interpersonal communication and information exchange, which can expand the scope of people's communication and make the indirect interpersonal relationship continue.

1. The urgency of communication motivation

College students' self-awareness has gradually matured, and their sense of participation in society has increased, which makes them eager for others to understand and recognize themselves and expect others' understanding, care and respect. At the same time, college students also have a strong desire to understand society and others. They generally hope to gain friendship through communication. Freshmen, especially, will feel lonely when they leave their families for the first time because of the change of environment. To get rid of loneliness, they are eager to communicate with others. In communication, we attach great importance to emotional communication, and sometimes even use emotion instead of reason. For example, a college student fights only because his fellow countryman is bullied. At the same time, they also hope to gain more knowledge and information through communication and have a reference object for behavior.

2. The object of communication is mainly peers.

College students attach importance to the horizontal communication between peers, but ignore the vertical communication between non-peers due to the enhancement of their sense of adulthood and independence, resulting in the so-called "generation gap" psychological set. A survey shows that 76.6% of college students, 6 1.6% of junior high school students and 54.4% of junior high school students will tell their peers first when they encounter interesting or boring things. The reason why college students like to associate with their peers is that they have more similarities in physiology and psychology, have the same ideals and hobbies, can understand and help each other, can discuss life together, and share troubles and joys.

3. The communication is rich in content, diverse in form and wide in scope.

Because college students have active thinking, wide interests and rich communication. The content involves politics, economy, literature, art, sports, study, entertainment, personal feelings and other fields. Not only the majors in this department, but also other people in this major. There are various forms of communication. Besides written language and spoken language, we also pay attention to non-verbal communication forms, such as eyes, facial expressions, gestures, postures, tones, gifts, clothes and so on to exchange thoughts and feelings.

4. communication standards.

The most important thing is personality quality, of which "sincerity" is the first. The survey shows that most college students regard honesty and frankness (64.8%) and high moral character (60.5%) as the primary criteria for choosing friends. The second is "smart, talented and creative" (43. 9%), the third is "respect for others", "value friendship", "wide interests", "helping others" and "humor". College students' evaluation of "popular" (popular and likable) students and "disgusting" (unpopular and annoying) students is often based on personality characteristics. Students who think "popular" mainly respect and care for others, treat others equally and be compassionate; Enthusiastic class group activities, responsible, cautious, patient and honest; Warm and cheerful, treat people sincerely, etc. However, students who are "disgusted" have the opposite personality. ?

Fourthly, three types of college students' circle of friends.

There are three main types of college students' circle of friends: geographical circle, career circle and interest circle.

1. Geosphere. Geo-circle mainly refers to the interpersonal circle formed by geographical similarities and differences among college students, which is a major relationship among college students. Because of the characteristics of the region, although we don't know each other, but because of the similar life background and cultural background, especially when we first entered the university, students with similar regions soon became friends. ? In the geographical circle, the most common form is hometown association. Hometown associations are divided into different levels in different cities and colleges, among which liberal arts and comprehensive key universities are the most popular. There is also an alumni association with a middle school as the core.

The closeness of regional interpersonal relationships depends on three variables: first, the closeness of relationships is related to the distance between regions. The smaller the region, the closer the relationship, and the more they have in common; Second, it is related to their living environment, and homesickness increases or decreases with the distance from home, which is directly proportional to the size of the region; Third, it is related to the similarities and differences of majors. Generally, the relationship between fellow villagers with similar majors is closer, because there is an extra layer of career relationship.

Geo-circle can meet the needs of making friends, help exchange information, promote cooperation and help each other, but when participating in large-scale group activities, geo-circle is easy to form small factions. It is also easy to get emotional when dealing with the relationship between fellow villagers and others. Therefore, it is necessary to conduct appropriate guidance and control in universities.

2. Industry circle. Professional circle is a circle of interpersonal relationships formed by your major. This kind of professional circle has different levels, among which the relationship between teachers and students and classmates is the core. The intimacy of the teacher-student relationship circle is restricted by the following three factors: first, the amount of knowledge of teachers, and students like knowledgeable teachers. Second, the teaching coordination between teachers and students, including teaching methods and examination methods. Nowadays, college students like teachers who can not only reflect fair competition in learning, but also make students feel embarrassed. Third, emotional identity. College students like teachers who dare to express their opinions, have a certain vision and have a certain professional language with their students.

The relationship between classmates is closer than that between teachers and students. Because they have lived together every day for several years, they will either become good partners in business cooperation or competitors in the future, and this relationship will last for a lifetime. Therefore, the classmate circle of college students is the first relationship circle of college students.

The industrial circle has four characteristics: First, it is acquired. The career circle of college students is formed by learning professional knowledge the day after tomorrow. Second, take the profession as the link. Third, it is relatively stable. They are likely to keep the same or similar jobs, whether in college or in their future jobs. Fourth, cooperation and competition. Students of the same major will form the so-called "scientific isomorphism" because they have conquered the same professional topic. At the same time, because they are engaged in the same or similar research in the same professional circle, whoever invents first will be reflected through competition.

3. interest circle. The circle of interest margin is a circle of interpersonal relationships among college students based on interests. Real? Br> references:

Excerpts from online information